darkSpyro

I went from most of 2021 being one of the worst years of my life to October being one of the best months of my life. November's been pretty dang good so far too.

- - -

Christmas music is so nice, I love this time of year.

one of my friends just caught covid

There’s nothing so relieving as when you report an issue with a person on the server and the mod is like “yeah we’re investigating their behavior right now”

Good to know I’m not just overreacting

dark52 is online. finally i will get to speak my mind!

i am so overwhelmed

TIL there's people that don't think bisexuality is real. I have so many questions

holy **** I'm so ****ing mad

dark52 is a COWARD! only a very poor leader would leave his site behind to rot! very poor site management.he definitely does not understand how to run his own site. but anyways, happy thanksgiving to dark 52 and his web site..

yay! i have more free time for the next couple of days!

i'm excited but i'm worried i'll get lonely. mostly excited, though. i need some rest

rest easy, my sweet baby... daddies love you bunches ;;

life is never going to be the same without you

I love feeling like I'm not allowed to make requests of anyone for anything. So despite the fact that what I want to just ask everyone in general is perfectly reasonable and not at all an unrealistic and selfish request to make, I feel like I'm literally not allowed to and just... won't. So much for organization of my OCs. I like them in a giant mess on Deviantart. My favourite.

Also, I'm never buying anything in a jar ever again. Just had an anxiety attack over spending half an hour trying to open a jar and I feel like an absolute loser.

Reached out to an old friend of mine from middle school. It went surprisingly well and she accepted my apology. I might try and do one more tonight. I already attempted to reconnect with my internet friends like from dS and Whirled and Gaia a couple years ago and that didn't end well (none of you guys that are active here), so now I'm doing the same for people I've hurt irl.

I have someone important to me who is losing an unhealthy amount of weight and they insist this is a normal weight for them. I'm so scared for their health, but they insist this is fine and the weight they wanna weight is totally reasonable. I can't reason with them! I just can't! When will they be happy? When I can see their bloody ribcage showing through their skin? It hasn't happened yet, but with the obscene amount of weight loss, it's only a matter of time if it keeps going.

I bloody hate having a social disability and being some level of self aware of it. Because I'm having a normal social encounter with someone and I'll react in a way that I know isn't the normal way to converse with others. So like, half of me wants to stop myself and react the correct way, because I know what that is and what I should be doing, but then the other half of me doesn't wanna censor my personality and conform just to appear normal. I don't know what to do anymore.

Like, I've dealt with this for so long that I am now extremely aware of what I'm doing wrong socially and every time I do it, I go "No, you moron, that is not how humans socialize." and the other part of me is like "That's nice, but if I do it the way other people do it I either feel anxious or like I'm suppressing who I am for the sake of being like everyone else." I get so much anxiety from dealing with this and just... shut down. Its like, the mere concept of whether or not I should continue to be awkward in the eyes of everyone or awkward in my own eyes makes me feel so much weight on my back that I just totally lose the capacity to interact with other people entirely. There was a tiny chance I could do it right before, but now I just can't do it full stop.

Should I maintain eye contact to appease other people even if it makes me feel really uncomfortable? Everyone tells me I'm rude and I look like I'm not listening if I look at a game system or a tablet or something. But it helps me focus better. If I look at people, I won't be able to focus. I'll just feel anxious. THEN I won't be listening.

But then when I try and talk to people about how I'm autistic and I socialize differently and socialization is stressful for me, I start getting a bunch of nonsense based on autism symptoms people Googled, as if we're all the same. They're like "Oh, but don't autistic people have a hard time understanding sarcasm or figurative language. Clearly you're fine." Like, wow, because I know what a metaphor is, I don't get to be socially awkward anymore. Thanks. Makes me feel awesome. But nah, I totally don't get sarcasm. Its not like I make use of it on a regular basis or anything.

All this nonsense is why I just... give up and vanish for months. And its not even like anyone specifically did something wrong. Like, I'll be having an awesome conversation, and suddenly stop existing. You didn't do anything wrong. I was having fun. I hate that we just stopped. But I can't come back. I feel dead inside right now. I can't do any of this. But then its an excuse and I hate people or I'm not trying hard enough to socialize and this is why I don't have friends. I hate socializing. I want to do it, but I absolutely hate it. It feels like there is NO way for me to do this properly.

i am the opposite of vibing

I used to come on to this site all the time around 2012-13 (maybe 14?). Holy cow, that's almost ten years. It's weird but sort of cathartic coming back? So much has changed, I've changed a lot.

I think back to my times here and I cringe so much. I was a child, definitely not ready for the internet. Some of it was just embarrassing, and some of it just makes me really disappointed by myself. But I guess in many ways those were pretty defining years. Skylanders as a game was a big part of my childhood, but so was this place in a somewhat related but also unrelated way.

It's a weird experience growing up. You always hear people talk about it, but it's strange coming to the realization that you actually have. That there are things that one time ruled your life, that feel now more like a distant memory.

I have a lot of regrets, but at the same time I'm glad I spent the time I did here, it was really nice, and I got to talk to a lot of really cool people, that I'm sad I didn't keep in touch with. Maybe it's the nostalgia glasses talking, but I'm looking back on my forum days far more fondly than I would of thought. Life's a funny thing I guess.

If one more person telling me I'm depressed because I don't exercise enough, I'm gonna scream. Going for a run isn't gonna suddenly make my depression go away. Then I'll just be as physically exhausted as I am emotionally.

The self-loathing train is back in the station. This time its for *checks chart* ah, an old classic, failing in a basic social situation again. It seems like the scheduled stops for this train include accidentally ending up in a debate I never wanted to be in, being unfriendly due to anxiety, wishing I had never said a word in the first place, poorly ending the conversation when I decided I didn't like it, and the train will make its final stop in "This Person Probably Hates Me Forever and Thinks I'm an Unreasonable Psycho" station. My favourite. Remember to stamp your card. Ten stamps and you earn one free anxiety attack or emotional breakdown of your choice.

It's weird to think that I've been on this site for 40% of my life.

hee hoo hee hoo

Nothing like being unable to see if I'm incompetent or I really reached an emotional limit and shouldn't push it

the way i forget passwords

i want to clarify im not actually a joker fangirl and im not THAT cringe but that was a very fun reply

Quote: Vespi

i want to clarify im not actually a joker fangirl and im not THAT cringe but that was a very fun reply

dont deny your true self

deep in your soul

you know who you truly are

i love that it needs clarification because of how bad and cringe joker fans are lol… nah we know you cool Vespi

for the record somehow i wasn't blocked

I do not attend to cause drama or trolling, I don't know what that topic mean to be, as it said 'Post here if ur a spyro fan' so I post cos I'm a Spyro fan, never think the topic is a joke even it not in Spyro Section. It didn't mention it a joke or say post here if you're not a Spyro Fan, if there there a topic for people who dislike/hate Spyro I won't even post anything there. But as it say 'post here if ur a spyro fan' there some people say they dislike Spyro, I just post what I feel. But some reply does annoys me specially from a user I dispise (I will mention name but won't bother). This is a Fansite, Spyro and Skylander fansite, but people come here and hate Spyro why they even here. I'm been label a troll, no these people who hate Spyro here are the trolls. Yes I shouldn't go nut at that topic but few people made me mad, specially one or few users. I shouldn't leave it after one of my post but I check to see anyone replys to my post, and would og just live it. One user say Spyro is childish, if so why she even here? to troll? I don't stop people come here even they not into Spyro, people can do as they like, but I just find it annoying they hate Spyro so much and join this fansite. If I lost interest in something and was part of the fansite I leave, and for here for a friend or someone, there other sites and social medias for that, they may reason to be here other than for a friend or someone.

There a user I had problem in other topic 'Who is your favourite King Arthur?' two of her replies to my two post was I feel it's stupid. I have some countries but have no problem with anyone from there or if someone who like someone from there. Then she post in my profile, why she even post on my profile as she doesn't want to people to post on her's and even dm her. She got worse in 'post here if ur a spyro fan'.

Saying 'I'm Batman' in a post I'm not really Batman, yeah I'm a Batman fan, one of my favourite Comic Book characters. And that quote was my favourite movie quote and like saying it. I do post it on my profile in other sites.

To me, Spyro Reignited Trilogy is one of best games, I feel great playing it even it got hard at some points. It bring back childhood. I played many Spyro games. Spyro is my Mario, my Sonic. Why will I stop liking Spyro and if another game stop playing. Also I do other other games, Spyro Reignited Trilogy is one of my favourite games, along with Watchdogs Legion, Life is Strange series & The Sims, I'm still playing the Sims 4. Spyro (& Sparx) is my first and all-time favourite video game character. Shame, some can't stand that. Did play Skylander only Spyro's adventure but give up after it got diffcult for me. Skylanders glowing and Spyro seem disappeared, now I dislike Skylanders, I only care for Spyro. This is SPyro and Skylanders Fansite but I'm a Spyro fan not Skylanders.

Also about Xbox/Activision thing, I never like Xbox. They can't make their own games so they either buy a company and stop it from going to Playstation. I lost it when find out it company that also own Spyro. Now, believe Spyro may be only on Xbox. But hope it won't come to that, feel bad for Playstation fans who may unable play their favourite games on Playstation. Also start my dislike on Xbox fans for making fun at Playstation fans. Having feeling Mircosoft/Xbox will grab all the companies, they better be carefull even big company wouldn't care if they hated. I know some reponds here I may not like. I played one Xbox game and it's a Dead or Alive games, that long ago.

Not what reponds I will get, I have my say, just want to say something. I will ignored the negetives cos don't want any drama, and I don't meant cause it or didn't know I was doing it. As who I block I just want any negetive on my profile. Don't waste your time if you going to give me negetive. Also I do dislike negative comments and don't understand why people who hate Spyro are here, that me.

(irl) yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes finally

I hate winter.

waiting for a meeting is so anxiety inducing

I've been on this site for 10 years wtf.

congrats! i think

Even though I left here about two years ago and have only occasionally come back every now and then to ****post, I still think about this place all the time. I suppose it's hard not to when dS was such an integral part of my life for just over ten years, even if I wasn't fully involved with the community until about 2016-2017ish when I joined the discord.

I made a lot of good memories. All the Sonic discussions I had with people early on and for the first time actually talked with people about media stuff I loved. Me ****posting about Mike Wazowski so much that it actually started showing up in results for Monsters Inc. memes at one point in time. All the shenanigans we got into on the discord server. Even flying out and finally getting to meet a couple of you in person, along with some other online friends, in what was genuinely one of the best trips I've ever taken.

But in looking back and reflecting, especially in the time I've had for myself since moving out and thinking about my home life before I was on my own... God I was also a little ****. The amount of drama that I escalated here, the savior complex I had trying to deal with the worst people on this site, the way I caused some problems myself and occasionally lashed out, even after I moved out. I certainly wasn't the good person I always tried to make myself out to be in high school and part of college. And I'm sorry if you were ever affected by that. I'm definitely a lot better than I was a few years ago, but I've still got work to do.

Looking back at some of my posts has also made me realize just how ****ing stupid some of the drama I got into here really was, whether i was dragged into it, inserted myself into it, or maybe even started it. Yeah some of it was serious but there was also a lot of dumb **** that looking back really wasn't worth the energy. I really let the anonymity and my temper get to my head back then.

But in the end I made some of my closest friends ever so I guess it wasn't all that bad haha.

I guess if I'm trying to say anything here it's this:
-Leaving this site and community was still best for me(despite my occasional revisits) but I really underestimated how much it influenced me, in both a good and bad way
-I'm sorry if I was ever a dick to you, escalated drama when it didn't need to be, acted like a prick in general, etc. There are moments of my past here that I regret and don't look back on fondly, and it's taken me a while to come to terms with how stupid I could be.
-I'm truly grateful and appreciative that despite any of that and even through some serious, serious lows, you all still welcomed and cared about me with open arms. I didn't really deserve it at times but it means a lot.

I hope you guys are doing well. Some of you I haven't talked to since I left, and to those of you who I have talked to and still talk to, just know that you guys haven't left my mind. Even when I'm not here. Even when I'm not in the community server. Even when I'm not talking much in my own personal server I made and invited you guys to. I'm always thinking of you guys and silently cheering you on in the background.

Idk markiplier broke into my house and stole all my milk and its given me a lot to think about rn, I should probably press charges against him