Forum

Poll

13 Years of Skylanders, Have You Played Any?
View Results
Page 1 of 1
Dragon Eye [CLOSED]
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#1 Posted: 04:59:53 01/10/2010 | Topic Creator
I love reading books, so then I love writing stories for some reason. Writing stories is really fun, and when you read books and stories, they take you to a whole different world. I will attempt to try and warp you into my story.
Hope you enjoy! smilie


Prologue

A dark shadow strayed across the horizon, moving swiftly to an ancient dragon temple. The creature's great, dark wings created a gale as it flew to the building. As it reached the entrance, the elders gathered to protect their sacred site. They were no match for the creature's giant claws as it swiped them. The dragons lay on the ground, out cold. The creature walked into the temple and found itself locked out of the very room it came here for. Nothing can stand in my way now!
It smashed down the door with a single blow of its tail. They creature walked slowly into the room full of dragon eggs. It looked at each egg, picking wisely. It grasped three eggs, one black crystal shaped egg with blue markings, another black crystal shaped egg instead with green markings and a grey ellipse shaped egg with black circles with green filling. The creature had one final look at the eggs in the hatchery to see if he left any possessing great power. It decided to keep the eggs that it had, seeing great chaos underneath their shells. It got airborne, breaking the temple's glass roof and flew away to its lair in the dark, forbidden lands.

I can't do anymore today because I'm going to go soon...
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
GamingMaster_76 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1271
#2 Posted: 05:31:50 01/10/2010
Awesome! smilie
Cynder_fan Gold Sparx Gems: 2683
#3 Posted: 08:39:41 01/10/2010
Hmm, not bad, though I think it could do with the readers wanting to ask more qustions, such as to why he chose those eggs, because there's only one qeustion along with a few minor parts to hang on in the bit, "Why is he taking eggs with chaos powers?", and I have guess why aswell. [/critique]
---
Local technician who comes up with rediculous ideas
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 08:41:58 01/10/2010 by Cynder_fan
torok Platinum Sparx Gems: 6123
#4 Posted: 12:12:51 01/10/2010
that's a good start. i like it...
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#5 Posted: 23:48:58 02/10/2010 | Topic Creator
Thank you for all your nice comments! smilie

Quote: Cynder_fan
Hmm, not bad, though I think it could do with the readers wanting to ask more qustions, such as to why he chose those eggs, because there's only one qeustion along with a few minor parts to hang on in the bit, "Why is he taking eggs with chaos powers?", and I have guess why aswell. [/critique]



Does it matter?


Chapter 1: Stormy Days

8 years later...
The rain was falling down. Two young dragons raced through the wet landscape, trying to dodge the puddles. They were running at high speed and one slipped in a large muddy puddle and fell to the ground. The two dragons laughed.
"Grab my paw," the one standing up said as she leaned down.
The dragon on the ground grabbed her paw and she lifted him up.
"Hey, lets go rest in that cave over there," he said.
"Good idea Aero!" the female dragon said as she followed him.
They reached the cave mouth and saw that it was dark inside. Crystals formed on the roof, sides and ground.
"Come on Dyseption," Aero said as he walked in.
"I'm coming!" Dyseption yelled. "Don't rush me!"
They walked further in and as they did, more crystals formed on the walls. The two dragons got to the end of the passage and saw a large room. There were lots of crystals glowing blue and green, and a head of a dragon carved into the floor. It had lots of horns and its eyes glowed yellow.
"This place is weird," Dyseption laughed.
"Tell me about it..." Aero replied as he looked around.
Dyesption hound a mossy rock to rest on while Aero rested in a puddle of warm water. At the very back of the cave was a black crystal in the shape of a circle.
Dyseption's eyes slowly closed...
Wonder what that is for? Dyseption heard a voice inside her head. What? Who are you? Her mind replied.
The voice echoed as it spoke, You don't remember me?
A flash of black light broke the crystal at the back of the cave. A picture of a purple dragon taking three eggs showed in the crystal.
No, who are you? Dyseption replied to the voice.
She heard a laugh and then the voice returned, Your founder, the one who found the true darkness in your heart.
What are you talking about?
You will see in time...
Dyseption awoke and saw Aero laying down in the puddle. She got up and walked over to him. He slept, even when she shook him back and fourth. He just stayed asleep. Suddenly he awoke, his eyes completely white. Dyseption jumped back, shocked at what she was seeing.
"Aero?" she asked. "What's wrong?!"
His eyes returned to normal and he spoke, "What's wrong?"
"Ah, nothing, don't worry," Dyseption said. "We should be going, this place gives me the creeps..."
"What, you a chicken?" Aero laughed.
Dyseption gave him a glare and started walking out.
Aero ran after her, "Sorry, it was only a joke..."
She just ignored him and walked faster. Aero started running away from her. Dyseption couldn't resist, she had to chase him.
"Get back here!" she yelled as she started running.
They got to the cave entrance and looked around, the rain had gotten heavier and turned into a storm.
Great... Dyseption thought, Now we have to walk in the rain.
The two friends started walking out the cave, trying to stick to the rocky wall. It was hard trying to walk through a storm, the heavy rain pelting at your scales, the hail hitting you hardly on the head and back, thunder making your ears throb. This sure wasn't a walk in the park.
A crack of lightning broke right in front of them. A dragoness appeared just at their feet. She looked about 30 years old. She had about eight scaled horns on her head, a wingspan of 20 feet and green flames burning on her back, even in this weather. She was grey with black makings on her head, back, legs and tail and a green under-belly and wing webbings.
"This is where your journey ends!"


Dyseption
Aero
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 05:32:19 03/10/2010 by Bolt
GamingMaster_76 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1271
#6 Posted: 02:09:39 03/10/2010
Nice!
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#7 Posted: 05:13:55 03/10/2010 | Topic Creator
Thanks GM!

Chapter 2: Escape

Dyseption and Aero stared at the huge dragoness standing before them in the pooring rain. Her face looked angry, the question was why?
"What do you want?" Aero asked as he heard her reply.
"It's not me, it's the Master," she laughed.
Dyseption and Aero looked at each other. They seemed to be speeking to each other through their minds.
Who is she?
How should I know?
I'm not going with her, are you?
No way!

The two dragons took flight. It was hard to fly in this terrible weather, but they knew they had to in order to escape the dragoness' clutches. The dragoness flew after them as fast as she could so she could catch them and kill them.
Something zapped the dragoness, Hey!
Hazorus, don't kill them! A voice growled in her head. Remember why you're doing this!
Hazorus sighed and sped after the two young dragons. She reached her claw out to try and catch the young dragons. Her claw peirced Dyseption's wing and she winced in pain. She turned around and bit Hazorus' paw. Her claw ripped through Dyseption's wing as she pulled it back.
"Dyseption!" Aero yelled.
"I'm okay, just keep flying!" was her reply.
They turned vertically and flew above the stormy clouds. Hazorus skimmed under the clouds and flew up in front of them, trying to grab them. Dyseption dodged but Aero fell into Hazorus' clutches. Dyseption turned back and started clawing at Hazorus' paws. When she saw that it didn't work, Dyseption shot a blast of Shadow at the dragoness' great paw. The shadow claws scratched away at the scales and the Shadow Fire acted kind of like acid and ate away at her claws and a bit of flesh. As Aero escaped, blood streamed out of Hazorus' paw.
"Come on Aero!" Dysetion screamed as she skimmed along the clouds.
Hazorus hovered in the air, They're killing me here!
GET THEM NOW!!!!! The voice yelled inside her head.
She set off after them but they had already disappeared in the clouds. She wouldn't be able to catch them now, they had vanished.

Dyseption flew below the clouds again, only to be hit by a clump of hail on her head. Aero followed her through the storm.
"Where are we going to go?" Dyseption asked Aero.
"Don't know," he replied. "We'll just have to go where we go."
With that they started flying faster and faster so they could find a place to rest, even live. Flying like this was exhausting, they couldn't keep it up. Their energy was draining out of their bodies, if the didn't rest they would feint in the air and probably die from falling at this height. The two dragons flew down to the ground, but their energy was so low, they feinted as the landed.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 05:31:33 03/10/2010 by Bolt
GamingMaster_76 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1271
#8 Posted: 05:23:17 03/10/2010
Can't wait for more!

Quote:
only to be hit by a clump of hale on her head

You were meant to put hail.
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#9 Posted: 05:31:07 03/10/2010 | Topic Creator
Yes, I got distracted by my little brother, I'll edit it...
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Cynder_fan Gold Sparx Gems: 2683
#10 Posted: 23:50:30 03/10/2010
Quote: Bolt
Thank you for all your nice comments! smilie

Quote: Cynder_fan
Hmm, not bad, though I think it could do with the readers wanting to ask more qustions, such as to why he chose those eggs, because there's only one qeustion along with a few minor parts to hang on in the bit, "Why is he taking eggs with chaos powers?", and I have guess why aswell. [/critique]



Does it matter?


Sorry for giving you advice on making a story better.
---
Local technician who comes up with rediculous ideas
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#11 Posted: 06:52:34 17/10/2010 | Topic Creator
Well, most of the books I read don't do that... Let alone have a prologue at all...

And to those who actually like the story, sorry for the long break. School started and I have homework, again...

Chapter 3: The Dragon Eye Tribe

Dyseption awoke in a small hut, lying in a bed. She didn't see Aero anywhere in the hut, but she thought she saw a glimpse of him outside. She got up from the bed but tumbled on the floor. Dyseption pulled herself up and limped out, her back aching. As she stepped out, the sun bathed her black scales but she didn't see a soul. But there were all other huts around a fountain of lava in the centre. Dyseption wondered, did Aero die? Did that dragoness get him? Where am I?!
"Hello?" she called out, hoping for a reply.
Nothing answered her call. Dyseption looked around to see if anyone had come out of the huts but her luck seemed to have run out.
"Hello!" she cried again, but this time a large black dragon came out of a hut. His body structure was just like Aero's. He had light and dark shades green markings all over his body, and spikes on his head. His wings were much larger than Dyseption's and so were his tail, neck and legs.
"You've awoken," his low voice replied to Dyseption's call. "My name is Viless, leader of the Dragon Eye Tribe. You must be Aero's friend."
Dyseption glared at him, surprised he knew Aero, "You know Aero?"
"Yes, he was supposed to be raised at the Dragon Temple, like you and Hazorus."
"Who's Hazorus?"
"Hazorus was that dragon that attacked you. But as I was saying, some of the Elders described a black dragon stealing you and the other two. It's day time, so you'd better go to sleep."
"What? Me and Aero go to sleep at night," Dyseption's voice replied, confused.
"Young dragon, you are a dark wing, you have to go to sleep at day. Like bats, you do know what bats are?" Viless said as he started walking back to his hut.
"Yes, who doesn't?" she called back. "Can I see Aero?"
Viless just nodded and pointed to a hut similar to Dyseption's. That must be his hut. She passed the lava fountain and had a quick look at it. How could the put lava on rock? It would melt! Never mind...
Dyseption trotted her way to Aero's hut. It had a skull of a dragon on the door. She ignored it and knocked three times. The door swung open and Aero's eyes glared into hers.
"Hey, Viless told me to go to sleep. But I can't, I'm simply not tired. Good thing you came," he said.
"He told me to do the same, so what you want to do?" Dyseption's curious voice replied.
"Well, stepping inside would be a start," Aero said with a slight giggle in his voice.
Dyseption walked inside and saw that his hut was almost exactly the same to hers. A bed with a black blanket, a desk, cupboards and drawers and a rock that seemed to have a crack in it.
"Figured out what that does?" she said as she pointed to the cracked rock.
Aero followed her claw and looked at the rock, "Yep," he said as he opened the rock. Fish, fruit, eggs and meat lay on the bottom inside the rock. "It holds food and keeps them fresh."
Dyseption nodded and looked at the desk. It had chips in at and a drawer with a skull nob, like hers. She saw that Aero had been drawing something with charcoal. It looked like a terrifying dragon, like that Hazorus dragon. Dyseption turned to Aero and looked at him.
"What to jump on the bed?" she asked, bored.
"Sure!" replied Aero and he started jumping with her.
They had been jumping for 30 minuets and Dyseption dropped on the soft bed. Aero looked at her and saw she was asleep. Looking at her sleep made him tired too, so he drifted off while lying on top of her.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
GamingMaster_76 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1271
#12 Posted: 06:55:38 17/10/2010
Cool! smilie
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#13 Posted: 05:18:53 24/10/2010 | Topic Creator
Thanks, I'm not getting very far with this though, am I...

Chapter 4: Attack

Dyseption woke up on the floor of the hut, Aero must have pushed her off while they were asleep. She pulled herself up and looked around. Where was Aero? He wasn't on the bed or on the floor. Dyseption looked on the desk, but he wasn't there. She established that he wasn't in the hut so Dyseption walked outside. It was night, the time that all the dark wings awoke. There was a slight drizzle and she looked around. There were dark wings on the ground outside, all cuts on their arms, all over bodies. Some even had full legs cut off, but Dyseption was the only one unharmed. But then she looked at her tail, it had claw marks on it. She looked further up and saw at the base of her tail were scratch marks making a circle around it. Dyseption only had a quick look, but she noticed some aqua lines glowed on her tail. She looked at her arms and saw her right arm glowing aqua in lines like her tail. Her right wing also glowed in aqua lines. Dyseption then looked over her shoulder and saw Viless. His wing webbings were cut and his left back leg looked like it was almost cut off. She was worried and looked at her back leg. It wasn't cut off, but her right one was also glowing in aqua lines. Dyseption looked around to see if she could find Aero, but he wasn't anywhere in eye-range.
"Viless," Dyseption sobbed as she walked up to the weakened leaded. "Have you seen Aero?"
Villes looked up to see Dyseption looking at his eyes in shock. "No, I haven't. Sorry young one."
"What happened to everyone?" she asked and then looked at her tail. "And me?"
"Well," Viless wanted to try to put it in a way she mightn't get upset. "We had an attack yesterday while we were asleep and we had lost some young ones. You, Dyseption, are one of the few younglings left; you, Cworsion, Cerina and Brazok. We've looked everywhere, but we couldn't find the missing anywhere. We've seen some dead younglings around our borders. I'm afraid Aero may be with them."
Dyseption looked at him with big eyes, Viless could see the sadness rushing through them. She tried to speak. "Okay, I-I-I understand," she sobbed and walked away.
As Dyseption walked through the village, all the dark wings stared at her. My glow? she wondered and she paced to a young dragoness. She was unlike the other dark wings here, she was grey with back and feint dark purple markings. Her anatomy way like Dyseption's, but instead she had many scaled horns in the middle of her head. And, unusual for a dark wing, she had purple fire on her back.
She turned around and saw Dyseption, "You must be the newcomer, Dyseption right?"
Dyseption looked at her and nodded.
"I'm Cworsion. I'm a different breed of dark wing. My dad was a fire claw, you know those dragons with fire on their backs, and his fire was blue. My mum was a dark wing that had mostly red so I turned out to be a dark fire, with purple fire and markings. Since fire claws are mostly grey, i turned out to be grey too. But the Dragon Eyes let any dark wing, let alone nocturnal dragon, into their tribe. My parents got killed by a black dragon and a purple dragon though."
"Nice to meet you Cworsion," Dyseption replied, "I seem to be different too, look at my strange glow. But my friend Aero, the other newcomer, died I think. Did any of your friends go missing?'
Cworsion looked to her feet, as a tear dropped from her eye. "Yes, my only brother, Secor. He was mostly a dark wing though, unlike me. The attackers gave me this," she said as she showed Dyseption a deep cut on the back of her neck.
Dyseption felt a rush of sadness through her body, many dragons have been affected in this attack. She felt sorry for Cworsion and started walking away. "I'll be taking revenge on these creatures that attacked us and even killed us... if you want me."
Cworsion looked at her with sad eyes, blurred by tears. She looked around as if trying to think about something. Cworsion had to do it, "Wait!"
Dyseption looked back and saw that Cworsion had yelled to her.
"I'm coming with you!"
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
spyro16 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1710
#14 Posted: 07:03:42 26/10/2010
Definitely a lot better than I could do...its better than the Spyro poem I wrote! Nicely done so farsmilie
---
Slendy's Shadow
i love smilie smilie and smilie
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#15 Posted: 08:32:54 27/10/2010 | Topic Creator
Many thanks. I bet you could do better if you write more often. You should have read my first stories, man they were bad!

Chapter 5: Misty Forest

Dyseption looked at Cworsion, seeing the determination in her eyes. She nodded and Cworsion followed her into the outside world. There were dead corpses on the ground, all the killed younglings. The drizzle turned into a heavy rain as they walked deeper into the unknown lands. Cworsion and Dyseption walked into a forest, far beyond the boundaries of the Dragon Eyes. The trees had a funny look to them, ghostlike perhaps. Their leaves were falling from the branches and made what seemed like an orange carpet. This made the rain fall through the canopy. A ghostly mist made the forest look even more spooky. You could tell, just by looking into the two dragoness' eyes that they were scared. The rain stopped and turned into a strong wind. The leaves started blowing around and the mist showed the path of the wind.
Dyseption waked Cworsion with her tail, telling her to start running. The two ran through the mist, which made it almost impossible to see. They had to keep hold of each other, just in case they lost each other in the mist. Cworsion heard a bang but then Dyseption's grip left. She couldn't see her new found friend through the mist, so she made her fire stronger so she could see. Cworsion could see a bit ahead of her, but not very far. Dyseption couldn't be seen anywhere.

Dyseption looked around, but the mist blocked out everything. She couldn't think of anything else but to fly up. Her wings blasted the mist as she flapped. Dyseption burst through the layer of mist and saw only the leaves of the trees above the mist. The wind suddenly blasted her out of the sky and she fell down towards the far side of the forest. She crash-landed into a deep hole and mud stained her scales. She was stuck.


Sorry for the short chapter, I didn't have much time today.
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
spyro16 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1710
#16 Posted: 00:43:59 28/10/2010
My writing teacher told me that I write some pretty good stories but 2 me they're not that great.
No worries about short chapterssmilie....I rarely have enough time 2 even get on my computer cause of all the homework I get from school.(boring)smilie
---
Slendy's Shadow
i love smilie smilie and smilie
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#17 Posted: 20:36:59 20/11/2010 | Topic Creator
I think they could be better if you put more effort into them.
Sorry for the long wait.

Chapter 6: The Fall

Dyseption struggled to get out of the hole, her face stuck in the mud. She used her darkness to try and make a deeper hole. As she blasted the mud, it collapsed and she fell down further. Dyseption landed on a ledge that overlooked a deep chasm. At the bottom, she noticed a blue mist leaking through large cracks. The walls had markings on them, a dragon spirit, and a lightning bolt like the one on her arms. Dyseption got airborne and tried to fly out of the hole, but something was dragging her back down. She managed to hold on to a root near the exit. Her tail grabbed the top of the hole and she let go of the root. Her tail lost grip and she plummeted down towards the blue mist. Dyseption tried to hold onto the edge of the crack but the pull was so strong she fell right through.

Cworsion had been looking for ages and she had no luck. The mist was clearing off but it didn't make much use. She wondered if Dyseption had flown up toward the sky. Cworsion wasn't held back as she flew up. A great pull made Cworsion fall into the same hole as Dyseption, it must have a really powerful gravitational pull at that spot. But Cworsion didn't grab on to a ledge because she could feel Dyseption's presence here. She fell straight into a different misty crack and it went into a slide. The mist was blocking her view so she could only slide with the pull. She could faintly see little pools of blue liquid on the sides of the slide. They had a funny moist smell with a bit of mould. As the slide ended, Cworsion started flying but the pull was so powerful she had to free fall down. She landed in water at the very bottom of the chasm. She looked up and noticed Dyseption falling down and she landed with a thud on a grassy plain.


Another short chapter...
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
torok Platinum Sparx Gems: 6123
#18 Posted: 13:10:40 05/12/2010
This is a good story.
daimondcynder21 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1218
#19 Posted: 01:14:33 16/12/2010
nice story, its really pulls you in!
GamingMaster_76 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1271
#20 Posted: 12:02:48 04/02/2011
Aww, poor Cworsion...
Jayne_Szarotka Ripto Gems: 522
#21 Posted: 15:45:32 04/02/2011
awesome!!!!!
Page 1 of 1

Please login or register a forum account to post a message.

Username Password Remember Me