darkSpyro

id like to ask people for tips on social skills because i want to start becoming a better person. i find it really hard to talk to people because i always want to say something but when i try to talk my heart starts racing and i dont say anything and i just end up sad and disappointed in myself. and i just cant figure out how to talk to people. ive been trying to talk to people through skype that i dont really know because i thought that would help but it didnt and it just made me even more frustrated with myself. my friend tries getting me to talk to this guy i hardly know and i dont even speak in on the conversation at all and just listen in like a creep. i dont know what to do at this point.

i posted this in idle chatter hoping to get a more serious reaction than in s&n

If you can't talk at least listen. I have hardcore trust issues because I attract "friends" who'll leave me over the dumbest crap, so my psychologist suggested me to just hang out near people I think are okay, say a word or two if you're confident enough; no need to be BFFs as soon as possible. If you don't like being alone of course, versus social pressure. People might make it a big deal about having tons of friends but I have a handful and I'm only trying to build some in uni because I'm here half the day and I'll be around most of them for the next few years - but that doesn't mean I'll drag myself to parties and whatever, I just want to be greeted when I'm around and have/give a helping hand should the need arrive.

Sorry if this is disjointed rambling.

Just nit picking, but your social skills have nothing to do about being a better person. Anyway, if I gave you any actual tips, I'd be a hypocrite, because I too struggle in this area. For me, every time I am near someone I don't know, I put my guard up and act abrasive, as I am so used to people attacking me. Even if the person is clearly trying to be nice, I just can't put my guard down. A week or two ago, a girl tried to flirt with me, where I just said "great..." and walked away. I thought she was cute, I wanted to flirt back, but I simply couldn't.

One tip that may be of help... well this is from my own personal experience, but I have chronic depression, and apparently my "social anxiety" (as doctors call it) is linked to my depression. Defeat the depression, apparently you defeat the social anxiety as well. If you do feel you have depression, then this could very possibly be the case with you too. If this is the case, I suggest looking into a book called Feeling Good, written by David D Burns. Don't judge the title. lol. It's helped me a lot, so it may do the trick for you... if you think this is linked to depression.

If I knew the answer to the social skills riddle, I wouldn't be living alone with bedbugs as my only sleeping companion...


Seriously though, my best results have come from meeting people online, who I then went on to hang out with in person. That way you can ease past a lot of the more terrifying factors that make it difficult to engage people for the first time in real life.