darkSpyro

Yes, I am writing a Touhou fan-fic. Please do not criticize me!
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Reimu groaned as the words that had been reaching her ears from her distant sleep woke her. "Wake up! Get up Reimu! Get her out of my home! I know you put her there!!!" "W-What?" She said, shading her eyes to see who was storming on above her, as she could finally see, there stood Remilia Scarlet, an umbrella over her shoulder to keep the sun off of herself. "Reimu, get her out! I know you put her there!!!" "Put who.. what's going on?" Reimu asked, squinting against the sun light from behind Remilia. "I don't know! But i was strolling the gardens last night to find some person talking with Flandre, and causing an awful ruckus! Get her out!" Remilia yelled, nearly growling. Reimu sitting up, "I'm sorry, but, I have no idea who your talking about... let alone what." "I know you led that girl there! She is going to drive me crazy if she's not taken are of!" "Why don't you get Sakuya or..." Remilia growled, stomping the hard earth. "Reimu! Just do something!" "Well, wouldn't the all powerful Scarlet devil settle matters her self?" Remilia stopped for a moment, then nearly screamed in anger, "Are you calling me a child?!" "No... All i meant was..." "Forget it! I'll take care of it my self," Remilia said, stomping away, the umbrella in her hand nearly cracking from how tight she was squeezing it. Reimu stood up, scratching her head, "I wonder what that was about." She said before walking in side her shrine, she stopped seeing someone there, "Whoa! How did you...?" The person laughed before stepping forth from the shadows, "Remember me Reimu?" "Yukari?" Reimu looked at her, she was half leaning on the edge of her little floating portal thing. "Ding, ding, ding! You won the prize!" "What are you doing here?" Reimu asked, half smiling. "I got bored, I was floating along until I spotted some unknown shrine maiden asleep upon the grass in-front of the shrine here. Watching the starts last night, Am I correct?" Yukari said, smiling at Reimu, who nodded, "Yes. I was out there. It was beautiful! All the stars seemed to..." "Nearly tears through the sky?" "Yeah!" Yukari sighed, "It was far worse than i feared..." "Wait... what's going on, Yukari?" But before Reimu could demand an answer, Yukari vanished into her portal, and closed it behind her, going off the unknown places. Reimu stood there. "Alright then..." She said, walking back out side, only to hear a terrible roar. She looked up and gasped, the sky ablaze with star light exceeding the suns warmth. "What the?!" She said, before running down the long stairs of stone, which lead to the shrine, and turned back as the shrine was swallowed by the unearthly light, and the gone. She turned pale, all her belongs, even here shrine were gone in that flash. "W-what the h-" She stopped, staring at the slab of stone, the unearthly light fading and the blacken sky returning to normal.

Marisa hid in her shop, breathing heavily, "I think lost her..." She said peering over the counter to see Alice there, enraged, "Give it back Marisa! I know you took my grimoire!" She yelled, Mairsa quickly ducking back down. "I know your in here! I can see your hat!" "Dam it!" Marisa yelled, standing up, "Ok, you found me, but i didn't take your Grimoire... yet, that is a good idea ,though! I gotta write that down!" Marisa said, smiling. Alice growled, "Enough of your of lies! Give me back my Grimoire!" "I didn't take it!" Marisa said, Alice holding up one of her dolls, "Give it back or I'll sick Burēdofearī on you!" "What? That doll? Ha! I'm not afraid of Dolls!" Marisa said, ready to Master-spark her way out of the mess. Before she could get he spell to work Burēdofearī fell past her head, slicing off part of Marisa's hat, "Hey!" She yelled, growling, "That was my hat!" Alice smiling, "Well, give me back my Grimoire or they'll be a nice hole in your head to go with the one in your hat!" Alice glared at Marisa, Marisa at Alice. Reimu walked in stopping, "Um.. did i miss something?" Alice turned around. "Tell her to give me back my Grimoire!" Marisa yelled, "Hey, She's the one who put a whole in my hat using a stupid little fairy doll!" Marisa took her hat off, holding the little round weapon to release the epicness of Master Spark. Reimu turned white, "Whoa! No! Don't fight! I mean, what's going on?!" Reimu said, Alice sighing, "I came home to find one of her bows where my Grimoire should be! I need it back!" Marisa turned red, "Well, this stalker chased me all over Gensokyo ranting about something i didn't do! And now she ruins my hat!" The two girls looked at each other again. Reimu stepped forward, "Well, it might be what happened to my shrine..." She said quietly, Alice looking at her, "How could someone take a whole shrine, let alone yours?" "I didn't have anything missing, unless it was taken during my run away from Alice the lunatic here." Marisa said, eying Alice. Reimu sighed, "I saw it taken by some bright light from the sky, I figured the knowledge seeking Marisa would know what happen." Both Alice and Marisa were Silent, looking at each other in disbelief.

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for those of you who don't know what any of these people look like...
Reimu:

Remilia:

Yukari:
http://kazasou.files.wordpress...kumo_yukari.jpg
Marisa:

Alice:

cool!

thanks, must type more!
the story continues soon.

whats Touhou?

it's a Japanese video game made by ZUN. it's pretty cool. What did ya think of the story?

ohh cool japanese make cool and retarded videos games at the same time

you call this retarded?


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Marisa finally spoke after moments of silence, "Reimu, I have no idea wh-" "Yea! But i know!" Alice burst out, Reimu looking at her hopefully, "Really! What happened?" Alice put her finger up, and started to speak before stopping, "OK, so I'm clueless too. But I know more than her! Obviously a celestial did it, I'm thinking it was Tenshi!" Alice replied, Marisa turning red in anger, "Alice! I wasn't done talking!" She growled, Alice laughing, "Well, I needed to speak so i did... Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find Aya to put a thing in her paper." Alice said, turning heel and walking for he door, Marisa looking at the hole in her hate, "And Alice, you owe me a new hat!" She called after her, the door slamming shut and some potion shattering on the ground. Reimu staring, "You two are on good terms today." "NO WE ARE NOT!" Marisa said, looking at the doll Marisa left behind, "And I'll incerinarate that bloody thing..." She muttered, Reimu staring out the window, towards where her shrine should have been, with pleading eyes. "Alright Reimu, I'll help you find who did this, and kick their *ss while I'm at it!" "But Marisa, I never-" "Now, now Reimu, I'll go, but only becuase you insist." Marisa said, opening the door to her shop and grabbing her broom, "Are you ready to go?" Reimu staring then smiling, "Yea!" She said, walking out the door, Marisa locking the door and mounting her broom, taking off into the air, Reimu after her.
After a short bit of lying they ran into Chen, Ran's Shimigi. And of course, Ran was Yukari's Shemigi. Chen put her arm out as if to say stop, growling, Marisa and Reimu looking at each other, "Chen, what are you doing?" Marisa asked, Reimu nodding, "Yea, were in a hurry!" Chen spoke finally, her cat ears flattened back, "I can't let you pass! Master will kill me if i do!" Marisa stared, "Why? Were looking for some celestial who took Reimu's shrine! Not Yukari or Ran!" She said, Chen growling, "I can't let you!" Chen shouted, drawing a spell card. Reimu spoke, "Whoa! Chen, now we don't have to fight! Really! Calm down." "I can't let you go Reimu!" She said, as orbs flew from her hands, aimed at Reimu, Reimu diving down, her ying-yang colored floating orbs shooting card shaped charms, sharp as knives, and Chen, who spiraled up, Marisa aiming the cylinder shaped master spark, "Keep her still Reimu!" Marisa said, Reimu Pinning Chen a few times with her own attack, "I'm working on it!" She said, bolting left to evade getting hit by the inoming orbs, finally marisa unleashing the rainbow blast of master spark, nailing Chen and sending her falling to the ground. Marisa laughing weakly, "Well... That was harder than it needed to be." She said, Reimu nodding, "We should keep moving, Ran or Yukari must not be far off if Chen is here." Reimu said, Marisa shrugging in agreement and Flying after Reimu who was heading east.

tl;dr

It's not how the characters act btw.

Eh, I can't even read the darn thing because every thing is so damn cramped it hurts my eyes. x.x

Agreed with Coocie.

From what I read things need fixing. Try hitting enter after someone begins to speak, what you have right now is a huge wall of text that just hurts eyes. Try putting in more detail instead of tons of speaking parts and maybe make the characters how they're supposed to act.

yeah u hurt my eyes.

Sorry! I got kind of stuck for a moment, or several!