darkSpyro

Shrek: Da Assassinator Returnz

Shrek was sitting quietly in his hut, awaiting another call from his contract guy.
Then the phone rang.
With incredible speed and absolutely no accuracy, Shrek somehow grabbed the phone and held it to his... antenna thing.
"Hello?" He answered in his usual accent.
"Eh, good job on that last one." A shady voice answered.
"Yeah, Pit was easy to kill." (PREXTAIL FANRAGE ENSUES)
"Now your new one is..."
"Wait, what about my pay?" Shrek rudely interrupted.
"Oh right." The voice threw money through the phone.
"Thanks."
"Anyways, new contract is a Mr. Krabs. Rich crustacean."
"Okay, where's he now?"
"Underwater."
Shrek threw the phone on the ground and yelled "BIKINI BOTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!".

15 hours later

After 15 hours of Shrek having seizures, yelling, and pooping, in that order, he finally put on his scuba suit and dove in.
He located the Krusty Krab, and everyone cleared out, screaming as a giant green face swam up to the window. Shrek reached at a red figure, but just missed. Quick as onions with 10000000 layers, smashed through the roof, seeing a familiar red figure grabbing something.
"I got you..." Shrek reached for Mr. Krabs, but then froze as Mr. Krabs grabbed his AK-47 and shot Shrek in the head. He collapsed, then floated upwards.
---
"Money, money, money!" Mr. Krabs yelled, swimming in cash. A voice boomed through a phone, and Mr. Krabs listened.
"Good job on that kill, now your next target is..."
"MONEY!" Mr. Krabs yelled. Then a bullet shot through the phone and killed Krabs.
A winged figure sits at a desk.
"Stupid crab..." Says Pit behind the figure.
The silhouette stands up, grabbing a pistol and a crossbow, as does Pit.
"Next target..." The figure loads the pistol and crossbow.
"Niko." Dark Pit steps out of the darkness with Pit.

The Great Comic Con Caper

The brown bear sat up from his chair after reading the newspaper.
"Comic Con, eh? Looks cool." He said. Freddy read the section about 'cosplay', and was immediately inspired. Running to his computer, well, more the dead security guard's, he printed a reference sheet of his favorite of the 9 classes.

The princess, in her dashing gown and glittering tiara, did not care for waiting in this Twilight-filled kingdom. Resorting to her computer, her reception was a bit choppy, but TF2 did run. A bird flew inside and dropped a letter upon her keyboard, and she thanked the sparrow.
"What's this?" She asked herself, unsealing the envelope.
"Comic Con? Cool." She read on, and suddenly squealed with glee.
"I can finally cosplay again! I'm sure Link won't mind if I'm gone for a bit..." She turned on her mic and asked the rest of the players if they were going to Comic Con. Everyone was now AFK, running down the stairs or flying to Comic Con. Zelda shot them all, logged out, and printed out a reference sheet of her favorite class.

People and mythological creatures alike were busy as bees as they posed for pictures, got autographs, and sold their MLP plushies. A tall, hard-hatted, red-shirted robot stood in the center of it all, trying to find his friends. Another Soldier walked by, in a blue shirt with long locks of brunette hair. She turned to Freddy, and looked shocked, blushing.
"Oh, hi, fellow Soldier." Zelda shyly saluted, and Freddy laughed awkwardly, saluting back.
"These maggots are nothing against us, am I right, ma'am?" He grinned.
"Heh, I think I saw a Med runnin' round and tryin' to heal me." Zelda laughed.
Freddy and Zelda told stories of their Comic Con adventures over the years, and soon after found a TF2 booth. Zelda bought two cute Pyro dolls, and Freddy purchased himself a Blu Spy doll. They laughed and signed autographs, taking pictures with fans and at the end of it all, they took a selfie of them saluting to the camera. Saying their farewells, Zelda and Freddy parted and walked to their cars.
"I never got his name!"
"I never got her name!"

Sitting down sadly at her desktop, Zelda sighed, remembering the bear from yesterday. She noticed a sparrow standing in her windowsill, and weakly retrieved an oddly small slip of paper.
'FreddyFrazzlebear' it read. She searched up the name on Steam and saw he was playing TF2. Zelda joined the game without hesitation.