darkSpyro

I am a certified and fully licensed fortune teller. Lucky for you all I have taken the day off from enriching lives and predicting the future to offer my services here, for free.

please, tell me my future, please... :-)

I hope mine is amazing <3

I've already seen Olava in Whiterun, thanks

Had to do unspeakable things to land that appointment

Quote: LindseyWednesdy

please, tell me my future, please... :-)

My one piece of advice to you, a future in amateur mountaineering could be very prosperous for you.

Quote: HeyitsHotDog

I hope mine is amazing <3

I see you... surrounded by money.. and very attractive men and women. There is a beautiful view of a large, foreign city behind you... You're drinking out of a very expensive looking crystal glass... Everyone seems to be disrobing for some reason and now... Oh, oh goodness... Shame on you this is disgusting. Leave my establishment at once.

Quote: Metallo

I've already seen Olava in Whiterun, thanks

Had to do unspeakable things to land that appointment

Then you don't need your fortune read, and I'm charging you a fee for wasting my time.

Quote: DirtPrincess

Quote: Metallo

I've already seen Olava in Whiterun, thanks

Had to do unspeakable things to land that appointment

Then you don't need your fortune read, and I'm charging you a fee for wasting my time.

1 Septim oughta do it

Hello there.

is it good :c

Quote: GaiaMemories

Hello there.

I can see you out on the open sea, a mighty ship and piles upon piles of gold. I can't tell the exact year but it looks as though we have reverted back to a time where pirates are ruling once again, and ye, ye are the mightiest.

**** yeah! I'm a Gokaiger!

Quote: Grizzle

is it good :c

I am sensing a great opportunity coming in your near future, sometime within the next 30 minutes or so. My spirit guides are also telling me to warn you about scarves. I don't have a clear vision on that but, yeah, scarves.

t e l l

Quote: Vespi

t e l l

When you are 59 you are going to be named Time Magazine's Best Person of the Year, and during the photoshoot for the picture that they are going to use you're going to be holding your World Famous baked bread. An incompetent tech guy is going to come by and accidentally knock into you, causing you to drop the bread and be really embarrassed.
Save your bread, save your dignity

I want a new future, I don't like mine.

alright, I did the mountain thing, that future's the past lady, what's next?

One future per person or pay up

what do you want? i'm rich hun

$50 cash

this is making me want to do actual tarot readings for dS but
1. im not good with that mystical **** and
2. i dont even have my deck yet lmao

Quote: Vespi

this is making me want to do actual tarot readings for dS but
1. im not good with that mystical **** and
2. i dont even have my deck yet lmao

I've never had a tarot reading so get on it

How do I pay?

Quote: DirtPrincess

$50 cash

rich people or too smug for 2 digits, take $5000

can u tell me how i'll die

Quote: Darby

can u tell me how i'll die

A vampiric jellyfish

Anyone wishing to pay me can drop off your payment at any Nike store on the west coast in a bag marked with "DP"

Quote: Darby

can u tell me how i'll die

A hardcore 29 hour session of Halo 63 is too much for your old and feeble heart

i grow weak in my old age

if that's what takes me i deserve it

Quote: Metallo

Quote: Darby

can u tell me how i'll die

A vampiric jellyfish

i reject this idea

Tell me my future, oh wise Princess of the Dirt

Quote: Darby

Quote: Metallo

Quote: Darby

can u tell me how i'll die

A vampiric jellyfish

i reject this idea

Very well. But it's closer than you think

Quote: TheToyNerd

Tell me my future, oh wise Princess of the Dirt

I see... It looks like I'm in your future, no this couldn't possibly b- Oh that's just my reflection. Ahh yes, I see now. This is too dangerous for me to currently speak about, but I will say that I really dig that mustache. The PI Magnum look really suits you.

my turn

**** it, I want to see if I die in 2 days or 4

I want to hear my future please

Surprise me

Quote: Sesshomaru75

H E L P

Your decision to open an Etsy shop where you customize household appliances with glitter ends up failing miserably because glitter isn't eco-friendly. Shame on you for trying to ruin the planet one fabulous spec at a time. Also you go through a second growth-spurt and get like, insanely tall. 7'8" I'm guessing. Weird

Quote: parisruelz12

my turn

Your decision to partner with Sess in ooening an Etsy shop ends up being a great decision for you. You are the one that starts the revolution against the company from the inside, and this tyrannical glittery menace is brought down by your hands. You are hailed as a hero for saving the Earth from the non-biodegradable terror.

Quote: King-Pen Krazy

**** it, I want to see if I die in 2 days or 4

You don't die, ever. It's the greatest medical mystery the world has ever seen, and you are abducted and held in a lab for many studies.

Quote: Chompy-King257

I want to hear my future please

You settle down and start a family in the country with your spouse, eventually having 2 children. You adopt a dog. Your family has a "family game night" where you all sit down and play Scrabble together. Occasionally you spice things up by playing Connect 4. Your home consists of many pillows with embroidered inspirational quotes, and you use your family's "Swear Jar" to fund the occasional history museum outing. Your white picket fence life is quaint.

Quote: Spyro Fanatic

Dew it.

In the near future, the release of the first game in the Spyro Trilogy causes your love for the game to spiral into a very dark place. You become the ultimate Spyro Fanatic and terrorize the game developers, stalking their houses and begging for exclusive content and bonus features. The second and third games of the Trilogy are never released.

Quote: kardonis

Surprise me

On a particularly boring afternoon, you decide to try your hand at the remaining 6 of the 7 unsolved math problems. You solve all 6 in a matter of minutes and go on to claim your hefty prize of 1 million dollars per solved question. Grigori Perelman, solver of the first in the set, is put to shame by your amazing accomplishment and vows to get revenge on you one day.

oh magic conch

w i l l I e v e r g e t m a r r i e d?

Tell me the future pls

ok then

Oh gracious DirtPrincess, please bestow upon me your powerful fortune

Quote: Dark Lord

oh magic conch

w i l l I e v e r g e t m a r r i e d?

O O O L O O L O O L O O L O O L O O L O O L O O

I would like to know.

Quote: Dark Lord

oh magic conch

w i l l I e v e r g e t m a r r i e d?

Hmm. From what I see here it looks like you eloped in Vegas to a complete stranger and later divorced them when you refused to support their pro fantasy football career. Good for you, fixing your mistakes.

Quote: ZapNorris

ok then

My vision seems to be a bit clouded, I'm not sure why.. Oh. You seem to be hotboxing a van in a park with Blake Lively. Nice

Quote: TheFlyingSeal

Oh gracious DirtPrincess, please bestow upon me your powerful fortune

I'm getting a very intense cold feeling... You're... You're in the arctic tundra, clutching some sort of spear and clothed in many furs. There is what appears to be an entire National Geographic team nearby, trying to capture a family of muskox to exploit for profit. You're giving a wink to the muskox family as you sneak up on one of the men from behind a snow bank, spear in hand.

Quote: JCW555

"We are the future, baby, used to be the past".

Motörhead, from We Are Motörhead, 2000.

You have been fined for selling unofficial Motörhead merchandise. Enraged from having your fortune stolen from you, you buy tickets to the last concert of the 2021 tour. At the end of their final performance you sneak up onstage and knock his dumb, edgy cowboy hat off to reveal a bad hairpiece. His shame causes the band to split up for good. Motörhead 1975 - 2021

Quote: emeraldzoroark

I would like to know.

A tragic accident involving you, radioactive waste, and a nice 3 piece suit gives you the power of ultimate class. You spend your days assisting the fashion-impaired, and looking really great while doing so.

Tell me, tell me, tell me! Pleeeeeeeeease!!

Am I happy? Am I famous? Do I get rich? Do I die? Do I live!?

Let's do it! >:-)

*flops onto the table*

*moans*

I am immensely entertained by the responses you've given thus far. What's my future?

Woah, my future sounds pretty nice...