darkSpyro

INTRO; the forest

hi, im Wavefur! im a girl and i just become a warrior. im brave, strong, kind and loyal and im always trying to do well but do not annoy me, i have a sharp side. Thunderstar was my mentor when i was a apprentice and he said i was great and swimming, running and fighting. im the only one without a apprentice and hope to get one. her is our clan with added pitures.
cats [more coming soon!] help with the names
Leader; Thunderstar [
deputy: Blazeclaw [
medicine cat]: Flowerclaw [girl]
warriors[b]
Wavefur [girl][
Swiftswim [girl]:[
Dragonclaw [boy] [blazeclaw's twin brother]
Thunderstrike [boy, thunderstar's little brother]
starstruck; [girl]
Furrball [boy]
turtleclaw [boy]
Billyclaw [boy]
pawprint [girl]
[b]apprentices
Tinypaw [girl] [swiftswim's apprentice]
surfpaw [boy] [dragonclaw's apprentice]
Rockpaw [boy] [thunderstrike's apprentice]
volcanopaw [boy] [starstruck's apprentice]
fluffypaw; [girl] [furrball's apprentice and little sister]
spotpaw; [boy] [turtleclaw's apprentice]
crashpaw [boy] [billyclaw's apprentice]
pinkpaw [girl] [pawprint's aprentice]
splashpaw {girl} looks like pinkpaw] blazestrikes appertice
flowerpaw medichene appertince
queens [all girls of course]
sunbeam [mother of snowkit and sunkit]
flamepelt [mother of flamekit]
chocolatefur [expecting two kits]
kits;
snowkit [girl]
sunkit; [girl]
flamekit; [boy]
Elders:
Oaktree: (boy) brown cat who is going grey and has a few scars and a torn ear.
there are 3 other clans; fire clan, midnight clan and wave clan
this is our camp nice huh?

enjoy

chapter 1 a cold winters day.

it was winter, colder than ever. i sat on the floor which was covered in a carpet of glistening white cold snow. things were hard now. the lake was freezing up and the fish were under the slippery ice and nearly all the mice were over the lake, the ice looked like it could break. There were stepping stones to cross the water but now they we're under the ice. i sat thinking. i knew that the other clans, mostly midnight clan, could jump over the ice. the thought of a clan attacking us at this time was sickening and horrorfieing.most cats are sick and will not be able to fight. "wavefur?" said a familliar voice. It was swiftswim,one of my best friends. "hey you awake?" swiftswim asked teasing. "Of course i am!" i smiled fogroetting about my deepest worries. i jumped up. "i found a mouse!" she told me "i managed to jump over the ice, almost fell in!" "cool!" i cheered. "should we give it to the queens?" she asked. "yeah. chocolatefur is expectin kittens, she needs all the energy and strength she can get." i said firmly. "ok!" race you!" she said dashing off. i followed running like a tiger. we walked into the nursey. the three queens, sunbeam, chocolatefur and flamepelt were all talking. "hey chocolatefur." i said holding the mouth in my teeth "we brought you a mouse." "oh thasnks." she smiled.i dropped the mouse by her. suddenly there was a meow behind them. me and swiftpelt turned around to face our deputy, Blazeclaw. "hey blazeclaw." i said. "hi." swiftswim said. "thunderstar is holding a meeting." he told us. the oldest kit, Flamekit bounced up happily. "can i come pleassse!!!???" he asked. "sorry dear." his mother said, Flamepelt. Flamekit looked upset. "sure Blazeclaw." i said happily. "see you there." he said turning around in style.

chapter 2 bad news!
"wonder what its about?" Swiftswim said as we left the nursey. "i dont know but i bet it's important..." i said. Thunderstar, our leader was sat on his rock looking down at all the cats gathered around talking. we sat next to Oaktree a old tom who refuses to go to the elders den and wishes to do everything for his clan. "hi oaltree." i said to oaktree sitting down. "oh hello." his voice was croaky and sad. "everybody!!" Thunderstar shouted/ everyone stopped chatting and turned to face their leader. Thundestar took a deep breathe and started to speak "it is winter. cold isn't it? the lake is frozen and mice are hibernating so there is very little food to feed us all and the other clans have food and a time like this will be a perfect time to attack us and a new illness is going around called freezing cough which is very dangerous without food and herbs which Flowerclaw is finding it very hard to find. this is a dark day and i...dont know what to do..."he said hanging his head in shame and sadness. everyone gasped. "without food and herbs?!" i was speechless. swiftswim and other cats wailed in horror. "but Blazeclaw has got a way to save us! there will be more patrols and hunting cats and we will train apprentices faster." our leader smiled at blazeclaw who smiled back, proudly. most seemed happy "what about our base. who will stay and defend if cats attack?" i frowned. "we will leave the stronger cats at home!" blazeclaw yelled out before Thunderstar could reply. "yes. MEETING OVER!" thunderstar bellowed. "but!!!" i said. "meeting over!" thunderstar yelled

Hi!
I am very interested in Warriors, so your story caught my eye. While I was reading, I believe there are a few things that you could use to improve your story. Such as...
1. Instead of making it a big wall of text, you should create a new line when dialogue is spoken, or separate it into paragraphs so it is appealing to the eye. It is difficult to read when it is just one big paragraph.
2. I think more description is necessary so your readers can truly imagine the setting- settings are one of the most important parts of the story! Also, I'd like some more background information on the Clans. I only heard of the names of two Clans, CrystalClan and MidnightClan, so an introduction to your Warrior world would help a bit!
3. This is optional, I guess, but you might want to fix the spelling errors in your story. I know some people don't care that much about spelling, but once again it makes the story easier to read.
I hope you continue to write- this story has potential. I hope I don't sound rude, I only wish to offer you advice. If you'd like me to, I can continue reading and/or helping you along; I'm writing a Warriors story myself.