darkSpyro

Obviously it's better than straight up cheating, but is it still okay?


Discuss.

Yes. I don't really see why it wouldn't be.

'I found someone else' only means they were cheating to begin with.

Think about it, if they weren't cheating then how did they find someone else, hmm?

Quote: Cynderfan507

Quote: thumper

'I found someone else' only means they were cheating to begin with.

Think about it, if they weren't cheating then how did they find someone else, hmm?

Maybe they found themselves falling for somebody else, but didn't act on it, and as their feelings grew stronger, they realized that they couldn't stay with their partner because of how they felt for someone else?
Though, I guess that sort of counts as cheating in your heart, but eh.

If you're with someone you should be faithful to them, yes? Well at least that's my thoughts about it.

Still to say 'I found someone else' is one sick ass excuse to break up with someone.

It depends? If it was an abrupt break, then they were likely cheating on you, meaning it was totally not okay.
If the relationship dragged along a while and your significant other were openly willing to tell you about it upfront, then with some negotiation I believe it is okay. I think it's completely reasonable when whoever suggested the split felt unsafe, abused, or downright uncomfortable which is arguably responsible AND irresponsible on their part.

to add onto that, its not as difficult as it seems to just flat out fall out of love with someone

Fair points. Here's my 2 cents.


Let's just be honest here; modern popular culture condones, and sometimes downright encourages, infidelity. Musings such as "Treat your girl/guy right or someone else will" plague social media. We live in a world where people would rather start anew than address the flaws in their current relationships, a world where people prefer instant gratification over gradual building.

In my own experience, 9 times out of 10, it happens because people aren't sure what they really want, not because they'd legitimately be happier with the other person. To that, I say that if you're not sure what you want, don't make a commitment in the first place.

If your relationship is near perfect and has no major flaws, and someone comes along who just absolutely sweeps you off your feet, then you don't have much of a choice. However, if you find your eyes wandering, knowing good and well that your relationship is sinking, you should try to repair the breaches before abandoning ship.

To be honest its a valid reason, but it has to be executed correctly. I'll probably be bashed for this cause like "oh beavcoon you dingleberry what do you know" but whatever, because if not executed correctly, it makes the other feel real bad about themselves,

Quote: xXBeavcoonXx

To be honest its a valid reason, but it has to be executed correctly. I'll probably be bashed for this cause like "oh beavcoon you dingleberry what do you know" but whatever, because if not executed correctly, it makes the other feel real bad about themselves,

That's an interesting point. Could you go into a bit more detail?

Quote: Cynderfan507

If people don't know what they really want in relationships, instead of getting into committed relationships immediately, they should just try casual dating and find out what kind of people they'd want to be with and whatnot. I feel like people have forgotten what that is, honestly, or just think it's "cheating".

I can't speak for everyone, but I personally take emotional attraction very seriously. For me, there's no "casual dating;" if I date a girl, it's because I've given it careful thought and consideration and I legitimately believe she's the one. And when I say "the one," I mean the one.

Quote: Metallo

Quote: xXBeavcoonXx

To be honest its a valid reason, but it has to be executed correctly. I'll probably be bashed for this cause like "oh beavcoon you dingleberry what do you know" but whatever, because if not executed correctly, it makes the other feel real bad about themselves,

That's an interesting point. Could you go into a bit more detail?

Well I mean I understand that you don't want to date your current partner because you've encountered one you seem more fitting, but its how you do it. I'm mostly going off of my personal experiences,

Firstly, be upfront. It's better to tell them you're leaving them and tell them why instead of just lying and giving a different reason.

Secondly, do it in a friendly manner. Just going straight up with a "I found someone else, goodbye." Won't help the situation whatsoeer, especially if you plan on befriending them later.

Most importantly, time. Think about the one who was just dumped because they're "not good enough." You shouldn't jump directly into another relationship right after. Ho, ho, ho is not good dating advice. Taking other's feelimgs into consideration is important.

Also, make sure you're dating the right people. If they're prone to doing this, it's better off not bothering.

I honestly think that as harsh as it is, it is still a valid excuse. And this is coming from someone who (sadly) gets extremely emotionally attracted to someone for remarkably long periods of time.

It's tough and it's really hard to deal with. It has made me feel like I'm just not good enough for really anybody (seeing how this has happened more than once now). And it's at a point where trying to tell me "don't worry you'll find someone someday" means absolutely nothing especially coming from someone who already found that someone and can easily say things like that when they aren't in the same position...

...But I'd still rather be told straight up that they found someone else than find out on my own that they cheated in the meantime.

If you find yourself feeling more for someone else than the one you're with, tell them. Just please understand why they might have a hard time processing that information or they end up depressed.

EDIT:

Quote: Metallo

If your relationship is near perfect and has no major flaws, and someone comes along who just absolutely sweeps you off your feet, then you don't have much of a choice. However, if you find your eyes wandering, knowing good and well that your relationship is sinking, you should try to repair the breaches before abandoning ship.

True enough but if even after attempts at fixing and salvaging it aren't going anywhere after weeks, months, or even years, I don't think it's unreasonable to maybe put an end to a romantic relationship and just maintain a friendship.

Quote: CAV

It's tough and it's really hard to deal with. It has made me feel like I'm just not good enough for really anybody (seeing how this has happened more than once now). And it's at a point where trying to tell me "don't worry you'll find someone someday" means absolutely nothing especially coming from someone who already found that someone and can easily say things like that when they aren't in the same position...

...But I'd still rather be told straight up that they found someone else than find out on my own that they cheated in the meantime.

If you find yourself feeling more for someone else than the one you're with, tell them. Just please understand why they might have a hard time processing that information or they end up depressed.

EDIT:

Quote: Metallo

If your relationship is near perfect and has no major flaws, and someone comes along who just absolutely sweeps you off your feet, then you don't have much of a choice. However, if you find your eyes wandering, knowing good and well that your relationship is sinking, you should try to repair the breaches before abandoning ship.

True enough but if even after attempts at fixing and salvaging it aren't going anywhere after weeks, months, or even years, I don't think it's unreasonable to maybe put an end to a romantic relationship and just maintain a friendship.

I completely understand your pain. I've been there. 100%.


And that's why I said "try." Obviously, there's a limit. But of course, you know.

Maintaining a friendship, though......Is that really possible?

I've managed to maintain fine friendships with both of my exes. I'd say it's possible.

It may be easier if there isn't too much bad blood or the relationship wasn't very long though.

Quote: CAV

I've managed to maintain fine friendships with both of my exes. I'd say it's possible.

It may be easier if there isn't too much bad blood or the relationship wasn't very long though.

The deeper the water, the harder to surface.....

I can't really speak from experience, since I never wanted anyone more than my ex-girlfriend and she never wanted anyone more than me, but it seems to me that if you're willing to leave someone for someone else then you must not be all that attached to them in the first place. So it's a valid excuse on the grounds that you weren't really all that compatible with each other to begin with.

It's like, I might see a muscular set of arms I like better than my own, and I might see a comfortable pair of pants I like better than my own. The difference is I'm not going to rip off my arms in hopes of surgically reattaching some new ones, while I probably am going to change my pants. So basically, is your relationship like your arms or is it like your pants? If you're in a pants relationship, that's fine, just make sure the other person knows it.

Well would you rather they stay with you and end up cheating on you? By breaking up with you with this excuse they are stopping themselves from cheating and hurting you further.
If they found someone who is more compatible then you will also find someone who is more compatible.

Quote: CAV

I've managed to maintain fine friendships with both of my exes. I'd say it's possible.

It may be easier if there isn't too much bad blood or the relationship wasn't very long though.

That's because you aren't an arsehole
I HATE my other ex for good reason.

Quote: Samius

What do you mean? If that's why someone wants to break up, of course it's a valid reason. Is it the smart and sensible thing to do however? That depends.

Besides, I don't see why anyone should be obligated to stay in a relationship against their will, no matter their reasons. Such a situation is not a basis for a good relationship to begin with.

This is what I meant. Obviously, you can't stop someone from breaking up with you if they want to end it, but the question here is whether it's justified.

Bump because why not?

While this was bumped, decided to also include my point that if someone "found someone else" that they would rather be with then it is for the best. I mean the relationship won't be successful at all anysay if one person isn't fully into it, so honestly what is the point?

I'd rather have someone be honest with me than cheat behind my back. Cheating is worse than this reason for a breakup.

I don't like the word "excuse" for breakups either. It's a reason, not a thing you say so you don't get in trouble with the teacher for why you didn't do your homework.

I think that it's a valid reason (like TheFlyingSeal said, not excuse) for breaking up, but it's a sensible topic, so the one breaking up should take caution with his/her words.

After all, if you stay with someone while you know that someone else would make you happier, why would you stay with the person that doesn't make you that much happy? Obviously there's people that make these decisions without thinking at all, but not all of then.

So, my personal advice (not that I understand much about that) is: Stay with the person that makes you happier, but don't make things in a hurry. That's a serious thing, and you should take the decision with much care.