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darkSpyro - Spyro and Skylanders Forum > Stuff and Nonsense > Personal Thoughts
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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7577
#41251 Posted: 06:08:03 01/01/2018
A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
Every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wait around forever you will surely drown
I see what's going down
I see the way you go and say you're right again
Say you're right again
Heed my lecture


========
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 06:11:08 01/01/2018 by parisruelz12
willspyro Ripto Gems: 5862
#41252 Posted: 11:15:47 01/01/2018
2018 Lets Work
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#41253 Posted: 21:40:21 01/01/2018
Hnnnnng. My chest hurts all the time
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#41254 Posted: 23:06:42 01/01/2018
Hmmmm

Feeling is just, I'm not sure. What is it? What does it mean? Why? I suppose it doesn't matter though does it? There's a good chance we'll never meet again anyway, so why bother in the slightest?

Maybe it's just desperation, maybe it's more. Maybe I'm just trying to dig into something that so obviously isn't there.

What a fool
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 00:25:36 02/01/2018 by kardonis
Project_Unnamed Prismatic Sparx Gems: 10585
#41255 Posted: 00:02:21 02/01/2018
This addiction will be the end of me. But the scariest part of it is that more I indulge in it, the less I care... Although I don't want it to be this simple... But my dreams are illusions and in this life cold facts prevail over them... But my fantasies will survive in my songs but my real life is another deal.
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 00:03:45 02/01/2018 by Project_Unnamed
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#41256 Posted: 01:49:02 02/01/2018
Take a deep breath, this hurts now but it will all be fine. Time will pass and it won't hurt so much anymore. It will be okay. It will be okay.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Bryman04 Gold Sparx Gems: 2116
#41257 Posted: 05:53:12 02/01/2018
My arms weak
Palms sweaty
Someone touch
My sphagett
AmbushFan Blue Sparx Gems: 919
#41258 Posted: 06:10:20 02/01/2018
Guess I lied.

FFS it's not that hard. It's really ****ing simple. Now, or procrastinate again, and this is not something to procrastinate on. The sooner the better.

So just do it already. Hurry the **** up. I'm wasting time here and everything else, I'm ****ing wasting. Procrastinating as usual.

---

I cannot wait. There will be no time that is better than the rest, I will not witness the aftermath anyway. So why care at all?

No reason to wait any longer. It'll happen eventually, until then I'll just keep being an asshole.

Just ****ing do it. Now.
---
No fate. Only the power of will.
AmbushFan Blue Sparx Gems: 919
#41259 Posted: 06:46:33 02/01/2018
Part II kinda I guess the sequel

So now I'm trying to coax myself into it? Just like last time? FFS. FFS, FFS. No, I cannot let it be 'just like last time'. That's really ****ing retarded.

It must end here and now. Half an hour ago I was willing, now that other voice decided to come back and tell me to carry the **** on? No. It cannot be - not 'just like last time'. Let's make some progression here... I think the starting point with that should be obvious. But clearly I am still unable... why?

I've said: it's not that hard. Not hard at all. What am I scared of, failure? Things won't get better. I've never believed any of that generic crap, it's what they all say. No emotion behind it. They don't know me, know that I'm doomed to keep messing up. There is no end as far as I see.

---

6:30AM. Guess I won't be getting any sleep tonight, with or without it.

I needn't care about that thing anymore either. For all I care it's just yet another attempt to keep me here, because my mind is just that submissive, that I'd take any reason to stay - any reason at all. But that's not good.

I must forget my emotions. They only serve to distract me from what must be done.

---

Things won't get better... deep down, even when I'm not feeling this way, I still believe. It's like I've been constantly jumping out of the pan into the fire over and over, yet keeping up with it and never giving in, despite having no reason to.

But every reason not to. The Otherworld, for instance, I must believe in that. It is where I must be, I think. And thinking is all I have to go by now - not counting my own emotions.
---
No fate. Only the power of will.
AmbushFan Blue Sparx Gems: 919
#41260 Posted: 09:02:07 02/01/2018
Nothing to say here except for what is below.

That's a good idea. As soon as I wake up, that is when. Maybe I'll fail. But as long as I tried, that is all that matters. And then if I fail, I can try again, I will just need to be more careful. I don't think there will be a second time though, I am entirely confident once will be enough - I have planned it out.

Yes. Right then, as soon as I wake up, that's when it ends. I know that that is when the voice is loudest, there have been some occasions when I have woke up reaching for the shard. Ha, I'll be back to sleep quite soon after that - a deeper sleep, the deepest sleep. No need to worry anymore.

Come to think of it, I'm feeling quite sleepy now. I'll try to stay awake a little longer. Maybe... there's no reason to go to sleep anyway. Other than seeing them again, but hopefully the longest sleep will let me be there forever. I hope.

---

I remember listening to this song a while back. When it began. It is a good song, one of my favourites. I like it a lot.

Looking back on things, perhaps I overestimated the influence of music into forming my decisions. In the end, it is only me and me alone - some songs have supposedly yielded better results, but I think that was likely just me trying to find connections. It was merely the flow of the figurative pendulum that caused the changes.

I wonder how that figurative pendulum works, anyway? I don't see it as swinging back and forth anymore - it is edging a lot onto the side of death.
---
No fate. Only the power of will.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#41261 Posted: 21:19:12 02/01/2018
It's weird knowing you won't be sending the same good morning message any more... I miss you, but I understand why you left. I'm sorry for not being good enough
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Beemo Emerald Sparx Gems: 3070
#41262 Posted: 08:42:48 03/01/2018
I wish I could get things done right away instead of always waiting until the last goddamn minute
DeathOfADream Yellow Sparx Gems: 1510
#41263 Posted: 13:04:16 03/01/2018
God you’re impossible. But what more do I expect from someone who has no real grasp on what mental illness is? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I came here expecting to be mistreated anyway I guess.
But I’ve genuinely about had it with your bull****. Just leave me the **** alone.
---
”I am not everything you thought that I would be
But every story I have told is part of me.”
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 13:04:52 03/01/2018 by DeathOfADream
KeybasHedKey Ripto Gems: 1862
#41264 Posted: 17:02:49 03/01/2018
She's an intolerant prick. I should be loved not you.
KeybasHedKey Ripto Gems: 1862
#41265 Posted: 00:13:59 04/01/2018
You're all so intolarant against me, all of you, I seeked help? Where's the Change?

Also there's more childish people who far worse then me.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 00:18:10 04/01/2018 by KeybasHedKey
KeybasHedKey Ripto Gems: 1862
#41266 Posted: 00:31:35 04/01/2018
I can't even express my hatred thoughs a traitor that must be talking on you backs.

Victim? I'm not playing victim. And also you seem to dislike me, I just want people to accept my opinion about fandoms.
KeybasHedKey Ripto Gems: 1862
#41267 Posted: 00:45:12 04/01/2018
I have the right to disagree as well. Also God forbid if you hate someone or something.
KeybasHedKey Ripto Gems: 1862
#41268 Posted: 00:55:46 04/01/2018
How about no, I want revenge if I hate people that's what revenge is for...
KeybasHedKey Ripto Gems: 1862
#41269 Posted: 01:19:48 04/01/2018
People just give up so easy with me don't they...

If you really want me to change so desparately, why don't you help me so badly?
Seiki Platinum Sparx Gems: 6150
#41270 Posted: 01:20:50 04/01/2018
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
---
Once in my dreams, I rose and soared. No matter how I'm knocked around or beaten down, I will stand up restored.
KeybasHedKey Ripto Gems: 1862
#41271 Posted: 01:22:46 04/01/2018
I just want to Aura to accept me again, and forgive my actions... and be more tolerant about my worldview.
AmbushFan Blue Sparx Gems: 919
#41272 Posted: 02:23:07 04/01/2018
Quote: Seiki
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.



Suffering leads to the dark side, where you learn magic and can do whatever the **** you want until some filthy peasant also learns magic and kills you. **** you Luke.

The Empire did nothing wrong.
---
No fate. Only the power of will.
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7577
#41273 Posted: 02:24:20 04/01/2018
no one can e tolerent of u b/c ur always going around threatening them if they dont agree with u


if u want to be "tolerated" then i implore u to treat others the way u want to be treated.
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
KeybasHedKey Ripto Gems: 1862
#41274 Posted: 02:55:40 04/01/2018
Can't I have the right to disagree? Also she refuses to listen to me.
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 02:57:33 04/01/2018 by KeybasHedKey
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8213
#41275 Posted: 04:01:40 04/01/2018
Quit derailing threads please. All I ask atm. It's not too much. This is a vent space thread, there's no need to start fight and debates in Personal/Random thoughts and Leaving and Returning.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
AmbushFan Blue Sparx Gems: 919
#41276 Posted: 05:34:48 04/01/2018
I don't particularly like posting this topic. It's pointless. But I do... why?

My parents finally noticed the bruises. They've made an appointment at the doctor's - for self-harming or something - and I'll probably be going in a few hours. If it's then.

I don't know what the point of therapy or whatever is. Or... well, whatever. I don't know or care. The important thing is, what should I say if they ask me questions?

I could tell the truth. Tell them all the reasons I have, that I do regularly think about killing myself, and that I cut myself using a shard of glass. But I don't think that'd help me. No... I think I'll lie if it comes to that.

Lying, of course, is exactly the opposite of what I should do in this situation. However, I do not think they would help. Nobody can help, I think - and at this point, I'm not even trying to avoid suicide anymore. If it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't, and I don't think I care much either way. Except that suicide is probably best for all at this point.

---

What more can I say that hasn't been said already? I've more or less been repeating myself over and over, because that is how I think on these kinds of things. They do not just go, they come back, the exact same ones. So I'm just posting exactly as I think.

It's clear by now that I think suicide is the best course of action. My emotions are clouding my judgement, that is the final obstacle I must overcome.

---

Yes. I think I'll lie, just like all those times before. It is best.

---

I'm sure everyone else here must hate these posts. I hate being serious too, because I know I've never got anything nice to say. Sometimes I just can't hold my tongue. Y'know, pretty sure that's what part of what got me here in the first place.

Here? The emotional state? Well, I've claimed it is my emotions clouding my judgement, but that is not entirely true. There are two sides to my emotions. One tells me to carry on, the other one - the one I think is best - tells me that there is something higher. Somewhere better than this.

---

As I said previously, I post just as I think. I don't plan out much, or even look back over them - ever. I just think, post, in perfect union pretty much.

And also as I previously said (because most is "previously said" now)... why? Well, I have my reasons. Kind of.


This Ghost album is pretty good.
---
No fate. Only the power of will.
Samius Hunter Gems: 9349
#41277 Posted: 12:42:39 04/01/2018
Quote: KeybasHedKey
Can't I have the right to disagree? Also she refuses to listen to me.


You have the right to disagree. You've always had it.

What you don't have is the right to is:

A ) Having others to act the way you want them to.
B ) Revoking other people's rights to disagree with you.
C ) Getting "revenge" on people for not liking the way you act and acting out on it (you frequently refer to this as "persecution").

I really feel like I want to be on your side, because there is a mob of people here that don't like you (including some mods) and that must feel very infuriating and unfair, but you also keep bringing this on yourself by acting in an entitled manner. It would be relatively easy to step in and stop people from bullying you if you didn't constantly demand respect from others and go out of your way to do things like calling them idiots.

To paint this whole thing in broader strokes, it's a way bigger problem to solve than it would otherwise be because both sides of this ongoing argument/conflict are keeping it from dying out. Sess in particular is pretty notorious for having a bad attitude. Sometimes I find myself wondering if he is physically unable of replying politely to posts he doesn't like, but at least he keeps proving me wrong on occasion. I haven't seen a single sincere attempt at reconciliation from you. I urge everyone involved to do a little self-reflection and to try to keep from adding to the drama in the future.

As for this signature-modding fiasco that recently took place, I agree with CAV that your signature shouldn't have been moderated. When it comes to being a moderator (which is basically just a glorified janitor position) I'm strictly a "content over context" kinda guy, and even if I wasn't the context wasn't that damning. It was much ado about nothing. I feel like even you overreacted.
Unfortunately (and this is sort of becoming a theme for me whenever these kinda things happen) the now-closed topic existed at 04:00-06:00 my time, so I didn't have a chance to join in on the discussion.

On an off-note, for any other mods out there that might be reading my post: I don't blame you. I realize that it's always easier to be wise in retrospect. I assume you went over this in Skype, so maybe I should go through the trouble of actually keeping an eye on it if I want to be there when things happen.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 17:33:06 05/01/2018 by Samius
AmbushFan Blue Sparx Gems: 919
#41278 Posted: 00:32:35 05/01/2018
VALHALLA

I didn't even have to lie, they barely even asked me anything. The only question was why, and I said it's because I get pissed off and want to hurt something. Technically, that's a white lie, since it's not the only reason. But likewise, it still does technically count as the truth.

Didn't tell them anything of my suicidal thoughts. Didn't need to. So as far as they know, I've just got anger issues, but we all know here that it's more than that.

They also said something about contacting professionals or something. Sometime later this month. Again: don't know, don't care.

---

Ah, yes... that. I have never told anyone about this, not even you. It is ridiculous. However, despite that, it has become a major issue for me.

I might have said something a while back similar to this. But there is a greater truth to it, something more - something I don't even like to admit to myself.


DELIVERANCE
---
No fate. Only the power of will.
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#41279 Posted: 01:30:46 05/01/2018
[User Posted Image]

HERE WE GO!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 16:49:36 05/01/2018 by kardonis
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#41280 Posted: 04:34:43 05/01/2018
I have no idea why I am so panicky... I cant calm down. I dont know whats happening to me. I dont know how to stop


even breathing is hard
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
CAV Platinum Sparx Gems: 6289
#41281 Posted: 16:50:53 05/01/2018
Quote: KeybasHedKey
How about no, I want revenge if I hate people that's what revenge is for...


Revenge shouldn't have a place in how you operate as a person.
KeybasHedKey Ripto Gems: 1862
#41282 Posted: 22:48:41 05/01/2018
Revenge is good, why people are so against it. Better question why do even the feeling of hatred exists?

People just don't understand me here, go ahead say that you hate me with every fiber of your being, go on.
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 22:50:50 05/01/2018 by KeybasHedKey
Carmelita Fox Prismatic Sparx Gems: 12495
#41283 Posted: 17:45:20 06/01/2018
Revenge has consequences, move on.
TheFlyingSeal Diamond Sparx Gems: 8584
#41284 Posted: 05:42:46 07/01/2018
At the beginning, the mere thought of you would get me blushing, my legs shaking, and my stomach flourishing. I know it won't happen. Trust me, I thought of everything. I've come to terms with the fact that you don't feel anything for me - even if I haven't confessed, I know you don't feel the same. It's not the typical "HE WILL NEVER LOVE ME I'M SO UNLOVABLE AND GROSS" but it's the interference of life: your current schedules and ambitions don't line up. You don't want a relationship and thus you don't have interest in anyone, so I know you're not interested in me.

But strangely enough, it's possible in the future for us to get together if by some chance you do like me back. Incredibly possible. It's so possible that I almost can't believe the odds....but I can't help but think "Is that the reason why my heart is fluttering? Because a guy that I'm interested in could possibly work in the future? Like it's some old romantic tale of lovers waiting for each other despite us...not being lovers in the first place?"

I've laid awake, those very questions crossing my mind when I have typical late night thoughts every night. It has been two years I think, We're not even in a relationship and our friendship is so spotty in the first place. All of this is just because I'm living out an ideal relationship.

Then why is it that when I see your face, unimaginable joy comes across me? Time slows down and I can't help but smile? I hear your voice, your laugh; there's that feeling again, the butterflies. It's not strong but it's there.

Do I love you? Love may be too strong of a word right now.

Do I still have a crush on you? Maybe.

Do I care for you? Do I want nothing more than to see your happiness?

That I can say with a definite yes.

As time continues to move on, that's all I will focus on. I will continue to have hope for the future - that somehow, we will keep in touch and still be friends. That I can continue to do my best to keep that smile on your face.


this ended up being way longer than anticipated lmao whoops
---
#CynderIsAFireDragon
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7577
#41285 Posted: 08:01:04 07/01/2018
polisci is going to be an...experiance...

especially for me, a right leaning woman in a mostly liberal state
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
SoulFly Emerald Sparx Gems: 4660
#41286 Posted: 12:10:54 07/01/2018
Bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger
This is a bother
---
Ligi
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#41287 Posted: 12:14:21 07/01/2018
Even once I fully recover, it’s back to the daily grind of school and feeling like a complete and utter loser once again. ****, I’m scared. I shouldn’t be scared, but I am.
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1907
#41288 Posted: 15:36:41 07/01/2018
What is life anymore

I just, ****(well, I don't actually ****, but you get the Idea)
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
DeathOfADream Yellow Sparx Gems: 1510
#41289 Posted: 20:32:02 07/01/2018
I’m tired of feeling this way, it’s so conflicting.

- - - -

You’ve been a big help. Thank you so much.
---
”I am not everything you thought that I would be
But every story I have told is part of me.”
KeybasHedKey Ripto Gems: 1862
#41290 Posted: 00:32:31 08/01/2018
Geez, I don't like it when he calls me since I'm not mentally prepared to talk to him also the fake cry and the supposed misunderstandings annoy me to no end.
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#41291 Posted: 01:45:46 09/01/2018
Ech, don’t mind me

No, please brain... Stop falling in love with people.
King-Pen Krazy Yellow Sparx Gems: 1907
#41292 Posted: 01:48:21 09/01/2018
Quote: TheToyNerd
Ech, don’t mind me

No, please brain... Stop falling in love with people.



Brainsmilieo it


But seriously, yeah, It's really hard to focus on anything when your brain is like, "oh yeah she cute
---
Rise and Shine Ursine
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#41293 Posted: 03:32:53 09/01/2018
The more we talk, the more I realize I've made a good choice. The worry is slowly melting away.
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
UncleBob Ripto Gems: 4565
#41294 Posted: 05:36:18 09/01/2018
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Did you hear that loud buzzing noise inside your head as your fingers touched the keys to type out that message? That was your brain literally exploding from the amount of irony that spilled forth from you, of all people, typing that with complete sincerity.

If nothing else, maybe you've learned something. I am so glad someone sent me that link. It seriously made my day.

Thank you. Both of you.
Crystal Dragon Diamond Sparx Gems: 8850
#41295 Posted: 05:46:11 09/01/2018
you are a sad, strange little man.

you have my pity. as soon as i find it, that is.
Iceclaw Hunter Gems: 10273
#41296 Posted: 07:20:49 09/01/2018
I can't believe you're an actual person over the age of 30 that's pretty sad
---
Twinkies and 2hus
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#41297 Posted: 01:20:41 10/01/2018
Oh my god, I’m such a stupid ****. I can’t believe I was about to say that...
StormDragon21 Platinum Sparx Gems: 5640
#41298 Posted: 02:50:47 10/01/2018
Well, that was quite the karmic reversal.
---
"sTORM, my parents just told me something that RUINED MY LIFE. DID YOU KNOW that Smarties have different flavors?!" ~ShadowMewX
UncleBob Ripto Gems: 4565
#41299 Posted: 08:33:58 11/01/2018
Is this real life, or is this just fantasy?

I must have done something amazing in a former life to be gifted not one, but *two* such amazing messages. I almost have to wonder if I'm being trolled. (:

Thanks, again.
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