darkSpyro

EDIT2: Ok, time to start.


With Kaos beaten, again, peace was restored. However it was only a month after that Kaos decided to spread, well, chaos, again. After hearing of the news, Eon, Cali, Flynn, Hugo, and the other skylanders got a meeting together.
"This guy just doesn't quit, does he?", said Cali. Eon then said "Yes, it would seem so". Cali went on to say "though it's kind of odd that he's making a move so quickly, wonder why?" Hugo then added "Wonder if he'll try to destroy the core of light again?". "Well, considering that I see a giant floating castle out over there, I'm pretty sure he'll be easy to find.
Looking behind her, Cali sees Kaos castle in the far distance. "Surprised you saw that really" she said. Flynn replied "It's because I'm just that awesome, BOOM!"


Oops, gtg for now. Will post more later.

Sorry for bump, but have I maybe posted too much info perhaps? Trying to figure out why no one's really viewing this...

yes, maybe too much info. you want the readers to be like "so what happens next? i want to know!"

Hmm...Maybe so.

Sorry about lack of updates. Part of it is that no one is saying anything so I'm not feeling as determined to continue...

Well, that, and the fact I've been a bit busy also.

Like Stealtelfrocks said I do think you rushed that first part a bit, jumping straight into the action wthout any events leading up to it.

Another thing I noticed (and I see it a lot in the fanfics here) your chapter is a wall of text pretty much. Everything the characters are saying is all one thing, Try to separate what the characters say, I mostly do it like the spoiler below:


Also, don't feel down just because no one is saying anything, as long as you enjoy writing your story then by all means continue. Perhaps take a look at some other fanfics here or chapter books themselves to see how they are laid out, it might be useful when you write your own stories

^Text wall of (possible/hopefully) helpfulness^

Quote: Aura Dragon

Like Stealtelfrocks said I do think you rushed that first part a bit, jumping straight into the action wthout any events leading up to it.

Another thing I noticed (and I see it a lot in the fanfics here) your chapter is a wall of text pretty much. Everything the characters are saying is all one thing, Try to separate what the characters say:

Character 1

Character 2

Character 3

Actually was thinking of doing it that way, just wasn't sure what was used more here so...