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10 Years of Skylanders, Have You Played Any?
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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46351 Posted: 05:35:52 20/09/2021
I don’t know you but I’m lonely without you.

I know you and be up at some time I have the energy to tell you the news damn it!!

.

Lull in skill is like a break in a marathon but why can’t I even do those basic things now? I have to fight myself so much harder. DIE
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46352 Posted: 17:02:54 20/09/2021
me too demanding right now

girl see you tomorrow… or hear

the basic things i was always missing… or am

drink feelings
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
somePerson Platinum Sparx Gems: 6590
#46353 Posted: 00:28:30 21/09/2021
shoutouts to google docs suggestions mode for destroying my assignment by not saving half of my work. very awesome. some might say epic
Shadow-Cipher Yellow Sparx Gems: 1034
#46354 Posted: 14:13:13 22/09/2021
Look, I know that your parents still buy everything for you and the cost of a thing rarely matters because you're not the one paying for it, but some of us aren't babied by our parents and actually have to buy things ourselves. So that like 5 dollars you consider nothing to buy some random game isn't so trivial to someone who can't even afford to eat more than one meal a day. I'd rather save that money, but you continue to pester me into spending 2 dollars here or 3 dollars there and its adds up, man!

I could be saving this money towards a thing I really want. I have multiple lists of things I wanna buy, some of which are publicly available and some of which have been sitting there for years. You can see I struggle to buy things I want! Why do you continue to insist on me spending money I barely have on things I don't give a crap about?
---
What is life?
Just because Shedinja isn't my avatar anymore, doesn't mean Shedinja isn't still your Arceus.
Shedinja is always your Arceus.
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46355 Posted: 16:12:21 22/09/2021
I miss you, phase 3.

.

If we’re still friends I’ll get there and I’ll bring my favorite parasol for the both of us. ****in cost though. So much saved but so little to live on. $60 parasol? :^(
You move me you gay *****. Grow.
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
somePerson Platinum Sparx Gems: 6590
#46356 Posted: 08:15:36 23/09/2021
still sometimes think about a girl that led me on Sadge
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46357 Posted: 11:37:13 24/09/2021
why you say you proud of me man i’m not going to be able to let that go

can’t keep up with people again

penis

you’re so boring, and you tell me i only stick with a few things, try SOMETHING with the slightest ****ing bit of “edge”

.

i think i write myself as a failure to avoid dealing with the idea of trying to trust people to ask for help and **** again. certainly to avoid multiple problems but mainly that. people **** me up so much

i still hold a grudge against a lot of you on this site, you threw a gal who was more than anything lonely under the bus and i was apparently always in the wrong. ****. why couldnt i just hold onto my vindication more?

i mean, did it go to my head? the hell is wrong with me?

i have nothing else to do besides the usual grind, look for the root of this problem, parents never gonna change so i think back to this place
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
StormDragon21 Emerald Sparx Gems: 4958
#46358 Posted: 17:26:12 24/09/2021
When you buy an industrial-sized case of mango hand soap:

1st refill: Aw nice, mango!
5th refill: I can hardly notice the scent...
20th refill: This scent is anathema to my lungs. It is poison on the very way I live. Curse whoever made this soap.
---
"sTORM, my parents just told me something that RUINED MY LIFE. DID YOU KNOW that Smarties have different flavors?!" ~ShadowMewX
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46359 Posted: 08:01:46 26/09/2021
Where’s that thing what’s the word right:

Lord help me give me a decent class… i cant do this and its not even new ive said it for so long

“Well just do it” OH **** YEAH I NEVER TRIED BEFORE LOL!!! YEAH ITS JUST MY PROBLEM N OT. TR Y I N G HUH???? I tried many times imasked for help many times… i dont understand what i do wrong that nothing works

i really suck, y’know? i actually feel angry being myself today, here i am again. My psychologist thinks it isn’t that bad.

But i just suck or something should have worked huh

Nobody knows, i

- i don’t understand why i matter to you and i hate myself for it. When i ask i wonder if you’d know either.

**** me up it’s just that speaking to you is some of the only distraction, so i don’t ask

Same for her…

Confronting those demons didn’t help before…really

I should have focused on learning instead of introspection but who was i to know?

It’s all useless anyway because of this debt and everything..l im never gong to be happy and im going to be doing this until i kill myselfso i dont have to die of old age gasping for air

Everyone is just luckier than me to have had someone at some point to just…be with and people who believed in them before they ended up like this. Instead of everyone in my life ****ing me over when i tried fixing my own mistakes. I just needed ONE person who would pull through with me and they were never there… but she’ll be ok!! Things will get better!,, **** off, you are stupid

I don think i really believe it when people like me because i think nobody eevn knows me, people here know more about me and all of you hate me middle finger
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
spyro and sonic Platinum Sparx Gems: 6644
#46360 Posted: 10:47:18 28/09/2021
I've been posting more actively here recently and it's been really nice, kinda nostalgic. Can't post 100 times a day like I did back in the day but it's still fun.

---

It's gonna rain every day for the rest of the week and I'm gonna hate it.
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CobaltTheWolf#2846
avatar art by: link
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46361 Posted: 15:34:41 28/09/2021
There was something so comforting about the way you said things. Maybe it was because you were pure. Everyone misses you man. I guess I’ll tell someone tomorrow (although I don’t feel I have a mature enough figure) but it’s been so long that I’m kind of under the assumption that you are dead. Actually dead. I won’t even know and it hits me so hard. A friend who wasn’t a cat, dying, man.

Lockdown, disappointment with people, getting worse at my work, family getting worse- I was taking medicine before but I really think I’m depressed the last few days.

I still don’t know wether thinking of love helps or not. I try to take things in moderation but then I’m so close to completely collapsing and breaking down because my distractions are gone and so it isn’t sustainable either.

tick, tick, tick, tick,
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
Shadow-Cipher Yellow Sparx Gems: 1034
#46362 Posted: 19:32:45 28/09/2021
I feel like you spend more time doing housework than you do spending time with me. I understand a clean house is important, but is there really a scenario where you need to do like 5-8 hours of housework a day? At this rate, you should become a maid. At least you'd get paid to do housework, then.
---
What is life?
Just because Shedinja isn't my avatar anymore, doesn't mean Shedinja isn't still your Arceus.
Shedinja is always your Arceus.
ThunderEgg Gold Sparx Gems: 2183
#46363 Posted: 02:08:23 29/09/2021
*collapses*


dont worry this is normal
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I AM ETERNAL! https://i.imgur.com/8H3ij0j.png (banner by skylandersfan60)
derpyhooves Emerald Sparx Gems: 4864
#46364 Posted: 19:41:35 29/09/2021
A month and a half before I see my family again for the first time in three years... this is gonna be a lot more different than the last time.
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 19:42:01 29/09/2021 by derpyhooves
ThunderEgg Gold Sparx Gems: 2183
#46365 Posted: 02:20:54 01/10/2021
housemate: stores their **** on top of the stove (dangerous!)

also housemate: gets mad at me when they use the oven (under the stove) and subsequently melts their ****, making a mess. demands i clean up after them

and of course i have to clean it up. because i'm the only one who uses the stove to cook food

i wish i lived alone
---
I AM ETERNAL! https://i.imgur.com/8H3ij0j.png (banner by skylandersfan60)
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46366 Posted: 15:09:35 01/10/2021
lift me over the fence. give me a friend here. you’re the only one who listens down here but i know you cant actually do more. that optimism was so fleeting… it took so much effort just not to be absorbed but more keeps happening. i forget what it feels like baby. my parents never taught that to me either. ****
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
Drednaw Yellow Sparx Gems: 1004
#46367 Posted: 01:53:01 02/10/2021
this ****ing *****, drop the **** and stop acting so high and mighty you fat ****. we're both adults here. suck my ****ing dick.
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46368 Posted: 14:19:38 02/10/2021
Weird. I have nothing to say.
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
Shadow-Cipher Yellow Sparx Gems: 1034
#46369 Posted: 02:50:00 03/10/2021
I don't like feeling like I only exist to entertain someone elses interests. Friendships are supposed to be both ways. Why should I give a crap about your interests when you never once even slightly care about my own?
---
What is life?
Just because Shedinja isn't my avatar anymore, doesn't mean Shedinja isn't still your Arceus.
Shedinja is always your Arceus.
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46370 Posted: 10:52:33 04/10/2021
corn… laugh
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
ThroneOfMalefor Platinum Sparx Gems: 5053
#46371 Posted: 02:08:03 05/10/2021
Post on Personal Thoughts
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dirty boi
ThunderEgg Gold Sparx Gems: 2183
#46372 Posted: 02:58:26 05/10/2021
funny cows
[User Posted Image]

i just think they're neat
---
I AM ETERNAL! https://i.imgur.com/8H3ij0j.png (banner by skylandersfan60)
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46373 Posted: 06:23:19 06/10/2021
If that didn’t make you return then nothing would have. I’ve still been keeping it to myself and I can’t anymore so I have to come and say it somewhere, and hey, I won’t be reminding any friends of you here either… rest in peace man. I’ll remember what you said about me. We’ll remember you.

I’d like to say I wish we could know, but… I think this is as close as we get to knowing. Me, I know I gotta put down that… well. I feel like you’re gone, and you were a real one. Real real.

Really weird how here it’s just over. Unless you’ve been hanging on a thread with no contact for the last couple of months. I know we weren’t the main focus in your life or something but you were so real, even if you’re out there you didn’t deserve it. I’ve been to funerals and it’s weird not to have one close this for me (or us).

.

Idk why after all these years you speak to me, you’re the only old G left. Sorry I’m me. I get a bit better. It’s always up and down with me, I suppose I relish ups and downs too much. They all life is if I were to be so blunt anyway. I get bored pretty easily, that doesn’t help. When things stay “right” I don’t feel right.

.

still makes me chuckle right. You get to suffer too! eCock

.

Some misconception I had, something personal, that’s been… eased. But also not gone.
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
Shadow-Cipher Yellow Sparx Gems: 1034
#46374 Posted: 12:10:00 09/10/2021
I would say you've lost your having a key to my apartment privileges, but technically you never had any, as I only consented to your wife having the ability to enter my home, not you. You ever break into my home to check something minute you could've just bloody texted me about because I'm "impossible to reach" (which is a total lie, since the only place you appear to wanna try and contact me is a social media you KNOW I left a year ago) and I swear that an unpleasant encounter will be waiting in your future! Thanks for waking me up 2 hours before I usually wake up and scaring the crap out of me because I thought I was being broken into. Hope it was worth it to figure out whether my bedroom was flooded or not, you absolute creep.
---
What is life?
Just because Shedinja isn't my avatar anymore, doesn't mean Shedinja isn't still your Arceus.
Shedinja is always your Arceus.
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46375 Posted: 12:47:19 09/10/2021
This is less arbitrary than the other distinctions but ur chill… there its in stone

I could say that a lot but my life now eh
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
Project_Unnamed Diamond Sparx [online] Gems: 8361
#46376 Posted: 01:01:58 11/10/2021
I miss you... I hope that you are happy.
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
DeathOfADream Yellow Sparx Gems: 1495
#46377 Posted: 02:28:34 11/10/2021
It took me years to finally love myself. And I’m so ****ing happy that I finally do.
---
”I am not everything you thought that I would be
But every story I have told is part of me.”
Shadow-Cipher Yellow Sparx Gems: 1034
#46378 Posted: 14:11:07 11/10/2021
Sometimes I wish who I was wasn't so complicated. Part of me wants to go back to when I was simple, but I know that was never an option. I wasn't even simple back then. I just didn't know a thing about who I am.
---
What is life?
Just because Shedinja isn't my avatar anymore, doesn't mean Shedinja isn't still your Arceus.
Shedinja is always your Arceus.
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46379 Posted: 03:12:03 12/10/2021
Would you leave everyone behind if it meant you could erase your sin?
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
spyro and sonic Platinum Sparx Gems: 6644
#46380 Posted: 09:24:00 13/10/2021
October has been going way better for me than any other month this year, I hope it keeps up.

- - -

This just feels right.
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CobaltTheWolf#2846
avatar art by: link
Shadow-Cipher Yellow Sparx Gems: 1034
#46381 Posted: 14:01:26 14/10/2021
My family wants me to room with my cousin and I don't know how I feel about that. Not because of him. He's a very reserved person and takes care of himself just fine so its not like he's a bad roommate or anything, but I don't know if I want him to put up with me. Like, I have panic attacks, I'm prone to screaming in pain over a certain time of the month, I suck at keeping a space organized, I'm awake at weird times being lowkey loud. I just don't think its for for him to put up with all that garbage. I'm a crappy roommate and he has no idea of any of this going in. I'd rather be rooming with someone who knows all my issues and already has an idea what they're getting into.
---
What is life?
Just because Shedinja isn't my avatar anymore, doesn't mean Shedinja isn't still your Arceus.
Shedinja is always your Arceus.
derpyhooves Emerald Sparx Gems: 4864
#46382 Posted: 04:16:50 15/10/2021
I want to draw things but I am generally not taken seriously about my interests and it su c k s-
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46383 Posted: 14:11:17 15/10/2021
I hope you remembered to treat them better than you treated me.

I always thought that thinking about what I “deserve” would help to keep me going… But, over time I’m realising that focusing as much as I did on it was detrimental… Not even just useless. It is a good kick up the ass, though.

How much should I think of what others deserve? Just my friends? I suppose I won’t really know unless it’s just my friends anyway. I’d like to give other people what I think they “deserve”, at least the positive things. I would like to give good people or people who make me happy the things I don’t have. It’s not my place to decide if people deserve some sort of reprimand but making my friends happy is pretty alright. I don’t have the energy for everyone anyway, really. Sadly. It seems like the people I would argue with are too thick anyway, maybe because I really hate people being narrow-minded and conflating traits.

What am I teaching you?

I hope someday I find someone who can help to give me what I deserve and what I’m looking for, although I know you’re trying, and that’s getting there. So I should be happier, right?

What if I were in your shoes with your uncertainty? I know that people often have a hard time believing that their lover really loves them… But I just refuse that because it’s only destructive to me. When people don’t believe their friends are sincere, I’m not sure what to make of it. Is that one of those things that starts petty arguments? Is it better to avoid being more naive when we’re friends and not lovers? I want to know how naive I can get away with being.

My mom said that she didn’t let me do certain things because I’m someone people could easily take advantage of, but people did that anyway. She was saving me from nothing, like usual. I think my dad is the only one who kind of treats me like family and that’s pretty recent.

I don’t know why you like me (although that’s never intended as a complaint) and now I don’t know why these strangers said good morning to me. It’s kind of funny that I was more willing to go with horny boys.

P.S. stop cockblocking me with this fight scene, damn it.
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46384 Posted: 08:36:46 17/10/2021
If you’re reading this I guess it would be now.

If you think I was or am gaslighting I can’t even blame you. I really mean it when I say that I keep things to myself for the sake of others. That I really feel like a burden.

I remember my mistake. How could I forget? It’s not as life-changing as the other thing, but it still changed who I am, and it was horrible of me anyway. Did you think that I wanted to run away? It’s ironic that while it’s not as life changing, honestly, I just accept that I’m not going to “fix” this and I think it’s more permanent. Depending on your point of view, maybe that’s more life changing, because the way I look at every day is so different. I tried so hard to fix the other thing but this I give up on because I don’t even know what it’s like to be healthy and normal there. I know that I was happy and I really felt something but I think it was unhealthy and you really, really should have said something. I guess I don’t know what being healthy is like anyway. I only have ideas but everyone says they’re wrong and I never get to do anything I try to. My psychologist says my ideas of life are beautiful but I don’t really think that anyone understands. I used to think that you understood. I don’t really think anyone has seen it since. I don’t get stepping stones. I’m still not really living. Some of my friends are like me and others have things to do but I have to wonder what their days are like. You wanted to know what my days were like but I never understood you.

I remember you said that you hated hearing the same things and I suppose I try to look at the same things when I’m in new contexts and positions… I’m too fixated anyway but I should solve why. Either way if you think I should just be over it… I should have a lot of things. I don’t even know what I have anymore. But if things were so simple or it just worked when I believed then I would be happy. I know that’s so obvious but when I go crazy I would forget simple things. You should know without me saying.

But how could I like that idea of someone so much? Whoever I was then I really wonder if she’s lost or dead. I don’t really think it’s about simple change but an inability to express myself fully to the people I care about anymore. Even last year. I don’t even think that I know how to just care about people as much anymore. This is why I try to solve how “naive” I can be now. I see doing that as being naive. Because when I was most open it was to some people who treated me terribly, left me behind or ****. It ended with very very bad negative reinforcement.

I hope I can find someone better but I don’t think anyone can really find me. I guess they have to make something new with me. I don’t even know if that’s really a thing. It’s another thing that’s just an idea. Why did you have to do what you did? I mean before we got angry at one another. I was still more stupid than you. I was and am more stupid than you gave me credit for then.

I just talk about myself but maybe it’s because I think I never knew you.

The truth is that I don’t even want an answer. I just want this memory to go away. It’s gotta be part of why I keep hoping for someone. I wish I could just enjoy those feelings but I think of what an awful experience that was and it was never really cleared. There is no “if” we were friends because when I told you how I felt you told me off and I still never ever want to see you again. If I were mad now I have a good idea of how it would be. You would be a Pandora’s box and I really convinced myself that I only liked that idea of who you were.

Would I still be talking about this if I was trying to gaslight this one person who I have no leads on anymore? Well, crazier things have happened to me.

I’m not sure if I even have spite for you. Should I really spite someone I never knew? It’s pain, really. I guess I spite people who I know did terrible things even though I never knew them, and nobody would complain about that now because they were so reprehensible, yeah? You aren’t like that, but it’s still one of the worst things I ever felt… a reprehensible feeling.

Maybe… to have a strong vision without forcing it on people, but to teach, I wonder if that’s what she sees. I am more stupid than she gives me credit for… But she tells me to stop being hard on myself. The longer it goes on the more I wish I could spill my heart to someone and have their help instead.

Oh yeah, JoJolion was kinda ass. It’s going to be like that one song I hate and skip on my favorite album. That chicken was wonderful though. It’s ironic to say that with that one song. I like fried chicken, but not large fries… they’re just oil. Maybe someone will get a kick out of reading that. I don’t know why anyone would read what I have to say. Maybe I post here to stimulate the thought.
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
somePerson Platinum Sparx Gems: 6590
#46385 Posted: 07:42:14 18/10/2021
Being asked why my sister quit her job when they make her do forced overtime, work 13 hour shifts days in a row, work in stressful understaffed environments, not being taken seriously when it comes to complaints rude customers, etc"
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46386 Posted: 11:36:34 19/10/2021
Honestly, even trolling isn’t fun anymore

Everytime I thought I was happy recently just feels like a delusion that’s how awful the reinforcement in my life has been. When I think back it’s the same kind of feeling as when you had a cold and lost your head for a couple of days. It sounds so over-dramatic but ****. It’s something I experienced multiple times and discussed and my psychologist said it makes sense to her.

I started to not feel this way when I was on antidepressants but is that going to be my life? And antidepressants don’t make you happy, they’re supposed to motivate you enough to fix things. You aren’t supposed to keep taking and keep taking them insofar as my doctors told me. My parents are going to use it as an excuse, and I’m truly afraid that I would keep taking those pills, and feel awful even with that seratonin, and then it would enforce that I need more seratonin if I start feeling more crap again? Nobody is going to help me make an informed decision. I have a psychologist but not a psychiatrist, and neither they nor my GP know enough.

I wanna leave and live and I want someone to love again even if it’s for a bit. How the **** could I even accept someone liking me though? And I’m past those days and **** and things are no fun. If I could go back in time I would have never had relationships. At all. I would have avoided making friends with a lot of people, and I would have left this site when I said, and I would have been busting my ass harder and leaving and doing **** without my mom. And I kept ****ing trying, I kept ****ing trying all the time but to be amicable and just trying to be a good person to a lot of people was a complete waste of time. I ended up treating good people badly anyway.
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46387 Posted: 05:33:47 20/10/2021
I wonder if you remembered that archive I sent you, I have to wonder how much you remember of my in general. I wonder how much the people who said **** to me remember of me or thought I mattered to them or ****. Remember when we said we would both look at old messages?

To you it’s just the past but I just hang on because I just have memories.

If you thought we could just forget then I’m easy to find. I’m not very active anywhere anymore, but you can message me again. If you ever want to see me again you can prove it to me. I don’t think I have anything to offer, but it’s not really like I have anything to do either.

I wish I had someone to just sit with too. I wish. I want to go in the backyard and sit with someone.
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
Thunderdragon14 Platinum Sparx Gems: 6874
#46388 Posted: 08:14:52 20/10/2021
hello everybody & people of darkspyro i am sorry
that be it
---
Quote: Alydol
go back to whining about your fish
Strawberry15 Green Sparx Gems: 466
#46389 Posted: 08:17:06 20/10/2021
Craisins are just crying raisins
spyro and sonic Platinum Sparx Gems: 6644
#46390 Posted: 09:54:11 20/10/2021
things are going a little less good but I think I'll still be fine.

- - -

baseball...
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CobaltTheWolf#2846
avatar art by: link
Robo-Spyro Platinum Sparx Gems: 5122
#46391 Posted: 18:33:21 20/10/2021
jeez just help me make a solid choice already... too many freaking options... analysis paralysis...
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no i will not write a signature for you
ThunderEgg Gold Sparx Gems: 2183
#46392 Posted: 20:52:39 22/10/2021
i'm so goddamn tired
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I AM ETERNAL! https://i.imgur.com/8H3ij0j.png (banner by skylandersfan60)
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46393 Posted: 02:36:05 23/10/2021
I guess I do miss you but I wouldn’t expect you to be the same person years later. And there was that anyway. I want to hear from you again if you see this. I honestly have no more lead on you so I guess I managed to cut you out like I wanted before. I honestly looked everywhere I could think short of Google which seems wrong.

I don’t have people in my life I look up to anymore, I don’t have someone who sees past certain ****, but I guess I don’t open up anymore anyway.

It’s really taken the better part of two years but I can start to look back fondly. It’s not even because something worse happened. I just wish we had stayed just friends. I think it came from trying to figure out what I want. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before but I suppose silver-tongued devils are my type and that’s a dangerous game.

And I said you didn’t reach out to me but I guess I’m even worse about this.

Surely you know that feeling where you just want to lurk and see how someone is going. You of all people certainly had it before, right? I can’t just lurk and see how you’re going. But if you want me to piss off I wouldn’t blame you.

I don’t know if I should say this and it doesn’t tie into any of that but I also got confirmation that a good friend of mine passed away.
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
ThunderEgg Gold Sparx Gems: 2183
#46394 Posted: 15:25:25 26/10/2021
be quiet be quiet be quiet be quiet be quiet be quiet be quiet be quiet be quiet be quiet be quiet

i cant focus please please please
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I AM ETERNAL! https://i.imgur.com/8H3ij0j.png (banner by skylandersfan60)
Shadow-Cipher Yellow Sparx Gems: 1034
#46395 Posted: 16:12:47 02/11/2021
Nothing says Happy Halloween like learning your grandma died and you never got a chance to talk to her before she died because your family, who was the only ones that could realistically take you to visit her, kept procrastinating the visit and insisting she was fine and wouldn't be dying anytime soon. That's nice. I don't even know if she died on Halloween or that's just when I learned about it because my family is absolute garbage with telling me ANY important information.
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What is life?
Just because Shedinja isn't my avatar anymore, doesn't mean Shedinja isn't still your Arceus.
Shedinja is always your Arceus.
Metallo Platinum Sparx Gems: 6167
#46396 Posted: 04:18:06 06/11/2021
Quote: Shadow-Cipher
Nothing says Happy Halloween like learning your grandma died and you never got a chance to talk to her before she died because your family, who was the only ones that could realistically take you to visit her, kept procrastinating the visit and insisting she was fine and wouldn't be dying anytime soon. That's nice. I don't even know if she died on Halloween or that's just when I learned about it because my family is absolute garbage with telling me ANY important information.



I'm sorry for your loss.
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46397 Posted: 17:59:39 06/11/2021
There are several ways to look up to people. There’s a certain thing I’ve been looking for in people and I don’t even know how to put it, a “role model” is too general. But I think Zach was the last person I felt that way about and looked up to in that inexplicable way and I don’t understand but I know that feeling so vividly ****.

Zach won’t come back but,
(… i might try to send some **** in spite of that)

You, we lost a real one.
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
Shadow-Cipher Yellow Sparx Gems: 1034
#46398 Posted: 19:08:43 07/11/2021
What is life? No, like seriously. I need to know. Besides a joke. Its not a funny joke, but apparently someone is laughing at my dismay.
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What is life?
Just because Shedinja isn't my avatar anymore, doesn't mean Shedinja isn't still your Arceus.
Shedinja is always your Arceus.
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46399 Posted: 15:20:13 09/11/2021
things get better and worse rapidly because i get bored of **** so so ****ing fast. i guess i stopped getting attached to things out of self-defense but it makes real fulfilment harder
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
Drawdler Emerald Sparx Gems: 3552
#46400 Posted: 18:08:33 14/11/2021
I don’t care about myself anymore but I don’t have anyone else to believe in. In the sense of giving them all my heart and looking up to them, not friends. I really care about them. I miss Jam.

It’s nice when someone believes in you enough to elevate you and you see them inspired but I think maybe that feeling doesn’t really last.

It’s been two years or three depending on how one looks at it and here I am thinking about those times every day recently. Sometimes you just wanna know how someone is doing, I think I’ll never really know… I mean, I didn’t really know what was happening then either. I have to ponder, what if I do. How much did you ponder before we spoke again?

Things overall are markedly better than they used to be but I seem to endlessly be set in these insufferable highs and lows for nothing. I preach about how I like drama, and isn’t that high and low dramatic itself? But the closer we get to the end of the year the more I just get depressed. Even after this pandemic my blood family don’t care. I don’t really have a partner in crime. I’m still just here, and I’ve honestly lost my drive for anything specific, I just look for novelties. Was it interesting when I used to care about art? I’m killing myself with this but I always wonder what certain people would think, I suppose I just want to attract people who are like them but actually honest with me. They mattered to me and unfortunately the idea of them still matters too much.

But still after all of that, I can’t trust people how I want, how can I believe people are honest or that I’m not misjudging them again? I’m not really looking for solutions anymore, I really got more apathetic and weak and gave up. But then it always feels like others mean more to me than vice versa those times I do care about someone.

He was right, when I do get interested in those few things I get really interested, but with my luck and how much I’ve just been deflated and burned and out of it… that’s awful. I wish I were more careless. I wish I were you because at least you got to go out and do ****, frankly I’d rather live up there too. I'd rather be my sister. I’d rather be anyone who was even allowed into situations that let them do stupid mistakes that actually ****ing mattered and gave them something.

Can’t love myself lol. I forget what it even looks like. I don’t want to because I was facing that awful part of myself and I don’t have positive reinforcement or some ideal self when **** always gets knocked down
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New Horizons DA-0467-9828-3677
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