darkSpyro

I'm doing this for them. "You won't get a job" This was never about getting a job. This was never about appeasing some gluttonous corporation hellbent on exploiting people and destroying the things they loved.

This is, and always was, about a dream...

A dream that refuses to die

StOp LeTtiNg oTherS ConTrOl Meeeee

I'M A WILD CHILD AND I HAVE TO SHOW IT EVENTUALLY

i need to vent to someone. bad

i am so tired of myself. im so tired of...everything


why aren’t i normal??

Man, I hate that post hanging out period when you’re just sad that you can’t spend all the time ever with your friend

That, that really hurt to hear... I wasn't lying when I said I was crying inside y'know... As if I needed another reason to worry about you...

hec im lonely too

who isnt

so desperate for some online community/human/friend interaction. ds is great but i need to go out in the world and find friends irl

Quote: Bolt

heck.

me irl

Alright, I'm feeling a little better now. That's nice. Things haven't quite gone as I expected, but ah well, still I know how to set them right. I'm not going to let people walk all over me anymore.
For some reason last night I suddenly remembered some time when I was walking through a graveyard and counting the ages on the graves. Seems kinda morbid in retrospect. I can't even remember where the graveyard was, maybe it could've even been a dream but I'm fairly certain it wasn't. I think the youngest person in there was like five years old or something.

It's weird having someone else explain my childhood trauma lmao

God, I am such a loser

hahahaha you make me so uncomfortable :^)

next time you wreck your car because you were driving stupid

-----

I'm starting to wonder whether or not that's a viable option again. Maybe, maybe not. I'd rather look for a better solution for my problems but I still can't shake this feeling.

I just can't do this. There's just no way I'll be able to get to where I need to be in such a short amount of time.

And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LEAVE BEHIIIIIND, THIS HURRICANE OF ****ING LIES!!!!!!!!

_____

Today I've had the worst luck I think I could ever have.

I said I wanted change but not this change

Hey, art inspiration, could you arrive when I'm sitting here bored and not while in the middle of finals? Thanks.

days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days two more days

my table is so sticky

why is it so sticky

now all of my things are sticky

it's my birthday, i'll get high if i want to

- - -

Oof, I really hate talking about movies with people online sometimes. Everyone is so goddamn cynical and negative. It ****ing drains my energy...

This is pretty hard to get over

Man I wish things were different.

real talk I just cut off most of a big ass tumor on my one fish abaddon. it's really scary operating on a fish that's a 1.5 inches long. cross your fingers the stress doesn't kill him. it had to be done sooner or later because it's been affecting his swimming but I'm sure at this point he has some kind of cancer going on inside of him.

I hate it when a friend casually makes a bigoted comment in a serious fashion...

ive lost a lot of respect for a lot of people around here.

thanks for ending discussion before i could actually, y'know, make a point

meh

,,

If I don't have scars, then I don't have proof that my pain exists, and therefore it doesn't.

My heart is telling me this in a hurting beat, my feelings are telling me "You're worthless, useless, a waste, you are nothing... So stop trying to be something." And I can't stop myself from listening "You should stop trying, all you're doing is getting in the way, hindering and halting." And I'm starting to feel like it's all true.

And if it's true, that's more of a reason that I shouldn't be saying anything like this, I shouldn't receive worry, I shouldn't be cared for.

Yet my mind knows these feelings are disgusting... No, it's not me, it's these feelings that need to be scrubbed clean. But I deserve to be alive, but it's so hard to listen to my mind lately.

Talking about this is making me feel so sick right now, depression, stress, anxiety all are making my stomach churn, I feel like throwing up right now.

Once enough time has passed, people will look back at this and laugh at it because it probably sounds silly in a dramatic way. Like looking back at a bad memory and laughing at it, I don't know if that will make it feel better or worse though, because my self-loathing will always exist in some way or form, so I'll feel like these feelings won't matter, or I'll feel stupid for putting my feelings out there.
That I made this more dramatic than it seems, though all I'm doing is saying my true feelings so my intentions aren't dramatic or edgy, but I guess speaking what I feel about seems that way.

I guess I could just simply say my feelings without this whole rant. Yeah, I hate myself and I believe my pain isn't real, and that I have absolute zero worth.

I feel like I'm always trying to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable, but I will never be ready and it will never be any easier. Please be okay.

- - -

Wow, I'm really not okay tonight...

woooooooooooooooooooow youre an ass

Wooooooooooooooooow your mom

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow whats wrong with you

To be honest the school change keeps looking like a better future for me than I thought it would be.

i had a really horrible dream about my aunt, and it was the first vivid dream i've had in a while that's felt so real and that i remember when i woke up. i checked facebook when i did wake up and she'd messaged me-thank god she didn't really die of some disease i didn't pick up on

This is some killer suspense...

God, I feel like such a loser

is this regression

This seems like a really bad idea and there's only one thing that would motivate me. If that happens, sure, why not. I guess I'd do it even though I'll probably fail like with everything else. If I have this, at least I'd have something to take that fear away. There'd still be some kind of reward. So yeah, I'd do it if this one particular thing happens that would motivate me. That's a promise and I always (or at least try my absolute best) keep my promises. Dear future me, if these results are unfavourable then that's all the reason to get motivated.
I'll probably regret this post later. It's 3AM and I'm tired. But, a promise is a promise.

I feel like I am going through the seven stages of grief

i feel.. odd being here. the place always crossed my mind every now and again throughout the years but i never actually considered coming back. and seeing the same people that were here when i was active seems to be even stranger. i remember everyone as a 13 year old making cringey jokes and being a nuisance, myself included. its odd to see that my mental image is so out of date, though it makes sense. feels like the world stops turning when im away.

its odd. but i like it. people i thought were annoying are so different now, and for the better. newer people i wouldve thought were great when i joined are annoying now. theres no winning lmao

Quote: Bolt

When I'm older and if I'm ever in a comfortable position, I've decided that I'm going to be a foster parent. Why make a new life when there's so many other existing lives out there in need? There's so many horrible foster homes out there and these poor children don't deserve that. I want to help them as best I can.

And I don't want to go through the process of having my own child. ;pp
Not only does sex completely turn me off, but from what I hear pregnancy is a period on ****ing steroids. I am not going through that lol ( also these kids don't deserve to inherit my depression, anxiety and my dad's/brother's adhd X'D ).

I think I already decided I dont want to have kids of my own because I don't wanna pass down what I have and I feel like id have complications popping out a baby because I'm tiny. there are a lot of children that will never get adopted and the ones that grow out of the foster system don't do too well. i know a few people who were in the system and they're so spiteful and angry because of it. so I think sometime down the road when I'm in a good position I'm gonna save a life. I hate the stories I hear about foster homes. and so many people think the solution to abortion is to put it up for adoption. not saying abortion is right or wrong, but what happens to that kid then? anyway good on you for making that choice.