Thank you so much for giving me a panic attack and threatening my life. I'm now reminded once again why I quit playing video games in the first place, and this is putting me well on my way back to that mindset. Kudos to you for making a stranger cry on the internet.
You know that lifestyle were people say "Ah yeah, life is a wave. I just ride to wherever it takes me."
I'm convinced this wave wants me dead. I've done nothing but hard work all my life just to get where I am today, and the moment I let my guard down **** happens to me.
I'm constantly reminded at how lonely I am. Everyone I know is in some kind of relationship, and now my parents are staring to ask me if I have a boyfriend that I've just been...hiding from them all this time. As if they think I'm actually attractive enough to have one.
Speaking of parents? I have a mother who is afraid to emotionally connect to me, and tried to get drunk when she wants to. Once she is drunk, she insults me and then goes on and on about a topic I've asked to be changed. Then I say something that gets her mad, and she rubs in my face on how we don't have a good relationship. Something I desperately want to fix, and try my god damn hardest to patch. Anytime she asks if we want a "mother and daughter day", I happily agree, but she brings along her friend. I wouldn't mind, but she only talks to her friend and gets drunk while I just sit back on my phone being quiet. Anytime we have these days, they always comment on how unusually quiet I am. My mom likes to insult me when I'm right there to her friend.
I've recently gotten depression... I think? I feel numb and when I laugh I don't actually laugh all the way anymore. It feels fake. Forced. I want to laugh, but I can't. I'm overeating and I'm sleeping a lot. When I looked these up, I found that they were a symptom of depression. Glad to know I have both anxiety and depression now, I guess.
Recently I got so sick that it left me weak the entire day once I got better. I was shaking uncontrollably, and I felt as though I was a new born deer trying to walk for the first time. Then just today, my car stalled in the middle of a parking lot (thankfully). So far my dad can't find the problem, so it looks like I'm out of a car for the time being. Which sucks, because my week is always busy all the time.
I'm always busy. I'm always doing something. I always have something left to do. I don't get it. I'm so angry. Did I do something wrong, and now I have to pay for it? Why was I given such an ugly body? Why do I have to live such a lonely life, to the point where "Aww Erica can figure out how to get out of a sad rut. She always knows what to do!!"
NO. I DON'T. I'm sad all the time, I'm constantly worried that I will always be alone, that once I live out on my own that I will just get murdered and no one will notice because they will just assume that I'm doing okay because Erica works hard!!! and won't check on me.
I'm so scared and sad!!! I hate it ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Me to Greeny: you know I don't make a lot of PT but when I do they're very large
I notice more and more every week that we both been huge dicks towards each other yet I get shafted more in the past yet it seems like it flipped sorta. Sorry about that.
I have mixed feelings on you. This year, you've either been an absolute dick to me and treated me like dirt or you've been really nice. Today you were really friendly, which I found weird. I hope I can be proper friends with you and that your days of being a jerk to me are over now, because when you're nice your actually a really cool guy to be around.
Its been a real hassle to try and keep myself thinking that people actually like being around me, especially today.
It's looking more and more like I will be hiding from anyone again soon... not that anyone would notice.
--- I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
To hell with it, I will not feel guilty about doing the right thing. Because doing the right thing is the right thing to do even though the concept is subjective and not absolute. Feelings are better to be taken care by rational part of mind instead of acting upon some cheesy follow-your-heart principle. To care or not to care that is the question, I guess…
But what do I know. It is not like I’ve got goals, passions, and ambitions etc. to keep me going on. As long as I can indulge my addiction and function as a non-harm biological machine, I’ll be right as rain and not make a difference whatsoever. Yep, that’s about it.
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
I feel like you've betrayed me, betrayed us. That we're not important to you. We know this could very well be the last time we can do this, yet you abandon us.
I'm disappointed...
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
Alrighty then, I'm officially logging out for the night until who-knows-when. If I don't get to log on for the three weeks I'm gone, I expect thousands of posts to be here waiting for me. Hopefully that is not the cases, but be it as it may.
I reacted like an idiot to your honesty and wanting to be my friend. It is painfully obvious that I am not meant to be with other people since my own personality is not that good to be around with. And I really hate that you had to be innocent by-stander to my own personal demons. Loneliness is my ultimate prize in the competition of life and that is that. But I really wish that you'll find someone worthy of your time.
That is my personal thought and yeah…
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
So I guess that there is one more right thing to be done. Well... I will do it even though it is not easy. It is simple but not easy. Damn it.... damn it...
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
"That's why your life is the way it is now"
Yep. That's why I have depression and anxiety. That's why everyone lies and mistreats me. That's why he's still here, and it's why my mom and him keep getting back together and arguing. All because I don't share your same beliefs. I guess that's why people got beheaded in Syria and all that other ****. He is never gonna change. The only way that will happen is if he chooses to. He's not choosing to do so. I'm trying to handle my depression and anxiety. I'm taking medication. It's not helping. I'm trying to lose weight. I'm trying to better myself in an education. Oh, but I guess unless I worship God, it's not gonna happen? How dare you.
"The devil has a hold on you"
It has nothing to do with Satan. At all. None of this had anything to do with religion until you brought it up. These are my beliefs; my words. Screw off with that nonsense. Saying that saying it has nothing with Satan makes me prideful actually shows you're the one who's prideful. I don't think highly of myself. I know I'm not perfect. I don't judge others on their personal beliefs -- unlike you, and I'm not going to.
"If you wanna go to Hell, then, that's your choice"
You're telling me I'm gonna burn and be tortured for all eternity just because, once again, I don't share your beliefs. That's really lovely. The idea of Hell repulses me. I would never wish that on any other human being, no matter what they do. Never. God loves his children? He sure has a funny way of showing it.
"I guess you don't believe Dad is in Heaven then?"
Wow. Some nerves of steel you have. **** you for saying that. I don't know what happens after you die, but Dad is out there somewhere watching over us all and I know it. How dare you bring him up in this situation.
People like you are the reason why others frown upon religion so much. I have the right to believe what I want, just like everyone else on this earth. If you believe in that sort of stuff, that's fine. But don't judge me if I think otherwise.
I know people here on DarkSpyro are Catholic, Christian: stuff like that. I'm totally okay with that, and I won't judge you if you don't judge me. Again, everyone has the right to believe what they want.
"That's why your life is the way it is now"
Yep. That's why I have depression and anxiety. That's why everyone lies and mistreats me. That's why he's still here, and it's why my mom and him keep getting back together and arguing. All because I don't share your same beliefs. I guess that's why people got beheaded in Syria and all that other ****. He is never gonna change. The only way that will happen is if he chooses to. He's not choosing to do so. I'm trying to handle my depression and anxiety. I'm taking medication. It's not helping. I'm trying to lose weight. I'm trying to better myself in an education. Oh, but I guess unless I worship God, it's not gonna happen? How dare you.
"The devil has a hold on you"
It has nothing to do with Satan. At all. None of this had anything to do with religion until you brought it up. These are my beliefs; my words. Screw off with that nonsense. Saying that saying it has nothing with Satan makes me prideful actually shows you're the one who's prideful. I don't think highly of myself. I know I'm not perfect. I don't judge others on their personal beliefs -- unlike you, and I'm not going to.
"If you wanna go to Hell, then, that's your choice"
You're telling me I'm gonna burn and be tortured for all eternity just because, once again, I don't share your beliefs. That's really lovely. The idea of Hell repulses me. I would never wish that on any other human being, no matter what they do. Never. God loves his children? He sure has a funny way of showing it.
"I guess you don't believe Dad is in Heaven then?"
Wow. Some nerves of steel you have. **** you for saying that. I don't know what happens after you die, but Dad is out there somewhere watching over us all and I know it. How dare you bring him up in this situation.
People like you are the reason why others frown upon religion so much. I have the right to believe what I want, just like everyone else on this earth. If you believe in that sort of stuff, that's fine. But don't judge me if I think otherwise.
I know people here on DarkSpyro are Catholic, Christian: stuff like that. I'm totally okay with that, and I won't judge you if you don't judge me. Again, everyone has the right to believe what they want.
Rant over.
I know I'm not supposed to reply to things on personal stuff.
but this reminded me of when I was the most hated student in 3rd grade because I wasn't religous.
Another day, another depression! ****, I hate when I get like this. I hate feeling like a dumbass and ruminating over that for the better part of an hour (even all day if it was a big screwup). I hate myself sometimes. Can't that psychologist's visit come any sooner!
Don't mind me, I'm just getting upset over stupid things
Look, I am about to break my rule of not caring. But I think this issue is important enough to break that. I understand concept of lecture and all that. I could do a very poor man’s version of high horse joke but I won’t do that. And that is because I cannot see the point of caring on your side. There is absolutely no pure rational reason for the response I received from you. It is all about the assumptions that have been made because the parties or one party of the argument cannot see and understand the world beyond their own values.
Well… at least knowledge about how things really are has removed the confusion and conflict. Now only thing is to go on and do what one does. As long as reality and right-thing-to-do idea are served correctly there is no harm that has been done. World and life are what they are, not good or not bad… they just are and exist. Happiness and misery are eventually without a meaning and objectivity, numbers and statistics should always triumph over subjectivity and emotions.
Sometimes these realizations actually can bring one closer to the ultimate right and only decision to be done…
---
I might give you more opinions... for a small fee of course.
Last week with a terrible toothache, there is no worse physical pain than that, yesterday I recovered much tranquility because finally that pain left thanks to my parents taking me to the dentist. But I feel bad in another aspect because it costs a lot of money, besides that the economy at the moment of my family is in **** & I requiring expenses makes it worse.
Everyone, don't let your insecurities get to you. Just because you think you can't do something, doesn't mean you can't do it. Everyone can do incredible things. My insecurities can get to me at times and I worry about my future career wise, but those are just nervous thoughts and not actual fact, I know I can be happy and successful and you should all think the same things for yourselves.
Directed to EVERYONE here.
---
Hey is there anything you want me to bring for the rest of the week and if so it’s so cool that you can do something and just do it like that
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 16:13:54 27/06/2017 by HeyitsHotDog
1:I'm tired of all of your ****, every day is emotional abuse after emotional abuse, my parents at least try to ****in help me, but you, you *****, are all like "OMG you should burn in hell for your emotional problems." **** off
2:God I'm freakin useless, terrible at everything, and I just want to stab myself, lock myslef in my room, and just wait for the inevitable
<---- mfw
Handsome friendly fellow wants to play vidya games with me at his house and he has been dropping hints that he wants more than a friendship...
I think he likes me, aaaaaaaah
I don't have to brave this sexual frustration much longer and this almost makes me wanna tear up hnnnng
I just might kill this guy with my anger-fueled boner though
- - -
To think I was ACTUALLY over you so soon. I still miss/love/want to talk to you but gdi I still feel you absolutely shanked me. I just have too much room in my heart to forgive.
Literally all of this could have been avoided if you just ****ing listened to me asshole. Stop goddamn interrupting me you ****ing cock. I can't go one ****ing sentence without you interrupting me you hypocritical piece of ****.
So, I just came back from a mission trip to Haiti.
It was amazing! Definitely one of the best experiences of my life.
Going to such a poor country, it made me realize how important it is to care for what we have.
Never before have I had to worry about water. I've never had to use it sparingly, but now I had to only drink from filtered, bottled water, and rarely flush the toilet. Showering was few and far between. It was constantly in the back of my mind, wondering when I'd be able to drink something. I can't even imagine having to live in a world like that, wondering when my next drink would be.
People were living with sticks and select blocks for walls. If they were lucky, they had a roof over their head. Many of them wore and owned whatever they could get their hands on. Many children didn't even have shorts or shoes.
The bonds I created with the people of Haiti is truly irreplaceable. Without them, I don't know what I would have done. Everyone in Haiti is so kind. They're always looking out for each other. I felt so safe. I knew I could count on them and consider them like family.
It felt like a second home.
its so hard to look at his tank now i keep wanting to look back in the plant jungle and search for him and i keep expecting him to wiggle out and see me
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![[User Posted Image]](https://i.imgur.com/kgrW9kY_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=high)
![[User Posted Image]](https://i.imgur.com/almmZcs_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=high)
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i keep wanting to look back in the plant jungle and search for him and i keep expecting him to wiggle out and see me
darkspyro
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