darkSpyro

Welcome to the laundromat. It is run by my character. The first 5 people to join get 50% off their first cleaning, which is bumped up to 75% off if you choose to be a staff member instead of a customer.

My character sheet:

Name: Big Bubba
Age: Unknown, but at least thousands of years
Species: Elemental Dragon
Appearance:

Abilities: Flight, breathing fire, excellent customer service
About: Big Bubba is a stern yet kind-hearted old dragon that served in the Korean War. He used to be in a band. Now runs the laundromat.

Big Bubba walked in his laundromat for the day, flipping the closed sign to open. He went back to his office and sat in his spinny chair. He just knew today would be a good day for people to wash their clothes at his fine establishment. Since no customers showed up yet, he decided to check the Taiwanese stock market on his computer. The market crashed recently, which made his otherwise positive mood nosedive. He sighed and decided to get some coffee to help him face the day.

Name: Smoku
Age: 69
Species: Saiyan
Appearance:
Abilities: Flight, unlimited pot, chill and generally nice, but sometimes lazy.
About: Smoku is a nice person who just wants to relax with his pot.

Smoku walked in and turned in his resume. Smelling of marijuana, he also decided to clean his clothes to hide the stink.

Big Bubba looked over the Smoku's resume and nodded in approval. "Okay, you're hired. You can do whatever it is that people at laundromats do. I don't know what that is because my house has a washer and dryer." The last part he said was to test the new employee. He definitely could rattle off extensive lists of laundromat employee duties since he ran this one for the last 2000 years.

Smoku looked at Big Bubba in a haze, nodding and saying, "I don't know man, just make sure nobody steals stuff and keep everything clean right?" Smoku pulled out a blunt and lit it, uncaring about where he was. "Yo man, you don't mind if I smoke my medical marijuana do you? I need it."

Smoku's knowledge of laundromat duties impressed Big Bubba. In addition to that, the smell of weed made him nostalgic for his band days. He granted Smoku permission to blaze in the store. "Yeah, go ahead. You can toke it up all you want in here as long as you give me some." Big Bubba thought back to his college frat life and how he used to light joints at parties with his flame breath and impressed women. Maybe he could impress people with that once more.

Name: Buff Swellington
Age: Old enough
Sex: All the time
Appearance: (me irl, I'm single, ladies )
Abilities: Can only live once as much as he wants, can bang 10 chicks...at once, owns and can use a katana he bought on eBay, being RIPPED, complaining on the Internet
Bio: Pretty much the coolest guy ever, deal with it (lol his favorite meme )

*Biff walks in the laundromat with swag, he then walks to the front desk with a paper in his hand*

Yo boss man, I heard there were some job positions, and I'd like to sign up, my resume is pretty impressive, not to brag or anything.

*he smirks as he hands Bubba a paper with the word SWAG written on it in crayon*

Big Bubba took a few minutes reading Buff Swellington's resume. He decided to hire the young lad. "Welcome aboard." He took another drag from his joint and blew smoke rings around Buff Swellington. "Do you have any clothes to wash today? It will be 75% off."

*Biff fist pumped then pulled out his phone to brag on FB about how he got a job*

Well, I do need to wash my YOLO tank top since it's the only thing I ever wear. In fact, I haven't washed it since I bought it, that's a woman's job lol"

*he then proceeds to take off his tank top to reveal glistening pecs and abs and hands the tank top to Bubba*

Name: Solid Snake
Age: Born in 1972
Species: Human
Appearance:
Abilities: Stealth expert, trained in CQC
About: Solid Snake has been sent in on a mission by the government to infiltrate Big Bubba's Laundromat after reports of seemingly impossible fantastical price deals, and strange odors emanating from the location.

Big Bubba stood in awe of Buff Swellington's ripped abs for a moment. Then he thought he heard something outside. He glanced through the doors, but there was only a cardboard box there. "I don't remember ordering anything. Is it more weed?" He scratched his left ass cheek and walked out the doors towards the box.

*Buff was admiring his new shiny nametag pinned to his chiseled features*

Hey, this looks pretty good on me, wait til the ladies see me in thi-

*Buff then noticed upon the nametag was written "Biff" and not "Buff" and ripped it off in seething rage*

MY NAME. IS NOT. BIIIIFFF!!!!

Name: Ruth "Nana" Frank
Age: 85
Species: Grandma
Appearance:

Abilities: She can make cookies very well and uses them to take down her opponents.
About: When she was a young lady, she used to run her own laundry service, but when the new laundromats appeared her own was eclipsed and soon shut down. She now seeks revenge on what was stolen from her, the reek of laundromats calls her name, she WILL avenge her laundry service, and take back what was hers.

Big Bubba turned around to face Buff Swellington after hearing his outburst, but was too stoned to really care a lot. "Calm down, man. Have some Mary Jane." He passed a nice blunt over to Buff.

Then he noticed the wrinkly ass granny nearby. He telepathically sensed her ability to make good cookies. "Hey, you got business here? And can you make some weed cookies? If you did that, we'd give you a free cleaning of as many clothes as you like, man." He handed her a few grams that he swiped from Smoku's back pocket.

Little did Bubba know, underneath the box laid a man. A man with a solid grasp of his mission — with stealth like a snake. He heard a buzz in his ear.

"Snake! Big Bubba is heading right towards your position!"
"I can see that, Otacon."
"Quick! Use your stealth camouflage, I modified it for the mission."

Snake then equipped the stealth camo. However, instead of becoming invisible his suit now had a pattern on it resembling cannabis leaves.

"Otacon! What the hell is this?" Snake spoke into his codec.
"Trust me Snake, it'll work. I've been to many landromats, shhh, he's coming!!"

Big Bubba remembered the box, and decided to go back over to it. He lifted it up and saw the most beautiful man he had ever seen, and with such style. "Hey, baby. Come to Bubba." He decided to offer a sick deal to the gorgeous man. "If you do business with me, your clothes could be 100% off." He winked.

*Biff, I mean Buff took a deep breath to calm down*

Man, I hope none of my 13 girlfriends saw that.

*Buff took notice of the sweet blunt presented before him*

Whoah dude, this is just like 4/20!

*Buff placed the blunt into his mouth and began to light it, little did Buff know, it was actually just a candy cigarette*

Duuuuude, I'm tripping out and stuff, this is sweet, I gotta share this stuff with my bros!

Nana Ruth looked at the barbaric plant in her hand.
"This is VERY illegal mister, I voted against marjhueania legalization!" She slammed the marijuana on the ground and stepped on it.
"You will only be getting some nice whole cookies, grannys special." Nana Ruth grabbed a cookie and flung it like a ninja star at Bubba, as he flirted with a hot dude in a box.

Snake stood up, somewhat bewildered. This mission had taken him out of his comfort zone — from military bases to laundromats. But when he looked into Bubba's eyes, he felt he could trust the man.

"Uh, sur-" Snake saw the cookie ninja star flying. He tackled Bubba to the ground to save the dragon's life.

Big Bubba laid on the ground with Snake on top of him. He heard that ****ing ***** granny scream and throw the precious leaf to the ground, but that could wait. For now he was going to just lay here until Snake decided to move. The song "I Want to Know What Love is" by Foreigner played in the distance, because a resident in the nearby house liked to play it in the backyard and sit around with their Miku body pillow.

*Buff, pretending to be high, went to walk past Bubba and the box man that was ALMOST as hot as he was but was hit in the side of his torso by a raisin cookie flying at mach speed*

Huh, what was that?

*the cookie had shattered upon impact with his ripped figure, as if a snowball were thrown at a brick wall, a brick wall that was SWOLE*

It's a good thing I work out so much, that puny cookie could've killed me. Well, natures callin!

*Buff made his way to the restroom, which was just a broom closet with a little plastic potty. However, Buff was not aware that the cookie had raisins in it, one of the most deadliest forms of poison and it had made its way into his testosterone filled bloodstream*

Snake's hands lingered on Bubba a little too long. He didn't even notice Otacon talking at first as he looked down at Bubba and blushed slightly.

"Snake? Are you listeni- hey, I love this song!" Otacon began to sing horribly off-key. Snake quickly turned away from Bubba and got up.

"I ... I need to go get my laundry bag." Snake mumbled and speedwalked out the door.

"W-what, HOW DID YOU AVOID MY COOKIE?" Nana Ruth yelled, she gazed at the gay sight in front of her.
"Ugh, homos." She crossed her arms and shook her head, her mom had always said that homos were wrong.

Snake walked next door to the abandoned grocery store. There was a van near the back of the building. Snake got in. Otacon was there. watching his favorite non-Japanese movie The Muppets. He handed Snake the laundry bag. Then they did their cool gay handshake.
Snake wiped the sweat off his brow, feeling recovered and ready to proceed with his investigation of the laundromat.

Tears welled up in Big Bubba's eyes after Snake got up off of him. He sensed other priorities in the man. Other lovers. He trailed Snake to the van. Peeking inside, he noticed who was presumably Snake's lover. Bubba just wanted Snake to be happy. He wanted to accelerate their relationship. He broke the handles off the van doors and propped up trees around them so they would not open. Now they could be together.

Smoku was busy staring at the spinning laundry and didn't notice all of the commotion outside. Suddenly he heard The Muppets and remembered how much he loved Fozzie Bear and ran to the screen. He had been in love with that beautiful actor since he first laid eyes on him 30 years prior. Smoku stared at the screen and began hallucinating that Fozzie was in the store, then realized it was REAL! Fozzie had escaped his mind, or the movie, or whatever and was standing in the room, wide eyed. Smoku was so happy to see his lover come to life that he couldn't help but give a big bear hug to him.

*The poison began to flow through his bloodstream, however, Buff had Nanomachines flowing through him which he got from sharing a not-steroid injection with one of his work out bros, and it began to beat up the nerd poison and flush it out through his 5 foot long wee-wee*

Hoo boy, nothing like a good piss to really make you feel like a man.

*Buff stuffed his weiner back into his shorts and exited the closet to hear a wrinkled old hag say a no-no word he was taught about back when he was in PC University and began to march toward the old lady*

You did not just say what I think you said?? I'm PC brah, and I'm not gonna stand for this homophobic slander!! I'm gonna PC Piledrive you if you speak one more slur about homosexuals!

Snake tried to open the back doors.
" .... ****," he mumbled under his breath "someone ripped off the handles from the outside. The Muppets gave us away! Why did you turn it up so loud?!"
"Well, you know ... y-you're kind of, uh, loud when you ..." Otacon drifted, he couldn't look at David in the eye. Snake pushed him away. Freakin' Muppets ..., Otacon thought.
Snake pulled the passenger window down and rolled out with his bag. He thought about who could have possibly damaged the van. The old lady, the saiyan, Biff? It couldn't have been Big Bubba ....

Big Bubba had since sneaked away from the van and back to his laundromat. He saw Buff picking a fight with Nana Ruth. Bubba had been PC for 6 whole hours, so he definitely took Biff's side. He yelled at Nana Ruth, "HEY! I don't tolerate this **** at my laundromat!!!" Then he remembered the weed she threw on the ground and went to collect it. "Stupid ungrateful old people...." he muttered. He still thought she needed to keep the pot, so he put it in a paper airplane and threw it at her head.

"Homosexuals are sinful in my book." Nana Ruth scoffed, grabbing another cookie from her pocket and shoving it into Buffs face, she glared at Big Bubba while doing so.
"YOU ARE ALL GOING TO HELL" She screamed, Nana Ruth really really hated gay people, weiners in the place you.... ugh, she was disgusted just thinking about it. Lesbians on the other hand were pure, Nana Ruth had a very large yuri collection. She had her grandson install all her yuri games on her computer, while she dusted her collection of yuri books. The thought made her smile, she felt free just for a moment.

Name: Josh Peck
Age: Young
Species: Human
Appearance:

Abilities: ZaNy CoMeDy!!!, kind hearted, will get hotter once he's out of puberty
About: Peck was born in Manhattan, New York, where he attended P.S.40 and The Professional Performing Arts School. His parents were unmarried at the time of his birth and he has never met his biological father. He grew up with his Jewish mother, Barbara, who is a career coach, and his maternal grandmother. Peck had a Bar Mitzvah ceremony. He had asthma during his childhood, and often stayed indoors watching old sitcoms. He was inspired to become involved in stand-up comedy when he was eight years old.

*this time the cookie was just a sugar cookie, however Buff did not like the taste of sugar cookies since he is on a very intense diet (and pale in comparison to almighty lord chocolate chip), so he blew the cookie back out of his mouth which flew faster than the speed of sound through the air and started ricocheting around the room*

Big Bubba left taking care of Nana Ruth to Buff and decided to greet the new client. Bubba thought he had seen this man somewhere before, on TV perhaps. Then he realized it. "Hello, Mr. Peckerwood! I saw you in that Bran Flakes commercial last night!" He extended his hand, an offering for a handshake.

"Buff would you be a deary and catch that cookie?" Nana Ruth snarled, staring intensely into Buffs eyes, her own eyes seemed to flash red for a second. She gripped her apron in anger, how could one of her cookìes have been so tarnished?.

Name: Sky Fire
Age: Young adult
Species: Pegasus
Appearance: http://spyrod.deviantart.com/a...-Love-500553828
Abilities: Time travel, much stronger than she appears(because she grew up in a time where gravity was much greater than it is now), and flight(duh, Pegasus!)
About: She's just a time wanderer searching for exciting things, and she is totally lesbian, and has a major crush on Rainbow Dash(who, btw, is like her own great great grand daughter).

Sky walks into the laundromat from her opened time portal. Closing the portal behind her, she walked over to a washer to throw in her Wonderbold uniform. Noticing a few things about this store that were off right away. The store owner was a dragon who seemed to be rather well aged and relatively bisexual in nature, a shirtless human with impeccable muscle tone, an older woman with what seemed to be a bottomless pocket of different cookies, and the little dude with blood shot eyes smiling at what wasn't even there, "Yep, this is my kind of place," she slid the coins into the machine to start the washing cycles.

Big Bubba noticed a customer go into his store and ran over there before giving Josh a handshake. "WELCOME FRIEND!!! 50% off!!!!!!" He screamed at this new client. He handed her a free lollipop. It was one of the awesome red heart lollipops that he is always inexplicably stocked up on, even outside Valentines Day, because he cares that his customers get kickass free lollipops instead of wussy ass flavors nobody likes.

Smoku saw the lollipop and completely lost it again. He picked Fozzie Bear up, threw him over his shoulder and ran for the lollipop, ripping it from Sky Fire's hand. He gave it a lick and instantly knew he was right. It was a pot lollipop. "Good stuff." Smoku said, as he let Fozzie get a lick.

Sky Fire was shocked by both instances, "The lollipop was a nice gesture," she gave Big Bubba a smile, "But I don't eat sweets anyway," she reached over to pull Smoku in under her foreleg, "I'm sure your fried little mind was just craven a sweet munchy," she was holding him with quite the amount of strength, which would normally choke people, but seeing as Smoku was a buzzed sayain(I forgot how it was spelled) he probably didn't even feel the pressure. Letting him go, she hopped up onto the washer her uniform was tossed in, turning back to Big Bubba, "You must be Bubba, Big Bubba?" She reached up, touching something in the air. Her time vortex opens, "I heard about this place a while back, well in the distant future, rather," she reaches into her dimension and pulls out what seems to be a thin box. Flat atop her hooves, she holds it out, "I was told you might like these."

"Yes, that would be me!" The boy said, grabbing the dragon's hand and shaking it wildly. Bubba had a very strong grip, one that showed he was a true 'Nam vet.

"I'm Josh!" The chubby child exclaimed, brimming with an almost comedic amount of enthusiasm. "I'm an actore!"

Josh leaned over to Big Bubba's ear.

"That's 'actor' in another language!" He whispered. A laugh track played.

Big Bubba himself was supplying the laugh track, as he was a fan of Jake Pecks. "You did a fine job acting in that one commercial, young man. Is there anything I can do for you?" He handed Jacob a lollipop, which was not in fact a weed lolipop like Smoku thought. Smoku was just too high. It was a genuine red heart lollipop, and those kick ass because they are cherry.

Bubba teleported back to where Sky Fire was and took the box. "Oh boy, it more weed?"

Smoku was so high he thought he was flying on a cloud. He looked down and realized he actually was laying on a yellow cloud.

"Sweet bro," he said as he fell down into the cloud. He lit up another joint and stuck one in the front of the cloud, making it fill with the burning plant. Then it expelled all the smoke, covering the entire property in a marijuana haze.

"Its something a little stronger from my time," Sky Fire replied taking a seat atop the washer, "Its all fresh too, grew it myself," she reaches into her portal once more and retrieves a bottled substance, "I'm not one to inhale smoke based hallucinatory things, bad for the skin," she pops the top off of the bottle, being sure not to litter in this fine establishment, "I prefer things of a little finer taste myself," she added some powdered ingredient to her drink before swirling it a little, "This stuff is my favorite, gives it an odd cherry taste, but still does the trick."

Suddenly, Big Bubba dropped a lot of acid. He noticed his laundromat was dying and he mistook a lot of the customers as threats. During his bad trip, he killed everyone with the knife he hadn't used since the Korean War. He let Snake live though since he needed to go on to make MGS4.

damn ... i didnt post in time ... i failed everyone

Suddenly, it was revealed that Big Bubba didn't kill anyone, and that he thought he did. In reality he killed some geese outside that he mistook for people at the laundromat.