darkSpyro

It tears me up >.<

what happened

what happened

what happened

Quote: Windumup

Reveal Spoiler

I am so sick of this happening. Every SINGLE TIME, it doesn't matter how nice I am. Why do I even bother dating? What's the use when I always get left to rot before we even get 1 date in. People need to stop playing with my heart like a yo-yo and then leaving me with no love. I can only receive love from dating, and once I am single I am left with nothing. No love from any of my relatives

---------

Quoting myself from Personal Thoughts

add on to it

did you really need this attention

alright dude, did you talk about vìdeo games on the date?

every kiss begins with k

Windumup what is your definition of love? You use this word very frequently but I don't think your ideals fit with your life situation. How can one fall in love before a single date? You can't really say "I love you" to a girl on the first date. Heck you can't really call somebody your girlfriend when you hadn't had a date yet. Windumup you seem to be whining over lust thinking that nobody will ever love you but blame it on other people instead of yourself. Why did they reject you? Is because of the way you act or look? It's not because they want to hurt you but don't feel that you could qualify to meet their standards in dating.

Quote: arceustheprime

alright dude, did you talk about vìdeo games on the date?

No, but the majority of girls I fall for are obvious girl gamers. So that wouldn't have been an issue if we got into a discussion of a game franchise we like


Quote: somePerson

Windumup what is your definition of love? You use this word very frequently but I don't think your ideals fit with your life situation. How can one fall in love before a single date? You can't really say "I love you" to a girl on the first date. Heck you can't really call somebody your girlfriend when you hadn't had a date yet. Windumup you seem to be whining over lust thinking that nobody will ever love you but blame it on other people instead of yourself. Why did they reject you? Is because of the way you act or look? It's not because they want to hurt you but don't feel that you could qualify to meet their standards in dating.

I will answer these in order of the bolded above

1. Mutual strong romantic attraction
2. That's a paradox, if you have no strong romantic feelings (or romantic feelings in general) you aren't going to ask them on a date, same for the one that is BEING ASKED. And I have had 2 girlfriends (counting my most recent ex) that has done this. (couple b4 first date)
3. Incorrect, it has happened to me before
4. I treat them nice, I never hurt their feelings, I listen, I don't get sexual quickly (I never even got to that point as I obviously haven't gotten a first date), I am sympathetic when I need to. I am just overall a pleasant person to date.
5. Yet they have said in their own words that we are in love and considered us a couple. That they love me, and I of course love them back. (Except 1 case, I once had to turn down a girl before anything serious. She loves me but I didn't share any mutual attraction)

i would personally just move on judging by the fact that she suddenly wants to see someone else, unless you and her are into polyamory
you never strike it rich the first time, it was never that easy. :/ good luck on your next encounter.

Quote: Crystal Dragon

every kiss begins with k

I am very funny

Quote: Windumup

Quote: arceustheprime

alright dude, did you talk about vìdeo games on the date?

No, but the majority of girls I fall for are obvious girl gamers. So that wouldn't have been an issue if we got into a discussion of a game franchise we like


Quote: somePerson

Windumup what is your definition of love? You use this word very frequently but I don't think your ideals fit with your life situation. How can one fall in love before a single date? You can't really say "I love you" to a girl on the first date. Heck you can't really call somebody your girlfriend when you hadn't had a date yet. Windumup you seem to be whining over lust thinking that nobody will ever love you but blame it on other people instead of yourself. Why did they reject you? Is because of the way you act or look? It's not because they want to hurt you but don't feel that you could qualify to meet their standards in dating.

I will answer these in order of the bolded above

1. Mutual strong romantic attraction
2. That's a paradox, if you have no strong romantic feelings (or romantic feelings in general) you aren't going to ask them on a date, same for the one that is BEING ASKED. And I have had 2 girlfriends (counting my most recent ex) that has done this. (couple b4 first date)
3. Incorrect, it has happened to me before
4. I treat them nice, I never hurt their feelings, I listen, I don't get sexual quickly (I never even got to that point as I obviously haven't gotten a first date), I am sympathetic when I need to. I am just overall a pleasant person to date.
5. Yet they have said in their own words that we are in love and considered us a couple. That they love me, and I of course love them back. (Except 1 case, I once had to turn down a girl before anything serious. She loves me but I didn't share any mutual attraction)

Okay i understand your post a lot more after reading it several times over.

Still, I would move a little slower.

Quote: ThroneOfMalefor

i would personally just move on judging by the fact that she suddenly wants to see someone else, unless you and her are into polyamory
you never strike it rich the first time, it was never that easy. :/ good luck on your next encounter.

I doubt the third time will be the charm. I actually wouldn't mind a polyamourous relationship (although I would likely keep my heart primary for her), but I doubt her Ex that she is now back with would like it. (She may be into it, as she does like both of us)

Quote: Windumup

2. That's a paradox, if you have no strong romantic feelings (or romantic feelings in general) you aren't going to ask them on a date, same for the one that is BEING ASKED. And I have had 2 girlfriends (counting my most recent ex) that has done this. (couple b4 first date)

On a serious note, I think this is wrong. The whole point and purpose of dates is to build those romantic feelings to the point of falling in love and establishing a lasting relationship.

Before those dates, what you (and the one being asked) feel is strong attraction which motivates you to pursue the romantic relationship. But what you say is you need the romantic feelings (which come from doing the dates and getting to know each other better) in order to do said dates. Is that not a paradox?

I feel you're rushing things much too quickly. Calling yourselves a couple before having a first date to really establish things, and if you'll really work out, doesn't seem like a great idea.

Good luck on your next relationship endeavor, though.

Quote: Windumup

Quote: ThroneOfMalefor

i would personally just move on judging by the fact that she suddenly wants to see someone else, unless you and her are into polyamory
you never strike it rich the first time, it was never that easy. :/ good luck on your next encounter.

I doubt the third time will be the charm. I actually wouldn't mind a polyamourous relationship (although I would likely keep my heart primary for her), but I doubt her Ex that she is now back with would like it. (She may be into it, as she does like both of us)

I don't want this to come across as offensive, so I am sincerely sorry if it does...
But with that said, saying you wouldn't mind a polyamorous and then stating that you know in advance it would be one sided is kind of... Immature? I don't really know the word I'm looking for here. A polygamous/open relationship should be between two people who *both* genuinely want it and have carefully thought out this decision. Otherwise you're committed to her and only her, and she's cheating on you. Also, while this may be too brutally honest to say, at the end of the day she didn't choose you. So you would be sacrificing what you want just to be with someone who picked someone else over you anyway.
And a word of advice, open relationships are garbage. There's very little chance for anything long term or serious, and they usually end with someone or multiple people getting hurt. Find someone who wants you for you, and nobody else. Don't worry if it doesn't come quickly or it takes you a few people (and dates) to find someone who is good for you. Don't settle, don't sacrifice what you want.
Sorry for the long post.

Quote: Bumblebunnii

Quote: Windumup

Quote: ThroneOfMalefor

i would personally just move on judging by the fact that she suddenly wants to see someone else, unless you and her are into polyamory
you never strike it rich the first time, it was never that easy. :/ good luck on your next encounter.

I doubt the third time will be the charm. I actually wouldn't mind a polyamourous relationship (although I would likely keep my heart primary for her), but I doubt her Ex that she is now back with would like it. (She may be into it, as she does like both of us)

I don't want this to come across as offensive, so I am sincerely sorry if it does...
But with that said, saying you wouldn't mind a polyamorous and then stating that you know in advance it would be one sided is kind of... Immature? I don't really know the word I'm looking for here. A polygamous/open relationship should be between two people who *both* genuinely want it and have carefully thought out this decision. Otherwise you're committed to her and only her, and she's cheating on you. Also, while this may be too brutally honest to say, at the end of the day she didn't choose you. So you would be sacrificing what you want just to be with someone who picked someone else over you anyway.
And a word of advice, open relationships are garbage. There's very little chance for anything long term or serious, and they usually end with someone or multiple people getting hurt. Find someone who wants you for you, and nobody else. Don't worry if it doesn't come quickly or it takes you a few people (and dates) to find someone who is good for you. Don't settle, don't sacrifice what you want.
Sorry for the long post.

GOOD CONTENT
THIS IS ONE HELL OF A GOOD POST

I know very little about... ehmm...love? But I when interested in someone I don't have any doubts at all that I wanna be with that person. So when someone is not that sure of dating me or knowing me I usually take it as they don't like me that much. Don't lose your time with people who are only a "bit interested", and if you do so, be sure what you can expect and be prepare for it.

Is better to have gone through bad experiences to have the necessary criteria to recognise the right person when you get to meet him/her as well.

Quote: Windumup

I doubt the third time will be the charm. I actually wouldn't mind a polyamourous relationship (although I would likely keep my heart primary for her), but I doubt her Ex that she is now back with would like it. (She may be into it, as she does like both of us)

Unless you're already down with poly to begin with I wouldn't recommend you do this. Sure you'll start out fine but then you may feel jealous that she's with someone else alongside you, or you'll feel like you aren't good enough to be her only one in the same way she's your only one. Your self esteem will tank and things will just become a huge mess.

Quote: Windumup

Quote: ThroneOfMalefor

i would personally just move on judging by the fact that she suddenly wants to see someone else, unless you and her are into polyamory
you never strike it rich the first time, it was never that easy. :/ good luck on your next encounter.

I doubt the third time will be the charm. I actually wouldn't mind a polyamourous relationship (although I would likely keep my heart primary for her), but I doubt her Ex that she is now back with would like it. (She may be into it, as she does like both of us)

Why?

You're setting yourself up for another heartache. These relationships NEVER EVER work out. You need to find a girl you can trust cause trust is the foundation to any relationship. Love is very complicated, these kinds of relationships makes it more complicated and yes you will get hurt and yes you will be heart broken. It's just best that you find a girl that only wants to be with you and you only.

I would rather have nobody get hurt instead of 2 people being hurt

Quote: Cynderfan507

Quote: Windumup

I would rather have nobody get hurt instead of 2 people being hurt

So does that mean no polyamory or...?

It means I want this type of relationship so that she can be happy with both the people she likes, instead of being both of us being sad as she pursues a toxic lightswitch relationship

Quote: Cynderfan507

Quote: Windumup

Quote: Cynderfan507

So does that mean no polyamory or...?

It means I want this type of relationship so that she can be happy with both the people she likes, instead of being both of us being sad as she pursues a toxic lightswitch relationship

Bruh
Polyamory rarely works out, I don't suggest it. I mean, I'm all for doing what makes you happy as long as nobody's getting hurt, but 1: it rarely works out, and 2: you don't seem like you'd be able to handle that sort of relationship.

But wouldn't it be better if nobody got hurt? And if we do get into a polymorous relationship and then broke up with him again, she will still have someone else.

Quote: Cynderfan507

Quote: Windumup

Quote: Cynderfan507

Bruh
Polyamory rarely works out, I don't suggest it. I mean, I'm all for doing what makes you happy as long as nobody's getting hurt, but 1: it rarely works out, and 2: you don't seem like you'd be able to handle that sort of relationship.

But wouldn't it be better if nobody got hurt? And if we do get into a polymorous relationship and then broke up with him again, she will still have someone else.

You're missing the point.
Over time you'd get jealous. You'd probably hurt more than you would if you broke up.
And who says she'll break up with him? She may break up with you.

Because they have an on and off relationship, I want her to be happy and not torn a part by someone who isn't good for her

Quote: Cynderfan507

Quote: Windumup

Quote: Cynderfan507

You're missing the point.
Over time you'd get jealous. You'd probably hurt more than you would if you broke up.
And who says she'll break up with him? She may break up with you.

Because they have an on and off relationship, I want her to be happy and not torn a part by someone who isn't good for her

I know you have good intentions but you'd really just be setting yourself up for pain.
Talk about it with her, if she's willing to talk. Try to talk her out of dating him, explain why she shouldn't date him. If she has any common sense, she'll listen.
Source: life.

She has been with him for way longer then she was with me, how am I suppose to talk her into not dating him?!

You're coming across as selfish, you're trying to break up someone already in a relationship or shove yourself in the picture. If some dude did that to me I'd probably feel insulted and not want to talk to them again. It's like the "nice guys" whining about the friendzone because the girl is sooo stupid for not dating you. Be more patient or move on to someone else.

Quote: Big Green

You're coming across as selfish, you're trying to break up someone already in a relationship or shove yourself in the picture. If some dude did that to me I'd probably feel insulted and not want to talk to them again. It's like the "nice guys" whining about the friendzone because the girl is sooo stupid for not dating you. Be more patient or move on to someone else.

*facepalm* except he was her ex and then me and her became a couple. Also how is it selfish to want her to be truly happy? I don't want her to have her heart broken again by the same guy as I care for her feelings.

Quote: Windumup

I doubt the third time will be the charm. I actually wouldn't mind a polyamourous relationship (although I would likely keep my heart primary for her), but I doubt her Ex that she is now back with would like it. (She may be into it, as she does like both of us)

Quote: Windumup

She has been with him for way longer then she was with me, how am I suppose to talk her into not dating him?!

Quote: Windumup

Quote: Big Green

You're coming across as selfish, you're trying to break up someone already in a relationship or shove yourself in the picture. If some dude did that to me I'd probably feel insulted and not want to talk to them again. It's like the "nice guys" whining about the friendzone because the girl is sooo stupid for not dating you. Be more patient or move on to someone else.

*facepalm* except he was her ex and then me and her became a couple. Also how is it selfish to want her to be truly happy? I don't want her to have her heart broken again by the same guy as I care for her feelings.

I have no idea what's going on

Quote: Big Green

Quote: Windumup

I doubt the third time will be the charm. I actually wouldn't mind a polyamourous relationship (although I would likely keep my heart primary for her), but I doubt her Ex that she is now back with would like it. (She may be into it, as she does like both of us)

Quote: Windumup

She has been with him for way longer then she was with me, how am I suppose to talk her into not dating him?!

Quote: Windumup

Quote: Big Green

You're coming across as selfish, you're trying to break up someone already in a relationship or shove yourself in the picture. If some dude did that to me I'd probably feel insulted and not want to talk to them again. It's like the "nice guys" whining about the friendzone because the girl is sooo stupid for not dating you. Be more patient or move on to someone else.

*facepalm* except he was her ex and then me and her became a couple. Also how is it selfish to want her to be truly happy? I don't want her to have her heart broken again by the same guy as I care for her feelings.

I have no idea what's going on

Ok here is a recap of what's going on

Me and her were a couple for a little while, we were planning our first date and then her ex wanted to get back with her. She ended up being reeled back in to him but she still has feelings for me.
Before me they were together for a long time as he was her first love after moving to my hometown.

Quote: ThroneOfMalefor

did you really need this attention

no she didn't

Quote: Windumup

Ok here is a recap of what's going on

Me and her were a couple for a little while, we were planning our first date and then her ex wanted to get back with her. She ended up being reeled back in to him but she still has feelings for me.
Before me they were together for a long time as he was her first love after moving to my hometown.

Wait..you said he came to her, correct? That means he wants to be with her. She didn't have to go back to him but she did. You need to stop interfering with their relationship. Regardless if you and her had/has feelings for each other she apparently has more feelings for him, not you. You need to walk away from this, if you don't you're gonna get hurt again.

Quote: thumper

Quote: Windumup

Ok here is a recap of what's going on

Me and her were a couple for a little while, we were planning our first date and then her ex wanted to get back with her. She ended up being reeled back in to him but she still has feelings for me.
Before me they were together for a long time as he was her first love after moving to my hometown.

Wait..you said he came to her, correct? That means he wants to be with her. She didn't have to go back to him but she did. You need to stop interfering with their relationship. Regardless if you and her had/has feelings for each other she apparently has more feelings for him, not you. You need to walk away from this, if you don't you're gonna get hurt again.

She still very much as strong love for me, she is only going to him because they were together for longer and she feels sorry for him.

Sounds like you're in denial pretty hard, just leave them alone and move on.

Quote: Big Green

Sounds like you're in denial pretty hard, just leave them alone and move on.

Denial? She literally cried, she doesn't want to break up with me

Really the best I can tell you is to wait a little bit. If she really would prefer to be with you she'll go to you. If she more solidly sticks with him then there's not really a lot you can do and trying to interfere with that is just wrong in a lot of ways.

Quote:

It means I want this type of relationship so that she can be happy with both the people she likes, instead of being both of us being sad as she pursues a toxic lightswitch relationship

And quick question when it comes to the poly thing. Are you naturally into poly relationships or are you merely interested only for the sake of being with her?

Quote: Windumup

Quote: Big Green

Sounds like you're in denial pretty hard, just leave them alone and move on.

Denial? She literally cried, she doesn't want to break up with me

But she did though. When it comes down to it, she did. She didn't tell her ex no and choose to be with you, she chose her ex. Don't chase someone who is obviously not worth it.
And you've already admitted the idea of a polygamous relationship is solely for her benefit, so it's not going to work out. If you haven't even been on one date with someone, why are you trying so hard for a relationship with them? You don't even know yet if you would be good together in a relationship sense.

Quote: CAV

Really the best I can tell you is to wait a little bit. If she really would prefer to be with you she'll go to you. If she more solidly sticks with him then there's not really a lot you can do and trying to interfere with that is just wrong in a lot of ways.

Quote:

It means I want this type of relationship so that she can be happy with both the people she likes, instead of being both of us being sad as she pursues a toxic lightswitch relationship

And quick question when it comes to the poly thing. Are you naturally into poly relationships or are you merely interested only for the sake of being with her?

So your saying that she should go back to the guy that broke up with her? Your actually promoting their decision to have an on and off relationship?!

I am just into whatever would make her the happiest, if breaking up with me is hurting her (as I said before, she cried when she told me how her ex boyfriend wanted to come back to her as she didn't want to hurt me. But she doesn't want to hurt him at the same time)

Quote: Cynderfan507

Woah, I thought you said it was a bad relationship.
If they wanna be together, leave them alone.

I did say it was a bad relationship, "toxic lightswitch relationship". I don't want him to hurt her again