I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator".
First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme.
Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass.
The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.
i have a morning routine too i call it “the donald” and i wake up in the morning and pretend im president and then slowly realize im completely incompetent
i usually just stay in bed and watch youtube videos until i sleep again. Sometimes I go to the restroom and race flushing the toilet while peeing.
Pressure is key but volume is important, you need to maximize one while minimizing the other.
Begin a strict regimen of flexing the morning wood and squeezing your pelvic muscles with a potato keeping your buttcheeks separated. Add a few crunches in between Tone your kegels and your pelvic muscles to apply more constriction on the urethra, your abdominal to get the maximum bladder squeeze possible. A lifting belt may help.
In preparation for the morning race you should minimize caffeine 4 hours before sleep and preferably wake up 2 or more times in the night to keep the tank from getting full, the idea is to shrink storage capacity.
Next up is timing, the toilet will always have the edge, it is primed and ready to go from the first touch, you must be your best! Calculate the distance from foreskin to toilet water and multiply it by 9.81m/s/s to get your gravitational acceleration, this will tell you how long the pee can freefall before touching the water. Freefall is unregulated time, like when the pace car is out, only when fluids meet is the race on, use that to your advantage. You can be going and flushing at the same time, balance is important since you will be bent over though trying for a side shot brings you closer to the handle while still standing but requires greater accuracy.
If you are less honorable than cheating is a dirty alternative. Always use the #2 setting if you have a dual flush unit. Reducing the cross section of the flush water hole will increase the toilets time to finish the race, as will plumbing in a higher flowing water inlet. Older models without water saving features can also be substituted in. Although underhanded this technique can be useful to increase confidence and keep you motivated, defeating lower class opponents to get you psyched up to continue training and try for the champion.
My morning routine basically has me building up upwards-speed while i’m underneath my blanket. Once I’ve built up speed for 5 seconds, I go onto my stomach. Then, I wait until I build up enough speed to let me clip through the floor and into the kitchen. Usually I try to perform a ground pound to negate fall damage. A landing dash roll works too, but this is frame perfect. This technique is very useful as it skips the normally manditory “brush your teeth” cutscene. It’s usually at this point that I realize I forgot to equip clothes, moan about how unfair the route is, and return to bed for another 3 hours.
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