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Grade This Short Essay Please? [CLOSED]
joerox123 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1992
#1 Posted: 13:36:47 01/12/2013 | Topic Creator
For my Cultural Report, I saw Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat! It follows the story of Joseph, who is a farmer, along with his eleven other brothers. He’s a bit selfish and believes he is destined for greater things than his brothers, while he is also his father’s favorite child. This makes the brothers angry, so they send Joe away to be a slave in Egypt. In Egypt, Joe gets thrown in the dungeon for a crime he did not commit! He is saved by his ability to see dreams, to which he uses to see the king’s dreams. The king turns Joe into the second most powerful man in the entire kingdom, saving him from his harsh ways of life before. However, all isn’t well for Joe, his brothers don’t have any food and come looking for it. They don’t know of Joe’s status, yet Joe knows of theirs. In the end, Joe decides to give up his fame and wealth and riches to be with his family once again.

Joseph was filled with many singing and dancing routines that kept you wanting more. All of the singers were in tune with one another and perfectly harmonized together! The dancers never missed a beat and kept up with singing at the same time! It kept me on my seat the entire time, as it truly entertained me! It was as clear as crystal that everyone involved was dedicated and had practiced very much. The one thing I did not like was the songs that repeated themselves, such as Go Go Go Joseph, as they got a bit boring. However, I thoroughly enjoyed it anyways!

I would have added a little bit more depth to the story, as I felt it was needed. Like, it basically had a sequence of good -> bad -> good, why not add more plot twists in between? Also, the costumes were funky. I know it is back in time, but I think the costumes were a tiny bit overdone. Other than these small nitpicks, I honestly think it didn’t need changing it all, it was very good.

I would go see it again now if I could! It was one of the best plays I’d ever seen! It kept me in a trance watching it, focusing on nothing else in the world but the play. It was bright and colorful and exciting! I’d recommend it to anybody! I think that the play would appeal to so many people, it has dancing, singing, color, humour, and fun, who doesn’t like that?! If I could, I’d go see that exact same showing, but sadly, it is no longer on.


It probably sucks, I know, but what would you add / delete to this to make it better?
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the road is long, we carry on
try to have fun in the meantime☠
thumper Ripto Gems: 3519
#2 Posted: 13:56:22 01/12/2013
For a short essay, I'd give it a 99% (A). ^.^
Jaggedstar Diamond Sparx Gems: 8535
#3 Posted: 13:56:34 01/12/2013
Quote: joerox123
For my Cultural Report, I saw Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat! It follows the story of Joseph, who is a farmer, along with his eleven other brothers. He’s a bit selfish and believes he is destined for greater things than his brothers, while he is also his father’s favorite child. This makes the brothers angry, so they send Joe away to be a slave in Egypt. In Egypt, Joe gets thrown in the dungeon for a crime he did not commit. However, he is saved by his ability to see dreams, to which he uses to see the king’s dreams. The king turns Joe into the second most powerful man in the entire kingdom {Maybe explain why?}, saving him from his harsh ways of life before. Meanwhile, Joe's brothers don’t have any food and come looking for it. They are not aware of Joe’s status, yet Joe knows of theirs. In the end, Joe decides to give up his fame, wealth and riches to be with his family once again.

Joseph was filled with many singing and dancing routines that kept you wanting more. All of the singers were in tune with one another and perfectly harmonized together. The dancers never missed a beat and kept up with singing at the same time. It kept me on my seat the entire duration, as it truly entertained me! It was as clear as crystal that everyone involved was dedicated and had practiced very much. The one thing I did not like was the songs that repeated themselves, such as Go Go Go Joseph, as they got a bit boring. However, I thoroughly enjoyed it anyway!

I would have added a little bit more depth to the story, as I felt it was needed. It basically had a sequence of good -> bad -> good, why not add more plot twists in between? Also, the costumes were funky. I know it is set in an older time than today, thus the style being different, but I think the costumes were a tiny bit overdone. Other than these small nitpicks, I honestly think it didn’t need changing it all. The storyline was well plotted, the singing and dancing was in tune and all in all, the production was definitely worth my time.

I would go see it again now if I could. It was one of the best plays I’d ever seen! It kept me in a trance watching it, focusing on nothing else in the world but the play. It was bright and colorful and exciting! I’d recommend it to anybody. I think that the play would appeal to so many people, it has dancing, singing, color, humour, and fun, who doesn’t like that? If I could, I’d go see that exact same showing, but sadly, it is no longer on.


It probably sucks, I know, but what would you add / delete to this to make it better?



In that quote I've edited little bits. You can use it if you want, but it's just a suggestion. Good luck smilie
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Quote: Paytawn
oh my god
scratchking22 Blue Sparx Gems: 725
#4 Posted: 13:58:32 01/12/2013
It's perfect.
I got fliers for the exact same play years ago and I made them into paper airplanes. The title alone speaks boring, and you saw a good show (not sure if performance would've been up to par in my city).
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~ Clinton/Kaine 2016 ~
joerox123 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1992
#5 Posted: 14:21:27 01/12/2013 | Topic Creator
Thanks guys ^-^

@JStar, I added why smilie


Anything else or should I send it in?
---
the road is long, we carry on
try to have fun in the meantime☠
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