darkSpyro

I wish I was joking

http://collider.com/dora-the-e...ie-michael-bay/

This is a joke, right?

-----

I don't trust any news source that uses the same paragraph twice in the same article.

Quote: kardonis

I don't trust any news source that uses the same paragraph twice in the same article.

I thought it was fake until I looked it up. It's on every news site on the list and Twitter is all over it.

This sounds absolutely hilarious.

I really hope backpack and map still talk.

wait, for real?


...oh my god.

I QUIT

So is Dora and Boots gonna get guns and run from explosions

imagine the dora theme to the sound of bullets and u probably have the entire summary of the film.

Has he not killed enough??

Damn you Michael Bay!!!

i actually want to see this

I'm tired. I rather see Little America come out first to see if it'll Make Trump Angry Again.

What is the world coming to? Emoji Movie, Teen Titans Go Movie now Dora Movie?

i will eat my socks if this movie turns out to be good.

can't wait

Quote: parisruelz12

i will eat my socks if this movie turns out to be good.

Make it your hat

Bob the Builder next please.

Quote: Pokemon2

What is the world coming to? Emoji Movie, Teen Titans Go Movie now Dora Movie?

All-female 3D live-action Spongebob Squarepants Movie remake (reboot) directed by Michael Bay, starring Adam Sandler as Spongebobina Squarepants, a soundtrack consisting of only rap/hip hop songs and remixes (yes, even Goofy Goober Rock and Ocean Man remixes are used instead of the originals), CGI by the guys who made The Incredible Bulk, and every line is a reference to pop culture and/or outdated memes.

The Krusty Krab don't serve Krabby Patties. They instead serve "Krabby Memes", and Spongebobina's dream at the beginning is instead about a customer (Rob Schneider) who didn't have any Trollface in her Krabby Meme. After insterting the Trollface, Spongebobina walks out of the Krusty Krab (dramatically, to the sound of some rap/hip hop song, and with crappy CGI explosions in the background).

Instead of being woken up by the honking of her alarm, she is instead woken up by yet another generic rap/hip hop song. It then proceeds relatively similarly to the original, except Gartha is an emoji, and the rap/hip hop song continues throught the scene.

When she meets Patricia (who is also played by Rob Schneider because they couldn't find enough actors), they sing the rap/hip hop remix of the Goofy Goober song for several minutes, before going the Krusty Krab 2 ceremony.

Because the original scene was deemed too distressing for the target audience, Spongebobina becomes the new manager instead of Squidwendy. This of course causes plotholes, but they fix it with some meme references.

Patricia stil crashes into the banner, causing a chain reaction of crappy CGI explosions for the next ten minutes.

Meanwhile, Planktia is trying to think of ways to defeat the Krusty Krab, saying that she's used all of her plans, "from 1 to 70". Karen then suggests "Plan 69", because according to the creators, "69 is hip and cool among our target audience". Even though Planktia implied that she had used 69 ("from 1-70"), but who cares about plotholes anyway?

She then steals Memelord Neptunia's crown. To avoid discrimination against bald people, Neptune is no longer bald. Because of this, all jokes relating to her baldness are now related to memes.

Back to Spongebobina. Overjoyed about becoming manager, she - alongside Patricia - eat some Goofy Goober Deluxe Meme Supremes. Again, to avoid distressing the viewers, or discriminating against drink addicts, they no longer appear drunk. They instead perform (in full) the rap/hip hop Goofy Goober song remix with the mascot - who is also an emoji, like Gartha.

The next day, Neptunia shows up at the Krusty Krab, after hearing that Mrs Krabs had stolen her crown and taken it to Dank City. Spongebobinia defends Mrs Krabs, but Neptunia doesn't listen to her. (Yet) again, to avoid distression, Mrs Krabs isn't frozen. Neptunia instead orders Mrs Krabs to give Planktia the Secret Formula as punishment. Spongebobina and Patricia then offer to go to Dank City, and Mindy (note: IIRC, Mindy was actually voiced by a celebrity in the original, Scarlett Johansson) gives them the Bag of Wind. Many fart jokes are made.

Spongebobina and Patricia go to the Patty Mobile. Because of pop references, it is now changed to look like a Delorean. Proceed to driving scene, with a rap/hip hop song playing throughout. And explosions.

Upon meeting the people at the gas station (more fart jokes), they are not mocked by them, once again to avoid distression. They instead deliver an intense motivational speech in the form of a rap/hip hop song.

After crossing the border, they are met by a person who asks to borrow their Patty Mobile. After giving it to her, she tells them to meet her at the Sparkly Splatoon later on, and that she'll give it back then.

After going to the Sparkly Splatoon - a fan club dedicated to the game by Nintendo, because pop references - Patricia says she needs the bathroom. More toilet humor ensues.

Upon entering, Spongebobina goes to tell Patricia about the Splatoon tournament they're holding, and whether she wanted to join. Patricia, who has just finished on the toilet (even more toilet humor), goes to wash her hands, and realizes that it can make bubble. The following scene is near-identicle to the original, but of course, live-action all-female and a rap/hip hop song in the background. And explosions.

After noticing the bubbles, the people from the Sparkly Splatoon line everyone up to try and find out who did it, by playing the rap/hip hop Goofy Goober song remix and seeing who sang along to it.

Two people start singing along, before Spongebobina and Patricia. Like the original, they're physically connected to each other, but no jokes are made in order to yet again avoid discrimination.

Fight scene ensues. Rap/hip hop song playing in the background and more explosions, as usual.

(Cont. later, maybe

so, uh... Dora The Exploder?

Quote: AmbushFan

Quote: Pokemon2

What is the world coming to? Emoji Movie, Teen Titans Go Movie now Dora Movie?

All-female 3D live-action Spongebob Squarepants Movie remake (reboot) directed by Michael Bay, starring Adam Sandler as Spongebobina Squarepants, a soundtrack consisting of only rap/hip hop songs and remixes (yes, even Goofy Goober Rock and Ocean Man remixes are used instead of the originals), CGI by the guys who made The Incredible Bulk, and every line is a reference to pop culture and/or outdated memes.

The Krusty Krab don't serve Krabby Patties. They instead serve "Krabby Memes", and Spongebobina's dream at the beginning is instead about a customer (Rob Schneider) who didn't have any Trollface in her Krabby Meme. After insterting the Trollface, Spongebobina walks out of the Krusty Krab (dramatically, to the sound of some rap/hip hop song, and with crappy CGI explosions in the background).

Instead of being woken up by the honking of her alarm, she is instead woken up by yet another generic rap/hip hop song. It then proceeds relatively similarly to the original, except Gartha is an emoji, and the rap/hip hop song continues throught the scene.

When she meets Patricia (who is also played by Rob Schneider because they couldn't find enough actors), they sing the rap/hip hop remix of the Goofy Goober song for several minutes, before going the Krusty Krab 2 ceremony.

Because the original scene was deemed too distressing for the target audience, Spongebobina becomes the new manager instead of Squidwendy. This of course causes plotholes, but they fix it with some meme references.

Patricia stil crashes into the banner, causing a chain reaction of crappy CGI explosions for the next ten minutes.

Meanwhile, Planktia is trying to think of ways to defeat the Krusty Krab, saying that she's used all of her plans, "from 1 to 70". Karen then suggests "Plan 69", because according to the creators, "69 is hip and cool among our target audience". Even though Planktia implied that she had used 69 ("from 1-70"), but who cares about plotholes anyway?

She then steals Memelord Neptunia's crown. To avoid discrimination against bald people, Neptune is no longer bald. Because of this, all jokes relating to her baldness are now related to memes.

Back to Spongebobina. Overjoyed about becoming manager, she - alongside Patricia - eat some Goofy Goober Deluxe Meme Supremes. Again, to avoid distressing the viewers, or discriminating against drink addicts, they no longer appear drunk. They instead perform (in full) the rap/hip hop Goofy Goober song remix with the mascot - who is also an emoji, like Gartha.

The next day, Neptunia shows up at the Krusty Krab, after hearing that Mrs Krabs had stolen her crown and taken it to Dank City. Spongebobinia defends Mrs Krabs, but Neptunia doesn't listen to her. (Yet) again, to avoid distression, Mrs Krabs isn't frozen. Neptunia instead orders Mrs Krabs to give Planktia the Secret Formula as punishment. Spongebobina and Patricia then offer to go to Dank City, and Mindy (note: IIRC, Mindy was actually voiced by a celebrity in the original, Scarlett Johansson) gives them the Bag of Wind. Many fart jokes are made.

Spongebobina and Patricia go to the Patty Mobile. Because of pop references, it is now changed to look like a Delorean. Proceed to driving scene, with a rap/hip hop song playing throughout. And explosions.

Upon meeting the people at the gas station (more fart jokes), they are not mocked by them, once again to avoid distression. They instead deliver an intense motivational speech in the form of a rap/hip hop song.

After crossing the border, they are met by a person who asks to borrow their Patty Mobile. After giving it to her, she tells them to meet her at the Sparkly Splatoon later on, and that she'll give it back then.

After going to the Sparkly Splatoon - a fan club dedicated to the game by Nintendo, because pop references - Patricia says she needs the bathroom. More toilet humor ensues.

Upon entering, Spongebobina goes to tell Patricia about the Splatoon tournament they're holding, and whether she wanted to join. Patricia, who has just finished on the toilet (even more toilet humor), goes to wash her hands, and realizes that it can make bubble. The following scene is near-identicle to the original, but of course, live-action all-female and a rap/hip hop song in the background. And explosions.

After noticing the bubbles, the people from the Sparkly Splatoon line everyone up to try and find out who did it, by playing the rap/hip hop Goofy Goober song remix and seeing who sang along to it.

Two people start singing along, before Spongebobina and Patricia. Like the original, they're physically connected to each other, but no jokes are made in order to yet again avoid discrimination.

Fight scene ensues. Rap/hip hop song playing in the background and more explosions, as usual.

(Cont. later, maybe

Dude... spoilers.

I forgot to mention this scene, before our heroes enter the Sparkly Splatoon:

Back to Bikini Bottom, this time with Squidwendy. She sets out for her daily cruise on her segway, and soon notices that everyone is wearing Chum Bucket helmets, then feels discriminated for not being given one. When she confronts Planktia about it, she is offered one too.

After accepting, Planktia sets off the mind-control device, and everyone in Bikini Bottom are now her minions.

However, also to avoid discrimination, the creators made sure that everyone wore the helmets (starting then). Even Spongebobina, Patricia, Plantia, everybody in the Sparkly Splatoon, and all other actors from then on. Because they didn't have enough money to pay for enhanced sound quality, all spoken lines were muffled by the helmets, and none of the actors could see or hear anything because of them either. So the acting and sound quality get a lot worse from there onwards.

Also before the Sparkly Splatoon scene, we see Denise at the gas station. Since she's an emo goth, she becomes infuriated at the sisters' attempts to cheer her up, resulting in a fight. The usual happens - rap/hip hop song, bad CGI explosions. Denise wins, and sets off to track down Spongebobina and Patricia.

Now we're back to Spongebobina and Patricia. During the fight in the Splatoon, they escape and find Patty Mobile. Another drive scene occurs - cue rap/hip hop song, bad CGI explosions.

Now at what was previously the road with the skulls, but since the skulls were deemed too frightening, they replaced them with fidget spinners. Spongebobina gets her and Patricia ice creams, and because of (as I said) the scene being deemed too frightening, they changed the old lady monster into just an old lady, who isn't connected to what was once the Frogfish.

But since the Frogfish was also deemed too frightening, they changed it into a giant sentinent doge meme - the Dogefish.

The Dogefish chases Spongebobina and Patricia towards the abyss, but then gives up and goes home.

Spongebobina and Patricia try looking for ways to cross, but can't find any. Eventually, Mindy comes to help them, and gives them memestaches, which they wear on top of their helmets. The meme power of the memestaches gives them the abilty to fly, so they fly down to the bottom of the abyss to meet the sea monsters for their mandatory rap/hip hop song.

It plays like a usual pop music video, but directed by Michael Bay - lots of twerking, meme references, and bad CGI explosions.

After they finish, they meet Denise. The power of the memestaches is too powerful for the emo goth, so she attempts to take them away when they aren't looking. Not that anyone is looking anyway, since everyone is wearing a helmet over their face.

However, before she can take them, she is squashed by a giant boot - the giant that Mindy warned them about earlier. Another bad CGI explosion occurs.

The giant is a skinny gal in a Darth Vader costume. She takes Spongebobina and Patricia away, and places them before a "wall of dank energy". They are eventually taken away again, this time placed in front of a deadly laser.

Patricia soon realizes that they are in Dank City, and also notices that it is a basement, not an actual city. The giant is collecting fidget spinners, and it is revealed that she went undersea to try and find the ultra-rare Turquoise Glitter Spinner.

Spongebobia and Patricia, still wearing their memestaches, use the power of memes to fly away from the laser, and also to make the spinners sentinent.

It should be quite obvious what happens now. The sentinent spinners unite together to beat the everloving **** out of the skinny giant for bodyshaming, complete with rap/hip hop song and bad CGI explosions.

Spongebobina and Patricia leave Dank City, and try to use the Bag of Wind to escape. Once again, many fart jokes occur. However, the Bag of Wind explodes before they are able to use it.

At this moment, Kanye West appears, wearing a bikini. He fills the same role David Hasselhoff played in the original.

Spongebobina and Patricia then "ride the Kanye" back to Bikini Bottom, but they encounter Denise again. Like every other fight scene, there is a rap/hip hop song in the background, and plenty of bad CGI explosions.

Eventually, Denise gets knocked out by the platform, and there is a massive bad CGI explosion. Like at the Krusty Krab 2 ceremony, it creates a chain reaction of explosions that continue for several minutes.

Eventually, Kanye gets them above Bikini Bottom and starts the launch sequence. As he places them between his boobs - all actors are legally obliged to undergo a sex change to keep an all-female cast - Spongebobina and Patricia make many sex jokes. But since the target audience are kids, they're all kid-friendly, and therefore laughably bad.

I've hit the limit, again? Almost finished now, I'll try to finish it soon.

They blast into the Krusty Krab, and the next scene is very similar to the original - The beam deflects off the crown, goes upwards, and blows up Kanye. Unlike the original, however, this creates another seeies of bad CGI explosions lasting for ten minutes.

Planktia then spends the next few minutes detailing her evil plan, stereotypical villain style.

This eventually leads to the Goofy Goober Rap scene. The next scene plays similarly to the earlier one in the abyss - lots of twerking, meme references, and bad CGI explosions, with everyone from the entire film (wearing bucking helmets) also participating in it and singing along.

The sheer amout of meme power coming from the song is too much for Planktia, and she is defeated. The mind control is broken, and everybody takes off their helmets.

Because of Spongebob already being the manager of the Krusty Krab 2, the end scene is taken out, and it instead ends directly after Planktia is defeated.

The rap/hip hop remix of Ocean Man plays during the credits, with another "music video" scene plays in the background, again with all actors, during the credits.

The film is nominated for several million awards, wins 9001 of them - even Leonardo DiCaprio wins one, even though he only made a cameo during the end scene - and all film makers from around the world hail it as their favourite film of all time.

Quote:

Update: Paramount has clarified that, while Bay’s production company Platinum Dunes is producing the project, Bay himself is not involved. His production partners Andrew Form and Brad Fuller will produce the Dora the Explorer movie. The original story follows.

Bummer :I Now we're just getting a really bad adaptation.

Quote: Bifrost

Quote:

Update: Paramount has clarified that, while Bay’s production company Platinum Dunes is producing the project, Bay himself is not involved. His production partners Andrew Form and Brad Fuller will produce the Dora the Explorer movie. The original story follows.

Bummer :I Now we're just getting a really bad adaptation.

awww. rip the memes

Quote: skylandersspyro

Quote: Bifrost

Quote:

Update: Paramount has clarified that, while Bay’s production company Platinum Dunes is producing the project, Bay himself is not involved. His production partners Andrew Form and Brad Fuller will produce the Dora the Explorer movie. The original story follows.

Bummer :I Now we're just getting a really bad adaptation.

awww. rip the memes

No, this is Hollywood. Once they see the internet's reaction, they'll be sure to give Michael Bay full creative control, complete with explosions and giant robots. And lots of outdated memes.