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Dorks 'n' Gnorcs, and other Super Edgy Spyro Fan Songs
Johnbonne Yellow Sparx Gems: 1216
#1 Posted: 09:21:51 08/11/2017 | Topic Creator
One of my favourite past times is to re-write the lyrics of Motorhead songs to suit the subject matter, and being a superfan of Spyro, I naturally had to write some hardcore tunes to our favourite purple pulveriser! I'll try not to have the Cult of the Amethyst Drake overtones in all of them, but here's some gritty hymns for you all, so you can praise the violet wyrm in all his glory!

Winter Tundra (to the tune of Motorhead's "Bad Religion")

(Intro 'til 0:30)

After a short vacation,
After defeating Gulp.
After all I have accomplished,
After all I've turned to pulp.

Once again I have been summoned,
Once more unto the fight.
Once more I do my duty,
Once more I feel such delight!

I bring the Queen of Fawn's flames,
I bring the hole-y horns.
I need no thunder breath to,
Destroy mechanic-borns!
You'll feel the burn!
The ice will turn!
I tell you Ripto, I am the harbinger of woe!


I've faced worse than the warlocks,
I've faced worse than the apes.
Metalhead's minions were no threat to me with jungle japes!
So what chance do these androids have?
What chance have cows and sheep?
Your souls be used for power,
To flame and charge and leap!

The supergem,
Will stud her throne,
Moat of lava, melting stunted tyrant's bones!

She knighted me! My title's sir!
This I cannot bear, the very thought of leaving her!

(Solo thingy 'til 3:12)

My crusade's reached its climax,
My sacred duty's done.
I became a knight when all,
I wanted was some fun.
I cannot go to the Shores,
Of drakes and broken gnorcs.
Not when I am bound to her,
Not with the path I walk.

No other place will suit me,
No other life shall do.
Until another story,
Comes after Spyro 2.
Glimmer's Gateway,
Be guarded well.
Until the Forgotten Realms,
Are filled with spawn of Hell!




In my Top 10 Levels in Spyro the Dragon video, I'd made tribute to all the brave boys 'n' girls who lost their pads and minds to the trials of the Gnorc Gnexus. So here's another hymn befitting the warriors who joined the Drake in taking Gnasty's stategic locations. It is once again in the style of an addled fanboi.

Dorks & Gnorcs (To the tune of Motorhead's "War for War")

(Intro 'til 0:11)

It was the end of the 90s,
Gnorc Cove was plundered of goods.
The first step into the last days,
Were already covered in blood.

Tomorrow we're back to school and,
We face both the gnerds and the jocks,
One of them will call us heroes,
The others stand ready to mock!

That is how they sum up Spyro!
They say geek culture's really wrong,
How could they possibly know?
That's all they have got to say!
After we eat our last meal,
It's the last game we play!

I turn to each of my brothers,
Visions of death fill my head.
Someone's been sick in the landers,
The orange-black waters turn red.
With gunfire and screaming and shouting,
My comrades push through the Gnexus.
Once they step through the portal,
Their bodies slam on the beaches!

Twilight Harbour was a mistake!
So many of our pads were wasted,
For the Amethyst Drake!
I'll gnever forget the wings!
I won't fail to remember,
How that amber fire stings!

(Bridge thingy until 2:20)

Gno Mercy was granted that gnight,
The eve great Gnasty had fell.
We chased him 'til our heels,
Had burnt like the fires of Hell.
Through the stench of pollution,
Through a gambit of fire.
Through the bloodlust Spyro could see,
The drake's only true desire!

Burnt gnorc flesh still cakes the walls!
The stench of death still remains there!
Pilgrims visit, one and all!
In Gnasty's Loot there's a statue,
Dedicated to all,
That fought Gnasty for you!


I hope you enjoyed this mature, violent take on Spyro because for some reason I have trouble just saying "Spyro's good". I'm a bit like Blizzard that way, I have no ability to keep things in moderation. Everything has to be epic, go-big-or-go-home, only I'm better at it. And they don't like Spyro so why even listen to what they have to say about anything?


Here's another one, in tribute to a boss that annoyed me to no end as a child. It's Doctor Shemp! EDIT: Be warned that they will make your imagination run wild, though not positively. Consider these lyrics to be full of unfortunate innuendo.

Dr. Shemp / Dr. Cool (to the tune of Motorhead's "Doctor Love")

(Intro 'til 0:11)

Have I told you of the Peace Keepers?
Now that's irony.
I've not had thirsty work like,
Toasting a Gnorc's bare tushy!
Then a single portal shone,
Knew it was the boss!
I rushed in there without a care,
'Til my lives were lost!

He spanked me hard, and he spanked me good,
And if the doctor spanks you,
Then he does it to draw blood!

He's a certified charlatan,
He is a liscenced quack.
The people taught his trade in Cliff Town,
And they won't have him back!
He's a madman who practices voodoo,
He prescribes himself hemp.
On my first defeat he said "Spyro,
My name, is Doctor Shemp!"

In red dresses shaman confessors,
Absolve the crazy horde.
They tell the men they're forgiven,
If they face me for their lord.
Flaming metal jackets,
Kept resulting in my doom.
I said "Oh *** these guys, I'M OUTTA LIVES,

He's danced his last, and he's danced away,
And if the doctor's dancing,
Then there's one more phase to play!

He is a kosher pretender,
He is a pukka sham.
Sadism's his bread and butter,
Placebos are his jam.
You're not quick to make an appointment,
'Cause he'll push in your stool,
For him once-overs are game over,
So I'm paging Doctor Cool.

(Solo oojamackoo 'til 2:40)

The doctor's lost his bridges,
The doctor's lost his nerve.
He's trying a final tactic,
With his strength that's in reserve.
I'm waiting to give him my,
Sudden colonoscopy.
The anger builds up in my heart,
And fire in my belly.

He shakes his stick, and he shakes at me,
And if the doctor's shaking,
Then the doctor's at phase 3!

He's a sheep in dragon's clothing,
He's bonefide fraud.
And when I'm done with this surgeon,
He will be slack-jawed.
I've never thought I'd defeat him,
But I'm true to my vows.
So if you don't behave you'll hear him say this:
"Honey, The Doctor's in the house."
Edited 4 times - Last edited at 15:34:40 03/03/2018 by Johnbonne
Johnbonne Yellow Sparx Gems: 1216
#2 Posted: 15:35:07 03/03/2018 | Topic Creator
[Post limit was reached in the original post, so I'll continue here!]

After a rather long haitus, here's a song I've wanted to do for almost 3 years. I hope you enjoy it.

Take the Fight (Down to Sunny Flight) (To the tune of Motorhead's "I'm so Bad")

(Intro 'til 0:16)

Heard a tale of five grey stones,
Heard it in the ice wizard's throne.
Heard a rumble 'neath my claws,
Heard the chimes of magic doors!

Choo choo train, rigged to blow,
Timer's fast, I'm too slow.
Flame the cask, up it goes,
Gold letters, righteous glow.

Swooping up, flying out, dodge the fiery light!
Not done yet, cannot pout,
Take the fight down to Sunny Flight!

Golden shine, golden crest,
Golden oldie, treasure chest!
Sat on rocks my horns can't reach,
There ain't nothing fire can't breach!

Emerald arch, pointed tips,
Lightning surges from their hips.
Cracking jade, see it chip,
As I pass through maw-sit-sit!

Almost up, time is down, gotta make a right,
Seconds left, turn it 'round,
Take the fight down to Sunny Flight!

(Solo stuff 'til 2:25)

Good God there's flying bins,
Time to absolve these great sins!
Only drakes may roam the air,
Seems like these gnorcs just don't care!

What a tune my records sing!
Holy ****, my eyes sting,
Green 'n' gold screen ain't my thing!

Time is up, time to go, time will tell I'm right,
Records saved for the next pro,
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 19:58:34 03/03/2018 by Johnbonne
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