darkSpyro

Did you ever learn anything from being grounded? Did you say, "I don't want this to happen again so I'll behave," or did you say, "As soon as this is over, I'm doing it again"?

I've never really seen the point of it tbh, it doesn't teach the child anything and is pretty useless. I think the one or two times I had a parent attempt grounding I just didn't listen and continued doing my thing.

for me the quick answer is a hard NO but i will happily right a screenplay for it in a day or two

This is the answer I was expecting and hoping for. I've never seen a case of it working. The majority of children who are grounded are constantly grounded, soooo... it doesn't really teach them anything. And for real, it's not to teach the child anything, it's to punish them, and that's not parenting, it's abuse.

What about forms of "grounding," not just sit in a corner and do nothing for the rest of the week, but taking the child's phone away or not letting them go to that movie they really wanted to see, what about those forms of punishment? Any better? Any worse?

so no i dont think grounding your children works Erika and skylandersfan60 already said it well

it sure didnt work on me

my mother used to ground me over everything so lets start there

YOU GO TO YOUR ROOM!

among all of the forms of punishment my mother had for me and there were a lot very creative devil she was this had to be one of the most confusing to me forced to just sit by myself for hours upon hours or across days not just locked behind the normal doors but made to be by myself entirely and all because i....

got into an argument with Erika about who gets the last bowl of frosted flakes

OH

so my issue is that the punishment doesnt reflect the crime and their should be a real problem something that was done wrong that needs correction what does it teach your kid to lock them in a room because they got into a fight about cereal with their sister? what does that teach them other then "if i do something wrong period i get punished so dont do it" it doesnt explain what the problem is it doesnt correct behavior in a productive manner or a way where a lesson directly related to the bad behaviour can be established for the kid.

using that example i would learn nothing from that other then to just resent my mother even more.

like hitting your kid what does that do? DONT DO IT OR YOULL GET BEAT! did nothing for me it didnt show me that my action was bad just that there was a consequence if i didnt do what was expected of me no moral behind the story nothing to grow from or learn from

which will take me into the next part you asked

take something away

another punishment of mine most often unrelated to the bad behavior that resulted in the punishment

i get into it with Erika

lindsey "NO ERIKA I DONT WANT TO PLAY THAT GAME WITH YOU!"

erika "THEN IM GETTIN MOOOOOM!"

mother "ROOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!"

mother + my artwork and diaries



and im not making a joke she would not only take them away but destroy them as result of something like not wanting to play a game with Erika simply because i said NO and refused she did not like to hear no. i would lose years of my drawings and writings and as a result i have literally none of it left from my childhood

so what did i learn?

do not say NO to anyone ever the result will be punishment worse than what they want you to do

it doesnt matter if its something you dont want it doesnt matter if you know its wrong it doesnt matter if you have a very good reason to say that two letter word do not say it do whatever they tell you to do because you dont want to get in trouble you dont want a scene to be made you dont want to feel embarrassed or ashamed of whatever this is all about just do it

very dangerous thing to teach your kid

NOW

lets say this instead lets take it over to my point about making the punishment fit the crime

this following paragraph only happened in "the land that never happened" because my mother was not this reasonable

lets say instead of doing my homework all night like i was supposed to i stood up drawing away drawing cute anime boys and funny doodles aaaaaaah relaxed this is so much more fun then that boring old homework... BUT as result of this she told me "uh... you have a responsibility to get that homework done art comes after that" and as a result she takes away my drawing stuff until i finish up all my homework

that is directly related to the problem that makes sense

that at least would tell me this "you shirked your responsibility so you could draw instead so since you did all that drawing you dont need to now right? you either finish the homework or you dont draw you pick"

and at least that tells me something it explains what the problem was and gives me a productive way to correct it and hopefully no better the next time so that i do not do it

BUT

here is a slight problem at least for me but this is very case by case hear i am today making no use of that homework and every bit of use from my art despite my dragon-mouthed mother burning all of my creations and passion and motivation tot he floor my time would have been better spent in the end being encouraged to do art so i could have been ten times better ten times faster my mother did art she didnt even see it as a stupid hobby not even close that was a real profession to her all the way you can make that big money as the next michael angelo the next generation picasso girl you gotta think! but instead she would breakall of that and me down and set me back honestly some significant years then where i should have been

so we will do one more example that doesnt involve something productive

i didnt have a cellphone until i was about 15-16 and by then mother was gone so this also never happened over in the land that never happened but

instead of doodling lets say i was playing tetris mobile or old school flash games on my cool modern at the time flip phone instead of doing my homework and then as a result she took my phone away until i finished all of my homework... now that would make perfect sense im doing literally nothing productive its not like im learning how to make one of those cool flash games i dont even have an interest in that i sure dont want to be a game developer this is just leisurely time just passing by the hours doing nothing because i dont want to do anything such a lazy lazy girl

well look now you dont get fun or leisure time until you finish your homework and take care of your actual responsibilities that to me makes sense and i cant say that i have a problem with that

perspective matters

and the next section also matters very much

every kid is different and responds to things and methods of punishment differently

this is true no matter what children psychology books try to tell you not sure about modern ones but i read ones from around my mothers time and fathers and i thought it was comical like those men-written "how a womens mind works" quite a close vibe to me between that

maybe you dont need to take stuff away from some kids at all sometimes they maybe just need a stern talking to and tell them whats up i dont know if i was one of those kids but...

very few times ever did my father get involved in any parenting whatsoever of me and me and my father did not speak or have much of a relationship throughout my childhood but when those times did come you would normally know this was serious business my father had a presence about him that was overpowering to say the least when he stepped into a room or when he was talking to you you could feel it like physically he wasnt mean at all no he was just a very "this guy knows what hes talking about so your better off to just listen to him" kind of energy responsible hard worker no nonsense he would only be here if this was serious right now

so when my father would speak to me he would do exactly what i have said he would make very clear what it was i was doing and how it was a problem he would explain it in words not actions like my mother and he would paint a very clear picture for me... a perfect metaphor for a childhood Lindsey to paint a picture what better way for me to learn! but he would do that but with words and i would listen it would make sense to me i was a logical and scientific child i still am as an adult i want to see proof i want an explanation there needs to be logic and reasoning dont tell me about how i should feel tell me about the science behind it tell me why this will be a problem for me

and while i can only remember as many times this happened as could fit on one of my hands or less it did in fact work

and we werent talking about father getting involved in little squabbles about breakfast cereal or who wanted to play what game with who my father wouldnt bother with that kind of stuff because he would see it as normal kid stuff kids are going to fight and squabble and he didnt see that as something that needed intense punishment or correction

he only stepped in for situations like "Lindsey is saying she is going to run away" or "Lindsey is trying to hurt herself" or "Lindsey got caught with a bag of marijuana and protection!!!!" or something but it had to be serious stuff

hitting me didnt work
locking me in a room didnt work
laying waste to my childhood creations didnt work
taking unrelated things away from me didnt work
none of her other methods would work

and i think its about finding what works for you and your child and understanding how their brain works and how to teach them and correct them when they do something bad your kid might not think like you did the same thing might not work on them and you should take what your parents did that you knew didnt help you and learn from that when you become a parent not just repeat a pattern or do something because you were told by some jerk with a degree this is the right way to do something theres ways we can all agree are wrong like abuse hitting your kids and all of that but there are so many right ways to do something and they need to be tailored to your own kids needs and method of attention and how they learn

im not reading all of this i just want a quick answer i dont have the attention span to listen to you yammering and yammer yammer yammer yammer

my thought on the first and foremost question is that grounding does nothing and is not an acceptable form of punishment to me

as for the rest of it taking things away needs to be relevant to the situation and productive in learning some sort of lesson

but every kid is diffeent so long as your not abusing your children you need to find the method that works for them and for you

parenting is really tough guys believe me thats not a full time job thats an around the clock job you are always on it and guess what theres no paid time off either!

NOW

IM GONNA GO TO MY ROOOOOOM!

i didn't get grounded very often. there's a reason for that.

being grounded did teach me a few things.

it taught me that self expression is disobedience, and disobedience is not tolerated.

it also taught me how to be manipulative and sneaky, and how to avoid and shift blame.

my mother, who you've heard lots about, is the only one who ever grounded me. it never made me respect her. it made me resent her. i avoided punishment not by being obedient, but by outsmarting her.

being grounded didn't make me behave. it didn't make me better. it made me worse.

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idk if being a child or an adult matters when it comes to grounding, i don’t think the human body is very good at conducting electricity

^that was legitimately funny

Grounding only worked when it wasn't extreme for me. Oh, I was careless when at a friend's house, can't go to the friends' house for a few weeks, imma just do something else, but that tinge of "aw man I didn't follow my parents' rules for my safety" did stick every now and then.

Removing tons of things because of minor slights only made me ultra stressed that anything I could do would result in disproportionate punishment, so no.

eh usually a kid is gonna be sneaky enough to get around being grounded. besides i think it's just mean and doesnt really teach them anything except for the idea that it's ok to take away the autonomy of other people