darkSpyro

HELLFIRE
Here is my fan-dragon:
Name: Hellfire.
age: 90 (900 in human years.)
element: Chaos and Ice.
species: Unknown.
gender: Male.
special features: the red jewel on his chest and his red crystal horns.
trainer: none.
other: his horns are made of pure crystal.
Attack: 100/100.
defence: 99/100.
Speed: 100/100.
radar: 99/100.
Armed with: Long claws, sharp fangs, chaos, ice and wire like spikes.
ability: heaing powers
appearance:

darkform:

sign:

lives: ocean cave
----------------------
CHAPTER 1 SOON

Your attempt shall fail.

I wouldn't actually mind that you stole the name if you just drew it yourself.

i did not draw it, i just found it on PB (photobucket)

I know you didn't draw it. That's the main reason why I'm unhappy.

whats wrong with it?

He thinks it's unfair your using others' art.

I don't like it when a dragon that took a long time to do gets ripped off by someone for their own amusement. I always draw my fandragons, only using Generaters or Internet images if I'm desprate.

Quote: GamingMaster_76

He thinks it's unfair your using others' art.

it is not

you could get someone to draw it for you then it wouldnt be stealing as you asked them to do it

Quote: GamingMaster_76

He thinks it's unfair your using others' art.

I'm a she

i dont care who did it, lets just start the first chapter
-----------------------
CHAPTER 1
Hellfire
My name is hellfire, im a normal dragon like the others. i live in a cave not far from the sea and the knight kindom. i protect the dragons that live around me, i also protect other creatures. i fight knights and steal treasure, and i dont have mercy on the creatures that dont have mercy on me........

Hellfire flew through the sky, he was fast and did not get tired very easy. he was looking for a herd of deer or a lone knight to prey on. he suddenly spotted something! A knight and a dragon battling, the dragon growled and lunged at the knight but the knight hit the dragon with his sword and made the dragon fall to one side. the knight walked to the dragon which lay injured on the floor and raised his sword above the dragons chest, He was going to kill the dragon!! hellfire growled, he flapped his wings and fell into a drive. just as the knight was about to drive his sword into the dragons chest, hellfire flew so fast that he hit the sword and the knight did not even see him!
"Not this time" hellfire said, he flew around and rammed into the knight with the side of his wing into a tree! he landed and stood above the knight and with one raised claw, he ripped the knight's chest and killed him.
"Are you okay?" he asked the dragon
"Im fine" the dragon said, she got up...

kool story

Thanks, more soon!

I warned you...

Would you just be quiet?You're probably angry to Cynder 9999 because your fandragon's name's are same,Hellfire and Hellfire.

name: star dust
age: 87 (870 in human years)
gender: female
element: ice and water
power: 100/100
defence: 98/100
speed: 99/100
radar: 100/100
appearance:

darkform:

info: she is a member of the "dragon squad"
special features: big wings and long tail
special ability: digging
armed with: long claws and sharp fangs
trainer: none
sign:

lives: Unknown
--------------------------
CHAPTER 2
Star dust

"What is your name?" asked Hellfire
"Im star dust" she replied "what is yours?"
"Me, im Hellfire. i protect creatures from the knights that live near us" he smiled "i can take you home, where do you live?"
"I dont live anywhere, i live in space with the dragon squad" star dust said
"The.........dragon squad?" said a confused hellfire "who are they?"
"the dragon squad is a team of dragons which travel around space in a spaceship. we stopped at this planet for a break from space traveling" star dust said as she turned and stared up into the sky
"May i see this...................spaceship?......." hellfire asked, he was still a bit confused about a spaceship
"Sure, i may have to cntact them" star dust smiled, she had a colar around her neck which had a little radar on it, she lifted a paw and click a small red button and on the radar screen appeared a big black dragon
"Saurus! i see you are online" star dust said
"We are online and ready to go." smiled the dragon on the screen, his name was saurus and he was caption of the dragon squad
"Can you pick me and my friend up here?" she asked
"who is your new friend?" asked Saurus curiously
"Oh, he is Hellfire! he helped me escape from a knight which was going to kill me" star dust said
"Welcome abourd" said saurus, he dissappeared from the screen and a big red ship appeared behind her
"Hellfire, welcome to the dragon star 360" star dust smiled, a beam came from the bottom of the dragon star 360. Hellfire and star dust were sucked in!

again cool

thanks, i work hard on these chapters

Quote: cynder 9999

Quote: GamingMaster_76

He thinks it's unfair your using others' art.

it is not

Without there permission, yes it is.

No-one is going to stop me using it.

BEST STORY EVER. SHOULD BE A BOOK.

Thanks dude

yeha it is

Quote: Whitedragon

BEST STORY EVER. SHOULD BE A BOOK.

Not true(Unless that was sarcasm, can't tell). This story has several problems.

//forum.darkspyro.net/spyro/viewposts.php?topic=29778
//forum.darkspyro.net/spyro/viewposts.php?topic=26069
Those are much better, because:

• They have correct spelling and grammar.
  
• They make sense.
  
• They don't say [character] said "[text]".
  
• They are much more mature.
  

Quote: cynder 9999

No-one is going to stop me using it.

That is mean. Would you like it if I stole YOUR art without permission? Yes, I don't care if you remove me from your friend list, cynder 9999, because you're immature, careless, and I never liked you that much at all, because YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME. YOU NEVER EVEN SAID HELLO.
/rant

*rolls eyes*

'Bout time I find something to report you for I will get my revenge....

ART THEFT IS ILLEGIAL YOU THIEF

That just proved you were immature.

your face is immature.

Will you just stop? You're the one who started this war.

Also, you don't need to suddenly act mean to me now that I'm not your friend.

*Yawn*

A nerd has better comebacks then you, C9999.

Quote: GamingMaster_76

Will you just stop? You're the one who started this war.

Also, you don't need to suddenly act mean to me now that I'm not your friend.

Im not acting mean because im off your friend list. and anyways, your shouting at me

Quote: cynder 9999

Quote: GamingMaster_76

Will you just stop? You're the one who started this war.

Also, you don't need to suddenly act mean to me now that I'm not your friend.

Im not acting mean because im off your friend list. and anyways, your shouting at me

How do you know she's shouting if it's just words you see

Quote: ShayminSky

Quote: cynder 9999

Quote: GamingMaster_76

Will you just stop? You're the one who started this war.

Also, you don't need to suddenly act mean to me now that I'm not your friend.

Im not acting mean because im off your friend list. and anyways, your shouting at me

How do you know she's shouting if it's just words you see

I see no exclamation marks.

Just a ? and .'s

I'm so sad I wrote an entire paragraph about Cynder9999's shoddy eevee club: http://dominicdownstwo.webs.com/advertisments.htm

I dont care about what you peeps think about this topic.
IT SHALL NOT DIE

Time to interduce some new caracters

name: saurus
age: 21
gender: male
rank: caption of the dragon squad
element: fire
power: 89/100
defence: 97/100
speed: 100/100
radar: 99/100
likes: flying through space in the "star dragon 360"
dislikes: evil dragons
appearance:

Darkform:

special ability: fighting
other: he is a good caption ya know
trainer: none
armed with: claws and fangs

name: torcotor
age: 20
gender: male
element: ice
rank: star dragon 360 driver
power: 97/100
defence: 90/100
speed: 99/100
radar: 80/100
likes: fighting
dislikes: crash landing
apearance:

darkform:

special ability: flying
other: he is good at fighting too
trainer: none
armed with: claws and fangs

name: haymish
age: 23
gender: male
rank: engineer
element: fire
power: 90/100
defence: 98/100
speed: 100/100
radar: 80/100
likes: fixing things
dislikes: evil dragons
appearance:

darkform:

special ability: metal prof scales
trainer: none
other: he likes to fix things
armed with: claws and fangs
-------------------
CHAPTER 3
dragon quad

Hellfire looked around, the ship was filled with controls and screens.
saurus came to hellfire and greet him with a friendly bow.
"So your hellfire. intresting name" he said
"Thanks, my name was given to me by my mum and dad who came from hell. they called me hellfire becuase i was born from the flames of hell" hellfire smiled, he showed his glinting white teeth.
star dust smiled, she walked to the control panner and checked for incoming meteors
"Saurus, may i join your squad?" Hellfire asked
"We would love to have you on board" he smiled "you can be gaurd with star dust! it seems you 2 get along"
"Really! Thanks dude" cried Hellfire, saurus handed him a tag an dhe clipped it onto a loose scale.
"We have some work to do" saurus smiled, the star dragon 360 toke off and flew into space.
"so, what do we do here?" asked Hellfire
"We protect other dragons and fly across space" said saurus
"Across space?" replied Hellfire
"Yes, and befoe you go anywhee, you will need this" smiled saurus, he handed hellfire a map showing the whole of the space

"Wow! thats the whole of space? i though space only had a few planets" beamed Hellfire
"Thats what many dragons think, but they are all wrong" Saurus laughed
"That map ois top secret, so you cant show anyone who is not on the dragon quad team" Hissed Saurus
"I Will obey" said Hellfire, he then sulated Saurus

You still commit art theft? Now where did I put that ban hammer....

^lol, I have a spare *hands over hammer*

it aint going to work, shayminsky. im already going through anough stress from ravenous cynder as you can see by my sig

Well, thats whats in my story. and dont worry, when its finished im publishing it.

*Cough* If you're serious, I bet you wouldn't get too far, with your ****ty grammar.

Quote: cynder 9999

it aint going to work, shayminsky. im already going through anough stress from ravenous cynder as you can see by my sig

As you can't see, my family argues every single day, my grandparents are in very bad condition, and my family is DISFUNCTIONAL. So don't think your problems are ANYTHING.

And my kitten was hit by a car. You think that having an arguement with a person you live nowhere near to is worse!?

i dont really know which is worse

^ 1 out of 4 people are retards. You're one of them.

Quote: cynder 9999

it aint going to work, shayminsky. im already going through anough stress from ravenous cynder as you can see by my sig

I DIDNT STEAL IT!! IT'S JUST AN RP NOW GIVE OVER.

IM PUBLISHING IT AS A GUIDE ON HOW NOT TO WRITE STORIES. OWHC!

CHAPTER 4
ship invasion

Torcotor steered the ship, saurus watched a big screen which radared enermys, friends and objects. he then turned and staretd to type on a keyboard below him.
"Hellfire, i need you here" he said, Hellfire ran over
"Yes, sir?" hellfire said, he saluted saurus
"Since your new, i must give you a mission" saurus said
"What is my mission? sir?" Hellfire asked
"There has been a colision between to mitorits. i want you to take the Tiger X ship and investigate how it happened." Saurus replied

"YES SIR!" cried Hellfire, he turned and started to run down a hall-ay into the ship room!
There was hundreds of ships, all different shapes, colours and sizes. they hade marks on th side to tell which was which. Hellfire scanned the room for the Tiger X, he turned quickly to see a small ship waiting to be flown across the galaxy

"This must be my ride" Hellfire smiled, he walked to the Tiger X and slowly pushed the door to it open.
Hellfire toke a step in then the door automaticly closed behind him, he looked around in amazment
"Wow!" he cried as he walked to the drivers seat at the front. The ship had a red capet floor, red carpet walls and roof, there was a leather yellow seat at the front suround by controls, switches and big green buttons.
Hellfire turned, he saw a bed at the back with some books, lights and emerald green pillows. Hellfire whipped his head around to see a fride and a freezer stadcked with food and drink
"My dream ship" he smiled, there was suddenly a bleeping noise and a small screen flash on his control pannel. saurus appeared on the screen.
Hellfire ran to the control pannel and looked into the screen
"How do you like it?" aske saurus asked
"Its great." hellfire smiled back
"We knew it would come into handy one day" Saurus laughed
"Now, you must get to your mission, STAT!" saurus cried, he disipeared off the screen
Hellfire sat into the yellow leather seat and pressed a large black button which turned on the ship. he then pulled a leaver and the ship started it's engine. A large door shoot opened on the side of the star dragon 360 and The Tiger X flew out into space
--------------------
Sorry it was such a long chapter, i think i described the Tiger X to much

OMG EXTREMLY LONG


Anyway, I feel sorry for you so I'll give you a quick guide. Your stories are alright, and I must admit I'm a secret fan; we all need to improve on something, so heres a guide...

Use intresting words

Use intresting words in a story, like this...

Green - Bosky, olive, jade, bottle green, lime, grass, emerald, sea green
Blue - Azure, navy, cobalt, cerulean, indigo, baby blue.

Understand?

Another thing

Hellfire sat into the yellow leather seat and pressed a large black button which turned on the ship. he then pulled a leaver and the ship started it's engine. A large door shoot opened on the side of the star dragon 360 and The Tiger X flew out into space

(Bold is what is changed

|
|
v)
Hellfire gradually sat into the malleable melon coloured leather seat and promptly pushed a massive ebony button which switched on the ship so Hellfire could operate it. He then pulled a petite cerise leaver and the ship began to start it's engine. Hellfire sniffed the stuffy air, eyeing the rest of the ship.

Okay, Thanks. so, your a secret fan