darkSpyro

yikes

So I'm now being deliberately ignored by someone who promised to help out. Stupid me for even bothering to ask you in the first place. I guess I should've known you weren't going to do anything you said when you started pulling your 'I'll call you back later on today (but I'm actually never gonna call back)' game again in order to avoid talking to me. All I want to do is talk about things, not about the crisis I had two days ago but just other things, but clearly you want nothing to do with me at all.

Good job on crushing my hopes once again with your false illusion of emotional support.

i highkey want to kill myself rn

Happy anniversary... it hurts cause you're not talking to me...

Cousin: *looks worried* Maria, I hearn another voice... Me: Yeah, I know. That was me... *secretly looks at phone since it has this on audio recording.* Cousin: *has a look of disgust on her face.* After she left, I closed my door and hugeed a pillow, crying for about 12 minutes. I really love you Alisa, you know that?

When did everything become so boring? Anything worthwhile that's interesting is usually just negative. I find it hard feeling emotion towards anything. I'm supposed to be having fun this year, but I can't stop thinking about how mundane it all gets. I keep thinking about the future. It doesn't seem any better. I keep thinking to myself "Why bother?" Anything good in life is just a distraction from how terrible everything really is.

I wish you would all stop alienating me. At this point I've realized that something is wrong and I've been trying my hardest to not let it affect me. I find that hard to do all the time, you should be thankful that I even try. I'm sorry that I keep doing this but I have no idea how to feel and I hate the fact that I could literally change in just a few seconds. I feel like a stranger to myself too and I don't want all of you to treat me the same way that I treat myself. I wish you would all stop assuming that you always have the best solutions and answers. You don't know why this is happening and I haven't told you what I think is causing it so you have no clue. Forcing me to switch around things that have nothing to do with it bothers me. Now that I'm being referred to something for this, I hope that you all go back to treating me the way you did before this started becoming clear. It turns out that all of you already had concerns about this in the past and years later it's finally come out. I can't control it and keep it at bay the same way I did before. The pressure of this all is what I think has truly brought this out into the open but I can't find the right words to tell you how. When I'm feeling like **** I try my best to keep myself together and I'm sick of you all yelling at me the second I slip.

That was the nicest you've treated me in months so I can tell that it's not going to last. I mean, a couple of days ago I completely had it with you and you made me confess things that I never should have said. I need to stop letting the words come out when I have these outbursts. I don't want to fight but I hate your attitude so much. It never leaves and everyone always makes excuses for you when you do something. When I **** up I never have anyone on my side and I'm left to accept that I've done wrong, something that you've never taken even a few seconds to do. I don't want to hate you but you're so ignorant and I can't stand it. There's plenty of room for you to improve but you reject any criticism and treat us all like ****. I've been a **** to everyone too, but at least I've actually realized it. You need to really start using your head for this. You seem so close-minded that it hurts, even if that makes me a huge hypocrite.

I'm a mess. Just a hopeless and muddled mess.

I have absolutely no will to live anymore.

why am i concerned that you are talking about me.

Weeelll...whatever happens, I tried. I wanted to reach out to you, so I did. Even if I regret it later because of the pain I feel, I did try.

I miss all of you. I especially miss you though, I think.

tonight would've been 5 months with that sorry sack of bs. I don't have the heart to tell you everything he did to me, just know that I'm happy and in a much better place with you

I'm not better than anyone, all this purity that is spoken of me is a flaw. in and of itself, it makes me much worse than anyone. I can't do what anyone else can do, I can't fit in, I can't. This doesn't belong in a world like this, probably doesn't belong in any world. I shouldn't exist, but I do like some mistake. Such a big mistake I am, such an awful mistake. I can't stop crying at how awful I am, I can't stop, please stop it. Please just stop ot.

Jesus Christ. **** off headache. I can't get anything done when the pounding in my head is so bad that my vision is blurring.