darkSpyro

Ok, I did this story for school and I thought it would be nice to get some feed back on it. And if i could fix anything. (I know spelling will be a key factor, but besides that, also i know the chapters are small.) Also plz dont get bored form the start it gets good deeper into the story. And i'll write a chapter a day untill chapter8 because i ahve not wrote past that yet. So here's the prolog and chapter1.

The prolog

Once apon a time there was a brother and sister. There names are Jack and Crystle. It was halloween night, Jack was going out as and Gangster, and Crystle a Gangster girl. "Ding Dong" the door bell rang, no one could of been ready for what was going to happen.


Chapter1: The feeling.

Jack and Crystle were so excited for the halloween carnavle. It was there classes year to run the hunted house. As the day pasted Crystle was feeling as if she was being watched, she told JAck about it, but he was no help.
"It's probally because it's halloween nothing to worry about." Jack said, with a chucle. Crystle didnt care what he said, something wasn't right somethig she flet befor...But it was to horrrible to think of. It was the end of school day. Jack had a great day, but Crystle was terrified to go home.

Good start, but you have a few spelling errors here and there: Chuckle, before,passed. You also might want to try using different words instead fo rpeating Crystle and Jack over and over again.

I think Halloween is a proper noun but you shouldn't just go by what I say.

Anyway, continue please.

I know, those are all things i have to change sorry 'bout that, but that wha ti put it on here for!

I'll continue when i can i'll try to get the next chap in tonight.