Several years ago I said to myself "The day I find my favourite album on vinyl locally and without actively looking for it, I'll start my vinyl collection." Well that day was Friday so yesterday (Saturday) I brought a good turntable and a couple more records. Can't wait to get broke. : D
speaking of dreams, i dreamt that my cat was working online customer service from home. she had a headset and was grumpy about having to learn to type on the phone with her little nose.
for 22 years ive tried to figure out who the **** i really am and now i think im done
i dont WANT to be anything, i didnt ASK to be here
im tired of the sickness, im tired of the suffering, tired of the depression and anxiety
i wasnt even supposed to be born, and half the time i think that probably would have been a better decision on the universe's part
all i am is a tumor given form, and all i do is leech onto people and things and suck away until nothing's left
ive tried to stop, ive tried to stop for years, but nothing changes no matter what i make, its just who i am and nothing i can do will ever change that
so who am i? im nothing but a disgrace and a monster
im a liar, a slut, a freak, ****, im practically not even human at this point, i dont deserve the same rights as others
if theres one thing ive learned on my years on this hunk of useless, meaningless rock, its that people dont ****ing change, no matter what they do
they say they will, and then they dont, deep down inside they stay the same, or theyre a really good liar
i know firsthand, im exactly the same despite the constant effort to change, but all i do is put another goddamn mask on my morphing, blank slate of a nonexistant personality and pretend im better. im not. and no matter what i do, i never will be
its taking a remarkable amount of effort to not just grab a thumbtack and start hacking away at my ankles again
i know itd hurt people, but whats the point? i hurt myself and everyone moves on, nothing matters
if youve read to this point, (which, lets be honest, no one cares to), then congratulations! your ultimate goal has been realized! vespi FINALLY took the hint and realized that shes a complete waste of space thats never gonna amount to anything! i hope youre satisfied!
I know it’s taboo to respond to these or whatever, but I’m here if you want to talk, okay? I’ve felt that **** before. Still going through the throes of it.
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Where’s the account deletion button when you need one?
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 04:36:04 19/11/2019 by BlueFox
It really frustrates and angers me that I can be myself only part-time for you. These obligations, duties and doing-the-right-things of my life are just necessary evils I must do in order to be worthy of it all again. It sucks, I know but I cannot see any other way and half-hearted compromises are just going to give me too much leeway to get sucked back to my own vices.
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I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
why do i do this to myself. everything is going perfectly fine and im happy and i love my life and then out of nowhere some dark thought creeps in or one tiny little itty bitty thing bothers me and then suddenly my whole existence is ruined. im a crying blubbering mess, and for what? there isnt even anywhere i can go nothing i can do. i cant stay in my dorm, i dont want my roommate to see me like this and my room is just a beacon for 9 other people to go to when they're bored and i'm in no condition to entertain people right now. i'll just feel bad for asking them to leave or for making them feel like they have to do something for me or feel bad for me because im crying. tht's ust it, i can't do anything for myself. i'm not even excited for my own ****ing burthday. itt's on saturday but i dont want it to even happen because i don't want people to feel obligated to agknowledge me. di dont want people to feel like they have to do anything for me. my family probably wont either. im 20, who cares. there are babies in the family that are months old, they are the ones that acquire all of the attention. i guarantee nobody is actually gonna care about me. it'll be my birthday, but i'll be ignored because everyone only cares about the babies. that' what i want though, right? i want to be alone. i'm in the basement of this building across campus sitting at a dark table because i need to be alone. i dont know what to do. usually if i call my parents i feel better but i dont want them to worry. im already sick and its miserable everything hurts and im hot and sore and my stupid nose keeps running adn its even worse cuz im crying. i finally get to go home in a few days, i should be excited. i was until now. first day of break is my birthday and i have family thanksgiving and its gonna be awful. i seriously dont know what to do thats why im back on this stupid forum because i have nowhere to go except for this stupid thread in this stupid forum. im so pathetic. how am i suppposed to even enjoy my break. ill be alone which is what i want now but at that point ill probably hate it. god i have an exam tomorrow morning that i should be studying for. i woulndt have had to if my stupid brain would just be able to do the cass readings in one sitting. i just want to function. i was so close to functioning. i was even gonna tell the girl that i like that i liked her but now i dont even want to. i dont want to talk toanydboy. i dont want to inconvenience anybody with my prescence. they'll expect me to be silly and happy and jokey and energetic and positive and barfing stupid memes like always and once i get real they'll get uncomfortable adnd so will i and ill truly be alone. i wasn't meatn to be taken seriously. i cant function as a serious person. my whole existence must be ironic. i dont knwo what to do with myself. i jsut wanna laie down. i want to sleep but i know i cant im trapped i dont know what to ****ing do i ****ing hate my life i wnna go home but i am home i dont know what to akjrsbgwkjbhn
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go to my guestbook now and sign a petition to get Freddie benson into smash
Im so scared of being a bad person. What if im secretly a bad person. what if no one is telling me. i get so scared that i stop myself from talking to people because im scared im hurting them
--- I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
God damn, I really wish I could be with you. I’m certain you’d reject me though. You don’t deserve someone as ****ty as me anyway. Literally anyone else would be a better option than me. You deserve someone far better than I am. I suppose I’ll just hold back and I’m sure you’ll find someone else who can make you happy like I wouldn’t be able to.
I know I’ll never find love. I know I don’t deserve it. But it still breaks my heart nonetheless.
Any day now... I know I’ll end it soon. I’ll end it all. I’d rather experience nothing than experience my unfortunate existence.
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“No one knows what the outcome will be. So, as much as you can, choose whatever you'll regret the least.” - Levi Ackerman
(irl) Sorry if I am annoyed, but I am not 100% a 1 ***** army. God I wish and I try, but I am just a strong mule trying help Mom plow the fields more than half of the time. In fact I have helped yesterday with Aunty and I am incredibly sore. Had to get down on all 4s and really get those spots on the floor. Could you all please chill and actually not be a bit lazy or idiotic with these chores? I'm not Atlas and I cannot hold all with my shoulders.
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If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
my irl best friend went to college and never talks to me anymore. and none of my internet friends ever reply to me and im close to like 3 people irl. sometimes i come back here but most of the people i remember from here probably forgot about me long ago and it sux. i wish i could reconnect with some people. im always living like 2013 was a couple years ago. but then it hits me that its been years and years since i talked to some people and i feel old. i want to be a dumb preteen again and talk to all those people again.
Dammit, I really want to pour my feelings out to you. But I know you wouldn’t accept me. I really wanna just go ahead and get a rejection tbh, but I don’t want to risk compromising our friendship, as unlikely as that may be knowing you.
I suppose my best option is just to stay quiet and keep my feelings to myself. I’ll stay single, and you’ll surely find someone who you love and can make you happy. I’ll stay alone, and you’ll live a life of happiness surrounded by people who care for you. I’ll end my life, and you’ll go on barely remembering who I was. It’d be ridiculous for me to think I’d ever have a shot with you. You shine so brilliantly, and I’m barely even the flickering embers of a human. You’re just too amazing. I can’t imagine anyone being any more wonderful than you. It breaks my heart knowing I won’t ever be able to give my heart to you. Or to anyone for that matter. I can’t possibly even imagine anyone ever wanting to be with me. That notion is more ridiculous than anything. I’m just so worthless.
For me it was a curse to be born as a human. I wish I’d never at all been born into this world. If I had the choice, I wouldn’t have been.
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“No one knows what the outcome will be. So, as much as you can, choose whatever you'll regret the least.” - Levi Ackerman
Misinterpretations can lead into demises of good things. Maybe disclaimers about the meanings behind messages are in order to not destroy something that brings peace and happiness.
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I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 19:09:44 01/12/2019 by Project_Unnamed
I thought i was never gonna think those thoughts again, or at least not seriously. but here we are in secondary school again
seriously, the lecturer for this module is garbage. she’s fine in web design but i legit remember nothing about databases. seriously, what does any of this have to do with game design? and it’s not just me, it seems like half the class is struggling with this
Ok, this is my low point, from here on out you must haul some ass if you want to go to that college you've been dreaming about since elementary school. Success is not easy.
Loads of snow predicted for next week? I hope it's just newspaper scaremongering. Snow means no trains, no trains means I can't get to my group presentation!
dhfjjhdshjkdfhj i keep giving myself anxiety at night about loans and stuff. i should just take them and be done with it but... thats basically selling my soul away
edit: i posted that gif because i had nothing to say but i wanted the first post of the new page (i am 12 years old.) but now i do have something to say:
"there are no more great days, Bart. just days." i've never connected with a cartoon character more than Milhouse tbh
I'm beginning a story in which the bad guys are a very Nazi-like faction, and like any bad guys, I want to make them compelling.
In order to do that, I have to humanize them - or at least, understand how they could become humanized. The Nazis in real life were obviously evil, but someone had to think they were good, otherwise they would've never risen to power in the first place.
In order to understand that, I've spent my spare time researching Nazi propaganda and browsing alt-right forums and subreddits.
It's not fun at all. It's depressing and frustrating and enraging and subverting. Nothing I will ever write can match the horror I feel knowing that this crap actually exists, and people actually believe it.
If anyone has any cute animal pics or videos, my inbox is open.
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