darkSpyro

Yeah~ Lol.

On a topic note; MY ENGLISH TEACHER SAID SHE DIDNT LIKE A SMILE EXHANGED!!! D:<

Yeah...Most of my friends are guys so I get stuff from that side pretty quickly

Hm,I feel like going back to writing things,but I'm not sure what they should be about.I usually write some crack pairings,but I feel like I'm getting some of their personalities wrong.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE WORD 'LIKE' IS,Blue,SHE IS JUST SO CONFUSED.People usually can't accept the truth and what you wrote is in fact the truth.Well,that's what I know since it's like me.Dunno if I'm faking it or not whenever I smile.Anyway,that's just her opinion.Other people have opinions too!

Opposite from you,most of my friends are girls.I'm missing the male people in my life,really.The only males I know is my dad(Yeah,not the best guy in my life.),a couple of his friends,and some guys in my school that I talk to for ten seconds maybe once a day.For me,guys are really hard to talk to. There's that jerk who I told you about,though.He's very confusing so I really have no guy friends as far as I can see.

Just write,who cares!hats what editing is for

She said the words didnt go...I was like wtf?

I find other girls hard to talk to...hahaha...

Yeah,I guess you're right.I think I'll start writing things again when I get my laptop.Three more months! Or four,if you count this month too.I've been saving up like a maniac.

THEY GO,THE WORDS GO!I bet she read it too fast.When I read that poem fast,it makes no sense.When I read it slow,it's good.It's perfect!People just read too fast nowadays.

Huh.Well,I guess we're pretty much opposite in that.Eh,people are different.Can't expect anything else.

I want a laptop....

Yeah...probably

Truuuue dat

You've gotta save up like a maniac for it,though.But it helps when people give you five bucks if you act cute. I didn't get the game I wanted and I want about three now,I have to save up for a router too,and I usually have to stay up late to do my homework and do the dishes after my dad makes me get off.The only way my mom'll get me a laptop,really.It's hard,it just is.

Yesh!You can't let one teacher get ya down!Just one opinion.There are many more out there,some positive and some negative.You've gotta accept the negative for what it is and then focus on the positive.Nobody is perfect in anything.

Yep!I really wish I could talk to boys,though.I might be able to get it all sorted out with the jerk.He may be a jerk,but I still wanna be friends with him.

Lol.Okay...

True

I dont know what girls talk about so I struggle with talking to them

If ya wanna save up for it,you can.Your choice.

Mmhmm!*nod* Just like me with my writing.I really fail at it sometimes.

I dunno what guys talk about! Well,there are sports,but I'm only interested in watching people play Tennis and also that water polo thing in the Olympics.

I miiight

Lol,I am sure you dont fail.

I use to play waterpolo.I dont understand girly things (And then my guy friends come to me for relationship advice...haha)

I wish ya luck if you do! I got caught last night on the computer,but my mom wasn't mad.Maybe I can still get the laptop once my dad's anger calms down.

Well,sometimes I do.There are times when I don't know how to start the story,times when I don't feel I have written something good,and times when the part of my mind that has the ideas dies.Just how it is for me.I wish I was brave enough to think of my writing as good enough to post it somewhere.I'm glad you posted your poems,Blue.

Huh,I see.I'd like to try to play water polo,but I probably couldn't handle swimming like that.I don't understand many girl things anyway,like people's obsession with Justin Beiber.True that I like one of his songs,but I'm not about to like him completely.Huh,relationship advice.Strange,but cool.At least you help some people.I feel I've become really separated from my friends.It makes me sad.

Hopefully.

I was brave and posted these,I would never post my stories...I would be to paranoid...

My friends ask me for advice cause they think i know everything (i know heaps of things bu not that much yet) and know I know exactly what to say even if I have never been in the situation...apparently I am very wise

Mmhmm.Anyway,right now I'm grounded.And pretty stressed out cuz of school and sh_* happening.

Ah,I see.You're lucky to be brave.I really wish I could share my stories,but I feel too scared to.Always too scared to do much.

Niiiice.I'm glad you can help people.Me,I almost never can.On Monday,I have to help the person who gets suicidal every time she doesn't have time on the computer get out of that.I'm gonna fail for sure.

Aww,sucky.

I seem only to be brave around my friends...never online... heh

I used to have to look after a suicidal autistic girl...it was difficult...and it was at school which made it that much more difficult

Yep,pretty much.Ugh...I was so stressed out yesterday.Still am.The homework I am doing now is taking me two hours and it's supossed to be done on the computer.Who knows what my dad might do if he finds me on?

Same here,but even still I am afraid.What do you mean by never online?

Ah,I see.Sounds hard.But...This person is very close and important to me.I'm scared I might ruin our friendship if I try to make her see reality again.She needs it,though.She's dating someone ONLINE.That's just screwed-up if she wants to commit suicide cuz of some online person.I understand it,though.This computer had me doin' some messed-up things too.

Tell him that the homework is supposed to be done on the computer and there is no other way for you to do it.

Online I often speak my mind but I never step out of line,afraid that you all will judge me.I am not brave when it comes to speaking about certain things online

that is sort of messed up.Maybe you should have a sort of intervension thing...my group of friends do that when we have a really big issue in the group.

Yeah,I guess.I'm on Darkspyro,though!Plus,my dad's insane in an angry way.I am not joking about this.You can see the insanity in his eyes!

Ah,I see.We won't judge you,Blue.Well,I only know that I won't.You could be happy(Yay!),you could be depressed(I'd try to cheer you up,as always),but I would NEVER judge you.I don't judge my friends.A lot of them have speech problems and need extra help,but I don't care.I'll even help them if they want me to.I tell 'em it's no big deal and it really isn't.Not for me,anyway.Everyone else is stupid and are jerks and say "OMG,you talk soooo weird!".Say it.Say it when I'm with my friends and see what happens.I don't judge my friends,I just don't.Bring me down,I'm fine with it since i do the same to others.Be angry at me,fine.Do anything ya want,'ll be fine with it.

Huh,I see.I have to do it alone,though.She's too stubborn to listen to anyone.Maybe I can get through her.

Bleh,that sucks.

Wow,it almost seems like we have that in common too.I would do anythign to make my friends happy,even if it meant hirting myself,having them yell at me or anything...Thankyou for saying that

Are you sure you dont have atleast one other person?If you spend enough time trying to hammer it in then it often sticks

Yep,sure does.He doesn't seem that angry,though,just is going off about some friend trouble or something that he's talking about.

Same here.Anything to help my friends,anything to make them happy.I don't matter anymore,just they do.I believe I can't be saved anymore,but my friends still can be.You're welcome,Blue.It's just what I do,online and real life.

I think I should do it by myself.A part of it is pretty personal and that's why I should do it by myself.I have her sister,Leafstorm(What I call her nowadays.She's my friend too.),but she has tried and it hasn't worked.Anyone else...NOOOO.They can't know of the personal thing.Only Leafstorm does.That friend of mine...We've been friends ever since I came to America.Well,not really,but we did meet when I came to America.We're really close friends and I believe I can help.

I just have my mother,and she doesnt get angry very much...only when I start being 'me' and not what she wants me to be...everyone wants me to be something and there is so much pressure...

I feel as though I dont matter either,never have and never will.But my friends matter,to me and to other people,and they deserve to be happy,unlike me who deserves nothing.

I am sure you can.

Ooh,harsh.I have everyone's expectations to deal with too.My mom's like that too."Really?Crying AGAIN?".She won't even try anymore,but she's getting better.Her tone of voice doesn't make me bawl like a baby anymore when we talk,so that's how I know. But still,my mom and dad argue every day and that's why I stay on the computer.My whole family keeps saying that my whole life is the computer and all that stuff and it really hurts when they do that.My sister is gettig better at making me cry and tries to crush my dreams.She jokes about many,MANY fragile subjects that easily crack when she talks about them.That's why I'm so unsure that the four of us will meet. She says I'm an idiot to be believing that.

Yep,same here.That's why I hid my negative feelings,why I hardly cried when I needed to.I didn't want anyone to feel sad around me,so I went ahead and hid 'em.But we matter,Blue,we matter more than we may think.One day we'll come to see that.I feel I deserve nothing as well,but we both deserve some happiness and other things.You'll see,Blue.We'll both get hppiness one day,I promise you.But you have to try hard for it.If you're pushed down,you gotta get up.You gotta keep moving 'cause happiness is right there in front of you!When you come to accept this happiness,it'll happen.I think my happiness will be metting you,CL,and D-o. The only dream I cling to no matter what cuz I don't have any other dreams.

Really?I hope so.I really want to help others.That's all I pretty much wanna do.

Do not listen to her,we can have dreams.

I hope one day we will get to meet too...it is one of the things I look forward to in the future.

I love helping others,no matter how painful it is for me I alwas make sure my friends are okay first.

Yeah,you're right.It's hard not to,though.I pretty much believe anything anyone ever tells me.Really hard not to.

Mmhmm,me too! If you don't mind me asking,what are some of the other things you're looking forward to?

Yep,me too.I try not to hurt mysef too much,though,since I don't want to release any anger or something like that on my friends.That's what happens when I hurt bad.

I lost that a long time ago,the ability to believe eveyone....

One day finding someone who will love me and live happily with them...

When I hurt bad I isolate myself and hurt anyone who comes near me.my friends are slowly learning how to deal with it.

You're lucky a little.Believing people hurts a lot,but I usually only believe the negative things like "You're ugly!" or "You're fat!" or those kinds of things.

Aw,that's a nice thing! I don't find it necessary to think about that,since I know I'm gonna be alone my whole life.Just not good enough for anyone.One person even cheated with some person off the internet.That pretty much settles it forever into my brain.But I think that you'll get that,I really do.You deserve it!

Hm,I see.I think you should try to get through the hurt,since it isn't helping anyone if you hurt them.But how should I know?I don't even know how much I can care about myself,so I decide not to.

Not lucky,I dont believe compliments or anythign good...

I probably wont get it...but its nice to dream.

I cant care about myself,and my friends know that f I dont get the pain out around them then it will come out somewhere else,most likely in self harm,so they hold me down until the pain stops and my thinking becomes some-what rational again

I have a half kind of thing.I don't believe good compliments,but I do believe the bad ones.Pretty bad,since I get called thousands of things from my parents.When you're from Europe...Too many bad words to count.

Well I think ya will! I'm decayed on the inside,and my appearance is horrible on the outside so there's really nothing good.

I don't have that ability too,but it's not as bad for me.The worst thing I tried to do to harm myself was putting a needle into my arm,but it didn't work.It was a pretty insane moment where I put myself down a lot.I feel we all have a choice no matter what,so I don't do many bad things at all.If it doesn't help others,I don't do it.Insane moments make me do whatever they want,though.

No one says anything bad about me anymore,atleast not to my face.But I know what they really think of me...

I have no soul.Riddle me this,why would a creature with no soul and no hope end up happy?

I used to have a collection of blades,and I dream of the many ways I could die...the most vivid one was of me in a bathtub of my own blood...

I see.Those people are jerks,though.Judgemental people who have stupid lives.Their opinion doesn't matter,at last not to me.

No hope?You've gotta have hope to make it through,Blue.I think ya have hope.No soul...Well,maybe you just believe that.I believe that my insides are all decayed,but that's probably not true.Or maybe it needs time to grow back.I dunno,but I still think you deserve happiness.

No dying,Blue!Death isn't the answer no matter what you may think.You'd be hurting the people who care about you by doing that.It's not the answer,no matter what.Never is,never was.You've just gotta keep going and you'll get something much better than death at the end of the road.

Those 'jerks' are my friends. *laughs a little*

Hope is something I lost a long time ago."Its not even worth trying anymore."
And my soul,my friend has that in a jar somewhere,not that I needed it.heh.

Something better?A positive new life or an afterlife? Like I deserve that.

SHOOOOOT! Everyone makes mistakes,okay?Let's just forget about it and move on.I didn't mean it!

No,you can't say that!Don't be like that to yourself,Blue.It IS worth trying.You've gotta get past what has happened and keep moving on.
Really?That's a little strange.I think ya have a soul,though.

Mmhmm.You deserve it,Blue,you just do.Like I said before,don't be like that to yourself.You deserve many things in life.And you'll always have me!I'll make sure you get what you deserve! In a good way,though.Usually said in a bad way,I say it in a good way.

Its okay.

Alright,I will try...
And yes,it is odd that my friend has my soul

Alright,and you know I will always be here for you.

Woohoo,I'm glad! Bad that your friends don't think good of you,though.Some of my friends probably don't like me either when I'm too happy and crazy or too depressed.Nothing's ever good enough,y'know?

You'd better! I'll help,if needed,but I can only do it online,sadly enough.
Yep,very odd.How's that possible?

I know that~! *hugs Blue* Buddies until the end!

Well,they both hate me and like me.Its odd.

Its alright,just knowing youa re there for me makes me want to try harder at trying (X3)
We performed a ceremony because she thought when you fall in love the boy doesnt steal your heart,he takes your soul and taints it.She wanted to look after my soul so it wouldnt get tainted.

*hugs back* Yup~

Happens to me too sometimes.I usually don't stay with one personality and instead get too much of something.My friends mostly don't like that.I can be as crazy as I wanna be with Leafstorm,though!

I'm glad for that! You make me wanna do the same too.Yay for friendship!
Woah...Honestly creepy.But cool!

Woohoo!

My personality changes daily.Its odd.

Yaaay~
Sorta creepy,but mainly cool

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yep,so does mine.We people are odd,though.Others just have to accept it!

Yay! Hm,true friends are usually the best.I think we could be true friends even though we haven't really met yet.
Exactly!You must still have some part of your soul inside you,though.

It's fun talking to you!

Exactly!Take us for who we are or don't~

Yeah~ it would be really easy...
Why do you say that?

its fun talking to you too~

Right! I'm glad some of my friends are understanding of some of my personality,but no one person likes it completely.Just how it is sometimes.

I think it would too.
Now...I don't really know what a soul is,but it's always a part of you and nothing can change that.Without it,I think you wouldn't show emotion.I think you wouldn't care.But you do,Blue.You care about others more than yourself and I think that's saying something.

Yay,I'm glad!I love talking to others,but I think of myself as a boring person.

Exactly~

Yeeeeaaaah!
I've alwas cared about others more than myself,even when I was a little child.

You are not boring!

Is there a friend who likes you more than others do?For me,there's Leafstorm.She can deal with whatever personality I can cook up.

Then we'll be truly true friends when we meet!
Same here.The hiding negative emotions thing goes a LOOOOOING way back.I can't really hide the emotions anymore,though.

You really mean that?I find myself boring.I'm not like those people who know the latest JB gossip or something like that.Nothing interesting to talk to with me.

Hey,I gotta go.Might see ya tomorrow at this time!

I have a few friends liked that (And a boyfriend heheh)

YAAAAY
I still can...sometimes

I really mean it~

Okay,byyyyyye

That's great! Glad you have people in your life that're like that.

Never give up~!
Too much anger and sadness inside of me.Probably why I can cry so easily.Heehee,that rhymed!

Wow,that's great to hear! I think that you aren't boring too.

Yeah~ I am sure you will find people like that~

Yuuus~
Rhyming.And yeah,I get that.I used to cry all the time.It was tiring.

I know I am not boring,I just think i am toooo weird~

Eh,I only got Leafstorm.Her sister made some excuse about sleeping,so I still can't talk to her about the problem that's been getting even worse.When I got home,the feelings were so horrible I wanted to cry.I don't cry about things that are my own problems,though,so I kept it in as always.

Never give in~!It's not enough,it never is!Oh...Breaking Benjamin moment there. "Why give up,why give in?It's not enough,it never is.So I will go on until the end!"
Yeah,crying's tring.I've been better at keeping it inside lately.I had a breakdown at school,though.It was so embarassing cuz I couldn't stop crying.

Nah,you're not too weird!Well,with me there's no such thing as weird unless you're laughing in a really creepy way and you don't stop.It's real scary to me,honestly.

I wrote some new poems last night (they are not very good though):

<3~ Thinking Of You ~<3
Lying here I wonder
Do you think of me?
Do you know how your smile
Fills my heart with glee?
Your presence makes my day so bright
Your memory gets me through the night

I think about you through the day
While the sky is blue or grey
I wonder if you think of me
Then I think of what a fool I can be

So while I lie here and think of you
I also ponder what to do
So,I think I will keep on
thinking of and missing you <3

Gone
My body is a stick of driftwood
Swept out of an ocean wave
The ocean of sorrow laps at my skin
Now I know what a fool I have been.

Suddenly I am a rock
Sinking deeper into the sea of depression
All of my lifelines are gone
All outside connections are severed.

I sit at rock bottom,jostled by the current
Sand swirls around me like lost,painful memories
My life is now a forfeit
Now that you're gone
This is all thats left of it

This rock has reached its bottom
This stick has now been broken
Buffeted by the unforgiving waves
Created by your abandonment.

Sorry that they are so bad,I am sick and these just came to me last night and I couldnt get to sleep until I wrote them out and they are really bad now that I look over them.

What?How can you say that,Blue?These poems are beautiful!I smiled while reading them. They are really great.<3 Thinking Of You reminds me of my poem I Did It For You,something I wrote cuz of two lines about some guy who didn't have any ideas on what to write for a poem.It's really cute!Your poem,I mean.

I was thinking about my boyfriend and all of the good thoughts an dbad thoughts mixed into one so that happened. hee-hee

Hm,I see.It's nicer when the poems are based off of your own life,for some reason.Me,I'm having some huge relationship issues.Stupid excuses.Worst thing is,I'm a scared person so it won't be so easy to talk about it with the person I'm dating.Or the person I'm not dating.I don't even know anymore. Anyway,I hope your boyfriend's treating you good.

He is...better than he was before anyway.
Dont worry,the right person will help you get over your scaredness

That's good,that's very good.He better be treating you good,though!One of my friends have a boyfriend who ain't any good.He keeps getting mad at her cuz of the lies others tell him.Ugh,how I hate him.
Heh,I don't think that true.Honestly,my fear mainly controls my life and I don't know how to get out of that.I'll probably get more control soon,but I don't think that anyone would want to deal with helping me get over it.I'm a quitter,mostly.Yeah,winners never quit and winners never win,but that's just the way I am.