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darkSpyro - Spyro and Skylanders Forum > Stuff and Nonsense > Personal Thoughts
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Personal Thoughts [STICKY]
kardonis Platinum Sparx Gems: 6366
#39601 Posted: 13:18:24 19/02/2017
Tfw you need advice, but you can't ask any of the regular people for advice because reasons, so you just sit there having no idea what to do in this scenario.
---
I used to be THE Bowser, now I'm just an awkward girl
Dark Lord Platinum Sparx Gems: 7365
#39602 Posted: 13:18:42 19/02/2017
Why? Why am I having this moment? Why am I being reminded right at this very moment... Of all those friends I left behind... I've had so very, many, multiple times to contact them, e-mail, messengers, Steam... I used get online on various things everyday. Not just places where I could message them but there was those friends... Those friends I met in those games, I used to get on all the time and then I just... Stop for some reason. I go without a word... Those people, they would be most likely amazing to speak to, to talk to today... Yet I.... I give no contact information and no knowledge that I'm going, I used to do that so many times in the past....

And now that I'm going back to a place, and I'm starting to keep in contact with someone... I'm afraid... What I've done in the past will happen again...

Could these feelings and reminders be telling me that, it's time to finally change? Especially since this is close to letting this person know who I really am, and it's nothing faked or made-up this time. That I'm getting to a point that I want to tell such person of even what I am.... The first time I want to tell someone outside of a group that I've been with the longest, friends that I've known and kept with longer than any in the past... Is it that time to branch out? But I'm afraid of their thoughts when I tell them... Even though they've respected and befriended me up to this point... I'm afraid.... And I'm afraid that I'll just leave them behind... Without a word yet again like I used to do in the past...

Am I being reminded, being given these feelings because of this person whom I've befriended? Or are these feelings coming up because... I left, left the group I was known and so comfortable with and afraid that I'll be forgotten... Afraid that I won't come back... I... I don't know which it is... I don't want to get into this habit again though, of leaving people... The moment I used to wear masks... Because it's made me deeply regret what I've done... It's made me lonely.

Please, I'm begging... Give me the power... The courage to see this through, continue doing what is true... Please I need this courage to tell who and what I am truly to this person, even though I've shown my true personality to them... I need to also tell them what I am. I don't want to take steps back again... Give me the courage to see this through, give me the courage to give them other ways to contact me, to actually and truly contact me, ways that I actually am around for rather than through ways I don't hardly ever use. And please give me the strength to return to them... The only people I've known the longest... I don't... I don't have much social contact, I don't have many ways or friends to speak to other than all of you. I don't know what I'd do without any of the people I know... This is all I have in ways of friendships... I know... It's... Pathetic... I wish I could get rid of my social awkwardness and slow thinking in real life and actually have other means than through long distance and the internet... But these mental and emotional issues are hard to get over even when pushing myself... All I have are you guys... So please... Don't forget about me. This is all I have, please don't forget. I just don't know what I'd do without any one of you...
---
Like fallen snow, I lay on the ground and wait for my turn to fade away, no matter how unique I seem. It's my gift to you... A true sacrifice...
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 13:21:40 19/02/2017 by Dark Lord
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7577
#39603 Posted: 19:01:03 19/02/2017
i hate people who give religions a bad name.

like acceptance is preached HEAVILY throughout the bible, but these people dont seem to do that.

its like, if your going to put your goddamn religion before you family, then you really need to reorganize your ****ing priorities. :)
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
Rickorio Gold Sparx Gems: 2463
#39604 Posted: 21:57:12 19/02/2017
Ugh, I can't be getting sick right now. I've got way too much on my plate.
---
#hu
Beemo Emerald Sparx Gems: 3070
#39605 Posted: 01:18:36 20/02/2017
When will I learn to just leave things alone? It seems when I try to redeem myself, I actually just make things worse.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#39606 Posted: 01:24:02 20/02/2017
I almost left the world today. The more I look at myself the more I see my body as being designed to die.


You're all getting tired of this, just leave already.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Mrmorrises Platinum Sparx Gems: 7038
#39607 Posted: 03:59:53 20/02/2017
You're a manager, but you're not really managing much, it would seem.
terrafin2299 Ripto Gems: 3418
#39608 Posted: 15:52:06 20/02/2017
Time to go die since no one cares about me
Beemo Emerald Sparx Gems: 3070
#39609 Posted: 16:43:26 20/02/2017
Quote: terrafin2299
Time to go die since no one cares about me

Not true at all. <3
terrafin2299 Ripto Gems: 3418
#39610 Posted: 16:50:12 20/02/2017
Quote: Beemo
Quote: terrafin2299
Time to go die since no one cares about me

Not true at all. <3



Well no one seems to be
84skylanderdude Platinum Sparx Gems: 5540
#39611 Posted: 18:54:41 20/02/2017
Quote: terrafin2299
Time to go die since no one cares about me


Hey, fell free to start a conversation with me any time. I'm not usually one to start convos myself but I'm glad to chat at any time you wish.
---
“No one knows what the outcome will be. So, as much as you can, choose whatever you'll regret the least.” - Levi Ackerman
Windumup Emerald Sparx Gems: 3217
#39612 Posted: 23:51:24 20/02/2017
I came to realize only 3 genders exist. male, female, and non-binary. All those non binary genders are essentially various mixes of masculinity and femininity with multiple variances including very neutral. Gender fluid people shift between multiple genders. And Agender is not a gender it's a LACK OF A GENDER ID.



I am not trying to make people mad or invalidate anyone. I respect everyone when it comes to gender and sexuality, I will respect how YOU want to be treated. But I am just using facts above.
---
Ugh I wish my body wasn't a mess
KeybasHedKey Ripto Gems: 1862
#39613 Posted: 01:24:16 21/02/2017
I have been trying to something that could be Life Changing for me as a person. A something that will make me feel satisfied for what i have done...
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8864
#39614 Posted: 05:55:23 21/02/2017
so i guess i was right that one day you would just disappear from my life
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
willspyro Ripto Gems: 5862
#39615 Posted: 07:11:23 21/02/2017
This is scary and strange.
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#39616 Posted: 10:17:06 21/02/2017
I shouldn't be jealous over this.


---
(Unrelated to above part)
Thank you for spending extra time awake to talk to me, even if it was just an excuse to not sleep yet it was enjoyable to laugh and talk with you. I see you as a good friend and its nice to have more interaction with you. We don't talk directly to each other much so its nice to talk about things we both do and have a good laugh.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Crystal Dragon Diamond Sparx Gems: 8850
#39617 Posted: 15:35:22 21/02/2017
Nearly 20 days later after you promised you'd pay me back because it was urgent and you have done nothing but throw excuses or not respond at all. I only asked for a fraction of what you owe me but even still you'd rather not give it back at all.

Sure as hell didn't take you 20 days to decide you'd help yourself to my money without asking me at all huh. Not to mention when I confronted you about taking it you then proceeded to guilt trip and make me feel horrible for even getting upset in the first place, like if people want to walk all over me I should just accept it and shut up.

You're really testing my patience and I'm about two steps away from telling you how I really ****ing feel.
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8864
#39618 Posted: 23:06:35 21/02/2017
at this point in this weird agenda i know that your personal problems aren't in your personal life
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7577
#39619 Posted: 23:51:26 21/02/2017
What Slowbeef said was disrespectful to Markiplier and his fans. It was incredibly childish and he lost what little respect I had for him.
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#39620 Posted: 23:55:28 21/02/2017
Quote: parisruelz12
What Slowbeef said was disrespectful to Markiplier and his fans. It was incredibly childish and he lost what little respect I had for him.



What'd he say?
parisruelz12 Diamond Sparx Gems: 7577
#39621 Posted: 00:07:14 22/02/2017
Quote: TheToyNerd
Quote: parisruelz12
What Slowbeef said was disrespectful to Markiplier and his fans. It was incredibly childish and he lost what little respect I had for him.



What'd he say?



He criticized Markiplier for trying to stay neutral in the whole Pewdiepie situation. It was a in a video, and at the very end he jangled a toddler's toy. (those multicolored plastic key-things) .

I have no problem if they want to disagree, but when you basically call someone(and that someone's fans) childish for having that opinion, that's where I draw the line. smilie I don't like Mark in the slightest, but I feel for him.
---
looks like ive got some things to do...
ThroneOfMalefor Platinum Sparx Gems: 5428
#39622 Posted: 00:09:13 22/02/2017
My lordy we should talk WAAAAY more often, I admit that diversion was very nice. Take me to Weta and teach me about your sheep ways hnnnng

- - -

Put all the gruesome and explicit stuff we speak about aside and let's just sleep on a snowy knoll or something together in the woods one of those days where nobody can find us... Stop being so outta reach. ):< I feel the hardest part isn't finally getting over there but saying goodbye after the whole thing comes into fruition. Ack my love and warmth are showing
---
BREATHE AIR.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 00:18:23 22/02/2017 by ThroneOfMalefor
Iceclaw Hunter Gems: 10260
#39623 Posted: 00:17:05 22/02/2017
Communication is really important you know, it's not good to leave people in the dark.
---
Twinkies and 2hus
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#39624 Posted: 00:17:49 22/02/2017
Are you avoiding me. Please don't be avoiding me. I love you, please just talk. Even if its sending me a stupid joke on 9gag. Please. I'm so scared you're going to leave me like he did. Please.


Why am I so pathetic
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
mega spyro Emerald Sparx Gems: 3847
#39625 Posted: 00:29:28 22/02/2017
How come I can just get a massive amount of anxiety while I'm doing literally nothing and not even thinking about anything that should cause anxiety??????
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Dead
terrafin2299 Ripto Gems: 3418
#39626 Posted: 02:24:02 22/02/2017
alone again...I get the feeling people only say they care about me so they feel better about themselves. Once they do, they can shove me away. I really don't mean anything to anyone


Down again
mega spyro Emerald Sparx Gems: 3847
#39627 Posted: 21:59:03 22/02/2017
I already have the hottest room in the ****ing house, do you need to turn the heat to 85? Put on a damn sweater on instead of making it feel like it's the middle of ****ing summer.
---
Dead
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 8864
#39628 Posted: 22:20:43 22/02/2017
I got over you haha.
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
wanderist Platinum Sparx Gems: 7090
#39629 Posted: 02:31:05 23/02/2017
I'm glad I have these people here who love me and care about me and not only remembered my birthday but cared that it was my birthday, but it still hurts that you all didn't. Even with social media and Skype there to remind you (and I know you're there), you apparently didn't care. I shouldn't be surprised, a few of you forgot last year too when we were actually together (though to be fair I didn't exactly broadcast it), but I still held out a little hope that you would remember and say something, that I was still important enough for at least that. I even held out a small glimmer of hope that he would, as stupid as that is. It's weird that it's now been five years since the day I got that cheap present from him that I cherish so freaking much. But it doesn't matter now, does it? Not to you, not to the girl who use to always say happy birthday, not to him, and not to any of the others. Hell I haven't even really heard much from my parents today, much less my brother. It just hurts a bit. I was afraid I'd get left, but not this soon. But I'm 20 now, I can't keep hopelessly clinging to the childish ideals I've been keeping anymore, can I?


Oh well.
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8213
#39630 Posted: 04:04:02 23/02/2017
Venting. Still rather pissed actually.

Dearest, it's not that I think you are a gullible **** (You're a lot smarter than to be that) like a good chunk of the population is. It's just you're legitimately being a rather irrational thinker today. Like these people saying such about an *unreleased* game don't really have any backing to their words to prove to me that the game's story is SJW ass. Like they say they got it from a "stream" well which stream? Link me to that stream. Have some backing to your words please. I even tried googling for a stream of this game. Guess what? None exist because the game is unreleased until the 28th. So wait for that day for the story to be revealed jfc no need for the ****ish behavior there.
"Says the person that does not know sony" you know the example you gave was NaughtyDog's fault, not Sony's call. How about you start looking into **** before jumping to conclusion bingo?
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
willspyro Ripto Gems: 5862
#39631 Posted: 05:47:19 23/02/2017
Man, I'm going to miss you. You will now dwell in the house of the Lord. You were a great impact on my family and I can't stop crying now that you're gone. I will miss you Godfather.
mega spyro Emerald Sparx Gems: 3847
#39632 Posted: 06:41:21 23/02/2017
Yes, I get annoyed at things, ****ing excuse me. Your answer to that should be to stop doing it instead of just telling me I'm not allowed to be annoyed by anything, and continuing to do it. But if you want something, everyone has to bend over backwards to accommodate you. But it's to much to ask that people stop trying to annoy me and treat me with decency.

I can't even exist around him anymore without him laughing at me for no reason. But why should he stop, I just need to deal with it. Why should he stop something that is giving me anxiety and making everything terrible for me? "People are like that in the world, and you just need to deal with it." Yes, there are people like that, but I shouldn't have to deal with an asshole every second of my day. I will not like him more if I spend time with him, the problem is not that I don't spend enough time with him. He had about 8 years where I had no choice but to be around him at all times, but yet here he is, a complete asshole. So now you're forcing me go do things with him as family activities, and I have to have fun. Fun is mandatory. How dare I get upset at this and get annoyed. Good thing you're there to tell me how I'm allowed to feel. I have to have fun, I'm not allowed to ever feel anxiety, never allowed to be angry, and never be upset.

It's impossible for me to ever discuss any feelings with you because you will do nothing other than tell me I'm not allowed to feel that way. And because of that, nothing can ever get better. It's the same cycle: things are going relatively okay, you come in and tell me how I'm allowed to feel/act/think, and that I'm the source of almost every problem, and I need to spend more time with him, my life goes to **** and I have constant anxiety, and just as things look like they might get slightly better you do it all again.

I especially like that you ***** at me for something that happened years ago, and has no relevance to anything. Yeah, I punched a door and left a dent in it. I was ****ing 10. What reason do you have for bringing it up again other than "**** you, everything is your fault and you're a piece of ****."

I know we're a family, and as unfortunate as that is, you don't need to remind me and give me that as justification for why I have to like you. What happened to "families are supposed to stick together?" Telling me 90% of this household's problems are my fault is not sticking together, it's making me feel like ****. But then I have to love this family and accommodate you, even though I keep being told most things are my fault. I guess I'll stay awake until 2AM again, anxious and crying.

I can't wait to move out of this house and live on my own so I don't have to put up with this. **** you people.


As usual, my life is going to **** and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
---
Dead
StriderSwag Gold Sparx Gems: 2769
#39633 Posted: 07:50:54 23/02/2017
jesus that was exhilarating!! my heart was beating like crazy and i felt such a rush of bliss once i finished that spread to every goddamn nerve and im so tired but everything seems clearer and i feel so alive omg


if u thought this was about an orgasm ur wrong it was about a heart pounding, adrenaline fueled strategic battle for the ages that i won by the skin of my teeth

but yes my girlfriend makes me feel like that too oops
terrafin2299 Ripto Gems: 3418
#39634 Posted: 11:40:36 23/02/2017
I feel alone
Trix Master 100 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8213
#39635 Posted: 11:58:45 23/02/2017
Welp after some neck deep digging, I finally actually see the evidence of what alluded you that way. I owe you a massive ****ing apology. This is probably gonna keep me up at night wondering if you were to ever speak to me again.

Although I do have a few things I wish you can do too. Outside of digging neck deep for information of course. Like could you not assume that I am gonna defend a dumb mechanic? We have argued that specific mechanic before and I've lost that argument, there was no point into me defending it another time. Also next time that you bring a similar subject up, could you perhaps bring more evidence to the table? 4chan screenshots of a complete stranger saying so is not evidence, it's just someone saying such. I couldn't find any stream videos of the game because they are usually taken down which was a problem (you know outside of Demo play throughs). But I did find a video implying such that was released publicly by Sony.
---
If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
StormDragon21 Platinum Sparx Gems: 5631
#39636 Posted: 12:45:49 23/02/2017
I have no idea what crazy thoughts got on my head and made me think you had died...

You've got quite a bit to catch up, though.
---
"sTORM, my parents just told me something that RUINED MY LIFE. DID YOU KNOW that Smarties have different flavors?!" ~ShadowMewX
mega spyro Emerald Sparx Gems: 3847
#39637 Posted: 17:44:08 23/02/2017
a quarter of my grade in German depends on how well I can sing. What's next, math makes you paint a picture for the finals? I guess even if you can speak perfect German but can't sing for ****, you can just go **** yourself. Good school, 11/10
---
Dead
StriderSwag Gold Sparx Gems: 2769
#39638 Posted: 20:12:28 23/02/2017
im sick of pretending i don't hate you with every fiber of my being, so that's it
im not gonna pretend anymore

if no one else is gonna call out your ****ty behavior, then i will
terrafin2299 Ripto Gems: 3418
#39639 Posted: 00:01:05 24/02/2017
And I'm back to contemplating suicide. No one would care anyway
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#39640 Posted: 00:20:04 24/02/2017
Quote: terrafin2299
And I'm back to contemplating suicide. No one would care anyway



Dude... Please don't. Heartbreaks happen! Move on and find someone better.
terrafin2299 Ripto Gems: 3418
#39641 Posted: 00:31:18 24/02/2017
Quote: TheToyNerd
Quote: terrafin2299
And I'm back to contemplating suicide. No one would care anyway



Dude... Please don't. Heartbreaks happen! Move on and find someone better.



It's not the break up anymore. I just feel alone
Crash10 Emerald Sparx Gems: 4745
#39642 Posted: 00:33:53 24/02/2017
Quote: terrafin2299
Quote: TheToyNerd
Quote: terrafin2299
And I'm back to contemplating suicide. No one would care anyway



Dude... Please don't. Heartbreaks happen! Move on and find someone better.



It's not the break up anymore. I just feel alone


Use this to focus your time on yourself. Enjoy your hobbies, do something you only can when you're alone. I'm no good at helping, but this can help you forget about your loneliness and even meet some new people.
---
Bruh
TheToyNerd Gold Sparx Gems: 2137
#39643 Posted: 00:34:00 24/02/2017
Quote: terrafin2299
Quote: TheToyNerd
Quote: terrafin2299
And I'm back to contemplating suicide. No one would care anyway



Dude... Please don't. Heartbreaks happen! Move on and find someone better.



It's not the break up anymore. I just feel alone



Welcome to the ****ing club! I feel lonely all the time, but I always know what to do when I feel like that.

Talk to someone.
84skylanderdude Platinum Sparx Gems: 5540
#39644 Posted: 00:43:27 24/02/2017
Quote: terrafin2299
Quote: TheToyNerd
Quote: terrafin2299
And I'm back to contemplating suicide. No one would care anyway



Dude... Please don't. Heartbreaks happen! Move on and find someone better.



It's not the break up anymore. I just feel alone


I always feel alone as well. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you can talk to me any time.
---
“No one knows what the outcome will be. So, as much as you can, choose whatever you'll regret the least.” - Levi Ackerman
Riolu-Blue-247 Diamond Sparx Gems: 8843
#39645 Posted: 20:46:38 24/02/2017
for some reason I just feel like I cant talk to you guys today. I just feel really disconnected. I'm sorry.


Why do I feel so pathetic

---
I'm struggling to string sentences together when directly talking to anyone. I feel so useless.

----
I'm feeling strangely confident now. I'm so worried I'm going to go toppling down.
---
I just realised that I might not know what the hell is going on
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 03:32:59 25/02/2017 by Riolu-Blue-247
Lunarz Emerald Sparx Gems: 3363
#39646 Posted: 21:26:07 24/02/2017
i dont consider who i was six months ago or even two months ago to be me. i always say it but i never mean it, i think im finally at a point where i know what's right and wrong and im not annoying af, well i am lmao but not as much
---
Lanky Kong saved me despite having no style nor grace.
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