darkSpyro

This is where I shall be posting the 2nd rough draft of my story. I thought it belonged in the general forum or something, but according to dark, it goes over here. This is not fandom, however. This story is a work of my own mind, inspired by such works as Dragon ball Z and Gurren Lagann. I was told the story was pretty good in the first rough draft, but I think it was far to short, chapter for chapter. I needed some way to juice up my writings. So, I thought to myself, why not add a bit more detail and space out the conflict a little more evenly. Anyhow, I would love to hear any opinions on it. I wouldn't like, however, to hear any criticism that has no point to it. Don't just tell me "it's stupid" tell me "It is lacking this this and that, and has too much of this, this would also be nice". That is much more productive. I'll post the first chapter in a little bit. I've got the first 4 done.

DO NOT GO CRITICAL ON MY SPELLING, IT IS BAD! I HAVE FULL KNOWLEDGE OF THIS BUT DO NOT OWN ANY FORM OF WORD THAT HAS SPELL CHECK AND WILL ALLOW ME TO ACTIVATE IT.

(//forum.darkspyro.net/spyro/viewposts.php?topic=39487 the origional

Chapter 1: The Red Lightning Elemental is born

I woke up one day, but not just any day. It was a warm morning, sunlight shown through my block like window. I stumbled to my feet and walked slowly to my door. It slid open, and I stepped out. I was to busy to worry about trivial things such as clothes, I already had a full platter of things to worry about. I was wearing only my under armor, a bone like armor that is made of evolving skin and muscle that grows naturally from my skin.

I walked down the hall, the female Ohmarians blushed as I walked past. I wandered to the large door that lead to the War Room. It was like a fortress where the leaders of our people met to discus who was going where for war. The door had a Kito sensor that senses the kitos of all Ohmarian royalty and high ranking officers that have clearance to enter. The door slid open, and I strode in without a remark from my underlings. My brother, however, was not so discrete.

"Brother, must you come here with only your natural under armor on? Hahaha, father would kick you out of the royal family if he were here right now!" My sibling mocked me. I eyed him and smiled back,
"Bro, you know as well as I do that Lord Epsilon wouldn't be so hasty as to kick me out of the family." I reminded him.
"You're right, he only has two sons. Besides, you**are**named after Ohmarisc the Strong. He would feel more shame of being discrased enough to ban someone named after the strongest ruler in history, his own son. He's to proud to admit his mistake."
"Yeah yeah. Father is a bit stuck up isn't he?" I asked sarcastically. One of father Epsilon's most noble and elderly advisers lashed his sword out and stuck it right `in my face. The blade cut a bit into my cheek. He spoke in his tired old voice,
"Do not disrespect Lord Epsilon with your fowl talk of him novice warrior." Before I could respond, there was a claw mark in his cheek too.
"Eye for an eye old man, you should know this as much as anyone. If you do not drop your guard I will not drop mine." Ohmurasck said with a slight grin and a happy tone to his threat.**

Hegan, the man holding the blade to my face, was always uptight. He taught my brother as a child, and still taught me. The mans lessons taught me pain and misery, and how to use the hatred I had gathered toward him as a weapon in battle. The old man put his blade down, so did my brother. Hegan walked slowly back to his seat. I waved goodbye to my brother as I left to return to my room.

My room number was B-45. I, like most of my race, lived in a five by five by three yard room with a mirror, window, bed, toilet, sink, shower, table, and chair. My race was breed for battle, thus we spend most of our time fighting in the battle arenas or we go to wipe out other races if we're feeling lucky. If you can take down a race alone you are regarded as a hero, but if you destroy an entire planet alone you're regarded as a legend. If you are powerful enough to destroy another warrior race like us, you're regarded as an immortal. There was only one warrior whom has accomplished that, my ancestor Ohmarisc the Dark. He was the first king of planet Ohmarisc.

Enough of that history lesson. I walked into the box-like room and threw some baggy jeans on. The jeans didn't mean much to me, except for how I got them. My first kill, which I wasn't proud of, was a boy about my age that I stabbed for insulting my brother. It wasn't anything major, but he stumbled off of a building and fell to his death. I wore the pants, not out of pride, but out of respect for the one I had killed. I threw on a shirt that I had gotten from a race I had visited with my mother before she had died. It was a humanoid species that had the same back spikes as us Ohmarians. The shirt was blood red with black stripes down the arms and one down the back, and on the front was an *omega symbol.

I walked out of my room and stepped into the hallway. I noted that no one was staring anymore, probably because I was now wearing clothes. I decided, mostly due to my growling stomach, that it was time to grab some grub from the dining hall. I strode slowly down there, my back hunched and my hands in my pockets. I heard some one call my name behind me. I turned to see my brother and my girlfriend, who was waving at me. I stopped and waited for them to catch up to me. Ohmu, my brother’s nick name, stood there for a minute while my ‘girl friend’ bear hugged me.

Garrenal set me down after a minute. I looked up at my brother and he smiled back at me.
“Hey, bro. I’m going to head down to the labs, dad asked for me. He said he wanted to see you too, but that you should probably get some food in you before “you come down.”

He turned on his heal and slowly trotted away. Me and Garrenal walked together toward the dining hall, the boys in the halls all stopped to stare at us. “Why?” you ask. Because of Garrenal, she’s one of the most developed women on Ohmega Freeza. /Gyaogen Sagas fast fact 1- Omega Freeza was named after Ohmarisc the Dark’s name Ohmega, and the name of his favorite anime villain/ Not only was she one of the most developed women on Ohmega Freeza, but I was also only at chest height to her, and she was leaning on my head while walking behind me.

You can imagine what that would look like right? Either way, we eventually made our way to the dining hall. We both sat at the royal table, although only royalty is allowed to sit there, she still did anyhow.
“Garrenal, you shouldn’t be sitting here. You know that.” I said as we sat there waiting for the line for breakfast to shorten. She grinned and rolled her eyes at me and said,
“I know that, but c’mon we’re pretty much family already.”
“You know your mother wouldn’t approve of sitting at this table hon.”
“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”
“Still...” I began, but was cut off when Garrenal noted that the line had shortened. I stood with her and we walked together to the line. We stood in line as we normally would, until the Fury Gang showed up that is. Their leader was an old rival of mine, his name is Linear Fureh (Lion ear Fury). He and his posy are my father’s most promising warriors, I’ve been told for years how strong they are. My father believes that I could be even stronger than them if I were only pushed to my limits.
Now where was I? Oh, yes I was talking about the Fury Gang. There were five of them in total, all five strode up proudly. I hated them each. Two of them, the lowest ranking two and weakest, wore blue braces on their fore arms and golden chain mail for clothing. They had the same horns as the most part of the male Ohmarians. The next two wore red arm braces, baggy jeans, and green sleeveless shirts. Linear wore a vediremite* arm brace that clips with a golden latch, a pair of baggy jeans as well, and never wore a shirt of any sort. Vediremite is a super strong metal that makes diamonds seem as fragile as glass, my ancestor Ohmarisc was responsible for making it.
Where was I that time? I need to stop getting so off track. Oh yeah, well they strode up to us pushing kids and elders alike out of their way without concern. They got up to us and Linear tapped Garrenal on the shoulder.
“So pretty lady, what say you and me find a little place out side to ya know?” The cocky prick asked her.
“Buzz off, you stupid muscle head.” She responded to him without looking over. He got angry and spat back at her,
“A muscle head am I? At least I’m not a complete push over like your little boy friend over there”


The lug said picking me up off the ground with one hand. I just swung there with a bored look on my face.
“What’s wrong shrimp, can’t get down?” He asked me sarcastically
“No, it’s just that I know you can pick me right back up. Why should I even resist?” I asked and answered him. He got angry, in fact enraged, at that comment.
“Because you need to show your pride, to be dominant! I will not let my woman get taken by a small weak little punk like you. Now then,” He said throwing me to the ground,”fight me.” He sneered
“Why should I?” I asked in my most bland tone,”I know you’ll just beat me and kick me into the dust.”
That brought a smirk to Linear’s face.
He picked Garrenal by her neck. Fear shot through my body.
“You know what’ll happen if I, per say, were to throw her into the wall?” He asked me.
“But with your strength...” I trailed off.
“Now fight me wimp.” He said tightening his grip. Sweat traveled down my arm as I stood there, paralized in fear. The panic of the situation was pulsing through me. Garrenal let out a gasp while she clawed at his fingers. I looked up at him in anger and said to his face,
“Put her down and I’ll fight you.” He grinned down at me and let her go. Garrenal slumped to her hands and knees and started coughing and gasping for air. Linear’s goons picked her up and set her down in a chair for him. I felt anger pulsing through my every fiber, as well as fear. The stupid brute threw the first punch and sent me flying into the front of the line, right through a bunch of younger Ohmarians.
I stumbled to my feet. I lurched forward and threw up a bit of blood. I looked up at the beast in anger. He had already walked over to me. He kicked me in the shin and I fell forward at him. He kneed me in the gut and the force sent me slipping backwards and landing on my back. He brought his foot down on my chest, slamming my back spikes into the ground and knocking the air out of me. I felt my ribs crack with the single blow. I shook on the ground. I heard Garrenal scream my name as I was laying there on the ground. The light faded from the room slowly.
I watched Garrenal scramble over toward me, and felt Linear crunching my bones beneath his foot. Garrenal was trying to get past Linear, but he swung his arm back and sent her flying into the crowd that had gathered to watch their hated leader’s son being beaten to a bloody pulp. I saw her hit the ground and loose consciousness. She mumbled my name one last time. I snapped again, but this time it wasn’t my bones snapping. I felt my body lifting itself off the ground, not powered by my will nor my mind, but by pure rage and instinct.
Linear and his grunts stumbled away from me in surprise. I looked at them in fury. Linear shut a punch at my face, but it was stopped. It was not my hand that had stopped it, but my head. His fist cracked on my skull. He wrecked it back. The sound of the snap had silenced the crowd. Then I did something I never thought I’d ever do, I stuck my hand out.

I pointed my finger at him and said,
“I’m going to give you till the count of potato to run.” He looked up from his crunched fingers and corrected me,
“Potato isn’t a number.”
“So it’s not long till I count to it.” I laughed at him. It took him a minute, but he realized what I meant.
“No...” He trailed off. I let the full force of my wrath simmer in my finger and it was about to erupt into a blaze of power, then the pressure hit me all at once. The pressure of having to hold back all that power. I fell on my face, out conscious.

I woke up in the infirmary. Garrenal was sitting next to me. She looked over at the nurse and told her I was awake again. “Mornin’ hon.” I greeted her. She nodded toward the clock, which read 2:46 PM. “I’ve gotta be going to meet dad and Ohmu in the labs.” I said, flipping out of bed without a worry. I heard her gasp in surprise and panic,
“No, you can’t just jump up like that in your condition!” The nurse walked over and patted me on the back,
“Don’t worry, all the years this boy has been thrown through walls, off planets, and even nearly into a sun, he’s always managed to bounce back in a matter of weeks. This is nothing, the last time he was here was when the new Reapergan nearly tossed him out of the solar system, until he hit a moon that is. He’s taken worse.” She backed me up.
I strode to the door and waved on my way out. I could tell Garrenal was worried, she had seen me get in fights with them before, but never take a licking like that. It had been a while sense I’d been beaten badly, in fact the moon incident was the last one, and that was around one Ohmarian year ago (three and a half earth years or so).
I met Garrenal while in the infirmary then. She at first sympathized with me about loosing my mom to that cruel heartless monster. He was, at best, one hundred kitos, almost a fifteenth of Ohmarisc the Dark’s normal kitos. /Gyaogen Sagas fact 2- The kitos is the ranking of power in Gyaogen Sagas, and the normal human kitos in our world is around o.4 and the max is 1. It’s not even constructable into any form of attack/ My kitos is only about five or six, but my limit is about fifty or so.
It’s not on a whim that I can summon fourth that power, actually it’s only three times I’ve ever pushed my kitos to that level. This is only to my recollection, I’m sure I’ve pushed it more than that. One was earlier when I saw Garrenal get hit. The next was when I saw my father hit Ohmu for stopping him from hitting me, but we’ll get into that later. The third, actually first, time I ever pushed myself to that limit was when I was a little baby. My brother and mom were walking with me to the store and we were attacked.

The attackers were supposedly some of the toughest fighters oh Omega Freeza. They had all around the kitos of forty or so. They tried to mug my mom, but she wouldn’t give in. They struck her down, knocking her out conscious. It came down to my brother to stop them.
He was far to weak to take them on his own. I watched, as an infant, as my brother, who was only one Ohmarian year old, be beaten within an inch of his life by the brutes. I watched for no more than four or five minutes, according to the authorities, before I snapped. I grew into a dark aura and ripped them apart in a blind rage. I ripped one’s arms out of their sockets, crushed one’s ribs into his hearts, and the other was beaten to near death, that’s when I fainted.
The one without arms is still in a hospital. The one broke the ribs of is dead, obviously. The last one, the one I nearly killed, is in jail for mugging my mother. It was the first thing, that I knew of, that had ever made my father as angry as I was. He let the man off easy for releasing my inferno of power.
I have scarcely killed anyone, most were accidents. The police still do not believe that I was capable of killing the second man. I swore that one day I would make it so that the Ohmarians would not hate their unjust rulers, my family. I kept walking down the halls towards my father’s lab. I should probably tell you guys a bit about my dear old dad before I get into this next part.

My father’s legendary tyrant like power in the governing of my peoples is not one that most of us take lightly. His power as a ruler is not as great as his scientific ingenuity. He is the greatest mind in my race’s history, unfortunately he is shunned for it.
The other children had made fun of him in school, and the teachers told him he would never amount to be anything like his ancestor, Ohmarisc the Dark. His thoughts became centered around becoming a ruthless leader whom the people hated like he had hated his pupils. He did not learn science, math, language, nor our history.
He learned something even now a days we learn in school and life on Omega Freeza, war. We learned from a young age what it meant to be a great warrior, we have always been taught to fight with honor and pride for our race. The others in my class, and in my fathers as well, feared what would happen if Lord Ohmarisc the Dark were to return.
My teachers called me ‘that boy’ in mockery of my past failures. They also refereed to me by that name because I was the son of Epsilon, the most feared and despised being on our planet. The third reason is because my name is Ohmarisc, and they do not wish to soil the name of my ancestor.
My father’s iron fist was only in ruling the people, he is otherwise a wise old man with a slow temper. He’s a slender yet well built man with a wide variety of techniques. He is as strong as some of the finest warriors on the entire planet.
He also never shows fear to an enemy. His name is Epsilon, but most Ohmarians refer to him as Alpha, because of his iron fist.
He has some weird habits that he never seems to let anyone notice but his higher ups, Ohmu, and I. For one, he never refers to his ancestors by ‘My ancestor’ but instead,’The children’s dead relatives’, never really got that one. He also has a precarious pile of papers that to most just seem scattered, but he can find anything he needs in an instance by some absurd order.

He also has one pink sheet of paper that always remains tapped to the front of his desk in his office, I forgot to mention that he’s a scientist didn’t I? Anyhow, the sheet is there to tell people why he’s not there at the moment. It’s quite odd, some of the things the old coot does, but there is method to most of his madness.

Now back to the action, or should I say, now to the action? Anyhow, I walked into his office. The same random pile of sheets lay scattered on his desk. I knelled down and read the pink note on the front of his desk, it said that he was preoccupied in the Biology lab with Ohmu and for me to wait here. I stretched my arms out a bit. I had to work some of the stiffness out for tonight.
I had a fight lined up with the reapergan, it was planned for me to be killed by the beast in place of the planet. I had completely forgotten at that point. I wasn’t to concerned, the majority of the race would be reading a blast to wipe him out in a single swoop. The power of them all combined.
I planned to use my natural speed to contend with his brute power, last time I fought him, which wasn’t a happy memory, I had been paralyzed with fear. He’s slow, but he is incredibly powerful. He might have been able to kill me before if he was as fast as could have been. Last time my mother went in my place mid battle, it made me flip out on him. He was no match for me, though I hadn’t met my full potential again, it was still quite enough to show him what pain felt like.
I hadn’t completely clicked into my monstrous form that time. How could I tell? Same way I could tell I had snapped earlier today. When I snap I see in yellow. Everything gains a yellow tint, it’s odd but effective for noting things. I also hold back my power when I snap, thus I collapse after a bit of being in that state. I’ve long sense snapped before my fight with Linear at lunch. Which reminds me, I’m still hungry.
I sat down in the corner and ripped a bit of iron out of the floor, we Ohmarians are capable of eating pretty much anything we want. It’s not hard to live outside of battle. The entire race had lower digestive capabilities than the ruling family. It’s said that Ohmarisc the Dark was able to eat an entire sun, that’s right, plasma. The strongest of us now are capable of eating only magma and other super hot liquids.
I chewed on the Iron for about five or six minutes, then I swallowed it and decided to take a nap. I was tired, and that wasn’t good. If I was tired before such a big battle as later today’s brawl was shaped up to be, and that was something that wasn’t going to play in my favor. I decided to take a nap. It was about 2:55 when I woke up. The door slid open, and I looked over at it, still a little woozy. A hand grabbed the side of the door way.
My father slithered his way in as if he were a snake as the door slammed shut behind him. I watched as he walked over to his desk and placed his hand on it. He sent a flurry of energy through it, turning it into a pile of ashes.
“Father?” I asked him. He turned to me and said,
“Stand boy, you will not sit down and be beaten into a corner.” He turned to the back wall of the room, which looked like my room. I watched him walk over there and lean against the wall.

The door slid open again. This time my brother walked in the opening. I stood there and watched him, he had a solid frown born of anger on his face. He looked over at me and the frown turned into a wicked burning glare of hatred. I’d never seen him look like that at anyone. I saw the hatred I’d worn before. I felt cold, very cold. He lunged at me as fast as he could, stabbing me in the arm with his claws. I screamed in pain as he threw me into the wall next to my father.
I looked over at my father, he grinned with satisfaction at us. I didn’t know why my brother was attacking me. I looked back at my brother and his twisted dark kitos. I sensed chaotic power flowing from him, a power I’ve only sensed before once. I felt the pure hatred I had felt during my first encounter with Regai, the current reapergan. My father looked down at me and informed me of my situation,
“Boy, you will never beat a monster bent on killing you unless you pull out all of the stops. I’ve bent his mind with an illegal drug known as haveon plaxus. It has made him think that you are the one who killed your mother, my beloved little flower. I have done this for the reason of making you stronger, if you are strong enough you can beat Regai.”
I stopped listening around the time he said, “...for the reason of making you stronger...”. It brought up horrible memories about how he used to strike me in hopes of angering me to the point of releasing my fury. Eventually my brother had had enough and stood in my fathers way, my father accidentally hit him. This saddened the old man, but it didn’t bring about any remorse.
It made me crack, I exploded in fury. I beat my father to a bloody pulp before I collapsed under the pressure. If it weren’t for this mad drive of his to release my power, then maybe we’d have all died in the end. It would’ve been the end of all of time and space, the end of reality as we knew it. In the end it wouldn’t have mattered, fate would’ve coped without it.
I looked over at my brother again, this time he wasn’t where he had been. I looked to my side, and there he was. He stood there for a moment and then grabbed me by the neck and lifted me up,
“I’ll avenge what you’ve done, you monster!” He yelled as he slammed me into the ground, then into the wall, then again into the ground, and then he threw me through the wall. I landed and skidded through the battle commons.
“Is that the princes fighting?” One of the training warriors asked his friend.
“Yeah, no,” I mumbled to him, then choughed up blood and continued,”it’s one prince beating the other to dust.” I tried to stand, but my feet were wobbling from weakness. Ohmu jumped out of the other room and slammed his fist into my face as hard as he could. It sent me flying into the next room over, the weapons vault.
He grabbed a spike on a rod, I don’t remember what they’re called. He lifted it over his head and threw it at me. I had, luckily, landed on the other side of the room and had time to flip out of the way. I landed as the ball crashed onto the floor and gave off three increasing in speed alarm bleeps. Panic entered my face as I said,
“Ah, shi-” and the eruption of the weapon’s explosive seismic discharge threw me into the roof. I slowly slid down the iron wall as my brother grabbed a hand full

of blades off of the rack. He threw one at me, and I was narrowly capable of using my puny kitos to knock my self just above it. I landed on my bent legs and crouched there, waiting for his next move. I didn’t have to wait long before he threw another directly at me. I jumped nimbly off of the sword I’d been waiting on. I landed on the second, then he threw a third, which I repeated the process with. I jumped up to avoid it too, but I was already to high, I wound up slamming my head into the roof and receiving a blade to the shoulder.
I slowly drew the blade from my scapula and flipped it around in my hand so I was holding the handle instead of the blade. I chucked the weapon back at him. The nimble warrior grabbed the hilt and shoved it behind him, which happened to be directly at my father. Pops managed to lean to the left and dodge it, but from a screech that echoed behind him, another Ohmarian hadn’t been so lucky.
I gritted my teeth and tried to reason with my sibling and grinning father,
“I will not fight you any longer! I don’t want to battle you brother, I am not the one who you think I am.” The beast laughed at me,
“You are an abomination! You think you’ll get away with killing my mother!? HA!” He shoved his claws into the ground, as I’d seen him do before. It’s an attack that he has honed to a perfection, the seismic shard.
He tensed his fingers to the point they were shaking at a crazy rate. It started to vibrate the ground, and the walls as well. The floor started to crack bellow me, then the walls. Unfortunately he had aimed right at me with the cracks and the swords shook loose from their setting in the walls. The crack reached my sword and I figured I had no other choice but to take his attacks full force and try and stop him.
As the sword came loose I braced my self. The blade tipped forward and I shoved off, pushing the blade back against the wall. Could the power of my jump propelled me forward with enough speed that the next part of the attack couldn’t stop me. The ground shot up into small razor sharp spikes and tore at my flesh.
The power of my speed made it ten times worse.
The needle like spikes ripped my skin open, then the forward thrust made the spikes spin slightly too. The pain was gut wrenching, but it didn’t last long. I burst through the cloud of thorns and dragged my claws right through his left eye. I wrapped my fingers around the side of the socket and threw his head into the ground hard enough for it to stick his horns in deep and seal him in place.
“Now, stop!” I yelled at him. A smile spread across his face and Epsilon took a step back from the two of us. Ohmu pressed his elbows against the ground and tilted his head forward. He lifted a huge chunk of the ground up with his horns and got in a crouch on the ground. I had stumbled to my back and slid down the platform a bit. He rammed forward with all of his speed, he slammed the slab of rock into the hard wall ahead of us.
I was still in the rock then, but he didn’t care, he just laughed. He used his fingers to pry the stone from his head and slid me down against the wall. My feat were now on the floor and the rest of me was between a rock and a wall of solid iron. He pushed me hard into the wall, the only sound I heard was the shrieks of the civilian Ohmarians and my father’s delight and laughter.

He let the weight off of me, but not for long. He slammed his fist through the rock and shattered the whole thing, but he also kept swinging and forced me through the wall in one massive punch. The bones in my body crunched and cracked as I flew out of the building. I was sent spinning out through the air, my limbs flailing aimlessly. I stopped myself, my kitos shooting to an unimaginable level of 72. My eyes turned a lemony yellow. I held my hand forward and let the power focus into my palm.
“Brother, you have brought hell down upon yourself, so get ready! Here comes the full might of the Ohmarian prince!”
I yelled letting the blast shoot forth from my grasp. The wave of power ripped apart the building, nothing was to be left when I was done. My brother stood there and laughed, he was unaffected.
The rest of the room had been devoured in a blast, my father was standing on the edge of the room, and he was sparred the pain of my attack. I formed a fist and pointed it at my brother, only leaving my index finger out. I pointed for about ten minutes, grinning at him. He smiled back, and his wings were extended, but he wasn’t using them.
I let mine sprout from my back too. I soared at him in a blur of speed. He did the same. I felt my adrenalin shoot up as I butted heads with him at super sonic speeds. I sensed his power rising to match my own. We flew around the buildings and crashed into each other time and time again. The people of the city stared in awe at our conflict. Eventually we both stopped atop the capitol building’s twin pillars. The pillars were just two rods of stone with names of famous Ohmarians carved in them.
I lifted my finger to point into the air. My brother stuck his hand out to the side and cupped it. I started making an orb of power on my finger’s tip, my brother mimicking my attack with his own hand. The power of our attacks shook the city, I was steady to my core, the monster within me breaking free. I felt the power writhing within me. My sight became an emerald green.
My powers shot up to around 200 kitos, an unprecedented power that rivaled my mighty ancestors. The blast at the tip of my finger turned from a small ball of power, into a mighty roaring inferno of power. I used my finger to hurl the furious wave of energy. My brother threw his blast, thinking it could stop mine. His pupils dilated in fear as the blast turned into a mere sparkle against my insane power.
He took about three steps back and tried to use his hands to stop the attack, but it was nothing compared to my seismic force. The attack tore at the flesh on his palms as the searing heat that even I felt crushed him with it’s mighty weight.
I saw the pillar topple underneath him, it cracked and shattered like it was made of solid talc. He looked down at me as the blast overtook him and said with a tear in his eyes,
“Tell them I died to the Reapergan, tell them I died with honor, brother.”’
and I fell to my knees, the sudden shock made me collapse with disbelief of what I had just done. I had brutally murdered my own brother.

Woah this is awesome

Thanks, I have 4 chapters on this draft so far. This is only 1, I'm still working on 4.

Big chapters are big X3

Yep. =D