darkSpyro

And now I can't sleep. ****ing brilliant.

With a completely clear mind now, I'm honestly really disappointed I broke my 6-months-without streak. I was getting all excited about a year coming up

holy ****ing **** why is everyone too old for me

Yes, those were tears of joy. You made me that happy. Thank you.

I feel like I am just a weakling. I can't do the only good thing and end my pitiful existence. I'm too much of a coward. So I keep living every day, feeling as though my existence only taints everything around me and I end up hating myself more.

Man why do I love school so much.

I just found out that a Balisong is indeed legal to own in Pennsylvania. omg I'm so excited. yay me!

nnno nno nooo im nt ready to talkkk ti you pl ease go away youre guiving me a panic attak

theres only two things that break my confidence, and one of those could get tested soon, with someone i dont wont it to happen with.. >.>
- - -
I really don't want a relationship, but part of me still does, really don't know

okay.
that homework.
i have no idea what i was supposed to do on it.
but damn, i could make a really great argument on it, i'd bet im the only on in the class who would bring deep thoughts on politics into their homework assignment.

That had to be the most, or one of the most funniest moments on a call ever, I'm so stupid. It was funny as hell though. That's gonna hurt when I'm trying to sleep tonight, omg. Not a good idea, it all happened so fast.

I'm tired...physically and emotionally. I don't think I suffer from depression, but I go through some nasty waves on occasion. Points where I don't care about anything, even things that I should. It seems that nobody listens to my input, that they complain, they ***** and moan when things don't go right, even though I present them a way out, they choose to ignore it and continue wallowing in self-pity. Then someone adopts my strategy, it gets them out of the mess, and they take credit for it. Honestly, it pisses me off, and I'm reaching a point now where I'm starting to wonder why the **** I bother with anything. It's not just in Internet life either, it's real life as well. I've pretty much isolate myself from everyone, I can't trust anybody save for a very slim few, out of fear of betrayal, because that's what they ALWAYS do. Friends or family mean nothing...in the end, they always betray me either out of greed or because things heated up.

In school, I was mistreated. In work, I, and every other employee in my job, are verbally abused by our employers. It's the only job in the area, so I can't go anywhere else to escape this hell. I try to stay happy, but I'm already a natural pessimist as it is. Dash and Ruby help me, my girlfriend helps me...but they're really all I have anymore. I fear telling my parents anything, because then I'll have to deal with the "special" treatment, forcing them to tread carefully around me, to keep things from me out of fear that I'll be triggered, and that's not what I want. When will this **** ever end? Or at least, for the love of God, calm down enough to make things easier to stomach. I've hardened a lot since I was a kid, you can throw a lot of **** at me and I won't be swayed, but eventually, it'll get to the point where I will collapse underneath the weight of all this stress...then what will happen?

Yeah if you could stop trying to nudge your way into every aspect of my life like some lonely, desperate person, that would be great

thats it
im through

I feel stupid.

You are an intolerable prick who can't take any questions without breaking out in a hissy fit. You are the absolute worst of the worst, the spoiled apple at the bottom of the barrel. You are terrible and awful and you have yet to realize that you are a cock head to me all the time, 24/7.

I might be able to invite my friends over to my house soon, meaning, a lot of people.
And privacy too? I'm excited~

Alright, I'm used to it now. I've found a way to make the best of it. I guess I have more time for myself, I'm trying to be positive here. More time to practice. Yet it's ironic how I never get anything done. I guess it's better than having someone tell you what to do all the time, I kinda feel independent. My brother isn't mean to me most of the time, so that's great. Yes, we do have arguments and quarrels every now and then but it's fine. I guess I pretty much adapted to being by myself by now. I have friends, so I talk to them in the school hours so I'm not completely alone. There's always the weekends, when anyone wants to bother with me, that is. No wonder why my mom encourages me to do all that, it's so I have something to do...or else I'd be talking to the same two or three people the whole day. Nothing like summer at all. Honestly, I miss last year. I miss it. My life was so much better, I actually did ****, and you actually got of your ass and did too. It's all different now...

That was good. It's funny how I come up with great sarcastic and witty things to say, but I can't say them. I'm guaranteed to get in huge trouble if I ever did say anything that comes to mind when I'm arguing with you. It does feel relieving to imagine what I really wanna say to you, though. You'd have no idea...