It really pains me to say this, but sometimes I have nightmares about things going back to the way they were for me when I was little: Being completely shunned, ignored and teased for having autism, which makes me entirely different from everyone else, and worst of all, losing all of my friends both on the Internet and IRL because of it.
Ugh, I'm sick of feeling like this.
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I wonder if I should call my dad tomorrow... I don't want him to think he's being forgotten, but I don't know. I feel awkward, and I hate using the phone.
Don't even know if I'll see him this year. Probably not...
I feel so fat and ugly. When I bend my neck down I can feel that ugly neck roll cushion underneath my chin. I can't even do those silly chin rolls people do because I have a real chin roll that makes me look like a frog when I do it. I used to be able to take and love my selfies, but now I can only take them at extreme high angles so I can hide any evidence of that roll. I have extreme muffin tops, and my boobs are so small that I don't have a proper waistline, making me look even MORE fat. When I lay in the bathtub, I look at my body hair on my stomach. I know everyone has it, but because I'm French it just so happens to be visible. Really visible. And it doesn't help that when I was younger i was STUPID enough to shave part of it off, so it looks like I have a happy trail which makes me feel like crying.
I hate my body. I hate showing it in public. I wear a shirt and shorts to the pool because I hate my body so much. No amount of "Oh but you're pretty!" is going to make me feel better. I wish I can just go to the gym and workout but I have no time and unwilling parents to take me and pay for me. I've never been called "hot" or "attractive." I've been called cute. While it's a nice compliment, I'm starting to hate it. It's all anyone can ever say about me. Because my chubbiness is considered a cute feature. But it's not a sexy feature. It's not an attractive feature. It's just cute, and that's all I'll ever be to someone. I know it's stupid to complain about such a compliment, and I know that I shouldn't look for someone elses' validation of my OWN body, but do you know how hard that is? Most of you probably do. I've never been hit on by a guy, I only know one person who had a crush on me, I've never been flirted with, and I know no one will actually think my appearance is an appealing part of me unless they have a fetish. I remember I used to cry at night thinking no one will actually love me. Is that starting to come back? Maybe. Who knows. Sometimes I wish I can just rip all this fat off, and even though I'm eating less and working out more, I feel like it's pointless.
So putting your plate of dinner on my bed and not in the kitchen? Are you ****ing serious right now? Too busy to take care of a plate that actually has food in it!? ON MY BED?! 1 STEP AWAY FROM GETTING BUGS IN MY BED AND IN THE HOUSE!
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If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
I feel so fat and ugly. When I bend my neck down I can feel that ugly neck roll cushion underneath my chin. I can't even do those silly chin rolls people do because I have a real chin roll that makes me look like a frog when I do it. I used to be able to take and love my selfies, but now I can only take them at extreme high angles so I can hide any evidence of that roll. I have extreme muffin tops, and my boobs are so small that I don't have a proper waistline, making me look even MORE fat. When I lay in the bathtub, I look at my body hair on my stomach. I know everyone has it, but because I'm French it just so happens to be visible. Really visible. And it doesn't help that when I was younger i was STUPID enough to shave part of it off, so it looks like I have a happy trail which makes me feel like crying.
I hate my body. I hate showing it in public. I wear a shirt and shorts to the pool because I hate my body so much. No amount of "Oh but you're pretty!" is going to make me feel better. I wish I can just go to the gym and workout but I have no time and unwilling parents to take me and pay for me. I've never been called "hot" or "attractive." I've been called cute. While it's a nice compliment, I'm starting to hate it. It's all anyone can ever say about me. Because my chubbiness is considered a cute feature. But it's not a sexy feature. It's not an attractive feature. It's just cute, and that's all I'll ever be to someone. I know it's stupid to complain about such a compliment, and I know that I shouldn't look for someone elses' validation of my OWN body, but do you know how hard that is? Most of you probably do. I've never been hit on by a guy, I only know one person who had a crush on me, I've never been flirted with, and I know no one will actually think my appearance is an appealing part of me unless they have a fetish. I remember I used to cry at night thinking no one will actually love me. Is that starting to come back? Maybe. Who knows. Sometimes I wish I can just rip all this fat off, and even though I'm eating less and working out more, I feel like it's pointless.
foolish
Erica, I know how you feel. I hate my body, and it sucks. You've seen me shirtless, its not ****ing pretty. I know the feel of not being flirted with a girl/guy. It ****ing eats at me that I've never been on a date. Even though I shouldn't, I hate the fact that I'm a virgin. I feel so stupid in feeling like that, but I do. ****
Wow, just, wow. Lately it seems ALL I say is straight away labeled "rude" or "an attempt to start a fight"! All I did was TRYING to be nice but appearantly I'm always asumed to be rude or mean! Well if THAT'S what you asume of me then why not GET IT!?
I'm out! What is a boyfriend if they only call you rude!?
Edited 2 times - Last edited at 14:38:09 19/06/2016 by BlackWing116
I feel like such a nuisance to everyone I'm around. All I do is **** up and complain about myself and my situation. Can I just, for once, go a day without whining about some trivial **** and stop being jealous of others' happiness.
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Oooooh, I messed UP!
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 19:59:00 19/06/2016 by TheToyNerd
Maybe it's just me but the satirical remarks in the wake of a serious discussion serve to do nothing more than piss me off because I can't just swing between moods and pull a "HAHA LOL GOOD WOAN" or catch on fast enough for the really subtle ones because I'm so focused on concluding the conversation.
Ugh, I was gonna take the week off before an entire summer of children chaos, but my boss seemed so desperate to find people to work that I told her I'd do it. Damn it.
tfw had a romantic dream about someone i don't want to have one about right now then woke up way earlier than desired and can't get back to sleep because someone decided to start yelling at windows in the morning
Gee mom if you actually had control of your ****ing daughter who I ***** about, maybe I would not be so ****ing pissed today and not have to cancel plans with my bf to get the hell out of here. Hell I think I would be a lot more happy to let him over here more often if you had control of your spoiled boar.
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If you cannot handle me at my pumpkin spiciest, you do not deserve me at my pumpkin sweetest
icon from Empoh
This was far too long to post in here as a whole, so, link to another site instead!
Wether you ignore or not is up to you. I did a rather braggy or begging request on there... just....whatever..
I don't understand the whole "waifu" culture, especially around cartoon characters that are often of other species or worlds or downright not human (for example, Dreamcatcher and Golden Queen from Skylanders, so sick of hearing "waifu waifu uwu" about hideous villian characters). It just seems weird and kinda sad/desperate to me. But maybe I just don't understand the appeal.
Engineer school is really fun and all but sometimes I just feel too tired to do work. This is gonna be my downfall later on in school and then life when I have to grow up.
We were never abolishing authority absolutely, or whatever authority we even have. I get the feeling you are strongly associating "anarchy" with "chaos" which most certainly will not be the case considering most of us are pretty sane. Majority says we have too many names on the admin sheet and majority decides for the whole, just like traditional democracy.
Please tell me in private so I can understand better.
I guess. But I personally feel we are putting too much responsibility into our own hands when we consider that this is simply a group where we casually lounge about. It's kind of like not having your parents helicopter over you at all times, and this was expressed very recently. I feel you may not trust us as much as you want to, which is fine, but we are more than capable of restraining ourselves when necessary (with the exception of just one person, they will not be named here).
Yaay, Monday....*sour look* the day of fresh starts and new beginnings-ah just cut the crap already. *gets green* seriously spare me all that stuff ITS, NOT, WORKING!
we didn't get my mental status under control before i took on this job and it's too long and they're leaving me unable to complete it on my own and oh my god just punch me already
this is exactly why school came crashing down. i woke up every morning with a severe panic attack and couldn't get myself out of bed and it would get worse if i went and worse if i didn't and no one lifted a finger to help even when i had a full breakdown
how many times do i have to practically beg you to get me help for this while i'm teetering on the edge of losing my mind and breaking everything i can or just crumpling to the floor wanting to die
i can't even remember what it was like to not wake up in a panic
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