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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
ZapNorris Ripto Gems: 5109
#42651 Posted: 07:14:19 20/08/2018
i can be so much better than people..
Riolu-Blue-247 Platinum Sparx Gems: 7499
#42652 Posted: 09:42:34 20/08/2018
I'm stuck between being so proud of how far I've come and lamenting over how far I have to go. Everything is so much energy and its so had to keep that energy going.
Today was better. One day every day will be good.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
somePerson Platinum Sparx Gems: 5556
#42653 Posted: 13:11:29 20/08/2018
The problem with humans is that we always want to be right even when proved wrong
Skyhunter Platinum Sparx Gems: 6212
#42654 Posted: 23:46:42 20/08/2018
"Don't worry about me"? Uh, dude. You have depression, have said multiple times that you self harm, and are so terrified of death that you rely on me to remind you that you're not going to die anytime soon at least three times a day. Give me one good reason I shouldn't worry about you.
---
No! Don't turn me into marketable plushies! NOOOOOOOOO
DeathOfADream Yellow Sparx Gems: 1259
#42655 Posted: 03:34:29 21/08/2018
There’s something really relaxing about sitting in the dark. Well... Not entirely in the dark. Maybe a couple dim lights shining from a hall or another room. Just being able to admire how calm and still and silent it is when no one else is around or awake.
And somehow the tears in my eyes are just as relaxing. I guess I’m just glad I’m even capable of crying anymore? It’s hard to do that these days. Unless it’s that time of the month... But that time’s already passed for now, so, this is a purely natural reaction. Finally.
---
”So, I will walk through the fire,
Cause where else can I turn?”
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 03:36:47 21/08/2018 by DeathOfADream
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#42656 Posted: 03:50:23 21/08/2018
I’ve met so many cool people before college even starts for me. I’m ecstatic to see everyone in person and be best buds with some wicked awesome people
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5889
#42657 Posted: 07:44:49 21/08/2018
I. Don't. Want. To. Be. Awake. Anymore.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7512
#42658 Posted: 19:40:47 21/08/2018
aaannnnddd the mood is gone.

dont even know why i bothered haha
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
Grizzle Yellow Sparx Gems: 1347
#42659 Posted: 23:34:55 21/08/2018
i love you so much why cant you goddamn see what youre doing is tearing you apart and it's not ****ing worth it
Thunderdragon14 Platinum Sparx Gems: 6336
#42660 Posted: 00:21:39 22/08/2018
school starts next week and my summer projects arent done lol oh well
---
Quote: Alydol
go back to whining about your fish
emeraldzoroark Emerald Sparx Gems: 3132
#42661 Posted: 00:59:05 22/08/2018
It sucks knowing there’s nobody I can trust with my mental state.
---
This avatar will be a reminder of my ultimate goal.
Even if I can’t bring it to Gen 8.
DeathOfADream Yellow Sparx Gems: 1259
#42662 Posted: 05:35:12 22/08/2018
You’re unintentionally one of the most endearing people I’ve ever met. Maybe it’s weird to hold such an opinion of you after all we discussed, but it’s true.
---
”So, I will walk through the fire,
Cause where else can I turn?”
Buchi Ripto Gems: 445
#42663 Posted: 12:36:31 22/08/2018
I feel like I have legitimately changed as a person now. However, it's too soon to tell, and everything will probably go back to normal like it has every other time I've "changed". Well let's wait and see. I certainly feel different but, again, maybe it won't last.
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#42664 Posted: 16:13:25 22/08/2018
Aw, man... I’m such a coward. This was my fault...
DragonCamo Platinum Sparx Gems: 5998
#42665 Posted: 17:05:44 22/08/2018
Hmm for some reason somePerson comes to mind when I read your post :)))))))))
---
Gay 4 GARcher
Grizzle Yellow Sparx Gems: 1347
#42666 Posted: 00:10:27 23/08/2018
I don't think anyone really knows how bad my depression really is and it's so horrible being so alone all the time. I feel so empty right now. I feel like god or whoever or whatever controls the universe or maybe even the universe itself is just wanting me to miserable.

please god dont be happening again please please please

**** i think it happened again
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 02:08:49 23/08/2018 by Grizzle
willspyro Platinum Sparx Gems: 5325
#42667 Posted: 02:11:45 23/08/2018
smilie Shesh what happened?
---
I'm green and I'm retired
Grizzle Yellow Sparx Gems: 1347
#42668 Posted: 02:17:04 23/08/2018
oh god im so alone, everyone's leaving. you said you wouldnt and then you did immediately, why go to the trouble, why not just leave and not say anything I never would have known
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#42669 Posted: 02:32:26 23/08/2018
Man, I knew it was too good to be true.

Why do the lesbians got to be the coolest people I know? smilie
Carmelita Fox Prismatic Sparx Gems: 10219
#42670 Posted: 02:42:17 23/08/2018
this isn't going to help you get friends you know — you'll have attention for a time, yes. but unless you're going to put in the effort to talk to others instead of waiting for them to talk to you, everything will be the same as before.
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5889
#42671 Posted: 06:57:19 23/08/2018
i wish i could be okay. everyday im just sad. sad. sad. can't enjoy anything. no motivation. there's nothing for me to enjoy in life anymore. not even my dumbass cat.
...
she is the only aspect of life that i actually enjoy. talking to her just makes me feel better. but she never has time for me. i don't bug her, she's stressed out as well.
god we're all hopeless.
we're all depressed and stressed and anxious.
we all suck.
what's the point.
why am i here.
at this point i feel like a laughing stock. my life is just some comedy for some higher audience. they all laugh at how upset i am at being alive. it's funny how useless and hopeless i am. it's funny watching me try to achieve something and struggle and fail at it horribly. it's funny seeing me deteriorate and find absolutely nothing enjoyable. i can't even enjoy art anymore.
i just make everyone worry and depressed. **** why can't something just end me. im too scared to do it myself but i just ... i just don't want to be here. there is nothing good. nothing fun. everything is bland and im just here to please everyone.
how ****ing selfish of me. how awful of me. life is a gift. im lucky i live the life i do. but i just can't enjoy it. i can't find any reason to stay around. every day is just another day. another day of me being upset and knowing ill get nowhere with myself.

hopeless.
hopeless.
hopeless.

why am i here.
what purpose do i have.
i can't do this anymore.


im tired tired tired
just end it
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Sesshomaru75 Platinum Sparx Gems: 6388
#42672 Posted: 18:40:56 23/08/2018
What did I do now? I might as well shut up then, since it seems like I upset someone every time I open my mouth...


- - -
---
A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 18:42:27 23/08/2018 by Sesshomaru75
Buchi Ripto Gems: 445
#42673 Posted: 19:04:58 23/08/2018
On second thoughts, no, I haven't changed. I've never believed someone can change so easily on a dime. No, I only feel changed, maybe my actions won't reflect that. Anyway. Things are how they are, if this new mindset makes my life better than that's good enough.
Grizzle Yellow Sparx Gems: 1347
#42674 Posted: 19:55:04 23/08/2018
something's going on this can't be coincidence it honestly can't be
somePerson Platinum Sparx Gems: 5556
#42675 Posted: 21:28:46 23/08/2018
lol..
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5889
#42676 Posted: 07:32:38 24/08/2018
God I love her. It's funny how much she reminds me of myself, yet I hate myself.
She's just perfect. She's so caring and she listens to me and gives me advice, she's quirky, a little (a lot) forgetful but I think that comes from her stress, she's so creative and makes such wonderful artworks, and she's just beautiful. I hope she's doing okay. I wish I could see her more, I wish I could help her get better. I'm going to get a good paying job and help her out. I have to. That's the only thing that will ever give me purpose, to help the people I care about. Help her and her family. Help my family.
I will do it. I know I can. I must.

Hmm. At the same time I feel like I'm putting her on such a pedestal because I can't love myself. I'm putting all my love and energy towards her when I should be putting it on myself.

Man I need an epiphany. I need a sign. I need something to change my perspective on things. Something to spark my hope up, something to give me direction, purpose. I've created a purpose for myself, to help the people I care about, but I don't know if it's enough. I don't know if it gives me enough drive.
I need something.

...

I think I need a little cha-a-ange.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#42677 Posted: 19:52:27 24/08/2018
Hey, me... can you stop having feelings for people like a stupid ****? You know it’ll never ****ing happen for you.
wanderist Platinum Sparx Gems: 6904
#42678 Posted: 22:31:52 24/08/2018
I..think I'm just going to leave here for a while. I don't think it'll matter. My existence in general doesn't matter I don't think, but it certainly doesn't matter here. I think it might have once, but the people who valued my existence are gone, and I can't seem to do anything right anymore. All someone has to do is get an attitude with me and I'm hurt. It's not getting much easier to post, recently it's gotten harder. I'm in school again now anyway, though I'm not sure I can handle it. And... it just doesn't matter. Nobody here likes me anymore or cares anyway. It doesn't matter.

Also, I've started remembering some really bad things that happened on here that make me question why I stayed so long. It's stupid considering they were things I'd already put behind me years ago, but it still brought up bad reminders. I'm starting to hate this place again and I know that isn't fair, so it's best I cool down a little. I'm sure it has to do with the problems I have right now, but still.

I'll probably still lurk for stuff and I might be back to posting around November when Reignited comes out, but...yeah.


Because I didn't want to risk sounding like I was whining in the Leaving/ Returning.
Buchi Ripto Gems: 445
#42679 Posted: 22:48:29 24/08/2018
Nothing matters now besides my goals. I don't believe achieving them will make me happy, but it's all I've got, so I will achieve them.
DeathOfADream Yellow Sparx Gems: 1259
#42680 Posted: 02:37:13 25/08/2018
Lot of anger ahead.
YOOOOUUUU ****ING DUMBASS WHY WOULD YOU EVEN... ugh. You even said yourself you didn’t want this??? I mean I think you’re drunk so maybe that’s why you thought adding her here was a good idea? **** if I know. This was a ****ing stupid decision though, I hope you realize.
Goddamn. This explains why you’ve been ignoring me lately too...
**** you, dude. Really...
Nope. You weren’t drunk. You consciously made this decision you spoke out against in the past? What the ****? We all pretty much agreed this was a ****ty idea. What the **** is wrong with you? On a level this feels like a betrayal but idk.
But I’ll go ahead and pretend everything’s fine for the sake of everyone else, and pretend this break i’m taking from our group is for no reason. I’m doing my best to avoid problems. You’d better not create any for me.
---
”So, I will walk through the fire,
Cause where else can I turn?”
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 03:03:34 25/08/2018 by DeathOfADream
Riolu-Blue-247 Platinum Sparx Gems: 7499
#42681 Posted: 11:24:35 25/08/2018
I know you don't mean to, but you constantly make me feel bad for talking. Like, maybe I just shouldn't be happy when talking about things. The only time you ever actually engage in the things that make me excited to talk about is when you are USING that to take my mind off of other things, and then you get me started and you don't listen at all.
I love you but it will be so good to get out of this house in the end. If I ever get to.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
ShadowMewX Platinum Sparx Gems: 5854
#42682 Posted: 19:52:12 25/08/2018
I went through my old Personal Thoughts posts a while back, and I can't even rememeber half of the things that prompted me to post there in the first place. Guess it just goes to show that most of the time, sadness and anger are temporary, and that time is a wonderful way to heal! ^.^

_____
---
Quote:
"Putting Skyward in a coma has given me the most amusement of this month. I think I'm going to do it."

-StormDragon21
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5889
#42683 Posted: 21:26:24 25/08/2018
everything in this ****ing family is a drama and i can't go a single week without something screwing up my mental state.
why does she have to do this to herself!!! and it's not even going to phase her!! she was blind drunk and arrested by the police!! had to be tackled to the floor and handcuffed and she scratched the skin off of the police's hand!! now she's in the hospital for ****ing alcohol poisoning!! she's not even 16 yet and she's not going to be punished for this crap because she's underage!! she's going to get away with it until she's ****ing 18!!!!! what **** is she going to get herself into in two years??????? she's going to get herself killed!! she's just going to get worse and worse and it's just too late for her! she's already gone, she's not coming back! i don't even know her anymore
god please just make her better!! i don't want her to be like this!! i want my old sister back ;;
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
DeathOfADream Yellow Sparx Gems: 1259
#42684 Posted: 23:13:55 25/08/2018
... Of course. The **** else was I expecting to happen.
---
”So, I will walk through the fire,
Cause where else can I turn?”
Trix Master 100 Platinum Sparx Gems: 6369
#42685 Posted: 05:41:11 26/08/2018
Honestly mom you should've told me about borrowing money ahead of time. I personally don't know what you were thinking when you kind of expected me to just lend you money as soon as I got home. Like I know the family is poor and all, but idk that felt a wee bit off to me.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
trix is a
icon from Empoh
Metallo Platinum Sparx Gems: 5205
#42686 Posted: 05:43:21 26/08/2018
You were my soulmate all along and you deserved all of my love
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5889
#42687 Posted: 09:59:39 26/08/2018
okay, yeah, invalidate my feelings. again. sure. im not allowed to feel stressed about this because im not a parent, i don't have to deal with it, apparently. **** you. the whole family has to deal with this. it's affecting everyone, not just you. you're not even her ****ing parent either, you know. you don't even act like one. you just want to abandon her as soon as she gets too tough for you. you just want to abandon all of us as soon as it gets too tough for you. mum and dad want to help her, you want to abandon her and leave her in the street. **** you.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Buchi Ripto Gems: 445
#42688 Posted: 10:48:59 26/08/2018
Eh... I'm getting out of hand again. I need a break. I've got so much I can do right now and I choose this? Anyway, I shouldn't worry about it too much because, in the long run, I am going to win and succeed my goals. This I know for certain.

I am the only one who can win.
Greeble Emerald Sparx Gems: 3576
#42689 Posted: 22:31:54 26/08/2018
Fireworks in August, are you kidding me with this crap?

If i find you i'm going to dowse them with bucket of water.
---
^ You all know it's true
Skyhunter Platinum Sparx Gems: 6212
#42690 Posted: 00:39:54 27/08/2018
GET SOME ****ING PROFESSIONAL HELP ALREADY. I am sick and tired of being your emotional crutch. And before you even try pulling the "you're being so selfish!" card, bear in mind that I have been sitting here, soaking up every little thing you pull, giving you all the support I can muster, putting my own plans on the backburner to make sure you're okay, I've gotten to the point that I am legit terrified that if I leave you alone for fifteen minutes, I'm gonna come back and find your suicide note, all without saying a single word about how I'm feeling about all this. I get that you're so scared of dying that you can barely function because your thoughts are so strong, but that's not going to get any better until you get help from actual professionals who know what they're doing. And no, having me remind you that you're not gonna die anytime soon over and over again is not a good substitute. I know that you've considered it, you've told me, but you're not doing it just because it means you won't be able to talk to me for a while. I appreciate the sentiment, but is it really worth it if it leads to me eventually getting tired of talking to you? And I know I'm partially responsible for encouraging this kind of behavior out of you, and you can accuse me of victim blaming all you want, but that doesn't change anything. I'm not mad at you because you're not getting better, I'm mad at you because it feels like you don't want to get better.

Wow, that got a lot more heated than I thought it would. I'm not usually this angry, this has just been festering inside me for a couple months now.
---
No! Don't turn me into marketable plushies! NOOOOOOOOO
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 00:48:33 27/08/2018 by Skyhunter
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5889
#42691 Posted: 19:22:10 27/08/2018
Oh goodness, it is so awkward and stressful at home, i don't even want to be here anymore. I haven't been able to do anything all weekend just because of everything that's happened in the past few days, and we're still feeling the aftermath at home ... and I know we'll be feeling it for a long time, until she leaves and gets help with her condition. But she's adamant that she's not going and that she can do it herself. I know for a fact that she can't. She's been "trying" for almost three years now and it's just gotten worse. She needs to accept help. The family is in turmoil over this and I cant focus on anything or do anything right now because I'm just so stressed. Thank god I'm going to art class today because I can't stand it at home another day.
I don't want to be here anymore.

First week I haven't had to spend my whole weekend at the doctors/therapy and then this happens. I've spoken to my teachers and we're going to have to push my schoolwork back because I'm just not coping with the stress.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Skyhunter Platinum Sparx Gems: 6212
#42692 Posted: 19:43:08 27/08/2018
I'm sorry... I just... I can't think of any other ways to help you. I don't just want to cut ties with you. I couldn't forgive myself if I did. I'd be a failure of a friend if I did that... Even if it does let me go without needing to hold your hand all the time, then what will you do?
---
No! Don't turn me into marketable plushies! NOOOOOOOOO
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7512
#42693 Posted: 19:59:49 27/08/2018
No. Point blank period.
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
Dark Lord Platinum Sparx Gems: 6804
#42694 Posted: 02:21:43 28/08/2018
Should I even have friends? These mental problems of mine seem to be making things worse and worse, I'm so slow on the intake that I don't know or can't understand if you want to be left alone or not. But you hang out with other friends and ignore me? I don't get it, I don't understand it, is there something wrong with me that you want to avoid me? Why won't you tell me anything? I have respected your wishes that you requested, and even though I have you continue to ignore me. I don't even know if I said or did anything wrong, and you won't tell me if I have, I didn't say anything bad, did I?

I can't understand it, I don't understand you... That's the problem with wanting to keep so much of yourself private, is that I just cannot understand you, and want me to keep to the sidelines, and want me to stay in one place.

You won't tell me anything at all, what am I supposed to do in a situation like this? I really don't know what to do...

Maybe I'm more of a child than I thought, because I can't understand any of this and I don't know what to do besides sit here and cry.

I'm feeling so sick, I'm all choked up, I can't stop crying, I don't understand any of it and I don't understand you and I don't understand what to do, and I just don't understand.
---
I'm just praying for the rain to stop, and the sun to shine. If need be, I'll be the sacrifice.
Trix Master 100 Platinum Sparx Gems: 6369
#42695 Posted: 03:19:45 28/08/2018
Okay Ms. I borrow **** and never put it back. How the **** would anyone know that we have this or that when we do not know where the **** you put it?!

[User Posted Image]
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
trix is a
icon from Empoh
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 20:50:13 01/09/2018 by Trix Master 100
Vespi Yellow Sparx Gems: 1793
#42696 Posted: 03:31:30 28/08/2018
[User Posted Image]
- - -
---
(✿≧▽≦)>> ☆
I am Groot. (*I Guardians of the Galaxy 23:48*)
Bolt Hunter Gems: 5889
#42697 Posted: 07:19:25 28/08/2018
Sometimes I feel this weird feeling inside, like a bought of love or something. I want to express it to everyone I care about and love, but there's not many people in my life that I can do that to! It makes me feel sad and lonely because I just want to hug everyone and tell them how much I love them, but there's like no one to do that for!!!
I think it's this new medication. I've only ever started feeling like this since I started it?? X'D

**** i use this thread too much should i stop ... ><;
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 07:20:02 28/08/2018 by Bolt
Starfire Dragon Emerald Sparx Gems: 4592
#42698 Posted: 20:30:44 28/08/2018
I need to start being active on this site again :/
---
My Dragon Art & Stuff
PSN: Starfire--Dragon
I'm addicted to Minecraft smilie
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