darkSpyro

Okay, before anybody says anything, I'm only putting the full version here because the LND forums will cut it down. I respect this show, and am spoofing it just for fun. This contains spoilers and may have some innapropriate content. And now, our feature presentation:


*Music from Star Wars*


Credits roll:




Seagulls are cawing. It is now the past, but the future to the other past and possibly further in time than the future of the last show's past . . . phew. Coney island is a ruined place . . . abandonned by all.

A woman, old and possibly russian or french or something is somehow here.

WOMAN (They actually call her this in the libretto in the album. ): Wow, geez this place is a dump. Talk about your fixer-upper. Hey, wait! Didn't I work here in the past to this present which is atually the future to the-oh whatever!

Fleck: hehehe.

Woman: What the hell is so funny?

Fleck: Armadillo!

Woman: . . . okay . . . Hey you look familiar, do I know you?

Fleck: Oh, so I've been forgotten so soon? After, like, ten years of working together?

Woman: Yeah, oh wait, you're Fleck, right? God, you look exactly the same as when-

Fleck: Well of course I'm Fleck! Can't you see my name right before I speak? And why are you called "Woman"?

Mme Giry: Is that better?

Fleck: I'm wearing a hat.

Mme Giry: . . . *sigh*

Fleck: I don't like you.

Mme Giry: Hey, what happened to the other two freaaaa-*fleck gives a warning glance*-I mean . . . stage . . . performers. What were their names again? Squish an Google?

Fleck: Squelch and Gangle.

Mme Giry: Oh, yeah.

Fleck: Why did you come back here anyways?

Mme Giry: I think we should go into a flashback-montage now.

Fleck: But that doesn't answer my-

*flashback montage*

Coney Island is at it's heyday. Ther are ferris wheels, horses, elephants, sparkling gay vampires. Actually forget that last one.

Fleck: GIRY!

Mme Giry: Hey! I was having a montage-flashback!

Fleck: Nobody cares about your Twitarded sex fantasy! Oh, by the way everything bad that ever happened is your fault.

Mme Giry: What?! Where did that come from? The way I remember it . . . *wavy remembering screen*

Part 2 coming soon.

i lol'd and was like 'WTH?'

It's hard to get if you don't know the story, but yeah, some parts will be funny.

I know a bit of the story, not all of it. But yeah, it's funny

PART 2

Mme Giry: Hey where did everyone go? I'm all alo-ARGH!

She is trampled by a crowd of people in tacky bathing suits.

Fleck: Giry! Get off the stage!

Mme Giry: AAAAAAH! This is the worst flashback ever!

Man from crowd: Hey everybody! Look we are in an amusement park!

Woman from crowd: Yes! And let's spend five minutes singing about every single atttraction there is here!

Man from crowd: Yay!

Five painful minutes later . . .

Man from crowd: Well, I think we named every ride in existance. Maybe we should ride some of them now.

Woman from crowd: No time for that! There's a show about to start.

Man from crowd: Oh yeah, I see it. Wait . . . does that say the . . . Ooh-la-la girl? Seriously, how tacky is that?

Backstage.

Meg: Hey, guys. I'm kinda scared.

Showgirl #1: (dismissivly) Yeah, okay.

Meg: Does my hair look okay?

Showgirl #2: Yeah, it's fine. Gotta match?

Meg: I'm not gonna let you smoke that pot. *shivers* On second thought, give that to me.

Showgirl #2: Give me my pot back! *runs away with pot*

Meg: D'you think our mysterious boss who is anonimously secret is going to be here.

Showgirl #1: Ummm. I think I'm going to find Showgirl #2. *runs*

Meg: But the show's star-

Onstage. Curtains open. Meg is standing there alone with a cheesy smile.

Meg: Hehehe. I seem to be alone so I'm gonna flirt with the audience a bit.

After significant flirtation . . .

Mme Giry: Hello, Meg. You were good today.

Meg: Just . . . good?

Mme Giry: . . . Are you still here? Oh, yeah, that reminds me. Another peson wants to have a mysterious meeting with you. Funny . . . I've noticed most of your dealmakers are men . . .

Meg: Yes, well. We should be getting on to part three.

Mme Giry: Yes but that seems like a non-commital answer to ym stateme-

Part 3 coming soon.

PART 3

There is a woman dressed in silky material. Behind her is the Phantom.

Phantom: Oh, God. It's Christine. I hope this isn't another drug-induced hallucination.

The woman moves into a little crysalis-thing.

Phantom: Oh, it's just the automaton I built. I think all this stress is getting to me. Oh, if only you hadn't left me. It's because I'm ugly, isn't it? I never ever did anything to hurt you. Exept kidnap you . . . and try to kill your boyfriend . . . kidnap you again . . . crash a chandelier at your feet . . . and- oh, but, hell, that's not the point! The point is I'm a much cooler guy than Raoul and isn't that enough? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I'm talking to myself again.

Meg and Giry enter the room.

Meg: OMIGAWD! YOUSHOULDASEENMEIWASSOOOGOODANDI'MSUREYOUWERETHERERIGHTBUTI'MTHINKINGTHERE'SAFEWTHINGSICOULDIMPROVEON,BUTASLONGASYOUAPPROVE-

Mme Giry: MEG! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT UP!

Meg: eep . . .

Phantom: Listen to your mother, Midge.

Meg: It's Meg.

Phantom: Whatever. And besides, I'm the only one here capable of good ideas.

Meg: Explain.

Phantom: Well, I have an IQ of nearly two hundred whereas I saw you laughing at that bird that hit the window yesterday.

Meg: Hehe, he hit it GOOD!

*silence*

Meg: Well uh . . . What did you think of the show?

Phantom: Urrrrrr . . . it was . . . urm . . . good . . . I liked the part when you . . . uh . . . did that . . . thing y'know . . .

Meg: You didn't watch, did you.

Phantom: uh, no. No I did not.

Mme Giry: I WANT TO CLEAR THE ROOM, NOW! *everyone starts to leave* Oh, you, Phantom, you stay . . . and you three in the corner *the trio of freaks look up* and, everyone else can leave.

*Meg looks around*

Meg: Okay, I get the message . . . *inaudible mumbling*

Mme Giry: WHAT THE HELL?! YOU UNGRATEFUL B******! I HELPED YOU ATTAIN GREATNESS! I HAVE BEEN LOYAL! AND WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE A CHRISTINE ROBOT HERE! YOU ARE SO OBSESSED!

Phantom: Coming from the woman who fantasizes over sparkling gay vampires. Oh, yes. I've been reading your journal. And I don't care how much money you earned for me. In case you haven't noticed, I don't bend to sponsors, now go away while I admire my wonderful assortement of Swarovski crystal. Swarovski: quality crystal at a quality price. *smiles into distance*

Mme Giry: What are you looking at?

Phantom: Go away, please.

*she leaves*

Phantom: God, she grinds my gears. You know what? I'm gonna get Christine to come here just to piss her off. I see no flaw in this perfectly safe and unrisky plan.

Meanwhile in Paris . . .

Christine looks up worriedly from her sewing.

Gustave: Mother, what's wrong?

Christine: I had a vision of my own death. It was unclear, but I think there was a slut and a man who looked familiar.

Gustave: I think I should stop watching Hannah Montana when you're around.

Part 4 coming soon . . .

LOL! xD

Thx. The first parts are lame, but it'll get better I promise.

I laughed, but I don't know why... intresting though...

I'm sorry, I have to say something. The music from STAR WARS? Really? You couldn't use something.....less......wellm stupid?

/\ It's a cliche. It's supposed to be stupid. In case you didn't know, it's the oveture from Star Wars. And thx Icy.

PART 4

We are now at a pier, where the passengers of the S.S Anne-I mean, the Persephone are making quite an entrance.

Man from crowd: OH, LOOK! It's Mrs Astor!

Another man from crowd: And look, It's Colonel LardBall . . . errr, Vanderbilt, I mean.

Man from crowd: OMIGAWD! It's Lindsay Lohan! Oh, wait. It's just Miley Sirus. Nobody make eye contact or she'll, OH CRAP! She saw me! Okay, nobody move. Her vision is based on movement.

*they all freeze*

Miley: Where did everyone go?

Woman in crowd: Oh! Look! It's Christine Daae!

Christine steps out. It is a moment of absolute awe - until Christine trips and falls flat on her face.

Christine: Owww . . .

Gustave steps out. He is staring down at his gameboy. Raoul appears. He is drunk. No surprise there.

Gustave: Awesome! I just caught a Pikachu!

Raoul: Shut up, boy.

Reporter: Hey, Christine, why are you performing at Coney Island?

Christine: Well, I-

Raoul: She was hired to sing at Phantasma.

Reporter: How much is she being paid?

Christine: I-

Raoul: She would not like to tell you.

Christine: Actually I-

Raoul: Shut up, wife.

Reporter: Will it be enough to pay of your gambling depts.

Raoul: Yes - I mean . . . I have no gambling depts.

Reporter: *doubtfully* Really?

Raoul: We have a healthy financial record. Just ask our bank.

Reporter: What is your bank's name?

Raoul: . . . this interview is over.

Several reporters at once: What are you singing? When are rehearsals? Where am I? What's your favorite color?

Raoul: STOP IT, enough is enough. Yeesh.

Reporter: (to Gustave) What'cha gonna do in America?

Gustave: I want to learn to swim.

Reporter: I'll remember that in case it comes up again in the story.

Gustave: I also want to catch a Mewtwo.

Raoul: Shouldn't there be someone to pick us up?

Gustave: Oh, look! There's three freaks and a carriage over there! There holding up a sign that says, "the De Chagny/Daae family.

Raoul: What a coincidence that somebody on the boat has the same last name as us. Well, anyways, I better call us a cab.

*they leave*

Reporter: What the hell? . . .

Part 5 coming soon . . .

At first I was like:

Then I was like:

Lol. /\

PART 5

At the hotel room . . .

Christine: Gustave. for god's sake, get off that thing. You've been playing it for over five hours!

Gustave: But, mom! I'm about to beat the Elite Four!

Christine: Oh! Our luggage has arrived!

Man Carrying Luggage: You should really consider *pant* packing lighter *gasp* and why do you have so much liquor in here.

Raoul who has been sitting in the corner of the room raises his newspaper to hide his expression.

Christine: Now, let's all get settled.

They go to their rooms.

Gustave: Ooh! This place is nice! There's soap and everything! There's a mint on my pillow! . . . Oh, wait. I don't think that was a mint . . . I don't want to know what it was . . . I think I'll go barf now.

Raoul: I FOUND THE LIQUOR CABINET!

Christine: *sigh*

They re-enter the main room.

Gustave: Oh, look! There's a toy over here! *examines toy*

Raoul: Ick, this brandy tastes like it was filtered through a wig! I'm in a bad mood now, and it's all because you made us come here!

Christine: We need the money.

Raoul: Oh, so now it's my fault, is it?

Christine: Yes, actually. I thought I made that obvious.

Gustave: Oh, cool! It's a music box!

Raoul: Shut up, boy.

Christine plays a song on the piano.

Raoul: Stop it! I hate that song!

Christine: You say that about every song you hear. Remember when Gustave made you watch Caramelldansen and you clawed out your eyeballs?

Raoul: Yes, but that actually was a bad song.

Gustave: Yo, is anyone paying attention to me?

Raoul: I said it once, I'll say it again: shut up, boy. I'm gonna go out to drink now.

Christine: But you have liquor right here.

Raoul: . . . Goodbye!

Raoul leaves.

Gustave: I don't think father loves me very much.

Christine: Gustave, there is something I need to explain to you. Your *ahem*father loves you very much, however he has a certain dependency on liquor at the moment and- hey, are you even LISTENING TO ME?

Gustave: *looks up from gameboy* Yeah, yeah, I think I'll go to bed now.

Christine: Fine. Go ahead. Ignore my parental advice.

Gustave leaves. Christine sits and twidles her thumbs. The music box starts playing an ominous tune and then . . .


Phantom: Guess who?

Part 6 coming-

Christine: Oh, no you don't! You can't just leave it hanging like that. Are you LISTENING TO-

Part 6 coming soon.

Haha.

Glad you like it.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

Did anyone notice my homage to corner gas?

ummmm...no D: i fail

It was the wig thing. You don't fail.

K, guys sory for posting twice, but the next part is coming friday.

PART 6

Christine: Finally, now stop all this cliffhanger nonsense.

Phantom: You were saying . . .

Christine: Oh, yeah. It's kinda weird to see you here. It's random we happened to be here at the same time exactly.

Phantom: Urm . . . well it's kinda because I was the one who invited you here.

Christine: Oh. Wait, why?

Phantom: I'm still in love with you.

Christine: Well . . . you know . . . I am kinda . . . married . . . sooooo yeaaaah . . .

Phantom: Yes, I know, but-wait! Why is my text blue?

Christine: It's a link. You are supposed to click it.

Phantom: *clicks* Oh, crap! I just got rickroll'd.

Christine: Too bad. But back on topic. Why did you invite me here?

Phantom: I thought I had a fair chance of winning you back.

Christine: Why? . . .

Phantom: Okay, well this is kinda awkward, but . . . remember that night ten years ago?

Christine: What night?

Phantom: The night when you and I . . . erm . . . you know.

Christine: What?

Phantom: Please don't make me say it. The Really Useful Group might sue me because I didn't put a warning about the mature content.

Christine: Oooooooh, that. Yes, I remember. *flashback*

Warning: The following flashback may not be suitable for all audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.

Phantom: Another week has passed us by, and you know what that means . . . It's time for our weekly salute to the FCC in this weeks edition of unnecessary censorship, where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. This week is Beneath a Moonless Sky edition, where lyrics from the actual song are bleeped out (the bold text is what is bleeped).

Phantom: Once, there was a night, beneath a moonless sky, too dark to see a thing, too dark to even try.

Christine: I stole to your side to tell you I must go. I couldn't see your face, but sensed you even so. And I touched you.

Phantom: And I felt you.

Both: And I heard those ravishing refrains.

Christine: The music of your pulse.

Phantom: The singing in your veins.

Christine: And I held you.

Phantom: And I touched you.

Christine: And embraced you.

Phantom: And I felt you.

Both: And with ev'ry breath and every sigh-

Christine: I felt no longer scared.

Phantom: I felt no longer shy.

Both: At last, our feelings bared, beneath a moonless sky.

Christine: And blind in the dark, as soul gazed into soul, I looked into your heart, and saw you pure and whole.

Phantom: I think we can skip forward a bit since most of this is the same . . . *skip*

Both: . . . We said things in the dark we never dared to say.

*end p0rnographic flashback*

Phantom: Hey, what gives?

Christine: The FCC won't let us say anything else.

Phantom: Oh, I know all about the FCC! But what I really want to tell you is- HEY!

Christine: *humming the tune of the song* -hmm? Oh, yeah. What were you saying?

Phantom: Now that you and I are here . . . together . . . I was wondering if you-

*Christine slaps him*

Phantom: OW! I was asking if you were still gonna sing at the concert.

Part 7 coming soon.

Okay....

Oh, and in case nobody gets the joke from that other part, Swarovski is a big sponsor of TPOTO. Hello Isis!

LOL! Pokemon!

Hehehe. That was a joke made specifically for ds members. *cannot do smilies on this computer* 8P

BTW, If anyone wants to add something or request a cameo etc . . . feel free. I'll start the next part now.

PART 7

Christine: You know, I was wondering why you left me.

Phantom: We both know why.

Christine: Um, actually I kind of don't.

Phantom: *sigh* I was not in the mood of you leaving me again, so . . .

Christine: *In monotone* . . . so you beat me to it . . . yeah . . . right . . . You really know how to handle a relationship.

Phantom: Was that sarcasm?

Christine: *sarcastically* Oh nooooooooooooo, of couuuuuuurse nooooot. I'm soooooooooo happy you decided to leave me and then bring me here. You really stick to your decisions.

Phantom: Fine, if you feel that way you can just leave . . . . . . . . . . . . . you still love me, right? Can we have a relationship again?

Christine: God, you are very stupid considering you're a genius.

Phantom: I'm not god.

Christine: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . STOP STALKING ME!

Christine runs out to the balcony.

Phantom: *to self* Real smooth, Phantom, real smooth.

Christine: Are you coming?

Phantom: Um, well you sorta gave the impression that you wanted some alone time.

Christine: No, I still want to talk, just out here.

Phantom: Why? . . .

Christine: I'm famous, I don't need a reason.

Phantom: But isn't that a reason?

Christine: Yes, but please just come before I have to be more illogical.

Phantom: Fine.

Christine: Now we sing another duet?

Phantom: TWO IN A ROW? Can't Andrew Lloyd Webber write anything else OTHER than a duet?

Christine: Shoosh, as long as it sounds nice, it does not matter that it's a filler.

Phantom: I liked it better when we were singing about sex.

Christine: You perv . . .

Phantom: Well, it's not like Raoul is any better.

Christine: He may have flaws, but I'm glad I chose him over your sadistic self. Though come to think of it, there's really no reason why I needed to chose either of you . . .

Phantom: Don't you remember? I made you chose by trying to kill your boyfriend.

Christine: Yep, you were really the charmer. It's no wonder people loved you more in the original when you actually had a backbone.

Phantom: Hey! You don't have any backbone ei- Did you see that?

Christine: What?

Phantom: Hmmm, I guess it's nothing . . . I though that bush just moved and I assumed it was that freaky blonde who keeps stalking me.

Christine: Now you know how it feels.

Phantom: So will you sing.

Christine: I dunno. *Thinks* I'd better stall until something interupts us. *

Phantom: Well, I wish you would make up your mind, I have a dance number scheduled with that girl . . . Marge . . . or is it Maggie? I should let her know if we have to reschedule . . .

Christine: hmmm . . .

Phantom: Well, could you at least-

Christine: LOOK! A DISTRACTION!

The Phantom looks. Christine jumps off the balcony.

Phantom: Did I just fall for that? Really?

Christine: Owowowowowowowow!

Part 8 coming soon.

LOOK! A DISTACTION! lol

Hehehe! I love that part.

i want to say that to someone and have them actually look behind them xD

Hahaha! Do you have any jokes to add?

This is lol.

PART 8

Christine: YAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Phantom: What happened?
Christine: I just fell off a balcony for one thing and-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! RACOON!

*non-dicernible chirping turmoil*

Phantom: Do you need help?

Christine: WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

Phantom: I have some fireworks and grenades if you-

Christine: Don't even bother completing that sentence. Aww sh- OWOWOWOWWOWOW!

Phantom: So you're fine down there? Okay.

*time passes*

*Phantom is reading a newspaper*

Phantom: *to himself* Pffft, why build new theatres in New York? I mean, look at this; the Majestic theatre. I seriously doubt anything important will ever play there.

*Christine climbs onto the balcony with a torn dress and various scratches*

Christine: Thanks for helping me down there, I really appreciate your kindness.

Phantom: Well it's not my fault nobody spayed for racoons. That's Marges' job.

Christine: Who?

Phantom: That blonde girl who works for me. I guess you haven't met her yet.

*Gustave runs onto the balcony*

Gustave: Mother! I just had a dream that this strange lady named Justin Bieber was drowning me and-*he sees the Phantom* Who is he? And why is your dress torn.

Christine: A nightmare? Did you watch anything scary last night?

Gustave: Of course not! All they have at this hotel were crappy Disney sequels.

Christine: Well you should know, sequels always suck. Was there anything scary other than the bad quality?

Gustave: I didn't like when Bambi's mom got shot.

Christine: Well, don't worry. I'm not getting shot anytime soon.

Phantom: Aherm . . .

Christine: Oh, right. Are you still here?

Phantom: Hello, small child of my rival to whom I feel no resentment whatsoever.

Gustave: Mother . . .

Christine: This is Mr. X.

Phantom MR. Y.

Christine: Whatever. He is an old . . . . . . . . . . see I was gonna say friend, but I'll stick with aquaintance. He owns this part of the island and is absolutely not your father.

Phantom: Yeah, I pretty much own most of this god forsaken rock. In that way, I'm very much like Jacob.

Mme Giry: Did you say Jacob?

Phantom: Not that Jacob.

Mme Giry: How did I even get here?

Phantom: It's a spoof, it doesn't have to make sense.

Gustave: Which reminds me, I'll be playing my Gameboy now.

Part 9 coming soon.

Quote:

I just had a dream that this strange lady named Justin Bieber was drowning me and-

lol...just pure lol...
and, one of my friends always looks behind her when i say "look, a distraction!"

Rofl!!!!

me: look, a distraction!
friend: *looks* dangit >.>'
a few minutes later
me: look, a distraction!
friend: *looks* dangit >.>'
a few minutes later
a random classmate: look, a distraction!
friend: *looks* DANGIT! >.<

Rofl! I think the showgirls are still smoking pot X3

Mini break!

Showgirl 1: Ya knoooooooow, I always found I wazza vheryyyyyy attraaaactive personnnnnnn.

Showgirl 2: Aaaaaarrrrrrrrr. Hand me some moooore pooooot.

Showgirl 1: I can't believe Marge is missing this.

Andrew Lloyd Webber: Can I have some pot?

Showgirl 2: I didn't know you smoked pot . . .

Andrew Lloyd Webber: How do you think I came up with Love Never Dies?

ROFL!

oh, wow.

'nother mini thing

Jacob from LOST: I have brought thses people to the island (Coney island) because they are flawed and . . . I smell pot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

WTF!

Lolnice

lolz, nice!

Hahaha

Oh gosh.
JACOBBBBB!!1!!11
I lol'd.

Yeah, the funny thing is, the're all flawed!

It's ba-ack. after this post, I'm back for part 9! !!!

PART 9

KAZZAAAM!

(I love how in the booklet it says: "and suddely, he vanishes!". It's liek omigawd! Exclamation point!)

Gustave: where did that man go who was clearly not my father even though he shares many similar qualities with me?

Christine: I think the stage manager wanted to use some disappearing effects to show off.

Gustave: Oh, sorry. What? I was playing on my gameboy. Oh jeez. Gaul just zapped me with a crystal cane thingy.

Christine: Go to bed.

Gustave: okay.

Christine: WITHOUT the gameboy.

Gustave: oh, well can I just-

Christine: No.

Gustave: But I-

Christine: No.

Gustave: What if I just-

Christine: Gustave, we don't need more filler in this spoof.

Gustave: fine.

They go to bed.

Phantom: In an attempt to vanish, I landed in a rosebush. How ironic. Um . . . gooood little racoon, nice rac- AAAAAAAAAAH!

The next day. Backstage at the theatre.

Meg: Bathing beauty on the beach, bathing beauty say "Hello!". What a cutie, what a peach . . . Peach? Is that all you can find to rhyme wih beach? Whatever. Hey isn't this song a bit slutty? I mean not that I'm complaining . . . who am I talking to? Oh right. The stage guy. Why isn't he talking to me? Oh, wait I've been thinking this the entire time. Why didn't it say "thought speech" or something?

Me: Because I'm too lazy to type it. Also, the first few lines were spoken.

Meg: Where are you going?!

Me: This counts as my on cameo. Tootles!

Stage guy: Take five Midge.

Meg: It's Meg, jeesh. Now everyone is ignoring me.

Me: Did you say something?

Meg: Are you still here?

Me: There's a buffet here.

Mme Giry: Meg! guess what? The Phantom is composing music which may or may not be for you, but get your hopes up anyways. It's not like you're gonna go psycho and kill your best friend.

Oh yeah, spoilers BTW.

Meg: I will get my hopes up. Thanks!

Gustave: So what are we doing again?

Christine: I explained to you already, but for anyone who was not here to experience this event, I told you I'm going to rehearse.

Gustave: Whatever. ARGH! STUPID RIPTO!

Christine: (to meg) Yeah hi, can you give directions?

Meg: OH. MY. GOD.

DUHN DUHN DUUUUUUUUUUUUH.

Part 10 coming soon.

And now: The adventures of Squelch Fleck and Gangle.

Fleck: Do we really need a spin-off? Badger.

Shenzi: Yeah! Am I even part of this trio?

Squelch: I have tatoos.

This terminates: The adventures of Squelch Fleck and Gangle.