darkSpyro

boaring. me too. I have a plan at recesss we escape. oh no your not! oh yes we are you non-cool guy recess and spyro stay here and write standards. never! we escape now yay! So exciting. I am calling your parents and telling them to ground you kids I will blow up the gate. I will drill our way out. Mr. what the ! These kids escaping? I'm having so much fun escaping, woof! run! It's the teacher. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :spongebob narrator: one eternity later. what the? police stop those kids. Police we will mam. what it's a night school, shirt. haha we made. It now who wants ice cream :all skylanders at once : me!

This, is, the, worst, fanfic, ever.

It is I thought it would be good

yuck school I wish I could escape it. me too, wait we can. Yay! how can we? By calling we must escape but the teacher might find out. yello yes we would like to escape school. ok we will send a can of soup to pick you up. 's mom class pay attention! Gawd it's like you do not want to learn. 's dad arrest his wife . kids hop in. :skylander kids: yay we're free. time to destroy the school boom it goes

Still terrible.
Go try and find out why.

I'm so bored. I want to escape. I'm escaping too, I'm bored. no you kids aren't. hey I'm allergic to learning. liar liar pants on fire. I never liked school now I'm escaping in 10 seconds 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. escape time ! fine kids but your all getting an F. if I hear about this school escape plan. I'll destroy the gate, waffles. I'm fire ing my laser at mr. . Mr. I hate you students so much. escape time., let's call on escape school is what we do. :skylander kids: escape time. we're here to pick you kids up now escape school. :laser snail: I'll blow up this school and the school went boom

Please.... Just no.......

Wat DA hell

Still bad

Instead of bluntly telling him it's bad, why don't you say why you thought that? That annoys me so much! <.<

Anyhow, gnarly, one thing that could be changed is the dialogue. Although it is neat that you're using the smilies to make your story, it is all dialogue. There are no details about the location or anything. We only know that it's a school. Speaking of dialogue, it's difficult to tell the difference between when characters are speaking and when they are not. That is when quotation marks come into use. " <-- These things. For example: "I'll blow up this school!" And the school went boom. See what I mean? Of course, it could use more plot and more length, which goes hand-in-hand with my first comment. And finally, don't forget to check your work before you post to make sure everything is spelled correctly, all smilies are functional and that you have punctuation. Does that help?

Agreed with ShadowMewX

Also, whenever a new character is speaking, or a new narration point is to be made, try putting it on a new line.

EXAMPLE:
Quote: gnarlytreesnex

boaring. me too. I have a plan at recesss we escape. oh no your not! oh yes we are you non-cool guy

Would be better as:
Quote: gnarlytreesnex

Boring.
Me too.
I have a plan: at recess, we escape!
Oh no you're not!
Oh yes we are, you non-cool guy.

It'll be so much easier to read.

I agree

I don't really understand why everyone is being so mean though

I was too lazy to explain why.
But I also reccoment my help Topic.

Just stop this now

I'm ready
for what ?
to escape.what did you think I was ready for?
I thought for work.
enough! I think you two kids arguing is the worst.
" I say escape! School... It will be nice."
"I agree"
"?" What is going on here I want to learn!
Teacher: "ok this is it all you kids are benched at lunch"!
"I'm the bomb".
you think it's about escape time.
:the skylanders: yeah!
:dr. Octagonapus: "Dr. Octagonapus blah!"
"what's this an already destroyed gate?"
"I did it".
Whoa said all the skylanders
help me escape school too...

Too be continued.

I think you should put (student) or (Teacher) before their character

Now where did we leave off oh yes kaos and the skylanders were about to escape school.
hahahah a school doesn't rule but skylanders school fear my giant floating head.
scilent but deadly
stop saying catchphrases! We have to escape!
forget what I said earlier I'll help you escape to.
yeah I do hate you kids arguing in all but hey even though I'm the oldest kid in the class I'm gonna escape too... With you guys.
I will impact the school gate.
wow this is awesome! Boom!
if the school is 100% wood then the only way to escape is the air vent.
(:teacher) whew it's hot in here. Why is it?
hey hey I'm on fire now time to set the class on fire.
(:teacher) hot head!
we have 5 minutes till school ends. hurry !
guys 5 minutes is almost up! Hurry!
Spyro shoots the main air went that is the escape hole.
we did it. Yay!

Well, It wasn't the worst FanFic on here. But, it could use a lot of work. Instead of using repetition for each chapter, (Ex.= The always say that they half to escape, but the just talk and don't do anything.) you should try to incorporate some new things. Also, you don't have the same characters in each chapter, it seems like an ever-changing "cast".

You might also want to use description and other stuff that actually tells us what is happening. We have no clue what happens because the characters just babble about how they have to escape from school.

Not horrible, but it could just use some cleaning up.

Great plan uttster13 I'll get a mop and clean up this topic