darkSpyro

Chapter 1:

Pawa was a young trainer who wanted to become the ultimate trainer and beat the champion, that has never be beaten Shira. It was his first day as a Pokemon trainer. He loved Pokemon more than anything. He was a trainer in the land of Aiso. His hometown was Wasena Town. His 10 birthday was today and he was pumped. He got up and got dressed. He ran downstairs and hugged his mom, and said goodbye. He was gonna miss his mom's two Pokemon. She had a wonderful Charmander and Cyndaquil. He headed over to Professor Ataeru's house. He entered and saw his friends: Lily and Conno. They were their to get their starters. He ran up to them. Lily had picked a cute little Oshawott who she named, Kallie. And Conno had picked a small Tepig whom he named Flare. I looked up at Professor Ataeru. There was no Pokemon! She told me that Snivy was already taken. Lily and Conno left to start their journeys. Professor A. took me back to her office. She was telling me how the next starters would be there in a month, but she had a Pokemon that was left over. Pawa asked what it was. The only Pokemon left was: Eevee. He graciously took it. He yelled back at the professor: Thank you! He ran into a tree. He straightened himself out and started walking. Eevee sprung out of it's PokeBall. The Eevee did not look happy! I asked what was wrong. It used Bite on me. I yelled in pain! It then left me alone. We kept walking. I found a sad Snivy sitting on a tree stump.

Hey, that's a great story starter. Do you have the next chapters planned out yet?

OK, grammar nazi time: 1)sentence structure. Overall your sentences were short and choppy. You might want to consider 'weaving' some sentences together. 2) You changed perspective a bit throughout. You started off in 3rd person perspective and by the end you had gotten to 1st person perspective.
I'm a huge grammar nazi so I nitpick on it a lot, just letting you know.

^ Thank you! Will make the necxt chapter like that! I am planning them

To add on what S & S said, You started a lot of sentences with He, His, or she. If you make each sentence more or less unique, it sounds much better. But a great story that has potential.

^ah, I knew I'd forgotten something.

Thank you!

(filler)

Hey nice job man. But just like S&S I too am a grammar Nazi, and just couldn't stand the several errors you made. I'm sure if you correct your mistakes next time in the next chapter, it will be great!

^ Thanks! Will upload later!

please make the next soon! Its kinda funny cause I was thinking of doing a story like this but it would be about me, you, and Cynder Lover25

Chapter 2:

I slowly approached the sitting Snivy, to not startle it. The Snivy just gave me a sad look, that made me feel bad for it. A note sat next to the Snivy. It read: "Whoever finds this terrible Snivy can take it! It only knows Leaf Tornado! It couldn't win against a Magikarp! The PokeBall is behind her! She responds to Serenity, her nickname." I strode past the forgotten Snivy to find it's PokeBall. Serenity looked up at me with sad eyes. The beautiful PokeBall was not a regular PokeBall, it was a Cherish Ball. Serenity walked over to Eevee, licking him. I asked Serenity to join my team, which she graciously accepted. She hopped right up onto my shoulder with ease. Eevee sat on my head, staring at Serenity. I walked over to Roja town, with the 2 Pokemon on me. Serenity and Stevie looked tired, so I took them too a PokeCenter. I ran into Conno there! He had already caught a Lilipup to along with his Tepig. Conno and I had lunch together while the Pokemon socialized. A suggestion by Conno was probably the best idea ever. He wanted to battle.

Great! I can see that you took our advice, and it is fantastic!

That was quite good, better than chapter 1. It was a bit short but that's okay.

^ THANKS! My dog is in top of me! So it is hard!

YAY!!!