darkSpyro

Once there was a little fox named Ninex she lived in the woods and had both parents until the night she calls "The Darkest Night" the night her parests got in an air plane accident flying south when she heard the news she almost jumped of a bridge but someone stoped her his name was Miles"Tails" Prower what he said that night was "Wait what are you doing you could hurt yourself" as she said "Thats what I'm trying to do my parents died and I have nothing to live for" "Have you worked on cars, planes or spaceships? "Well the car and plane I have don't know about the spaceships" "Thats alright come with me" he brought her to his house and said "You can stay here you I don't know your age or name? "I'm Ninex the fox and 10 years old" "Ahh I see you look awesome by the way" "Thanks".

Chapter 2:New friend.
----------------------

The yung boy said "I never told you my name it's Miles "Tails" Prower you can call me Tails" "So Tails I never told you how my parents died would you like to know?" "Sure" "They had been flying south from my house a huge crow had hit the air plane and they lost control they droped into the woods and when someone wen't to find out what happend they knew right away that they were dead" "That's tragic" They sat down on his bed and she begin to cry he hugged her and even if they know much about each other they kissed she pulled away and ran outside.


----------------------------------


Chapter 3: The mumbling fox.

As Tails looked out the window he heard Ninex mumbling "I wasn't gonna kiss or date till I was at least 16" he wen't outside and said "I'm sorry did I do something wrong" "DID YOU DO SOMETHING WRONG YOU IDIOT YOU KISSED ME" "Sorry" "I'm going to bed" "Out here?" "No stupid you stay out here I stay inside sorry sometimes I over do it" "It's fine" "No it isn't"."Come on inside it's cold" "Ok"

--------------------------------------

Chapter 4: Sonic and the gang


Sonic and the gang came in and said "Rise and shine early birds" Ninex replied "Huh who are you?" Sonic looked at her and said " What are you doing in Tails's house" Ninex just grined and said " Me and Tails have been dateing for months" Tails looked her and said " WHAT we meet yesterday" Ninex replied "Just kidding just kidding"
Tails said "Well since theres nothing to lose Will you go out with me?" Ninex repied "Sure" Tails said "Yes" "Good we're going on a date tomorow" "Sure" Tails replied .

Hmm, not bad! ^.=.^ You could have made the chapter a bit bigger, and you could have put in more detail on what exactly happened... But I like the plot. ^.=.^

I will work on it

Pretty funny. Wow, Ninex was harsh. But here's a quick tip:


If you want to be more specific in detail, you may want to tell your readers who's taking to who. For example, you say stuff like: "I'm over here." "I'll wait for you." "What?" "Never mind, I'm just hogging the grass." "You moron."

That makes it a little confusing, because you can get off track, and not be so sure of whom is speaking. So, try stuff like this: "Feeling better, Spyro?" asked Ignitus as Spyro lay on the ground. "Not really, Ignitus," Spyro replied. "That battle drained every last bit of my strength. I can hardly lift me head." "Yes, it will take some time for your powers to return," said Ignitus. Spyro showed his face to the floor. "But it will in time, young dragon," said Ignitus. "They will in time."

^BTW, this isn't a fan fiction. This is at the end of A New Beginning after Spyro fought Cynder.

So, just try to put in a bit more detail for easier reading. It may also be helpful if you say what the character is doing while they're speaking. Sorry if I sound a little pushy, I'm just trying to be a little helpful. ^.=.^ If you want to be a writer when you grow up, you gotta know this stuff.

thanks I really do need to know that. but i'm not gonna be a writer im gonna be a artist that makes a couple comic books

...

Protip: Writing comics is still writing.

But I know what you mean. But you at least need to know this for going on with your fan fiction. ^.=.^

Thanks I'm writing a comic and that really helps

Good.

So... Where's the rest of the story?

EDIT: I found it... You may want to continue your fan fiction on a new post. What your doing is posting the new chapters on the front page, and if you kept doing that, nobody will know if there's a new chapter or not. You gotta help people updated on new chapters by putting them oin new posts. ^.^

That's what I do with my story. Sorry if I sound like a bossy, old lady. @__@

you know I put a "Chapter 3" thing every time

Whut?

Chapter 5:The date.


------------------------------------------

Tails and Ninex wen't on a moonlight date they stared at each other for a long time finaly Ninex said "Sorry I yelled at you after we kissed" Tails replied "It's fine" then they saw a dark moving figure when they wen't to find out what it was it was a cat Ninex asked her who she was "Whats your name?" the cat replied "I'm Liz the cat" Ninex said "I'm Ninex the fox and this is Tails the fox" Liz laughed and said "HA I know who you are I was spying on you well you guys were on your date" they replied at the same time "WHAT!!!" she replied "Sorry I was practiceing I'm gonna be a spy" Tails said wondering why "Why would you wanna do that" Liz said "It's my job I have to to do it" Tails and Ninex thought she was down right weird.


Chapter 6:Who's that cat?.

--------------------------------------------------


Tails and Ninex walked home with Liz and then saw a cat laying on the ground Liz droped to her knees and looked at the cat Liz said "I know this cat she's my friend that wen't missing 2 years ago the cat woke up and said "Liz what are you doing here?" Liz said "Leeah why are you laying here?" Leeah said "I don't know really know I just remember being stuck in chains with an evil cat just running after me for a long time and then tripping over a picnic basket" Tails and Ninex said at the same time "Oooooops that was ours. We can take you to my house" they show up Tails's house they see Sonic just standing there and Sonic said "Yo Tails buddy what ya doing?" Tails replied rolling his eyes "I had tuna WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!!!" Sonic replied "Well sorry I didn't you hated me so much" Tails head palmed and put Leeah on his bed Sonic just walked away Ninex and Liz looked after Leeah well Tails wen't to bed.

Liz would probably be my best friend. Dude, ANYONE who can catch people on a secret date is a friend of mine.

BTW, when are you going to post some new chapters?

I LOL'd, Sparxlover. Poor Ninex and Tails, LOL.

I made a new chapter like two minutes ago.

Nice. But can you please put the chapters all in different posts? It makes it easier.

Chapter 7:Good times

----------------------------------

When morning came Tails woke up to see every one asleep he said "Hey everybody wake up" Ninex , LIz and Leeah woken up Liz said "Tails let us sleep we're tired" Ninex said "He's right we have to get up" later Leeah and Liz wen't to pick berries Ninex and Tails sat on a hill holding hands Ninex said "If I were you I would be mad" Tails asked "Why" Ninex said "Cuz you were just an everyday normal talking two tailed fox then I came along and your life is so hard now" Tails hugged her and said "Don't worry I like it" Liz and Leeah came back Leeah said "Ok we got alot of berries" Tails , Ninex ,Liz and Leeah came home to have lunch.

D'awwwww, wittle love doves. X3 What did they have for lunch? Tacos?

....

*In best GIR voice* TACOOOSS!!

OK, I'll stop. :B

They had waffles and berries

Chapter 8: I Love Ninex.

------------------------------------

After lunch they sat down and watched "I Love Lucy" then about an hour later Ninex said "What the heck are we watching" Tails replied "I Love Lucy" Ninex gave him a dirty look then said "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME YOU DORK!!!!" Tails looked scard he swallowed hard "N-n-No thats the name of show" Ninex replied "oh, I'm sorry sweety" with a big smile Tails walked to his workshop Ninex ran after him "Tailsikuuu I'm sorry" when they got to his workshop Ninex turned him around and kissed him and then Tails huged her and said "I love you" then they heard a bell Tails got a big smile on his face and said "Oooo my brownies" Ninex slaped him and said "You moron" Tails replied "Hey" Ninex kisses him again and says
"But I love you too" they looked over and saw Liz and Leeah standing in the doorway Liz said
"You little wuv doves" Tails and Ninex said "Shut up" later they find Leeah making a tux and a flowery wedding dress Ninex says "What are you doing?" Leeah replies "You guys are getting married, right?" Tails says "Noooooooo, are not getting married anytime soon" Ninex looks at him and says "oh so you want me to be your wife, huh" Tails with a scard look on his face replies "I didnt mean it like that" ninex says "Ok" ---To Be Continued------

Poor Tails. Ninex is harsh, lol.

lol Tails totally wants to marry ninex. lol "Oooooh, my brownies"

Chapter 9: Mother and Daughter.


-------------------------------------------------

After months pass of Tails, Ninex, Liz and Leeah living kinda as a family Liz decides to finally tell Leeah a secret that has been kept for years and years. Liz asks "Leeah can I have talk with you?" Leeah replies "Sure" they walk outside Liz blurts out " Leeah I'm your mother" Leeah asks "HA. How is that even possible" Liz replies "You were adopted at birth I couldn't take care of you all by my self you needed a good life and you needed to be safe a spy as a mother isn't as safe as you'd think" Leeah says "What happend to my father then?"Liz replies "He died. But what happend to your adoptive mother and father?" Leeah replies "Well I don't know I ran away" Liz says "But will you be able to let me be your mother again?" Leeah replies "Yes ever since you have been takeing care of me I've thought of you as a mother".

OOOOOH MY BROWNIES

D'awwwwwww. <3 But just a little tip: You might want to put more details to your stories. Detail-adding can really build up a lot more emotion to the stories, and will give the reader an easier way to picture what's happening. Like, maybe say how the characters are looking at each other. For example, instead of saying "What happend to my father then?"Liz replies "He died," you could have said "What happened to my father, then?" asked Liz, sounding confused. Leeah sighed sadly, and replied, "He died."

^ Putting in details for improving the emotion is an important step in writing. Try reading books or other people's fan fictions for inspiration on your writing skills. Now, you don't need to rush yourself. You're still young and learning, but I just figured I'd help you out a bit in the literature and creative writing skills. ;3

Ohh, wait wait wait, I forgot something important! Also try dividing your chapters into paragraphs. Like, for example, for the first half of this chapter, it showed Ninex, Tails, and Liz all inside the house, and the other half showed Liz and Leeah outside. Try putting in paragraphs when the scene changes or when the characters discuss another topic. That's another helpful way for the readers to understand what's going on. Paragraphs, details, punctuation, and expressions are important tools for writing any kind of story. Like you told me earlier, you want to write mangas when you grow up? These are defiantly important for manga writing as well. Not the paragraphs, of course, because it's panels, but the expressions, the way it's written, and all that crap. Writing the detail of a character's actions can be requires in some manga panels, too, because the character might be explaining a story, like, "She looked at me like a deer in an oncoming train." Any kind of creative writing skills are good for writing mangas as well.

OK, sorry for being Little Miss Do-This, but I figured I'd give you some advice. You're very smart for your age, so keep on developing your skills! ^.^

Well I don't HAVE too do it the way you do.

But I see what you mean. I will have to do that.

I'm just saying that punctuation is good to know.

In fact, here's an example:

"Let's eat grandma!" or "Let's eat, grandma!" Punctuation also saves lives.

Yeah but I don't know any punctuation why does everybody think I should know that I'm in the *insert grade here* grade! Cause everybody is like "Oh you have a good FF but you need to add punctuation" I mean c'mon! Cause it really ticks me off!

I'm the only one who's saying that...

And if you think having one person say that is annoying, then you'll never survive my school.

Well no on other site's and in real life people say that to me. But no I wasn't just talking about you. But ya know what? Lately I've been cranky VERY cranky so ya know what it get's on my nurve's when people say ONE little thing about me!

P.S. Sorry I'm being alittle cranky-pant's.

OK, OK, chill. I was only giving grammar tips.

And since when did you go on other sites besides here and Facebook?

I know last night I was just REALLY cranky. So, sorry about that.

Chapter 10: Love eachother.....

----------------------------------------------------------------


So today Tails, Ninex, Leeah and Liz were just doing their thing and then they heard a loud crash. Liz ran outside to see what had happend. And she saw her son her lost son. She haden't seen him in year's. "Justice..... " said Liz while her eye's filled with tear's. "Mom what's wrong?" asked Leeah "Leeah this is your brother I adopted him and he ran away from his adoptive parent's and found me and I had to let him back in my life even if he wasn't safe." answered Liz. "I wonder what's on out there? Do you think it's another person to free load on us?" asked Ninex "hey you free loaded too ya know." replied Tails "C'mon now we're dating you can't kick me out or anything." said Ninex. As Liz come's in to the house carrieing Justice "My little brother." said Leeah with her eye's watering.

D'awwww. <3 Lol, freeloading...

Yeah well everybody just kinda show's up at Tails's house and just stay's there. So they are free loading.

Freeloading is one word.

Chapter 11: Justice.

-------------------------------------

"Justice, are you OK?" said Liz in with tears filling her eyes "M- m- Mom?" said Justice in a weak voice "Yes, I'm here sweety" said Liz "Mom, where have you been? I remember going to Garndnmas well you were at work.... And when Grandma took me home I looked inside and you weren't there. So I ran into the woods, looking everywhere. I coudn't find you and I couldn't find my way home. The last couple of months I didn't have any food or water." said Justice "Sweety, the last couple of months I've spent here because there was a house fire. Everything was burn't down." Said Liz. "Tails?" said Ninex "Yeah?" answerd Tails "What if we break-up? Where will I go? Who will I stay with?" Asked Ninex "Um..... I don't know and the only way that wouldn't happen is if we got married but we're ten." said Tails "Beleive me if you asked me to marry you, I would say yes in a heartbeat but like you said we're ten." said Ninex "I woyld ask you to marry me, in fact I'm tempted now." Says Tails "Heh! I love you Tails!". As Liz rushes in for her cell phone, "Yes, please come quick!" says Liz while talking to the guy on the phone "Um... Thats why we're here this is Quick Jakes Pizza Place" said the guy on the phone "Ah! No! Wrong number!" as Liz hangs up the phone and dials 911.

Chapter 12: Nightmare.

----------------------------------------

The night Ninex's parents died had always haunted her, but this night was different. She had a horrible nightmare about that day. And that morning she woke up with a very scared face and her teeth were jittering. "What's wrong?" asked Tails "Um... I just had a nightmare uh.. thats all...." Replied Ninex "Tell me the truth Ninex, I know the nightmare was worse then just a nightmare." said Tails "OK fine! It was a nightmare about the night my parents died." said Ninex in a sad voice "You never told me what all happend. And I'd like to know, If you're willing to tell me." said Tails "Here I'll tell you. That week my dad helped me work on a airplane I was building, and the day it was finished my parents wanted to try it out. So I started on dinner, and then I heard a loud crash. And I ran outside, and I saw my parents crushed under the plane. But.... They were still alive.... Well.. Only a little alive and wimpering in pain." said Ninex before bursting out in tears "Ninex, I'm sorry I'm so very sorry1" Said Tails.

Chapter 13: Love is all we need.
---------------------------------------

"Hey Ninex?" Asked Tails "Yeah?" said Ninex "Would you still say yes to me if I asked you to marry me?" asked Tails "Wait, wait, wait you're not really thinking about it, are you?" Said Ninex "Well, OK you cought me! I was going to ask you but I'm not. Don't worry." said Tails "OK, But can we still go on a date? Maybe by the river side?" asked Ninex "Of course!" answerd Tails. "OK we're here!" Said Ninex as they enterd the small gate. As they found a spot to lay, Tails started to babble on about birds. "Tails, You relize I love you right?" asked Ninex "Uh huh, and I love you too!" answerd Tails "Good!" said Ninex as she leaned in to Tails to kiss 'em on the cheek.

nice. this fanfic, even though it's pretty dramatic, is hilarious.

Chapter 14: Shop 'till we drop!


------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Tails!" said Ninex in an excited voice "Yeah?" asked Tails "Can we go shopping?!?!?!? Huh? Huh!? Can we?!?!?!?" asked Ninex "Um..... Where would we shop?" asked Tails "Um... The local town, it has a big store! For clothes shopping! 'Cause even if we live in the woods, we still have two feet to walk through the woods and carry ten-thousand bags!" said Ninex with a smile on her face! "Uh.... Sure...." said Tails. as they were on their way to the local store Tails and Ninex had an..... Uh.... Odd conversation. "Ninex, do I have to get clothes?" asked Tails "Well... Sure I don't want my boyfriend to be walking around naked all the time." said Ninex "I have sneaker's and gloves" answered Tails "Uh... Yeah that wont cover you." said Ninex. They entered the store.
------------------------------------------------------

Uh....... Sorry for the short chapter. Thanks for reading!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 15: Wal-mart of doom (part 2)

-----------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 15: Wal-mart of doom!

-------------------------------------------------------------


"Ok, so let's find you a shirt. Ooh! How 'bout that one?!?!?!" Said Ninex "Uh, Ninex. That kinda... Uh, looks..... Nerdy." Said Tails "Ok, how 'bout that one?" Asked Ninex "Cool!" Said Tails. "Everybody down! We want your money!!!!" Said some guy playing around with the sperkers, "EVERYBODY DOWN I HAVE A GUN!!!!" Again said some guy that was tring to rob the store. "Tails, he has a gun!" Said Ninex "Uh.... Yeah! Duh!" Replied Tails. As they saw the guy walking towards them. The guy seemed to be a hedgehog, age of 35. BANG BANG BANG!!!! (That was the gun) "Ow!" Said Ninex (she got shot) "NINEX!!!" Said Tails in a worried voice. Right then the police walked in, along with the paramedics. "We've got an injured fix over here!" Said Tails while waveing at the paramedics "Ow! My arm!" Said Ninex while in pain "Ninex, I'm so sorry!" Said Tails "How many times was she shot?" Said the nurse "Only once." Answered Tails "Let's get her to the hospital!" Said the nurse. Tails walked home to get everybody. "Guys! Ninex got shot! She's on the way to the hospital!" Said Tails "Stop kidding around!" Yelled Liz "No, I'm not kidding!" Answered Tails "Kids'! Let's go to the hospital!" Yelled Liz.
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!
-----------------------------------------


Chapter 15: Wal-mart of doom (part 2)

-----------------------------------------------------------------


On their way to the hospital, Tails was having flash backs of Ninex. After they got there, He couldn't help but start crying, "Tails, it's ok. Ninex will be fine. Well... Where did she get shot?" said Liz, "In the arm, and only once." answered Tails " She'll be fine! I once got shot in the arm twice! And I survived." said Liz. "Hey, I heard your Ninex's family." said this Dr. Martin, "Uh, sort of. I'm her boyfriend, and this is an adult we live with. And her kids" said Tails "Ok, we've removed the bullet, and she should wake up in, like, half an hour. And there's no need to worry, She's fine. It could've shattered her arm, but it didn't!" said Dr.Martin. Half an hour later, Tails was waiting in Ninex's room. "Tails?" asked Ninex "You're awake! How are you feeling?" asked Tails "What? I'm having trouble hearing you." Said Ninex in a very weak voice. "How are you feeling?" asked Tails in a loud slow voice "No, I don't want tacos" said Ninex. Tails ran out to the nurse and said "Hey! My girlfriend, Ninex just got outta surgery, but she can't hear or understand what I say." "Hmmm, thats normal for young people who got shot, it's the loud... KA-BANG!!!! That throws off the hearing." said the nurse.

i laughed, but it was a serious part..... i have a strange sense of humor....

I love how Ninex just says "Ow!" after getting shot.

And she just gets shot once and the gun went KA-BANG!!!! Three times...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter(I really can't remeber xD): First Time.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


When Ninex was brought home from the hospital, she became, even more in love, with Tails.... "Tails.......?" Asked Ninex, "Yeah?" asked Tails, "Can I..... Maybe..... Sleep in..... Your nice, warm, bed tonight?With.... You...........?" Asked Ninex, "Yeah..... But.... I can just sleep on the couch..." said Tails "But...... I wanna sleep right next to you....... Because....... I...... Love you.........!" said Ninex, "OK. I'll make the bed, for the two of us!" As Ninex leaned over, and kissed Tails. As the day went by, Tails had thought about sleeping with Ninex, he thought, "Are.... We ready? To sleep together? Not like, sex.... But...... In the same bed.......". It became darker.... And darker.... And darker..... Until, they had to go to bed..... "So, Tails, are you ready, for us to sleep together, for, the first time?" Ninex asked "Um... Yeah..... I'm, fine with..... It......" said Tails, "You realise, you DON'T have to be worried about this?. 'Cause, you should be happy, that you fell in love, at ten years old.", said Ninex, "I shouldn't be worried...... But, I am......" Said Tails...... As they hopped in bed, they started talking. "Tails.......?" asked Ninex, "Yeah?" asked Tails, "Um....... Acually, it's nothiong...... Just go to bed....... OK,?" said Ninex, "OK.". Tails grabbed Ninex's hand, and kissed her one more time, ans she whispered, "I love you."