darkSpyro

Can we just.....bond again, or something?

It's like we're growing really distant. And I hate that.

You used to tell me everything, and I told you everything. Nowadays, you outright tell me that there are specific things that you intentionally keep hidden from me in particular. It hurt a lot to hear you suddenly say that. At the moment you did, I felt completely lost. If you wonder why I often seem pessimistic about the two of us, why I sometimes feel like you don't even want me in your life, moments like that are why, and there have been quite a few. It makes me feel like I should be grouped with those creeps who harass you - people you want nothing to do with.

While I do worry that you and I are going to fade out of each others lives, maybe you'd even outright tell me to **** off one of these days - it's merely a worry. Not something I'd definitely see happening. If only because, no matter what happens, you always seem to come back to me, and vice versa. That's how it's been so far, at least. And in all honesty, when you dated the guys you dated previously - I felt like I was half fulfilling the role of "your boyfriend", especially after each relationship ended. Sure, they took you out to a few parties, probably romantically touched your body a bit in a way you were comfortable with, and maybe you thought they were handsome and sweet enough - but in the end, it was always me who was looking out for you, despite my distance. You outright told me that these guys never really listened to you or did much for you. You say you felt really happy though.....but that's because it was puppy love. You keep telling me that those relationships were "serious"...but from what you told me, it was just puppy love you had with them. Sure, it was cute, and they made you happy, but neither of them had any emotional despair when splitting up with you. The first guy went straight for another girl in no time at all.

That's why it hurts me, when I try to confess deeper things for you, maybe hint at the idea of us being together, only to hear that you think serious relationships could only hurt you right now. I feel like your idea of a "serious" relationship is misguided, because of your past relationships. Remember, you were only 14-15 during both of those two relationships. Did you honestly expect your first shot at relationships to give you a good idea of how beautiful they can be, when you got into relationships at such a young age?

But yeah, you've been worried about what kind of things I do think about that upset me, regarding us. This is just a small taste of it. Admittedly, I got upset when I recently heard you may be developing a crush on another guy, in part because of the fact I felt like this was going to be a repeat of the last two times - you get together with a guy suddenly, because he seems nice. But then you don't tell him about when you're upset, you instead come to me. You tell me he's fun, but doesn't pay attention to you. Then you feel you want out. Afterwards, you feel lonely. I persistently try to help you, and make sure you feel loved to some degree. We talk for ages everyday. Then you start getting more social and more distant from me. Eventually, things get awkward again, like they are now. Rinse and repeat.

It just feels like a cycle, and it's bad for both of us. Bad for you, because it leaves you heartbroken, and gives you an inaccurate representation of a relationship. Bad for me, because I feel like I'm just a cog in a machine sometimes...

Again, these are just worries. I've got far more things to say to you about how special you are, than I have worries about is losing each other. But yeah, this is all a taste of what I have to say.

If anything I have said here was something I don't know the full story on, I'm sorry. Though I only had whatever you told me to go on. This isn't me trying to sound like a know-it-all, it's me showing you how things look to me from what you have told me, and how it makes me feel. So please don't hold anything against me if there is something I have misunderstood here. I'm not saying these things in spite. You have said you were concerned. But you seem to have very little time to talk, and when we do try to talk about things like this, you tend to get nervous, and then that makes me upset, yadda yadda yadda. I'm still all for talking about this stuff though, if you are too.

In the end though, I just feel like we have a lot of potential together...and I don't want it to become unsalvaged potential forever.

I'm eating OREO'S! THEY ARE SO GOOD! NEVER EATEN THEM BEFORE!