darkSpyro

I am going insane, obsessing over this stupid crush I had on Ash, and It haunts me. Going over what could have happened, what will happen, what has happened, myhead hurts. I feel like the Ice King and his transformation with the crown OH THANKS BRAIN TAHT WAS ONE HELLA SAD EPISODE OF ADVENTURE TIME NOW I'M EVEN SADDER AND I HATE MY BRAIN. MY MUSICAL, LITERARY ANNOYING AS HELL MIND. I'M GOING BONKERS OVER THE STUPIDEST LITTLE THINGS, AND...And I dont even wanna go on ds because I'm afraid to face Ash, and I'm afraid of what will happen. I cant take it anymore! I sound like a lunatic, because I am. I'm a psycho. And I resent myself for it.

I wish I can clip my own vocal cords. Cause apparently that would make you happy because then you wouldn't have to hear my loud annoying ass voice. Why the hell do I even have headsets if I'm not allowed to talk you hypocritical **** tard.

You have not talked to me in months, so your opinion on me is invalid.
"You have become quiet and closed off, and you've turned your back on your friends and family."
YOU, of ALL PEOPLE, cannot say this to me. Yeah, I won't deny it, I have been quiet and closed off recently, but you don't even hang out with me and my friends, and you don't know my family, so you can't say what I did or did not do. I mean, now that I think about it, I don't really talk to my friends much anymore, but that's because they aren't really my friends anymore. I mean, I have 2 friends I really trust. The others bully me, without them knowing that their words are hurting me. One of the 2 I trust has moved away, and I'll never see her again. The other broke her foot being the klutz she is and is now stuck in bed. Both of these friends are sick. So yeah, why would I not close off from the other friends who hurt me? I'd rather be alone. I'm happy when I'm alone. Nobody can hurt me, and I can't lash out at my friends... I've done that before. I get too stressed, worried, ect. and I just completely lash out and take all that stress out on one person. It's not fair for them. I don't mean to do it. I just... Can't control myself. I've lost many friends because of that. And then... I worry that I'll do the same thing to my family. So I close off from them. So... I guess you were right. But that still doesn't mean you can just call me out like that. This, is why I can't stand people. My own fear controls me. I can't become one of them. I can't become like the people who have made my life miserable for the past several years. I don't want to hurt anyone... It's as the old saying goes. The bullied becomes the bully. I don't want to be that. I can be so much better. Only, my fear of rejection or messing everything up keeps me from talking to anyone anymore. Everything stresses me out. And then I lash out.... And the cycle repeats. This is why I hide in my room. I wish I could tell someone about all this... I want help. I really do. But I'm just too scared. I'm scared of everything lately. There's just so much that could go wrong. Everything goes wrong for me. The stress and fear is eating me alive... The walls are closing in. I know that so many people have it worse than me, so why do I feel so helpless? This has been going on since first grade. I can't take it anymore! Make it stop! I've dealt with this for too long! Everyone I care for leaves me, and I suffer. I feel like a cornered animal. I can't take it! I just... CAN'T!

Make the suffering end.... Please?

Really? REALLY? YOU ARE NOT MAKING MY LIFE ANY EASIER YOU ****ING *****!!!!!!! Look, I'm usually a nice guy, but IM ****ING BULLIED EVERY ****ING DAY. AND YOUR BEHAVIOR TOWARDS ME IS NOT HELPING INE BIT. I always have to be pushed out of the nest from everybody I know, including this site. Those bullies freaking treat me like ****, throwing me on the sidewalk every day. I have scars all over me to prove it. Of everyone knew what I am going through, they would all treat me better. And my awesome brother died....and all these bullies...and your ****ty face...nope nope nope. You are one of the people who gave me these suicidal thoughts, yknow. Only 2 people know about this. Damn, and I'm telling everybody on a internet forum. Some people here are not making my already ****ty life here better either. BLARG I DUN WANNA SEE YOUR FACE ON THIS SURFACE AGAIN!!!!!!!! BURN IN HELL *****!!!! And everybody loves you, but they don't know what you have been doing to me lately. And all this irl relation problems...NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!!Thats why its sometimes better for me to end my life...'

it's hard to find good lewd brendan >->

How could you?!?!? We were friends for six years. Six freakin' years! Half of my life! I may as well throw that half of my life down the drain! Just because my other besties and I aren't Miley Cyrus wannabe impersonators you ditch us! You are the very reason I hate myself! I am never good enough for you and your cronies! You are just mean, egotistical attention whores! You are like a hurricane, a tornado: You cause devestation, but you do not give a peeping blurb about anyone you hurt! You were so nice! It was like you changed overnight, that's how quick you changed. And you changed for a total jerk! And you apologized to us for never hanging out with my besties and me- BUT YOU PEEPIN' CONTINUE TO HURT US WITHOUT REMORSE! WHAT THE PEEP IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO US!?!?!!?! I'm never good enough for you guys, and it HURTS. It peepin' hurts. I hate mysellf more and more and more everyday because of you. You... you just make me want to.. to.. jump off a bridge! That's how peepin' much you hurt me! Without remorse, without a valid apology, without... ANYTHING!

Why? why I love in excess Queen Chrysalis? Even I do not understand why I see so beautiful?
Even other bronies & Pegasisters that I've met also do not understand why so much beauty or cuteness or more with Chrysalis, if she has flaws & other disadvantages. But, why my mind says otherwise?

Even I like the idea of ******being a changeling, to be closer with Chrysalis. Even I'm confused by my signature, saying "friendly changeling user", Then, the "friendly" is true, but I've come to a point where myself I think I'm a changeling. What the hell is happening to me?
I think I have to go to a psychiatrist, or if not, I give myself a blow to the head for reacted.