darkSpyro

webs stop laughing at yourself

self esteem and optimism has hit a new low. i hate myself and have now accepted i'll never be happy and i'm just a selfish ***** who messes everything up and never shows any appreciation for what anyone does for me. brilliant. fml.

i'm evil

you know, it's suprising how much i'm noticing lately
like years ago i never would have realized this

no go away

im dumb af

wow, i'm like super annoying

great, now you're gonna stop talking to me aren't you

So far this month has been the worst month of the year for me. Not only have I been mentally and physically drained, I'm also constantly reminded on how lonely I am. People won't stop talking about their love life to me, I was rejected after finally getting the courage to confess, and I see nothing but romantic subtexts all around me since its Christmas.

SPEAKING OF CHRISTMAS, I love Christmas music but the whole message about being together with the people you love is getting to me because I'm leaving town for Christmas to see relatives I don't see too often. I love them but I'm not...close to them. The people who I am close to will be away from me, except my dad. My sister is in Colorado, I don't have a good relationship with my mom, my best friend is in New Mexico, and the two other close friends are gonna be in Florida and Kentucky. I have a lot of friends but the people I really, really want to talk to and hang out with either can't, don't reply too much, don't talk to me at all, etc.

I'm not gonna be "bah-humbug" about it but...I've always hated being alone when it's not my choice to. I was always ditched for someone better. I've always been stepped on, pushed aside, left behind. I get "I'm sorry!!" but no one does anything about it. Even people close to me do this. I don't even like driving by myself because it's so quiet and lonely. Freedom is fun but I'd rather experience it with someone.

toucanon is one pissed off birdie lol

I love you so much, i'll never love another like i love you.
We've been doing so well, talking about our future and marriage and kids but what if you're just playing along...You said you didn't want to give me the wrong idea, and that's why you don't say I Love You, but you've been saying it lately, you've been talking about our kids and our future...But what if you're just playing along.
I can't do this anymore, being without you isn't life. you made me truly happy. I know I messed up so many times but i know in my heart we should give it another chance....Please give us another chance...

Apparently I care more about the existence of my fictional worlds and characters than the quality of my own self esteem. One doesn't effect the other or anything, I just...

Why did you scare us like that? Why did you have a random outburst for no reason? We didn't do anything, and when I tried to tell you the truth you screamed in my face and called me a liar... Are you okay? I'm worried about you. I don't want to lose you.

TLoS music always relaxes me though, that's one thing lifting my mood right now. It always does. <3

I'm in so much pain and I'm scared it won't stop

I know you needed your space but I keep seeing you and it upsets me and I miss you so much

Going about your business in the grocery store examining tomatoes. Have one large one in each hand checking for ripeness, when you see a pair of legs in your peripheral vision. Ignore legs and continue concentrating on the tomatoes - these ones seem okay. Notice legs get closer, so you look up. See an extremely hot man staring at you who's probably way out of your league, but for some reason he's interested anyway. Make some awkward eye contact for a brief second, and see that he smiles at you. Quickly pelt tomatoes back into the bin and scuttle off to the bread isle, where you hide until the coast is clear.

God damn it, you are a disgrace. You are going to die alone at this rate.

I've been very bitter when i think of you now and...I don't...like it??

i just want you to end these thoughts, i want things to go back to the way they were. well...not the exact same. just to where we are both happy.

i feel terrible because ive been so incredibly busy as of late, i just really gotta find a way to make it up to you ;~;

i just wanna cry so badly
i've ruined my life

I hate how you hate me for being so passionate about a video game series. Are you hearing yourself? This is plain stupid. I'm sick of having to argue with you because of how you keep putting me and my interests down on a daily basis. I'm allowed to have my own interest, and they play a huge part in what keeps me going. They're my distractions from depression and endless amounts of stress. It means so ****ing much to me. Maybe I am obsessed, but I keep my business to myself, and I don't hurt you in any way. But I'd never be able to tell you that because you never let me have my say, and because you'd laugh at me, like you do when I have my panic attacks. You're a sour, bitter and rotten person, but I'm supposed to looove you because you're my brother. Well I really don't, and I won't until you change your ways, which seems unlikely due to the fact that you're so selfish and stubborn. Just let me have my fun in a series that ended in 2008, and leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you if you're just going to give me even more negative thoughts and feelings.

if im not supposed to be worried, then why does it feel like im a lamb being lead to the slaughter?