darkSpyro

Why did I have such a violent reaction there? I haven’t been doing anything wrong or anything, I just got so pissed off that I heard something other nothing while trying to take time out and draw. Ugh...

i need to curl up and just... die. not like anyone would notice I was gone. It would be better, obviously. I'm such a waste of space and resources. The world would definitely be better without me in it. So why am I so weak that I can't remove myself? Why can't I just do it?

this has been the worst two weeks of my life.....


i just hope this loan goes through fast.....


im sorry that i failed. im an idiot

well thats how life goes i guess
yesterday was great, today is uh
really not good

why do hypocrites exist

I can't ****ing believe a person's mental state can possibly be this bad; that someone could legitimately want death this ****ing much. I'm appalled that my trying to help you makes you feel betrayed. You're saying that the nice friendly thing to do would be to let you die because that's what you want to do. No. I can't ****ing do that. I'm not standing around anymore hoping it gets better, because it won't. I'm taking action. I don't care if you hate me for this, or if it nonsensically hurts that I'm trying to ****ing save the life of the person I love. Actions need to be taken to help you. It's an absolute necessity. I'm not letting you kill yourself no matter how badly you want to. I don't think you realize how much your life being in actual danger affects other people. If you're not going to make even the slightest effort to help your mental state, then I'm going to have to do what I can from half a planet away. I don't want to make it about me but **** it's also the most stressful thing in the world to have someone's actual life on your hands. I wish you had even just one other person to live for.

I feel just a little guilty for this, but it's oddly a bit funny and even a bit refreshing to send an email charging the girl who apparently called exec "passive" for not showing up to stuff because she didn't feel like it.

man that video game sure did piss me off! > : (
i know what ill do! ill rip it apart on the internet like an adult! /s

Guess I really ****ed things up between us, didn't I?

I was only trying to do what I could to help you. I'm sure just about any person thinking logically about this would have done the same; tried to get more help in your life. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just a ****ing idiot as always and my decision made no sense. Perhaps I am the one who is fallible due to my stupidity. I know I ended up hurting you but I wish you could see I had only just intentions. I only wanted to help you get back to being able to enjoy life, to not want to die all the time.

I suppose our relationship is probably over, huh? We haven't had a chance to discuss it since you're avoiding me now but I can't imagine you would want to continue. Nine months of going strong and then it abruptly ends because I tried to help; because I cared about you and worried for you. I didn't see anything wrong. I still don't see any flaws in my logic yet you hate me for it now. I'm an idiot. **** me. I wish I could die. By trying to help I'm clearly only damaging you. I'm surprised you didn't cut ties with me a long time ago. I'm a worthless human and a waste of oxygen. I would say I'm sorry but I know you wouldn't care.

Do NOT contact me again. Try it one more time and I’ll get a restraining order on your ass.

I don't know why but I sometimes feel like everyone will turn on me in the future. I'm starting to feel more anxious as the day goes on and I hope it's temporarily. I feel like I deserve this because I think I've been a dick sometimes to people and I should stop.

I really do think I hate you. I'm not trying to be edgy or anything, I think you're just such a ****ty person, there's nothing else I can feel towards you. I just wake up and you're on the phone wanting to talk to me. You apparently called my mom first and then yelled at her because she wouldn't let you talk to me. You hide behind being reasonable,, and telling it like it is, but you don't. All you do is claim you're reasonable, and lash out when anyone questions you. I told you I had just gotten up and wasn't ready to talk, but all you did was yell at me and threaten me. I'm so ****ing glad you're in a different country at the moment. Now that you're started drinking again, you're probably going to be addicted again. Those few times where you were drunk were the worst memories of my life. It takes your normal assholery and self-centered-ness and makes it ten times worse. I can't even be sure you won't hit me if you're drinking again, but you don't even care. You claim you do, but if you did you would act differently. You might actually accept that other people are right sometimes, and especially about you. But instead you don't care. You will not do any self-reflection, and see that maybe other people are right. Instead you just shout at people until they give up and tell you you're right. You have treated me like a child all the time, acting as if you're teaching me something when I already know it. You act like you're a genius, but people only treat you like you know what you're doing because if they don't you'll get in a screaming match with them.

You call me first thing in the morning to tell me I'm wrong, that I'm delusional and don't understand anything, but you do. Telling me people will beat me to death, as if I don't already know that. You say the most ignorant **** I've ever heard, and then claim you're still supportive. You said what is quite literally the stupidest goddamn thing I've heard in my entire ****ing life. "You can either be a tall strong white guy and have the power to do what you want and help other people, or you can do something to help yourself." I didn't respond because honestly, I just couldn't even process the sheer amount of stupidity you managed to put into one sentence, but I know if I had, you would have called me selfish for wanting to have a better life. I'm not going to be some hero, or some warrior, saving people's lives. I'd never be able to. You talk about violence, yet then you tell me I should go around saving lives, as if that's not dangerous? To fight for other people's rights, but not my own, solely because you don't like it? And yet you still repeat that you're supportive. You could only be less supportive if you tried to beat me to death yourself, and I'm honestly scared you'll try, just to prove a point.

So instead my options are: fear for my life that you'll attack me when you get here, and know that you'll at least try and make life hell and harass me all the time, or: conform to your every belief for at least 2 more years until I can move out, if I don't end up killing myself by then. What wonderful options you've presented me with.

Apparently you threatened my mom that you'll cut off all financal support too. What a wonderful person you are

boy i havent had a good “cry and stare at the ceiling” in a long time

god i hate myself
whered all my positivity from spring break go?

Well this hurts like hell. Can this pain just go away so I can live a happy-ish life again? Pleaaaase?

Could this damn school for once not make their registration process so stupid I feel my blood pressure spiking? I am a rising junior, I meet all prerequisites. Why can I not sign up for 300 level courses. Meanwhile these are required courses that are only offered once a year and will fill up.