darkSpyro

im just going to stop trying

I got the promotion!

im kind of a strange mix between excited and scared at the possibility of returning. on one hand itll give me some stuff to do over the summer outside of work, and ill get to catch up after a year of absence, but on the other it feels like it could open up old wounds that id prefer to stay closed.

you miss all the shots you don't take, so i guess ill go for it once my hellish finals week is over!

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why do i feel like im so invalid with this whole gender thing??? ive known most of my life that it'd probably turn out this way, and im pretty much committed to the idea of hrt and crap, so why does it feel like i don't deserve it? a lot of my friends are trans, non-binary, ect., but im generally the only one that feels like they haven't earned the title of being a demigirl. i would talk to someone about these issues, but im afraid it'll feel like im unnecessarily shoving a gender conversation in their face; even if they're lgbt+. i just want to be happy, not scared and confused and invalid...

Can I, for one day, not feel like a complete idiot?

I feel like everybody underestimates me, but they just have to give me time.

tfw you fb stalk someone so much that when you click the search bar their name automatically pops up by default
they're not even that active yet i can't help myself rip orz

tfw when u visit /r/asktransgender so much that it appears as one of ur frequented sites on iphone
i just have so many questions and i want to start soon but i cant, this temporarily eases me oops

I'm sick of trying. I'm sick of pushing myself, and I'm sick of trying to fix things. It's gone too far. I ruin everything, when my original intention was to help others. I hate forcing myself to finish things that are overdue. I don't want to try anymore.

Your mom is so selfish sometimes, you know that? I mean I love her and she is such a sweetie, and I understand that she wants the best for you, but why does she have to dictate what everyone has to do just for you? It's one thing if it's family but she's trying to control other kid's experiences. If she wanted us to stay then why doesn't she just be the chauffeur?? I mean she was up anyway, she wasn't doing anything. My parents were having an anniversary for god sake and they were willing to take time out of their schedule and drop/pick us up. Plus my parents are way older than yours, you can't just make them stay up so late like that.
PLUS WE HAD A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION AND NEEDED TO LEAVE. How dare your mom text you and say "You can't leave you need to stay there. I want you to stay there!", we have been stressed this entire prom all because of her. We make the time at 3, your mom says no because she doesn't wanna deal with it. Your mom takes unnecessary pictures last minute as we are literally leaving. Your mom TALKS TO US AS WE ARE LEAVING AND DELAYS OUR TIME. You even told me on our way there "Wow you were right, that did take forever." YEAH I KNOW!!!

ive absolutely made up my mind, and no, you aren't gonna get to know. so please, kindly **** off.

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I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU AAAAH WE LITERALLY HAVENT HUNG OUT IN MONTHS

stop!!! trying!!! to!!! convert!!! me!!! to!!! christianity!!!
i dont want it!!! please stop it makes me uncomfortable!!!

It's my birthday today. I don't want it. Not without my dad here. I don't want to turn a year older- for the first time without him.
I swear this day couldn't get any worse. I got yet again a taste of what this horrible town is like. It's all I've ever fully known, and I hate it. I hate how my dad never got to move back to live in his birthplace again, before he died. There were some kids staring at me after buying some Zootopia merch from the toy store. My mom said 'Do you want a photograph? That'll last longer then.' After she said that, this group of 'tough' kids that were 10-11 were using language that I should not repeat, then told her to '**** off.' What the?
My nan said 'make a wish' when I got my cake, and I wished that my dad never had to go through with his condition that he had all my life, and that he never should have died. If only those birthday wishes could come true... It would mean more than the world.

you probably did that on purpose, but the way you spoke about me made me feel really nice and not weird at all
thank you so much holy ****

how do i tell you politely that i want you to **** me

im honestly surprised you two haven't figured it out yet since im practically spelling things out for you...
-a lot of my irl friends are trans or non-binary
-i bring up LGBT stuff when you guys talk about politics
-EVERY PROJECT IVE EVER DONE FOR MY 3 SOCIOLOGY CLASSES WAS BASED ON GENDER

either you figured it out and don't want to cause anything, or you're more stupid than you let on...

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**** I DIDNT WIN
i gotta find a way to get this thing ugh

JESUS CHRIST I NARROWLY ESCAPED THAT
THANK GOD

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im getting really tired of seeing my ugly reflection!! : ^ )

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i hope i do well on this hhhhng

that was actually really uncomfortable
has it gotten that bad?

idk what it is, but everyone seems to prefer to talk to others, rather than me. I mean, I know I suck at conversations, but really? Interrupt your conversation with me to address someone else, but not do that to address me when talking to others?