darkSpyro

please have constructive comments also this is my first
Fan Fic


Prologue

Spyro and Cynder were living at the temple, the remaining guardians of three were happy with Spyro and Cynder’s success at defeating Malefore although the guardians had relaxed they thought everything was over but it wasn’t. On what seemed like another ordinary morning something rather odd happened

Ok then.....

Chapter one the awaking

“Cynder” Spyro whispered “what Spyro” Cynder said “shhhhhh” Spyro whispered, “what Spyro” Cynder whispered. It was nighttime and the stars were shinning bright. “Look at the moon” Spyro said, “its full” Cynder said, “I think something is about to happen something bad” Spyro whispered, “what could possibly happen” Cynder said, “I don’t know” Spyro whispered, suddenly Spyro fell over asleep “sweet dreams Spyro” Cynder said calmly as she fell asleep.


This chapter is another calm thing

I would suggest using proper punctuation. Also, have a greater vocabulary than just "whispered" or "said". Try things like "murmured" or "grumbled", or "muttered". Another thing is to tell what the characters are doing. Give more detail on how they feel, what their bodies are doing, and their expressions. Just a suggestion.

ty for the advice

No problem. So far, it has been a good start.

Cool story.

Well instead of putting Spyro and Cynder all the time put 'he' and 'she'. Also maybe put more details.

Chapter two the hatchings

Spyro woke up he moved ever so slowly trying not to disturb her or Sparx.

He finally made it out of his sleeping place then he slyly tip toed out in to

the main room. The vastness of this room always calmed Spyro he looked

up the ceiling was at least 10 stories height perfectly giving any dragon

enough room to fly. Spyro took off he flew in room happily then something

caught his eye he saw something that had light glinting of the top of it,

Spyro landed “what are these” he whispered “dragon eggs” a voice

said “who are you?” Spyro asked “you will know soon young dragon soon

enough” the voice said

Cool.

hi i edited

You need not to freak out when someone says something bad about your stories, remember, all authors will have their critics.

yeah just ignore he/she if saying 'everything sucks' or 'get a life' just ignore them and remember sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you.

^ What she said! ()

But, in reality, some people are not going to like your story. Just because some people dislike your story and want it to go away, doesn't mean that you have to close it. Much more people (as shown on this topic) would probably like it more if the topic stays open!

yeah^

will have more story soon