darkSpyro

Listen, I've been what you're going through, and all you're going to do is dig yourself into a bigger, more depressing hole that you can't get yourself out of. Unless you're already poly to begin with, it's not going to work out. I'm really sorry, but get over it.

You have this really odd, skewed perception of love that is not only toxic to those you date, but it's toxic to you too. I have no idea where you got it, but love doesn't work in the ways you think it does. You're coming off as someone who's really selfish, not someone who truly cares about her.

Quote: Windumup

except he was her ex and then me and her became a couple. Also how is it selfish to want her to be truly happy? I don't want her to have her heart broken again by the same guy as I care for her feelings.

If she wants to go back to him, then she's not truly happy with you. You guys have been together for what, a week? You haven't even been on an actual date yet, don't expect this relationship to be full devotion and actual love this early on. Its extremely unrealistic. If she want's to go back to him, let her.

Quote: Windumup

Because they have an on and off relationship, I want her to be happy and not torn a part by someone who isn't good for her

That's your opinion, not fact, so stop treating it like one. You can't just control someone like that, if she wants to go to someone else, that's her say, not yours. Even if she cheats on you, that was her choice, one that you can't control.

Quote: Windumup

But wouldn't it be better if nobody got hurt? And if we do get into a polymorous relationship and then broke up with him again, she will still have someone else.

That's not how polyamory works. Modern polyamory is more "multiple people love each other equally", not "I have two significant others, but I love this one more, and if I break up with them, I have this backup". Not even how polygamy works, let alone polyamory. Again, I don't know where you get these twisted notions of relationships.

Quote: Windumup

Denial? She literally cried, she doesn't want to break up with me

Yeah? My ex had sex with someone else, and cried while breaking up with me too. It doesn't mean anything.

Everyone else who's posted in this thread is right. You just need to move on. You weren't even together for that long, so it's not like she's breaking up over you after years of dating. Look at it this way, its better that she did it now while you guys are young than if you guys had taken it further and had gotten engaged or something. If she's been off and on with this guy for a while, there's obviously something that keeps her coming back. From my perspective, it just sounds like all these other people she dates are rebounds, which isn't good for either party. If this is what she wants, let her go. If you truly care about how she feels, then let her.

Quote: Windumup

Quote: CAV

Really the best I can tell you is to wait a little bit. If she really would prefer to be with you she'll go to you. If she more solidly sticks with him then there's not really a lot you can do and trying to interfere with that is just wrong in a lot of ways.

Quote:

It means I want this type of relationship so that she can be happy with both the people she likes, instead of being both of us being sad as she pursues a toxic lightswitch relationship

And quick question when it comes to the poly thing. Are you naturally into poly relationships or are you merely interested only for the sake of being with her?

So your saying that she should go back to the guy that broke up with her? Your actually promoting their decision to have an on and off relationship?!

I am just into whatever would make her the happiest, if breaking up with me is hurting her (as I said before, she cried when she told me how her ex boyfriend wanted to come back to her as she didn't want to hurt me. But she doesn't want to hurt him at the same time)

Quote: Cynderfan507

Woah, I thought you said it was a bad relationship.
If they wanna be together, leave them alone.

I did say it was a bad relationship, "toxic lightswitch relationship". I don't want him to hurt her again

Quote: Bumblebunnii

Quote: Windumup

Quote: Big Green

Sounds like you're in denial pretty hard, just leave them alone and move on.

Denial? She literally cried, she doesn't want to break up with me

But she did though. When it comes down to it, she did. She didn't tell her ex no and choose to be with you, she chose her ex. Don't chase someone who is obviously not worth it.
And you've already admitted the idea of a polygamous relationship is solely for her benefit, so it's not going to work out. If you haven't even been on one date with someone, why are you trying so hard for a relationship with them? You don't even know yet if you would be good together in a relationship sense.

Her Ex doesn't even know me, or that she dated me. Also it's because I care for her, if not being with me is in anyways hurting her then I want to be there especially with the chance their relationship may go "off" again.


Edit: This was suppose to be an edit of my post on the last page,

@Strider (since I am trying to not make this one post REALLY long)
I don't want her to be hurt by a guy who has broke her heart before. I know that it's more "multiple people like each other equally", I am just saying that in the off chance her former ex doesn't want to be with her anymore (till he comes crawling back) then at least she has someone she can emotionally open up to.

Quote: Windumup

Quote: Windumup

Quote: CAV

Really the best I can tell you is to wait a little bit. If she really would prefer to be with you she'll go to you. If she more solidly sticks with him then there's not really a lot you can do and trying to interfere with that is just wrong in a lot of ways.


And quick question when it comes to the poly thing. Are you naturally into poly relationships or are you merely interested only for the sake of being with her?

So your saying that she should go back to the guy that broke up with her? Your actually promoting their decision to have an on and off relationship?!

I am just into whatever would make her the happiest, if breaking up with me is hurting her (as I said before, she cried when she told me how her ex boyfriend wanted to come back to her as she didn't want to hurt me. But she doesn't want to hurt him at the same time)

Quote: Cynderfan507

Woah, I thought you said it was a bad relationship.
If they wanna be together, leave them alone.

I did say it was a bad relationship, "toxic lightswitch relationship". I don't want him to hurt her again

Quote: Bumblebunnii

Quote: Windumup

Denial? She literally cried, she doesn't want to break up with me

But she did though. When it comes down to it, she did. She didn't tell her ex no and choose to be with you, she chose her ex. Don't chase someone who is obviously not worth it.
And you've already admitted the idea of a polygamous relationship is solely for her benefit, so it's not going to work out. If you haven't even been on one date with someone, why are you trying so hard for a relationship with them? You don't even know yet if you would be good together in a relationship sense.

Her Ex doesn't even know me, or that she dated me. Also it's because I care for her, if not being with me is in anyways hurting her then I want to be there especially with the chance their relationship may go "off" again.

Does all this stuff just go through one ear and out the other?

Strider, read the edit

Not quoting that because holy wall of text, Batman.
Why on Earth would you want to wait around for someone who doesn't truly want you? Is she considering your feelings? Would she do the same thing for you? No. Clearly not.
You just admitted to being someone's fallback, their second choice. Don't do that to yourself, you should want to be happy too.

Quote: Bumblebunnii

Not quoting that because holy wall of text, Batman.
Why on Earth would you want to wait around for someone who doesn't truly want you? Is she considering your feelings? Would she do the same thing for you? No. Clearly not.
You just admitted to being someone's fallback, their second choice. Don't do that to yourself, you should want to be happy too.

She wants me, but she also partially wants to be with the first person she fell in love with since she moved here. And you don't think I want to be happy to?!!!! I really want to be happy but every time i get with someone SOMETHING HAPPENS.

Quote: Windumup

So your saying that she should go back to the guy that broke up with her? Your actually promoting their decision to have an on and off relationship?!

I am just into whatever would make her the happiest, if breaking up with me is hurting her (as I said before, she cried when she told me how her ex boyfriend wanted to come back to her as she didn't want to hurt me. But she doesn't want to hurt him at the same time)

I'm saying you should let her decide for herself and respect that decision regardless of which direction it goes. If she wants to try again with her ex let her do so and if you really feel for her just wait and see what happens. If she decides to go with you then that's fantastic. If she stays with him then that's something you'll just have to accept, regardless of how painful it may be or how long it will take. In the meantime try to focus on other things like schooling or hobbies.

Then don't go for a poly relationship. You clearly would only consider it because you like her and want to be with her despite her going for someone else for the time being. If you aren't already into trying poly relationships by default, while it'll seem fine now eventually you'll probably get jealous or just feel uncomfortable or bad with her being with the ex until you end up asking that she be only with you, in which case there's a whole new set of problems that are even worse than this.

I'm not going to call you selfish because I get where you're coming from but if the primary goal right now is to talk her into a poly relationship or talk her out of what she currently has then I'd advise against it. You don't have to get over it and move on immediately but at the very least leave her alone in this regard and let her decide what she wants.

The only time you'll have even a remote right to intervene is if her ex is abusive. Otherwise it'll just look poorly on you.

Quote: Windumup

Quote: Windumup

Quote: CAV

Really the best I can tell you is to wait a little bit. If she really would prefer to be with you she'll go to you. If she more solidly sticks with him then there's not really a lot you can do and trying to interfere with that is just wrong in a lot of ways.


And quick question when it comes to the poly thing. Are you naturally into poly relationships or are you merely interested only for the sake of being with her?

So your saying that she should go back to the guy that broke up with her? Your actually promoting their decision to have an on and off relationship?!

I am just into whatever would make her the happiest, if breaking up with me is hurting her (as I said before, she cried when she told me how her ex boyfriend wanted to come back to her as she didn't want to hurt me. But she doesn't want to hurt him at the same time)

Quote: Cynderfan507

Woah, I thought you said it was a bad relationship.
If they wanna be together, leave them alone.

I did say it was a bad relationship, "toxic lightswitch relationship". I don't want him to hurt her again

Quote: Bumblebunnii

Quote: Windumup

Denial? She literally cried, she doesn't want to break up with me

But she did though. When it comes down to it, she did. She didn't tell her ex no and choose to be with you, she chose her ex. Don't chase someone who is obviously not worth it.
And you've already admitted the idea of a polygamous relationship is solely for her benefit, so it's not going to work out. If you haven't even been on one date with someone, why are you trying so hard for a relationship with them? You don't even know yet if you would be good together in a relationship sense.

Her Ex doesn't even know me, or that she dated me. Also it's because I care for her, if not being with me is in anyways hurting her then I want to be there especially with the chance their relationship may go "off" again.


Edit: This was suppose to be an edit of my post on the last page,

@Strider (since I am trying to not make this one post REALLY long)
I don't want her to be hurt by a guy who has broke her heart before. I know that it's more "multiple people like each other equally", I am just saying that in the off chance her former ex doesn't want to be with her anymore (till he comes crawling back) then at least she has someone she can emotionally open up to.

YOU ARE LITERALLY SAYING YOU'LL BE SOMEONE'S VANILLA PUDDING.

*Sigh*
Let me explain here, you are literally saying that you are willing to put through heart ache just so you're her second choice. Or the vanilla pudding she chooses when the chocolate's all gone. If this is an on/ off relationship like you say, there will be more times where she gets to the chocolate on time and doesn't give you a second ****ing thought. It's gonna sting like hell when it finally sets in that you will never be her first choice. This is why I DON'T RECOMMEND A POLY RELATIONSHIP.

She isn't worth it. Move on. Seriously.

Quote: CAV

Quote: Windumup

So your saying that she should go back to the guy that broke up with her? Your actually promoting their decision to have an on and off relationship?!

I am just into whatever would make her the happiest, if breaking up with me is hurting her (as I said before, she cried when she told me how her ex boyfriend wanted to come back to her as she didn't want to hurt me. But she doesn't want to hurt him at the same time)

I'm saying you should let her decide for herself and respect that decision regardless of which direction it goes. If she wants to try again with her ex let her do so and if you really feel for her just wait and see what happens. If she decides to go with you then that's fantastic. If she stays with him then that's something you'll just have to accept, regardless of how painful it may be or how long it will take. In the meantime try to focus on other things like schooling or hobbies.

Then don't go for a poly relationship. You clearly would only consider it because you like her and want to be with her despite her going for someone else for the time being. If you aren't already into trying poly relationships by default, while it'll seem fine now eventually you'll probably get jealous or just feel uncomfortable or bad with her being with the ex until you end up asking that she be only with you, in which case there's a whole new set of problems that are even worse than this.

I'm not going to call you selfish because I get where you're coming from but if the primary goal right now is to talk her into a poly relationship or talk her out of what she currently has then I'd advise against it. You don't have to get over it and move on immediately but at the very least leave her alone in this regard and let her decide what she wants.

The only time you'll have even a remote right to intervene is if her ex is abusive. Otherwise it'll just look poorly on you.

^This is good.

Quoting myself from a pm I sent to striderswag

Maybe I am not cut out for being in love. I want to be happy (and sharing a strong mutual attraction is what makes me happy) but if my pursuit of happiness makes me sad, whats the point? I can't change the fact that when I fall in love it is really strong.
I can't tell my heart to never love again, eventually I will have another and I will get hurt again, and again.

I will never get my first date, I will never be kissed, I will never in a permanent relationship, I will never get married. There is only one person in this world that will be with me forever, and even that person is hard to love sometimes. That person is me.

Quote: Windumup

Quoting myself from a pm I sent to striderswag

Maybe I am not cut out for being in love. I want to be happy (and sharing a strong mutual attraction is what makes me happy) but if my pursuit of happiness makes me sad, whats the point? I can't change the fact that when I fall in love it is really strong.
I can't tell my heart to never love again, eventually I will have another and I will get hurt again, and again.

I will never get my first date, I will never be kissed, I will never in a permanent relationship, I will never get married. There is only one person in this world that will be with me forever, and even that person is hard to love sometimes. That person is me.

Have you ever considered taking up a hobby like music or painting?

Take it from me, having something productive to do whether it be creative, scientific, educational, or whatever, can help in dealing with those thoughts at times.

Finding someone shouldn't a priority dude.

Quote: Cynderfan507

Honestly, you just shouldn't be in a relationship until you get how this **** actually works.
Take time to think of what you really believe love is. Think about the type of people you're attracted to. And accept when you just can't be with someone.
Also, polyamory is a bad idea and you also don't seem like the type of person that'd be able to handle that sort of relationship for long.

I know what I believe love is, and I know what kind of girls are my type. I even know how it works. You be a wonderful person to them and don't hurt them, you learn what they really like and dislike so you don't make the mistake of doing something they find irritating. (especially after they feel the "spark" and say they have mutual feelings for you)

Quote: CAV

Quote: Windumup

Quoting myself from a pm I sent to striderswag

Maybe I am not cut out for being in love. I want to be happy (and sharing a strong mutual attraction is what makes me happy) but if my pursuit of happiness makes me sad, whats the point? I can't change the fact that when I fall in love it is really strong.
I can't tell my heart to never love again, eventually I will have another and I will get hurt again, and again.

I will never get my first date, I will never be kissed, I will never in a permanent relationship, I will never get married. There is only one person in this world that will be with me forever, and even that person is hard to love sometimes. That person is me.

Have you ever considered taking up a hobby like music or painting?

Take it from me, having something productive to do whether it be creative, scientific, educational, or whatever, can help in dealing with those thoughts at times.

Or you can use this lesson to better yourself, emotionally, mentally, and physically, like I did. After my ex broke up with me, I worked on what would make ME happy, not someone else.

Quote: CAV

Quote: Windumup

Quoting myself from a pm I sent to striderswag

Maybe I am not cut out for being in love. I want to be happy (and sharing a strong mutual attraction is what makes me happy) but if my pursuit of happiness makes me sad, whats the point? I can't change the fact that when I fall in love it is really strong.
I can't tell my heart to never love again, eventually I will have another and I will get hurt again, and again.

I will never get my first date, I will never be kissed, I will never in a permanent relationship, I will never get married. There is only one person in this world that will be with me forever, and even that person is hard to love sometimes. That person is me.

Have you ever considered taking up a hobby like music or painting?

Take it from me, having something productive to do whether it be creative, scientific, educational, or whatever, can help in dealing with those thoughts at times.

I do sing occasionally, but singing brings up all the emotions (including the sadness) to the surface.


Quote: parisruelz12

Finding someone shouldn't a priority

But with nobody to love me, there is no form of love coming my way. (Family or otherwise)

Quote: Windumup

I do sing occasionally, but singing brings up all the emotions (including the sadness) to the surface.

That's the point. The creative outlet isn't necessarily supposed to just get your mind off of what bothers you, but to allow you to let out those emotions in a creative and productive way that could potentially even benefit yourself or appeal to others.

Try to find a group of musicians in need of a vocalist and see what happens. Try writing lyrics of your own. You won't feel better immediately but it's a step in the right direction.

Quote: CAV

Quote: Windumup

I do sing occasionally, but singing brings up all the emotions (including the sadness) to the surface.

That's the point. The creative outlet isn't necessarily supposed to just get your mind off of what bothers you, but to allow you to let out those emotions in a creative and productive way that could potentially even benefit yourself or appeal to others.

Try to find a group of musicians in need of a vocalist and see what happens. Try writing lyrics of your own. You won't feel better immediately but it's a step in the right direction.

My friend has a band, maybe they will let me in? I would have to ask on Wednesday because I can only see her in QSA
Her being the leader of the band that is

Quote: Windumup

Quoting myself from a pm I sent to striderswag

Maybe I am not cut out for being in love. I want to be happy (and sharing a strong mutual attraction is what makes me happy) but if my pursuit of happiness makes me sad, whats the point? I can't change the fact that when I fall in love it is really strong.
I can't tell my heart to never love again, eventually I will have another and I will get hurt again, and again.

I will never get my first date, I will never be kissed, I will never in a permanent relationship, I will never get married. There is only one person in this world that will be with me forever, and even that person is hard to love sometimes. That person is me.

mate, im pretty sure most people fall in love "really strong". thats why theres 8536784 songs about love, to believe theres no one who will love you is crazy. donald trump managed to have three wives so theres hope for you too
but seriously, you gotta try and move on from this, which will be difficult obviously but focussing on this one gril just isnt healthy, as cav said, pick up a hobby or something and find ways to better yourself, start getting fit and really take care of yourself or just something along those lines

Alright so I got an email back from my friend that has the band (odd she answered her email a lot faster then usual) and they aren't taking any help at the moment but she does suggest that I should channel my singing into an outlet for my emotions.

Thanks everyone for the help

Quote: Windumup

My friend has a band, maybe they will let me in? I would have to ask on Wednesday because I can only see her in QSA
Her being the leader of the band that is

That's the right idea. Try and focus on that stuff instead of only dwelling on her. If you feel particularly bad one day maybe write lyrics or just sing something and let it out in a creative way.

Windumup, 2 things:


1. It's life, dude. It happens. Your heart will be broken. Just keep being yourself and hope for the best.
2. Don't go to darkSpyro for relationship advice. While there are some exceptions, most of these people aren't much better off than you.

Quote: arceustheprime

donald trump managed to have three wives so theres hope for you too

arceus you're da bes