darkSpyro

Damnit

I am stagnating as a person. Sometimes I want to be who I was before that last summer, but that person was ignorant, and didn't know the things I know now. They could have hurt someone.

But still, that person I was before summer was happy at least. They weren't afraid to do things, try things, make things. I want that back. I want to be alive again.

God, I'm an idiot sometimes. Why must I be so stupid... I need to stop butting into people's businesses.

I take **** way too personally and I whine like crazy over retarded **** I just need to deal with. I hate myself sometimes.

you're being more cringy than i am
i love it

"Protest isn't mandatory, it's just highly encouraged." Hahaha, there's no way in hell I'm protesting to keep your ****y school open, even with tons of extra credit (which you shouldn't be doing because that's a bull**** way to make people show up and you know it). Incentivizing showing up is exactly how you make this problem worse.

im absolutely miserable

it's my own fault for what i did in the past but it hurts so bad, it's so painful pretending im not as hurt as i really am, wanting to be dead most of the time because of this. it hurts so much and i cant even talk to you about it cuz it'd hurt even more

i just hope things work out for the best, i hope i end up happy...and i hope i end up happy soon

I've mostly reconciled it with myself. But some part of me wants someone else to bear witness to this inner turmoil, to see this reconciliation and validate it. If I'm really not bad, then why do I still feel the need to confess? If it wasn't bad and terrible, then why do I need someone to come absolve me?

I hate myself. I am an unattractive, overzealous, overreacting creep that ruins every good thing in his life by jumping too far ahead in it. What the hell am I doing with my life!? What the hell is my issue? I ****ing just want to be happy for ONCE! Can you just give me that please...

Deep breath, it will be okay. I look okay, I am an enjoyable person to be around. I am not obnoxious, I am not too loud, and they dont hate me. I will have a fun and good evening and I will come home happy.

Maybe if I repeat that enough I will believe it..

i was a jerk and i was wrong and im sorry

I need to sit down and write it. I won't be at peace until I write it all out. It's so hard to get started, though. Nothing feels like progress.

yay...

idk..

.....

I felt better, after coming out to them and after talking to them. So why today am I like this? Why today do I feel like I'm going to break down if someone even acknowledges I exist. I hate this. I hate this me that is like this.

Must resist showing off.

I noticed that lots of people like saying "I" and "me".

The apocalypse is cancelled, my bad sorry. Carry on with the status quo, and keep on being personal in this topic.

personally I think the biggest issue with the group is the use of taking scenes out of context and exaggerating them to prove a point

i got into community college.

yay...

Another day. Yet another day. Play this, do that.

Oh look! here's a layer of confusion atop a layer of self doubt reinforced by uncertainty built upon the base of a loss of hope!

Woohoo!

At least, that's how I feel sometimes.
Most days, I distract myself from it.

Even though we didn't up doing it today, I'm still really happy that you asked me, people hardly ever ask me things like that. And I hardly do it myself is because I'm usually so nervous and shy to... So it made me so happy you asked, even if it was maybe small, that was something big to me, it makes me really appreciative. Thank you for wanting to do that with me, I hope we can at some point.

Most disturbing thing I've ever seen in my life is footage of 9/11 jumpers. Especially after they hit the ground.

See, about 200 people died from falling out of the towers. Some probably slipped as the floors collapsed or as they tried to get to windows for fresh air, but most just decided that falling was less painful than burning or suffocating, and so they jumped.

There are plenty of pictures and videos where you can clearly see falling people - there are also the pictures of the ground after they landed. To my knowledge, there are only two videos that show impact, and both of them are pretty low quality so you can barely tell what's happening (which is probably for the best).

I don't have a problem with gore - I once saw an ISIS video where they ran over a guy with a tank, he was squashed like a bug, and it didn't faze me a bit - but gore isn't the issue here because there isn't any. After they fall, they're just little red spots on the pavement; when you fall from that high, your body is completely destroyed; no guts, no bones, no skin, nothing but a little red spot.

The haunting part is knowing that those little red spots used to be mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers, wives, and husbands; those little red spots were people who went to work that morning, perhaps wondering if they would finally get that raise, or which bar they'd hit up at happy hour, never once thinking that they'd have to decide if their tomb would be beneath burning rubble or flat upon the sidewalk.

The towers weren't the only thing that fell that day.

Quote: Metallo

Most disturbing thing I've ever seen in my life is footage of 9/11 jumpers. Especially after they hit the ground.

See, about 200 people died from falling out of the towers. Some probably slipped as the floors collapsed or as they tried to get to windows for fresh air, but most just decided that falling was less painful than burning or suffocating, and so they jumped.

There are plenty of pictures and videos where you can clearly see falling people - there are also the pictures of the ground after they landed. To my knowledge, there are only two videos that show impact, and both of them are pretty low quality so you can barely tell what's happening (which is probably for the best).

I don't have a problem with gore - I once saw an ISIS video where they ran over a guy with a tank, he was squashed like a bug, and it didn't faze me a bit - but gore isn't the issue here because there isn't any. After they fall, they're just little red spots on the pavement; when you fall from that high, your body is completely destroyed; no guts, no bones, no skin, nothing but a little red spot.

The haunting part is knowing that those little red spots used to be mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers, wives, and husbands; those little red spots were people who went to work that morning, perhaps wondering if they would finally get that raise, or which bar they'd hit up at happy hour, never once thinking that they'd have to decide if their tomb would be beneath burning rubble or flat upon the sidewalk.

The towers weren't the only thing that fell that day.

you really shouldn't watch the french brothers documentary (if you already haven't) there's no footage of them...

Quote: parisruelz12

Quote: Metallo

Most disturbing thing I've ever seen in my life is footage of 9/11 jumpers. Especially after they hit the ground.

See, about 200 people died from falling out of the towers. Some probably slipped as the floors collapsed or as they tried to get to windows for fresh air, but most just decided that falling was less painful than burning or suffocating, and so they jumped.

There are plenty of pictures and videos where you can clearly see falling people - there are also the pictures of the ground after they landed. To my knowledge, there are only two videos that show impact, and both of them are pretty low quality so you can barely tell what's happening (which is probably for the best).

I don't have a problem with gore - I once saw an ISIS video where they ran over a guy with a tank, he was squashed like a bug, and it didn't faze me a bit - but gore isn't the issue here because there isn't any. After they fall, they're just little red spots on the pavement; when you fall from that high, your body is completely destroyed; no guts, no bones, no skin, nothing but a little red spot.

The haunting part is knowing that those little red spots used to be mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers, wives, and husbands; those little red spots were people who went to work that morning, perhaps wondering if they would finally get that raise, or which bar they'd hit up at happy hour, never once thinking that they'd have to decide if their tomb would be beneath burning rubble or flat upon the sidewalk.

The towers weren't the only thing that fell that day.

you really shouldn't watch the french brothers documentary (if you already haven't) there's no footage of them...

Reveal Spoiler

but there is audio....and its really.....really...disturbing.

The one I saw was when they were interviewing the firefighters in the lobby and then you heard what sounded like a car crashing into a glass window, which they said was a jumper's impact. Was that the same one?

Quote: Metallo

Quote: parisruelz12

Quote: Metallo

Most disturbing thing I've ever seen in my life is footage of 9/11 jumpers. Especially after they hit the ground.

See, about 200 people died from falling out of the towers. Some probably slipped as the floors collapsed or as they tried to get to windows for fresh air, but most just decided that falling was less painful than burning or suffocating, and so they jumped.

There are plenty of pictures and videos where you can clearly see falling people - there are also the pictures of the ground after they landed. To my knowledge, there are only two videos that show impact, and both of them are pretty low quality so you can barely tell what's happening (which is probably for the best).

I don't have a problem with gore - I once saw an ISIS video where they ran over a guy with a tank, he was squashed like a bug, and it didn't faze me a bit - but gore isn't the issue here because there isn't any. After they fall, they're just little red spots on the pavement; when you fall from that high, your body is completely destroyed; no guts, no bones, no skin, nothing but a little red spot.

The haunting part is knowing that those little red spots used to be mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers, wives, and husbands; those little red spots were people who went to work that morning, perhaps wondering if they would finally get that raise, or which bar they'd hit up at happy hour, never once thinking that they'd have to decide if their tomb would be beneath burning rubble or flat upon the sidewalk.

The towers weren't the only thing that fell that day.

you really shouldn't watch the french brothers documentary (if you already haven't) there's no footage of them...

Reveal Spoiler

but there is audio....and its really.....really...disturbing.

The one I saw was when they were interviewing the firefighters in the lobby and then you heard what sounded like a car crashing into a glass window, which they said was a jumper's impact. Was that the same one?

Yes, thats it, I think. I think the documentary itself was good, I just cant watch that part.

-----

Could I just once raise my voice or show any form of emotion at all without being immediately being told to "be calm" or "stop freaking out" immediately? How dare I show any sort of anger at anything. **** you.

I'm a wreck right now, please forgive me if I hadn't replied back to any PM's.

Local duck goes insane.

----

my mother is super ****ing slimy and intentionally tried to ruin my birthday with some retarded reason on why she did it. now i feel like ****

Oh yes, let us drive to the middle of the desert for an hour to see ****ing flowers. WHAT A MARVELOUS IDEA. I COULD THINK OF NO BETTER USES OF MY TIME.

.....

Quote: BlinktheCookie

Reveal Spoiler

Every topic I comment on seems to have a severe lull in activity and I can't help but feel like maybe it's because I repel people on the net just as much as I do in real life. Also, I hate myself for sharing this because it's a big dumb irrational baby thought that only an irrational baby would have and now I look like one of those dweebs that publicly self-depreciates for attention.

.....

I can repeat this word-by-word I guess.

Quote: BlinktheCookie

Reveal Spoiler

Every topic I comment on seems to have a severe lull in activity and I can't help but feel like maybe it's because I repel people on the net just as much as I do in real life. Also, I hate myself for sharing this because it's a big dumb irrational baby thought that only an irrational baby would have and now I look like one of those dweebs that publicly self-depreciates for attention.

.....

i understand how you feel since i've felt like that and i believe some people have also made the same post in this topic. even with my super close friends sometimes ill say something on discord and the chat goes silent. i personally have found that is not that and it's just there's nothing to add on.

whether is true or not that people stop because of you, i've found it easier to just go "well if i ****ed up, i ****ed up. if it really bothers them, they need to say something so i dont do it again" and just go on with that. you still get the uneasy feeling of the thought of "maybe i messed up" but it does have some reassurance when i just push on through it thinking what i mention.

Quote: BlinktheCookie

Reveal Spoiler

Every topic I comment on seems to have a severe lull in activity and I can't help but feel like maybe it's because I repel people on the net just as much as I do in real life. Also, I hate myself for sharing this because it's a big dumb irrational baby thought that only an irrational baby would have and now I look like one of those dweebs that publicly self-depreciates for attention.

.....

I feel the same way.

I'm an obnoxious piece of crap that needs to die

Quote: BlinktheCookie

Reveal Spoiler

Every topic I comment on seems to have a severe lull in activity and I can't help but feel like maybe it's because I repel people on the net just as much as I do in real life. Also, I hate myself for sharing this because it's a big dumb irrational baby thought that only an irrational baby would have and now I look like one of those dweebs that publicly self-depreciates for attention.

.....

Wow same. I can't begin to fathom the number of topics I've killed simply by posting in them.

**** this family, it's to much to ask to be treated like a person

I wasn't expecting my post to actually get so many responses. I'm also sorry that so many people have similar experiences. You guys are pretty cool, though, don't worry. ;P

I'm madly in love with a person i am 100% sure is the love of my life and we're soulmates and meant to be with eachother.

But i was stupid last year and i didn't treat her right and i did stuff that hurt her and it's my own fault

but she's with someone else now and the pain i feel i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. I cry every night. It's been months. I know we're meant to be together and i dont know what to do cuz i am certain i will never love anyone like i love her and it hurts so bad.

i dunno if anyone has any advice that could help cuz there's nothing i can do to make it better cuz the only way to make it better is if we get together but im scared she'll marry this new guy she's with, and i want her to be happy but it hurts so much and i know we could be happy together and i dont know what to do and im tired of feeling like god or whatever otherworldly being has been making my life miserable for my whole life, i dont want to be unhappy, i want to be happy for once and im so scared she'll never be with me again and i dont know what to do and i cant talk to her about this and i dont know what to do it hurts so ****ing bad i dont want to cry and hurt anymore

I probably shouldn't talk to anyone today. I have so much crap I wanna do and talking will just distract me. Ugh, I hate how much I procrastinate on things. It'll only give me anxiety.

---

So yeah that happened, alright. It was what it was. First there was overwhelming feel of sadness and grief, then bargaining and making rationalizations. Then it turned into desperation and then the soul-consuming anger and bitterness begun. The next in line was numbness and feeling of hangover even though nothing of inebriating quality was drunk. But right now there is status quo, some sort of borderline state between war and peace but the pre-existing long-term core misery remains.

I’m tired of it. It seems nothing helps as a cure and grayness will never leave. I just don’t know what to do when nothing that usually makes me smile and feel good fail at their missions and inside there is just this hollow and pointless existence. And even my own rationalizations won’t give me a soothing illusion of how things are. Cannot see any clear incentive to carry on being in the frontlines fighting this war.

But hey, at least I was put in my place. Teaches me not to reach out of the comfort zone. Just do your part and be part of the machine. And the most annoying thing about this is that I actually called this and I didn’t act upon my reasoning but instead I chose to do what I felt was the right and good thing to do. What an idiot. Well you live and learn and all that cliché.

That was my personal thought of the day. Carry on being random, people…

Quote: BlinktheCookie

I wasn't expecting my post to actually get so many responses. I'm also sorry that so many people have similar experiences. You guys are pretty cool, though, don't worry. ;P

Reveal Spoiler

On a semi-related note: sometimes I vent to someone or make an off-handed remark and they react with sympathy and concern... and I hate myself for it. I start feeling like I somehow "tricked" them into giving me sympathy and I feel like a bad, manipulative shrew who makes people do emotional labor.

Again, I feel the same way.

honestly I wish you could just speak up instead of fearing for a future that will never happen

Quote: BlinktheCookie

I wasn't expecting my post to actually get so many responses. I'm also sorry that so many people have similar experiences. You guys are pretty cool, though, don't worry. ;P

Yeah I know you're excluding me from this "you guys" part.

jontron was taken out of yooka-laylee for his view points, so im taking yooka-laylee off my wishlist for their view points


i do hope 3d platformers/collec-a-thons make a comeback one day, till then i'll continue playing classic spyro.