darkSpyro

some of you have seen and/or heard of my character Renee and maybe read her bio of how she turned evil. so i decided to make a story of her life so you can understand it better. this may be rated PG in some scenes. NUU NOT THAT, i meant some bloody scenes. please tell me how to improve it if there is a better way. she is actuly writing in her diary.

Chapter 1: I Now Exist
''Another child? i never asked for one.''my mother said ''neither did i.''said father ''it came from nowhere.'' ''m-mama.''i said for the first time ''her first word. she may be cute but i dont want another child.'' my hopes flew down. these were two dragons, a male and a female. my mother and father. they had just witnessed having me. ''what should we do with her?'' ''just throw her into a box and we'll take her home.''when i was thrown into the box i half suffocated. dragon hatchlings should never be put into a box. this opened the door for my horrible beginning.
Remind you of a certain story?

Ya mine!

maybe. it was based on the book and the movie Matilda i got the idea from. but its a little bit like yours.

Kesi had happier times... A "bit" '

chapter2: My Brother
I was flown home by my mother. we had just landed at our home. my mother and father walked through the door and i saw a younger male dragon. ''m-mama, w-who that?'' i asked a bit afraid of the other dragon. ''thats your brother, Flamer.'' ''Fwamwer.'' I tried to pronounce his name. Flamer walked over to me. ''is it a boy or girl?'' he said obviously hoping for a boy to play video games with. ''girl. we're going to call her Renee.'' i just giggled. ''yuck a girl? i wanted a little bro.'' ''well live with it.'' my father said.
16 YEARS LATER.
''RENEE COME DOWN HERE AND CLEAN THE FIREPLACE!'' my father was yelling at me to do his chores. ''IM COMING!'' i raced down the stairs and cleaned out the fireplace for roughly an hour. ''go to your room.'' my mother said. i went upstairs but i stopped halfway to listen to my parents. ''i wish we never had Renee. she's so annoying.'' my heart dropped. ''i agree.'' my mother approved of her hatred towards me. i wanted to die and go to another place. i walked upstairs to my room. when i got there i saw Flamer wreking my room ''what are you doing?'' ''what does it look like?'' he replied nastily. he threw my belongings on the floor. he wrecked my bedclothes. my mother came into my room ''RENEE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR ROOM? WE WASTED MONEY ON THOSE THINGS FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US? TODAY YOUR GOING TO CLEAN THIS WHOLE HOUSE!'' i felt like crying but i held my tears in. ''yes mother.'' i began to clean my room.
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the action comes in chap three.

Thats evil! More evil then Keira!

phhft your telling me.

Cool =3

thankiez

I like the story, but a Mother saying the hate there child that just pure evil!

Little advice Renne:
Boil-em, Mash-em, Stick-em in a stew

lol stew. cynder 19000 you really think they're more evil than keira? that girl is evil.

Yes. Killing someone is very evil, but in my story at least her parents 'care' for her. Her parents may aswell kill her! lol But it is still pure evil.

You could describe the setting more with maybe something strange. That brings me in books (and chat to the reader too!).

well like what? a heartbreak or something? or whatever.

Like this:

She eyed the mud infested land and stumbled through the mud infested slime in a monsterous (Spelling mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol) manner, her eyes scanning the area for her kill.

ooh the landscape on which she's walking on. sorry i misunderstood what you meant by setting.

Ok can't wait for the next chapter.

you cant wait for the action to start can you?
well you may be in luck i'm almost doen thinking of what to write. :B

OCC: I dunno

chapter 3 :Murderer
I was outside playing, that was when it happened. i saw a hare run past and i decided to catch it for my dinner, seeing as my parents wouldnt make me anything. then all of a sudden i breathed moondust which managed to make it have a heart attack. ''woah, what just happened?'' i tried to breathe it again but instead of moondust time froze itself. ''i can contrioll time?'' i unfroze time and saw my brother walk past. ''gimme that hare. i want it.'' he said. he took it from me and i got mad. ''give me that back!'' ''make me.'' that made me snap. all of a sudden i started moving my hands and Flamer's body moved in time with my hands. ''bloodbending....'' i made Flamer walk into a wall and it himself with a rock. ''w-what's happening?'' i felt different from my shy self, i felt....power. ''Renee come in here and clean the kitchen!'' i felt angry. ''NO!'' ''excuse me?'' ''i am sick and tired of you making me do chores. now your gonna pay!'' i breathed moondust on my mother which instantly made her fall to the ground ad clutch herself in pain. i the used my bloodbending powers to make her run inside the house and grab a knife. i watched malevontly as she stuck the knife through her chest and i watched the blood gush out. ''MOM!'' my brother cried but i turned around and made him poke his heart out with the knife. i then went inside the house and made my father have a heart attack. i cut his head off with the knife and watched my family die helplessly. when i had the house to myself i began to take all the food i the house. i was leaving this god forsaken place forever.
___________________________________________________________and that's how she murdered her family.

Nice, bir gorey though. A fire would have been good, Renee had the only hope saving them, but left them.

ya but i made the history saying that when she discovered her powers she used them to kill them herself.

Mkkkkk

soo who leiks it so far?

ooookkk

You should really put a warning if there is going to be gore, thats what i do when writing my stories, seeing as they have quite a bit of gore.

Nice though =3

Also you could maybe think of other time conectives? Thats my target lol.

yayz now for chap four
chapter four: first crush.
I felt good that i killed my family. they deserved to die and go to hell for neglecting me. i flew into the air and headed towards Warfang. i then landed and saw something i had not expected to see. a sixteen year old male dragon. the majority of his scales were black and his horns were white. his underbelly was red and he looked hot to me. i felt something wash over me, love. i decided to approach him. ''hi im Renee. wats your name?'' i kinda felt annoyed that to him im some stranger just asking him his name. ''Risan. what brings you to Warfang?'' he talked in monotone. he looked emo to me. ''just killed my family for neglection, regection, that kind of stuff.'' ''i just finished murdering an enemy. goody-two-shoes good for nothing pests.'' he felt the same way as me when im murdering. ''wanna go out with me for a bit? just a walk?'' his voice was still monotone but i sensed a bitof feeling in the question ''sure'' ''okay we'll go a bit later in the evening.'' ''okay.'' ''bye.'' ''see ya.'' he walked away from me. i felt better now.
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raandom stuff.

Try use grammar and try not to skip the describing of journeys (Theres no escaping - Muwhahaha!). Also, describe characters when their looks are in action like: Her blond hair blew in the wind.

renee's hair is red

Thats an example but if you want so:

He red hair blew in the wind. She stared at the male dragon as rain raced down his ebony scales.

i like it so far more more as and command it!

you;'ve got to stop being controlled by fiction characters.

*sigh* i know.... but ur story is great ceep going!

*INSERT CREEPY ORGAN MUSIC B BEETHOVEN HERE PLZ* i has to think the rest up. NAO GO BEFOR I EAT YOUR BRAIN!!! or brian as i call it.

more more more...

This is amazing

I cant wait for the next cap

Try and make it drag in the reader.

yays ppl like mah story!

I was outside playing, but that was the last second before my entire life was changed.

WHO WANTS A NEW CHAPTER???!!
Chapter five: OMG
I walked toward the giant rock Risan said he would meet me. He was already there. ''So where do you wanna go?'' ''Anywhere is fine, as long as it's not all filled with insolent fools who think good always wins.'' I said, making a face. ''okay.'' We walked together to a cliff near the edge of Warfang. The moon was gigantic from where we were standing. ''Renee your eyes are beautiful.'' I blushed. ''thanks. most guys avoid me now becuase they've heard about the murder i've done. no one underdstands
me.'' ''I do.'' Risan nuzzled me a bit. I kissed his cheek. ''I know this is a little sudden but, do you wanna be my mate?'' ''sure.'' I cuddled him and my heart fluttered about. Risan cuddled me back.
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nao who expected that to happen?

I did.

Me. xD Awsome, but one question. Is Renee a human or dragon?

I think dragon.

*facepalm* she killed her parents using her ELEMENTS. she FLEW to warfang.

I knew draogn.

im doing loads of face palms to NiOwl right nao
*facepalm* *facepalm* *facepalm* 1008 FACEPAMLS LATER
OMG MY FACE IS BURNING!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, its just I don't imagine dragons the way you do. xD I don't think they live in houses, thats why I got mixed up.

you nut xD