darkSpyro

Ok, this is my story, first chapter. Hope you like it. Sorry if its really bad. Tell me if it is.

“Oh dam........” Cleari ended her sentence unexpectedly as she crashed into a pile of toilet rolls, drawing curious stares from the dragons that were peacefully shopping about 5 seconds ago. “If you’re hiding I’m gonna find...ARGH!!!!!!!!!!Sh---“A bronze dragon had hurtled round the corner and gone flying right into Cleari. “Oh for God’s sake, Mint, couldn’t you have just LOOKED where you were going?” Cleari complained, rubbing her bruises. “You can talk! You’re not exactly a pile of cushions to land on!” Mint retorted, pulling toilet paper off his foot. Cleari stomped off, flashing from invisible to white and silver like she always did when she got angry. “Hey guys whazzup?” a voice said out of nowhere. Mint jumped about 3 feet in the air. “JJ, do u MIND not becoming something small so I can’t see you?” Mint said angrily. He was already visibly angry about something so JJ thought it safe to become his ordinary self if he didn’t want to get his arm ripped off. “Well, I came to say......” JJ started. “I don’t care. Unless someone’s gonna murder Cleari, I really don’t care,” Mint said, walking out the supermarket door. JJ cleared his throat and said “Well, actually, that’s what I was gonna talk to you about,”

Pretty good for the first chapter, you could make them longer but writing them like this:

"Hi!" Cleari said
"Hi!" Mint said

and not:

"Hi!" Cleari said "Hi!" Mint said

Would make it easier to read.

Ok. I will try that. by the way, to anyone who gives tips, I'll follow them as long as they're not something like "Jump off a cliff!" or "Put this character/place/rock in your story!" Thank you. Will edit this to write another chapter unless someone posts. Oh by the way, thanks Tango!


“You are joking. Please tell me this is one of your many practical jokes,” Hodin said, pacing up and down the white stone floor. “I’m sorry. I should have expected it. We are getting more popular than him. I don’t blame him. I would do what he is doing if I was him,” Newk said, looking down at his bronze brother, Mint, and fearing for his life. He looked around at the faces in the meeting room, shock and fear was showing clearly on all of their faces. “Well we could try and.......but the problem is, in power, we have the upper hand. In numbers.....” Newk trailed off, not wanting to admit that even if they won, they would lose. They would lose some of their friends or family. Cleari came dashing in, her face serious, for once. She huffed, out of breath. “Wh-hwh-krahhh....” She wheezed.
“Cleari, what? WHAT!” JJ yelled, anxiety for his friends and self-preservation obviously battling.
“I-krakkhhh. D...d...do you....” Cleari wheezed, trying to get her breath back. She tried again, “D...do yo...you.... Do yo...you...want..t..to.. play Tig?” Cleari wheezed excitedly.
Everyone stared at Cleari for a second, then burst into loud hoots of laughter, the stress and worry of what she might have said clearing away. Already their worries seemed far away. But not completely gone, when they looked at Cleari they saw her face, on a wanted poster, representing them all. Writing, quite small, underneath. WANTED: Alive or.....dead.

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I doubt anyone could find Cleari though, alive or dead!