darkSpyro

oh boy that was great but i hope it wasnt audible lol

god im such a hypocrite
im like a preacher with thousands of sins
i really feel like a monster, knowing this is all my fault

i should be in your place, i dont deserve to live

I sometimes just feel like giving up and killing myself. Like today, I successfully lost 3 different friends. Great going ms **** up. Maybe I should just give in. No one would miss me anyway

You have to ****ing attack me because I got in the bathroom? What the goddamn hell is your problem? You entitled little asshole, you can wait one more minute before you go to the bathroom, you won't explode. This house has 3 bathrooms, you couldn't use one of those, you had to try and ****ing attack me?


But I should have to share a room with you if we move, even though you literally ****ing punched me :,))))))))


No, he'll grow out of it, sure. That's how all kids his age act. Uh, no. I didn't go around ****ing hitting people for getting into the bathroom before me when I was his age. But no, it's okay, he's perfect, just let him act however he wants so when he grows up and hits someone, they can throw his ass in jail.

Wow. Pissed off 6 people today. Totally alone again

not worth it

But I need a cover man.

stop breaking me
im tired of the pain and the blood, im tired of making a stand and getting crushed over and over again

Honestly, I never realized how having no internet for days can affect the way I'm already feeling. Having literally nothing to do only makes my life feel even more meaningless than I already think it is. Sleep schedule is also completely nonexistent, and even when I wake up earlier the days go by so slowly. I absolutely can not get myself to bed at a reasonable time, and can't stop my worried ass from overthinking while trying to relax. My anxiety just hasn't given me a break at all recently. This **** happened to me last Autumn/Winter, and now it's going to happen again. I feel really lost as my life is extremely uneventful, and I have literally nothing to fulfill anyway. The fact that I used to just live my life thinking something good would come in the future makes me realize how it all went to hell. But God, this is just me getting worked up about how much I treasure the past. I'll admit, it's more than I should, but life was just how I wanted it. I was happy and carefree back then, nobody would believe a single word if I told anyone about it now. We had Dad with us, and I thought everything was going to be alright. We always used to push through it together, but now it's just so hard to do. Dad, I don't understand why you had to be taken from us so soon. If I can't ever feel the same as I did before again, then nothing is ever going to feel right again.

Bah, this lack of money and food is really starting to get to me. Trying so hard to appreciate the free food even though it makes you feel sick is a tricky thing to do. And not being able to get money from anything at all is really becoming a problem, as if it wasn't already. And all of this has made me realize, if you want to live a good life, you need to have a good amount of money. I can tell myself that I'm happy with what I can scrape together in order to survive, but the fact that it could be so much better still haunts me. My life is all about distracting myself from this depression nowadays, that I must always be occupied. The second I'm not, I go straight back to my negative thinking. It obviously isn't healthy, but I just can't fix it. And now that I'm stuck dealing with terrible days without something to pick me up makes me feel like absolute ****.

I also did sooo bad in the meet up for that camp. I mean, when I was there for a couple of days I avoided every other person that I could, and none of them even wanted to know me anyway. The fact that I had to open up about my dad to random strangers who didn't speak a word to me made me feel most uncomfortable. But it's simple, if they don't talk to me, then I won't talk to them. My social anxiety prevents me from being the first to talk every time. I'm worried that they all think it's because I'm homeschooled and have no contact with friends outside of the internet, but I was like that in school too. The people there were the ones that gave me a bad impression. Heck, years ago I would stand in front of an entire crowd and sing SOLOS, what happened to me since then? I just lost it, and now I can't even talk to anyone outside of my family and friends on the internet.

Yay, nearly 2:00 AM! It's going to be another long night...