darkSpyro

This story all stats off with a girl named Payton (me). She had 3 very great friends: Aaron (Madhouse1), Kelsey (Cynder Lover25), and Ry (joerox123). Today was the day they would start their journey as trainers together! Now the story begins...

Sometime around 8:00am...
"Payton! Your going to be late!" Called my mom. "Oh shoot! Thanks!" I called back. I had no time for breakfast or else all the pokemon would be gone! When I got outside my friends were waiting for me. "Come on!" Said Ry, sounding very rushed. "All the pokemon will be gone!" Aaron said, also sounding very rushed. Then Kelsey said "Wait, Pro. Juniper probaly only has 3 pokemon. There are 4 of us" We all sat there for a moment being very silent then I spoke up "Maybe we will be lucky" "Yea!" Aggred Ry.
When we got to the lab, I was right! (as always) There were 4 pokeballs. "Somehow we got 5 pokemon" Prof. Juniper said. "Tepig is taken" When she got all the pokemon out there were 2 snivy's (one was male on was female), a female oshawott, and a male eevee. After we picked out all of our pokemon... "I'm naming my snivy Crystal" I announced (I got the female snivy). Ry then said "I'm not nicknaming Snivy" "I'll think of one for Oshawott" Kelsey said. "I'm naming my eevee Slash" said Aaron.

We then set off on our journey

Hope you enjoyed part 1

Good story.

However the whole way through my inner grammar nazi was cringing. As I told joerox, your sentences were short and choppy. I suggest weaving some sentences together. Also there were some capitalization errors.

Also: where's Tepig?

Chapter 2

As we were walking on route 1 I saw a trainer with a tepig. I knew this trainer. I guess he was the one who took the tepig from the lab. "Hi sis!" said the boy. "Hey Brett" I replied. "You two know each other?" asked Kelsey. "Yes. He's my brother" I replied back. "So you have a snivy?" asked Brett. "Yes her name is Crystal" I answered. "I see you have a tepig" "Yep. His name is Bacon Strips" said Brett. After that Bacon Strips said "TEPIG" meaning "I hate my name" and Crystal, Snivy, Oshawott, and Slash all laughed. "Well see ya later" said Brett. "See ya" said Ry. Brett left to the next town. "Well he seems nice" Aaron said. "Ya but he can be annoying" I said back. Then Kelsey said "Well lets go". Later we went to Accumula Town to heal our pokemon when I saw a wild oshawott. "Hello there" I said. The oshawott looked very startled. "Don't run away!" I said. Then the oshawott saw Crystal. Something about her made him stop. "Want to come with us?" I asked. The oshawott then went inside my pokeball. "I'm going to name you Usher" I said "That oshawott. It went inside your pokeball That is strange" someone said. "Who are you?" both Aaron and Ry asked. "If we battle I will tell you"...

Good, but try to have a new character speaking on a new line. It'll make it easier to read that way.

ok thanks for the tip

Hiya!!!! Great story!!!! Thanks for putting me in it

Your welcome! Might post the next today

Ok. Are all your friends in the story goin to catch a entire team of pokemon

Yes. PM me what pokemon team you want

Okay. No legondaries right?

Those will be the last pokemon we catch. We each get one legendary (hint: I get Reshiram)

Okay thanks