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The Story of Penny 10: Rise of the Darkness [CLOSED]
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#1 Posted: 00:54:28 05/12/2009 | Topic Creator
This is a story about my Fan-Dragon, Penny 10, or Penny for short.

Penny 10 is 16 years old and Snap, Spyro & Cynder join her on a quest to defeat the forces of darkness.

Penny 10 was raised in a hatchery with 9 other dragons. They all looked alike so the Elders called them all Penny 1-10. The hatchlings had a great time there until a day when an attack fell on the Hatchery and the walls fell and fire was everywhere. Penny 1-9 escaped through a vent, but when Penny 10 was about to go through, a rock fell on the entrance. Penny 10 was scared. But then a Hayzer named Gayze that was kept in a cage busted into the room. Penny climbed onto Gayze and they escaped.
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you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 01:13:22 05/12/2009 by Bolt
Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822
#2 Posted: 01:07:17 05/12/2009
Sounds good!smilie
---
I'm batman!! Shh...
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#3 Posted: 05:22:56 06/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Thanks!
----------------

Chapter 1: Malefor is Returning to the World

Penny 10 was walking in a dark cave. She was looking for a way to escape. Then she saw a light in the distance. Penny ran towards it. As she ran, a Dark Purple Dragon blocked the way. It was Malefor. Penny tried to fight him but he knocked her out. Then everything spiraled...

"AHHH!!!" yelled Penny as she got up. "AHHH!!!" yelled Snap, Spyro & Cynder as they woke up from Penny's scream. "What was that?!" asked Cynder. "What's wrong, Penny?" asked Snap. "I, I had a terrible dream." she shivered. "I was stuck in a cave, a dark, dark cave. Then I found an exit and Malefor blocked the way. He knocked me out..." Spyro looked scared. "I had the same dream, except I was stuck in the cave." "I had the same too!" yelled Cynder & Snap at the same time. "What can this mean?" asked Penny. "I have no idea," said Spyro, puzzled. "Maybe Malefor is going to escape?" said Snap. "That might be right," replied Cynder. They all looked scared. The four Dragons walked outside their cave. There stood an army of Grublins, Boomerang Orcs, Speed Grublins (Flying Grublins), Trolls, Hero Orcs, Wyverns, Shadow Apes and Dread Wings. "Yep, I think Malefor has returned," said Penny to the others. Then the four Dragons attacked. Penny used her Borealis Element to blind a Dread Wing and a few Trolls. Then she froze them and Snap ran up and scratched each one of the frozen enemies. Cynder used Fear to paralyze around 10 Shadow apes, 13 Speed Grublins and 7 Orcs. Cynder then poisoned them and soon they died. Spyro zapped a Hero Orc. He then used an Earth Missile to knock over a dozen Trolls. Penny got scratched by a Wyvern on the cheek. But she then drowned it in her Water/Ice Element. Anyway, the Dragons got a few scratches, no serious injuries, and killed the army in about 12 hours...

"Whoa," that was sure a test of strength..." sighed Penny. "I'm so tiered," said Cynder under her breath. "Lets go have a good night's rest," suggested Snap. "Good idea, buddy!" sighed Spyro. They all walked into their cave. Then they stumbled onto their rocky beds and fell asleep...
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 05:54:05 06/12/2009 by Bolt
Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822
#4 Posted: 13:13:25 06/12/2009
Good chapter!smilie PLZ keep going!!smilie
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I'm batman!! Shh...
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#5 Posted: 16:11:24 06/12/2009
smilie Cool! Do you want tips on how to improve it? I can help!
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I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 7127
#6 Posted: 20:12:13 06/12/2009
This is pretty neat.
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Stranger in the Desert
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#7 Posted: 20:15:29 06/12/2009 | Topic Creator
BEST FAN EVER: Yeah, if you don't mind. You can give me a few tips...
----------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: Melting Cave

When the Snap & Penny 10 woke up, the place was burning and falling on top of them. "Whoa, what's going on!" asked Snap as he saw the flames. "It must be from Malefor, he's raiding an attack on us!" replied Penny as she tried to wake Spyro & Cynder up. "Whaa? What's happening?" asked Spyro. "Hurry, just run out!" said Penny as she pushed Spyro out of bed. "Wake up, Cynder. Wake up. WAKE UP!!!" yelled Snap. "AHH!! It's burning!" screamed Cynder as she ran out of the cave. "Come on, Snap!" yelled Penny as she pushed Snap out. Now they were all out of the cave and the watched it melt into liquid. "So, Snap, why did you stay in there?" asked Cynder. "How did you know?" wondered Snap. "I saw you from the entrance," said Cynder. "Well, if you must know, I wanted to get a crystal at the end of the cave." he muttered. Then about 4 wyverns landed on a small mountain and hissed. "What do you want?!" yelled Spyro very loudly. "Destorad yous crav!" hissed a wyvern. Good thing they knew how to speak enemy types. The wyvern said: to destroy your cave. Then Snap scared them off. "Snap, why did you do that?!" asked Spyro. "Because it is fun!" Snap laughed. "Snap, we were trying to get them to answer for us!" giggled Penny. "We will have to find where Malefor is and defeat him!" Then they all flew off to the Dragon Temple...

Meanwhile...
Malefor was in a dark temple known as The Dragon's Eye. "So they managed to defeat my army and escape the flame?" said Malefor looking into a red gem on a wall. "To bad they won't live to appreciate it!" Malefor made 1000000 Hero Orcs go to the Dragon Temple. "See how they survive that!" Malefor cackled as he went into a different room...
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 21:03:23 07/12/2009 by Bolt
IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 7127
#8 Posted: 20:19:56 06/12/2009
Cool. And also, I'm willing to help too, if you need it.
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Stranger in the Desert
Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822
#9 Posted: 20:28:12 06/12/2009
Good chapter!!!smilie
---
I'm batman!! Shh...
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#10 Posted: 03:06:29 07/12/2009
Well, i've got a lot of experiance since my book was asked if willing to be published, which i'm excited about. Okay, here's a few...

1. inclinements such as "asked, shouted" etc you should not use more than once in a row e.g:
"How are you?" asked Jim.
"I'm great, how are you?" asked James.

2. A new speaker always goes to a new line. e.g.
"How are you?" asked Jim.
"I'm great, how are you?" James replied with gentle smile tugging at his lips.

NOT - "How are you?" asked Jim. "I'm great, how are you?" James replied with gentle smile tugging at his lips.

This makes it a lot easier to read, and see who's talking.

3. Try to restrin yourself from starting sentences with , Then, but, and never start a sentence with because.

4. lists of things: when you said every enemy in the army, it comes across as almost boring in a way. as the fight, you should describe the enmies they come across and this also enables you to not double say. that means e.g:
She saw the dreadwings on the battlefeild. she tapped her claws on the ashfault, narrowed her eyes and attacked a dreadwing snarling below her.
that was double saying, mentioning an enemy or thing repeatedly.

5. take it slower. too much happens in too few sentences. Descibe and explian. that is the key to writing
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I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 7127
#11 Posted: 03:18:00 07/12/2009
Quote: BEST FAN EVER
Well, i've got a lot of experiance since my book was asked if willing to be published, which i'm excited about. Okay, here's a few...

1. inclinements such as "asked, shouted" etc you should not use more than once in a row e.g:
"How are you?" asked Jim.
"I'm great, how are you?" asked James.

2. A new speaker always goes to a new line. e.g.
"How are you?" asked Jim.
"I'm great, how are you?" James replied with gentle smile tugging at his lips.

NOT - "How are you?" asked Jim. "I'm great, how are you?" James replied with gentle smile tugging at his lips.

This makes it a lot easier to read, and see who's talking.

3. Try to restrin yourself from starting sentences with , Then, but, and never start a sentence with because.

4. lists of things: when you said every enemy in the army, it comes across as almost boring in a way. as the fight, you should describe the enmies they come across and this also enables you to not double say. that means e.g:
She saw the dreadwings on the battlefeild. she tapped her claws on the ashfault, narrowed her eyes and attacked a dreadwing snarling below her.
that was double saying, mentioning an enemy or thing repeatedly.

5. take it slower. too much happens in too few sentences. Descibe and explian. that is the key to writing


This is a good example.
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Stranger in the Desert
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#12 Posted: 03:30:35 07/12/2009
was that an insult? Or a compliment, it looks like it could be taken both ways.
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I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 03:32:44 07/12/2009 by BEST FAN EVER
IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 7127
#13 Posted: 03:34:18 07/12/2009
I didn't mean it as an insult. It was a compliment.
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Stranger in the Desert
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#14 Posted: 04:04:45 07/12/2009
oh thnx, its just you could've been saying something differently if you view it a different way.
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I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 7127
#15 Posted: 04:07:18 07/12/2009
I understand. Sometimes I don't explain things clearly...
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Stranger in the Desert
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#16 Posted: 16:28:41 07/12/2009
Hmm, This is a good story bolt, I am glad to be able to read it!
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http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 17:54:08 07/12/2009 by CinderLover
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#17 Posted: 17:03:11 07/12/2009
Ummm... Bolt wrote it.
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I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
Bolt Hunter Gems: 6158
#18 Posted: 21:02:36 07/12/2009 | Topic Creator
Thanks everyone!
BEST FAN EVER, I would rather not do tip 3, ok. And I never knew you wrote a book?!
---------------------------

Chapter 3: The Dragon's Eye

The 4 Dragons had no idea where to go. They thought so hardly and never ended up where Malefor was. Spyro sat on a rock, "What are we going to do, we have no idea where Malefor is and I don't think we'll find him, EVER!" he muttered, with no hope at all. "Spyro, we will find him!" Penny sighed. "Don't lose hope!" A light shone on Penny's eye. She looked in the direction the light was shining and found a beautiful blue gem. Penny picked it up and saw black clouds in it. Then she looked up and saw only a blue sky. What?! How can the gem have dark clouds in it when the sky is blue?! Penny thought, a little frustrated. "Guys, look at this!" she said, hoping someone knew. They all looked at it. "Can you see dark clouds?" Penny asked. "Dark clouds, no. I can't see anything!" replied Snap looking hardly into the gem. None of the Dragons could see anything. "Hey!" jumped Cynder. "Maybe you have a gift to look into thing, like the Pool of Visions!" Penny thought that maybe she did have a gift to look into Gems and Pools of Visions! "Well, if I have this gift, maybe I can use it to find Malefor!" Snap, Cynder and Spyro looked at each other and nodded. Then Penny looked into the gem and only saw darkness. Penny looked confused. "All this thing does is show darkness, maybe Malefor is in a dark place! Lets look at the Mountain of Malefor!" All the Dragons flew off to their destination...
---
you don't know me. i break things
I draw stuff.
Cynder 19000 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1822
#19 Posted: 21:32:55 07/12/2009
Good chapter! PLZ continue
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I'm batman!! Shh...
BEST FAN EVER Gold Sparx Gems: 2194
#20 Posted: 00:14:20 08/12/2009
My book only can't be published because its not finished. i started writing when i was ummm... 10 I think. Here's a link to a part of it. It's only the prolougue though.
//forum.darkspyro.net/spyro/viewposts.php?topic=23215
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I believe in Jesus Christ my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it then copy and paste this in your signature.
IsisStormDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 7127
#21 Posted: 02:40:13 08/12/2009
Good chapter Bolt.
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Stranger in the Desert
CinderLover Emerald Sparx Gems: 3924
#22 Posted: 01:58:27 17/12/2009
yeah, Very Good!!
---
http://thecinderlover.deviantart.com/
Icon by Ningeko16!
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