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darkSpyro - Spyro and Skylanders Forum > Stuff and Nonsense > "Friend zone."
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"Friend zone." [CLOSED]
Metallo Platinum Sparx Gems: 6419
#1 Posted: 02:43:06 23/06/2015 | Topic Creator
I know and understand that being nice to someone does not entitle you to a relationship with them.


That being said, it burns like Hell when you pour every ounce of your being into them and they choose someone who would never do the same. Nothing can dull that kind of pain.


So please, the next time someone uses the term, try not to turn into a huge social justice warrior and make them feel even worse.
StriderSwag Gold Sparx Gems: 2769
#2 Posted: 02:48:44 23/06/2015
1. I sincerely hope you're joking...
2. Why is this here twice?
3. Or, you can pour your heart and soul into being a friend instead of hoping that being nice will get you some.
somePerson Diamond Sparx Gems: 9574
#3 Posted: 02:54:51 23/06/2015
Choose your poison.
---
Star Wars didn't happen, but it's a rad movie.
Mrmorrises Platinum Sparx Gems: 7158
#4 Posted: 02:58:41 23/06/2015
Quote: StriderSwag
1. I sincerely hope you're joking...
2. Why is this here twice?
3. Or, you can pour your heart and soul into being a friend instead of hoping that being nice will get you some.



Why? What's so absurd about what he's saying?
StriderSwag Gold Sparx Gems: 2769
#5 Posted: 03:17:28 23/06/2015
Quote: Mrmorrises
Quote: StriderSwag
1. I sincerely hope you're joking...
2. Why is this here twice?
3. Or, you can pour your heart and soul into being a friend instead of hoping that being nice will get you some.



Why? What's so absurd about what he's saying?


"The friend zone" is utter bull****???
It was literally created as an excuse to blame someone else for you not being in a relationship.

I understand that he said he believes that he's not entitled to a relationship, but its the concept of the thing. It's the PARTNER'S choice. Even if he did "pour every ounce of his being" into them, that doesn't mean he can't still do that as a loyal friend.
xXBeavcoonXx Gold Sparx Gems: 2648
#6 Posted: 03:23:01 23/06/2015
Quote: Metallo
I know and understand that being nice to someone does not entitle you to a relationship with them.


That being said, it burns like Hell when you pour every ounce of your being into them and they choose someone who would never do the same. Nothing can dull that kind of pain.


So please, the next time someone uses the term, try not to turn into a huge social justice warrior and make them feel even worse.



Oh man do I know what you mean
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now its time to get funky
Dragons-go-hrr Platinum Sparx Gems: 6991
#7 Posted: 03:58:43 23/06/2015
Yeah man, what could be worse than spending so much time with someone you care about only to find they don't see your relationship in the same way you do?

I mean, aside from finding out that your close friend only saw your entire friendship as a means to a romantic relationship of course. :|
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"Was it a hot ghost?"
Iceclaw Hunter Gems: 10734
#8 Posted: 04:16:20 23/06/2015
Quote: Dragons-go-hrr
Yeah man, what could be worse than spending so much time with someone you care about only to find they don't see your relationship in the same way you do?

I mean, aside from finding out that your close friend only saw your entire friendship as a means to a romantic relationship of course. smilie



Agreed seriously.
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Twinkies and 2hus
Mrmorrises Platinum Sparx Gems: 7158
#9 Posted: 05:01:12 23/06/2015
Quote: Dragons-go-hrr
Yeah man, what could be worse than spending so much time with someone you care about only to find they don't see your relationship in the same way you do?

I mean, aside from finding out that your close friend only saw your entire friendship as a means to a romantic relationship of course. smilie



I think he's assuming that this is someone you've been friends with for some time and have started to develop an attraction to (because that does happen).

He's not talking about someone who goes around making friends based on the desire to **** them, though that does happen as well, mostly with horny high school freshman.
Darby Platinum Sparx Gems: 5750
#10 Posted: 05:57:57 23/06/2015
Feeling frustrated when someone doesn't return your feelings is one thing.
Friend zone, however, is when the person is putting all this kindness into another person with the intent of getting them to date them, then acting like they wasted time because they didn't get what they feel they deserve in return (a relationship/sex). Basically, using them and you can't get what you wanted. This is what people generally mean by friend zone.
I absolutely understand the frustration of loving someone and having those feelings be unrequited, but no amount of time you spend on someone makes them obligated to feel a certain way about you, and that doesn't make them a bad person.

Quote: Dragons-go-hrr
Yeah man, what could be worse than spending so much time with someone you care about only to find they don't see your relationship in the same way you do?

I mean, aside from finding out that your close friend only saw your entire friendship as a means to a romantic relationship of course. smilie

Quote: StriderSwag
3. Or, you can pour your heart and soul into being a friend instead of hoping that being nice will get you some.


Basically these.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 05:59:21 23/06/2015 by Darby
C1nder Prismatic Sparx Gems: 10928
#11 Posted: 06:47:09 23/06/2015
Quote: Darby
Feeling frustrated when someone doesn't return your feelings is one thing.
Friend zone, however, is when the person is putting all this kindness into another person with the intent of getting them to date them, then acting like they wasted time because they didn't get what they feel they deserve in return (a relationship/sex). Basically, using them and you can't get what you wanted. This is what people generally mean by friend zone.
I absolutely understand the frustration of loving someone and having those feelings be unrequited, but no amount of time you spend on someone makes them obligated to feel a certain way about you, and that doesn't make them a bad person.

Quote: Dragons-go-hrr
Yeah man, what could be worse than spending so much time with someone you care about only to find they don't see your relationship in the same way you do?

I mean, aside from finding out that your close friend only saw your entire friendship as a means to a romantic relationship of course. :|

Quote: StriderSwag
3. Or, you can pour your heart and soul into being a friend instead of hoping that being nice will get you some.


Basically these.



I agree
Samius Hunter Gems: 9573
#12 Posted: 06:50:52 23/06/2015
Boy, do I have a wall of text for you guys. It's not about the "friend zone" though, I already did that on the last topic where the subject was present (on this topic, to be exact). It isn't what this topic is about anyway.

I'm at work right now though, so I'll have to get back on that later. I hope this topic is still up when I get home.
DarkCynder_543 Platinum Sparx Gems: 5350
#13 Posted: 07:45:18 23/06/2015
Quote: Darby
Feeling frustrated when someone doesn't return your feelings is one thing.
Friend zone, however, is when the person is putting all this kindness into another person with the intent of getting them to date them, then acting like they wasted time because they didn't get what they feel they deserve in return (a relationship/sex). Basically, using them and you can't get what you wanted. This is what people generally mean by friend zone.
I absolutely understand the frustration of loving someone and having those feelings be unrequited, but no amount of time you spend on someone makes them obligated to feel a certain way about you, and that doesn't make them a bad person.

Quote: Dragons-go-hrr
Yeah man, what could be worse than spending so much time with someone you care about only to find they don't see your relationship in the same way you do?

I mean, aside from finding out that your close friend only saw your entire friendship as a means to a romantic relationship of course. :|

Quote: StriderSwag
3. Or, you can pour your heart and soul into being a friend instead of hoping that being nice will get you some.


Basically these.


agreed.
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a true saiyan always sprinkles when he tinkles
Lunarz Emerald Sparx Gems: 3498
#14 Posted: 08:36:41 23/06/2015
Quote: DarkCynder_543
Quote: Darby
Feeling frustrated when someone doesn't return your feelings is one thing.
Friend zone, however, is when the person is putting all this kindness into another person with the intent of getting them to date them, then acting like they wasted time because they didn't get what they feel they deserve in return (a relationship/sex). Basically, using them and you can't get what you wanted. This is what people generally mean by friend zone.
I absolutely understand the frustration of loving someone and having those feelings be unrequited, but no amount of time you spend on someone makes them obligated to feel a certain way about you, and that doesn't make them a bad person.

Quote: Dragons-go-hrr
Yeah man, what could be worse than spending so much time with someone you care about only to find they don't see your relationship in the same way you do?

I mean, aside from finding out that your close friend only saw your entire friendship as a means to a romantic relationship of course. smilie

Quote: StriderSwag
3. Or, you can pour your heart and soul into being a friend instead of hoping that being nice will get you some.


Basically these.


agreed.


agreedo
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Lanky Kong saved me despite having no style nor grace.
BigBoom Emerald Sparx Gems: 3262
#15 Posted: 10:04:39 23/06/2015
Maybe it's just me, but if someone said to me "I only like you as a friend" I would cherish that friendship rather than act angsty and treat them like a waste of time because I loved that person for who they are, not their 20lb booty package.

People aren't objects to me.
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this user has died. written on a note was their darkspyro login. they say hello from beyond the grave.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 10:05:31 23/06/2015 by BigBoom
Samius Hunter Gems: 9573
#16 Posted: 10:37:49 23/06/2015
Quote: BigBoom
Maybe it's just me, but if someone said to me "I only like you as a friend" I would cherish that friendship rather than act angsty and treat them like a waste of time because I loved that person for who they are, not their 20lb booty package.

People aren't objects to me.


Relationships are not just about sex. You can't assume that a guy who likes a girl just wants to get laid. Even if he did want sex he could still respect the girl and treat her as a person instead of an object.
BigBoom Emerald Sparx Gems: 3262
#17 Posted: 12:18:11 23/06/2015
Quote: Samius
Quote: BigBoom
Maybe it's just me, but if someone said to me "I only like you as a friend" I would cherish that friendship rather than act angsty and treat them like a waste of time because I loved that person for who they are, not their 20lb booty package.

People aren't objects to me.


Relationships are not just about sex. You can't assume that a guy who likes a girl just wants to get laid. Even if he did want sex he could still respect the girl and treat her as a person instead of an object.


I know relationships are not just about sex. I was just saying that, in terms of people who do treat others like objects (not referring to anyone specifically), it's not really love if you're just going to self-destruct about it and destroy your relationship that you should instead cherish.

Essentially, I was just contrasting my opinion on the whole "friend-zone" thing. Of course there are loads of people madly and truthfully in love with someone who doesn't notice or keeps them as a good friend, but keep their relationship intact instead of blowing it up into something completely unnecessary and desperate.
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this user has died. written on a note was their darkspyro login. they say hello from beyond the grave.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 12:20:26 23/06/2015 by BigBoom
spyrolvr96 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1214
#18 Posted: 12:34:05 23/06/2015
Quote: Metallo
That being said, it burns like Hell when you pour every ounce of your being into them and they choose someone who would never do the same.


Well, that's pretentious.
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The thing I never really wrapped my brain around until now was in order to be remembered, in order to leave something significant behind, you have to leave
Samius Hunter Gems: 9573
#19 Posted: 13:29:49 23/06/2015
Quote: BigBoom
Quote: Samius
Quote: BigBoom
Maybe it's just me, but if someone said to me "I only like you as a friend" I would cherish that friendship rather than act angsty and treat them like a waste of time because I loved that person for who they are, not their 20lb booty package.

People aren't objects to me.


Relationships are not just about sex. You can't assume that a guy who likes a girl just wants to get laid. Even if he did want sex he could still respect the girl and treat her as a person instead of an object.


I know relationships are not just about sex. I was just saying that, in terms of people who do treat others like objects (not referring to anyone specifically), it's not really love if you're just going to self-destruct about it and destroy your relationship that you should instead cherish.

Essentially, I was just contrasting my opinion on the whole "friend-zone" thing. Of course there are loads of people madly and truthfully in love with someone who doesn't notice or keeps them as a good friend, but keep their relationship intact instead of blowing it up into something completely unnecessary and desperate.


Okay, I was just wondering if you were referring to Metallo there.

But yeah, we can't really define what love is supposed to be from people's reactions. We all have different reasons to act in any given manner, a similar state of mind doesn't mean that we always arrive to the same conclusion.

I'm writing a long post at the moment, by the way. I might not reply right away.
Philomena Blue Sparx Gems: 959
#20 Posted: 13:52:59 23/06/2015
Meh, just ensure you're both in the same place in the relationship as much as possible. If you feel like there's an emotional investment and the other person doesn't, it might mean you need to start looking elsewhere or that things are developing more slowly for them. Try not to get your hopes up, but if you do, talk to the other person about your relationship. It's really easier to be let down before someone else comes along.
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Don't worry, I'm a qualified Reactor Operator. I can handle this situation.
Mesuxelf Ripto Gems: 3666
#21 Posted: 14:14:35 23/06/2015
Quote: StriderSwag
Quote: Mrmorrises
Quote: StriderSwag
1. I sincerely hope you're joking...
2. Why is this here twice?
3. Or, you can pour your heart and soul into being a friend instead of hoping that being nice will get you some.



Why? What's so absurd about what he's saying?


"The friend zone" is utter bull****???
It was literally created as an excuse to blame someone else for you not being in a relationship.

I understand that he said he believes that he's not entitled to a relationship, but its the concept of the thing. It's the PARTNER'S choice. Even if he did "pour every ounce of his being" into them, that doesn't mean he can't still do that as a loyal friend.



It was literally created as a term for when you have a crush on your friend and they don't feel the same way.
sonicbrawler182 Platinum Sparx Gems: 7105
#22 Posted: 14:32:44 23/06/2015
So I know the high brow answer here is to say "friend zone is an abstract human concept that doesn't exist or mean anything", but so are a lot of things in human society, even parts we consider essential or parts we personally hold dear, so I'm not gonna give you that answer, as quite frankly, it's useless. Most people are already aware of this fact.

The friend zone is something you aren't right or wrong for feeling you are in, and I wish people would realise that. Saying "I got friend zoned" is merely a way of expressing the nature in which you were rejected by the person you loved. It's like the term "dumped" in concept, but it has a different meaning and merely describes a different kind of romantic rejection. It's easier to say "I was friend zoned" than it is to say "I poured my heart and soul into the person I loved as I really thought there was something special between us, but they didn't seem to share the feeling and think I'm just another friend, and now I feel upset". Really, it's just a quick phrase to describe how one feels about their rejection, like "dumped", "cheated", "blown off", etc.

In terms of the feelings being in the friend zone might encompass and whether or not they're OK, well it depends on the circumstances. If you had a little high school crush on a classmate you only knew for like 3 weeks or something and you feel really bitter over being friend zoned by them, then that's honestly just really petty, because at that point, there really isn't an argument you can make to say you are better than any other person for the person you like. However, if this is a case of you genuinely having known this person for a long time and you have genuinely done a lot of them, then yeah, it's OK to feel bitter. Maybe not to outwardly force those feelings onto the person who friend zoned you or try to get in the way of their happiness, but if you just feel bitter inside and want to vent that with friends, that's fine. Because, being honest here, I've had people come to me about their love problems more than I should be able to claim, and people being friend zoned is a common theme I have brought up to me. Sometimes, it's not really justified and this person was just overly desperate for a romantic partner because they were lonely or whatever. However, I have also seen plenty of instances where someone is friend zoned despite basically already serving as a figurative lover to a person, sometimes because the person they were friend zoned by directly demanded their attention in this manner, and honestly, even as an outsider, my reaction upon hearing these instances is literally just:

[User Posted Image]

Because honestly, there is a point where you're just being unreasonable. If you are constantly coming to someone for support and calling them all of these flattering terms and acting like your life wouldn't be the same without them, and you have all these special and unique experiences with them, and then you try to claim "we're just friends/best friends", then all I have to say to you is stop lying to yourself and to the person you share this special bond with. Because there is a line that can be crossed. A point where your relationship with someone transcends mere friendship. Friends come and go, but there are some people who you have an unbreakable bond/natural compatibility with. It may not always be a romantic one, but if the other person interprets it as such, then they are probably right. And to just reject that person without a second thought, or to go off with the first "Prince Charming"/"Megan Fox" who walks into your life and go out with them in a few weeks or months, is both harmful to the person who really loves you, and harmful to yourself.

So no, it is not always wrong to feel "he/she friend zoned me". It can be a very valid feeling. And if you do friend zone someone who really didn't deserve it, you should feel bad.

I say all of this as someone who has been friend zoned, as someone who has put someone in the friend zone without good reason (and I feel horrible about it now), and as someone who has people come to him about how they were friend zoned, sometimes valid and sometimes not valid.
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"My memories will be part of the sky."
Rendar Platinum Sparx Gems: 7201
#23 Posted: 15:06:59 23/06/2015

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Darby Platinum Sparx Gems: 5750
#24 Posted: 15:16:50 23/06/2015
Quote: sonicbrawler182
So no, it is not always wrong to feel "he/she friend zoned me". It can be a very valid feeling. And if you do friend zone someone who really didn't deserve it, you should feel bad.

Hmm. I want to comment on this bit in particular.
If you simply don't reciprocate someone's romantic feelings for you and they misunderstood your kindness, no you absolutely should not feel bad. That's not something that can be helped and you're not at fault.
But if you actively led them on knowing their feelings for you and left it ambiguous, then yeah you definitely should feel bad, because at that point you're just messing with them and using them.
It seems like there's so many slightly varying definitions of friendzone???
I've always seen it as someone being bitter they "wasted their time" on someone because they view the entire relationship as a means to a romantic relationship (like dragons-go-hrr said) and misunderstood the other person's friendly attention, and that's why I dislike the term.
sonicbrawler182 Platinum Sparx Gems: 7105
#25 Posted: 15:56:27 23/06/2015
I basically only look at friend zone as a term relevant to a scenario in which there genuinely is something really special between two people.

Obviously there are cases where people just misinterpret the relationship and experiences they have with another as romantic when it really isn't. If someone rejects you there, I don't really consider that friend zoning, or at least, it's a petty version of it.

However, the opposite can also happen. Sometimes people view their relationship with someone as "friendship", when it really isn't. As I said, there is a point where a relationship between two people transcends friendship, whether we want to accept that or not. I'm not saying this means you have to marry that person or anything, or even officially date them right there and then, but what it does mean is that you shouldn't think of them as just a friend who is pleasant to be around, and start thinking about the bigger picture - give them that consideration that they have given you. Start doing huge favours for them. Start upping the intensity of the conversations you have with them (talk about deeper topics that maybe you don't discuss with anyone else). If they ask to go to prom with you or something, accept it (it's not like it's a commitment or anything - it just gives you one night to really spend quality time with the person and get to know them on a deeper level). At the VERY least, never let go of this person. If you must go off dating with others, remain strong friends with this person. Keep them in your life. And make sure they know how much you appreciate them. Maybe if all of these other attempts at romantic relationships don't work out, you might be able to better focus on spending time with this "friend" of yours and realise they are so much more.

All too often do people just think they know all they need to know about a person and use that as a scapegoat to avoid going a bit deeper, because romance is scary. People are afraid of walking into possible drama, or things not working out and "losing a friend if things don't go well". These are all valid concerns. However, that doesn't make friend zoning a good option. It's safe for you, but you will deeply hurt someone else. Succumbing to fear and letting it dictate you like that, is not a way to live your life, and will eventually leave you with nothing but guilt and regret.

I only friend zoned someone once, so it didn't kill me entirely - but I feel terrible about it when I think about it. It was a bad move on my part, and I was stupid for not being more responsive to this person. I was in the wrong. And if anyone else genuinely friend zoned someone too, they deserve to feel bad, and should learn from their mistake. It's not something anyone has a place being self-righteous about.

I don't expect anyone to understand what I mean unless they have been "the friend zoner" and realise that and what was wrong with what they did, though.
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"My memories will be part of the sky."
sonicbrawler182 Platinum Sparx Gems: 7105
#26 Posted: 16:12:53 23/06/2015
Quote: Big Green
i bet rosalina friendzoned sonicbrawler



Dude, there's a time and a place for that kind of thing. It's not here, though.
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"My memories will be part of the sky."
Samius Hunter Gems: 9573
#27 Posted: 16:13:10 23/06/2015
Okay, so about dealing with rejection.. I'd like to tell you a little story. I have some insight on this subject because I once had to reject a girl who was very much in love with me, and also happened to be a close friend of mine. The whole incident thought me much about dealing with emotions, and it should provide a different kind of a perspective to this topic as well.

Before all of this happened I had already known this girl for about two years. We were close friends, and I pretty much already knew that she thought of me as more than just a friend. From my perspective it was pretty evident too, and back then I didn't have a problem with it. I kinda liked her too, but we had a massive age gap and I specifically did not want a relationship anyway. She was young, naive and didn't have any prior experience with any sorts of relationships whatsoever. I'm not sure if she was even aware of all the possible ways of everything going wrong.
Eventually she admitted that she had had a crush on me, and that it had now grown into something more than that. She talked about dreaming of me in her sleep, imagining herself with me wherever she went, etc. It was gut-wrenching to hear all that, especially since I already knew what my answer to her would have to be.

I rejected her as softly as possible because I knew she would be very disappointed. I told her that while I did like her too I'd still rather just be friends.
I put most of it on the fact that I simply didn't want a relationship (I always want to be free to do my own thing and thus I'm really bad at commitments), but her young age was a huge factor too, as you might imagine. I took my time to explain her that it wasn't her fault, and that I did care about her as a person still. The whole "friend zone speech", almost word to word.

For someone so young and inexperienced, she took it like an absolute champ. I could tell that she struggled a lot with the news, but even though she didn't like my answer, she eventually settled with it and proposed that we'd still remain close friends, as she didn't want to lose me entirely. That's where everything went dark, because in my good will, I agreed.

Now, when you really think about that situation you'll see that it's -despite both our meanings- not a very good thing to get her into. She had just been rejected by someone she loved a lot. What she really wanted was a loving boyfriend, instead she got a friend who she loved but couldn't get anywhere with. What I wanted was a drama-free bond with a friend, instead I now had a mildly-depressed girl who was madly in love with me and had nowhere to go. Neither of us got what we were looking for, and the compromise was bound to turn to **** from the start.

Ahead of us was a long period of mixed feelings, sorrow, anger, stress, depression (on her side), irritation and annoyance (on my side), a lot of white lies and just general all-around confusion. A lot can change in a couple of years and at one point we even agreed that we could let something happen between us if it came to that, then suddenly we were strictly "just friends" again.

Currently she is in the process of completely moving on, and has already let go of her dreams of ever being in a relationship with me. We are still friends, though we rarely talk. All in all it's a happy ending but getting there was painful. I had to literally wait for her to grow up until those old memories didn't hurt her as much as they did before. I grew up a lot during that time as well.
To this day I'm still cautious whenever I chat with her/meet her. I'm not sure if all of this could've been avoided had we separated ourselves from each other, but I honestly feel that even completely cutting contact with her would've been significantly easier for both of us. Even she agrees with me.

So yeah, of course it always depends on the situation, but sometimes caring can cause harm. That said, there is not a whole lot of good that I've ever done in this life by making judgements based on emotion, so my personal preference is to solve these problems using logic.

If you ever struggle with rejection, do your best to move on. Cut ties if you have to, be sad if you want to, just don't get stuck in a rut or you'll stagnate. It's one of the worst things you can do for yourself, and no one person is ever worth that.
StriderSwag Gold Sparx Gems: 2769
#28 Posted: 16:23:33 23/06/2015
Quote: sonicbrawler182

So no, it is not always wrong to feel "he/she friend zoned me". It can be a very valid feeling. And if you do friend zone someone who really didn't deserve it, you should feel bad.


I'm just going to point this out as a big no-no, because if you don't feel attracted to them, you don't owe them any feelings. Just because someone crushes hard on you, doesn't mean you should have forced feelings for them, especially if they treat you like **** after you reject them.

You shouldn't owe them ANYTHING, and you shouldn't feel bad about not liking them in return.

Quote: sonicbrawler182
Quote: Big Green
i bet rosalina friendzoned sonicbrawler



Dude, there's a time and a place for that kind of thing. It's not here, though.


Honestly, I agree. This debate doesn't need to be derailed.
arceustheprime Ripto Gems: 5362
#29 Posted: 16:25:27 23/06/2015
Quote: sonicbrawler182
wall of text

duuuude
edit: thanks striderswag
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 16:27:06 23/06/2015 by arceustheprime
sonicbrawler182 Platinum Sparx Gems: 7105
#30 Posted: 16:26:01 23/06/2015
Quote:
I'm just going to point this out as a big no-no, because if you don't feel attracted to them, you don't owe them any feelings. Just because someone crushes hard on you, doesn't mean you should have forced feelings for them, especially if they treat you like **** after you reject them.


At what point did I say "feel bad" = "go out with them"?

Again, I don't expect anyone to understand unless they've been the friend zoner. And I'm not talking about turning down some random person who knew you for 3 weeks, or a person you didn't have an especially deep connection with. I mean something more legitimate.

For better context, I more or less agree with what Samius said.
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"My memories will be part of the sky."
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 16:26:52 23/06/2015 by sonicbrawler182
Darby Platinum Sparx Gems: 5750
#31 Posted: 16:35:24 23/06/2015
Quote: StriderSwag
Just because someone crushes hard on you, doesn't mean you should have forced feelings for them, especially if they treat you like **** after you reject them.

Ugh. I have a relevant story about this guy I know. I was 17/18, he was 20/21. Always would be at my one friend's parties (guess he can't get friends his own age so he's gotta hang out with high schoolers), so I got to friendly terms with him. The more I talked to him, the less comfortable I got. SUPER overly friendly. Eventually he asked me out and I very kindly told him I wasn't interested. It was like a switch flipped and he got really short, bitter, and just turned into this asshole and would make passive-aggressive, bitter facebook statuses. The next week I discover he's deleted me off facebook. Just yesterday I got a friend request from him again, which is hilarious.

It's very obvious when you're putting on a facade to get laid, don't do it, you just look silly.
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 16:36:21 23/06/2015 by Darby
spyrolvr96 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1214
#32 Posted: 16:37:01 23/06/2015
sonicbrawler, you seem to have a romanticized, black-and-white view of these relationships that doesn't take into account that there can be very valid reasons for the friend-zoner to not want to take the relationship past the point it is currently at.

You act like friend-zoning is inherently a bad thing, which it is not.
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The thing I never really wrapped my brain around until now was in order to be remembered, in order to leave something significant behind, you have to leave
StriderSwag Gold Sparx Gems: 2769
#33 Posted: 16:39:22 23/06/2015
Quote: sonicbrawler182
Quote:
I'm just going to point this out as a big no-no, because if you don't feel attracted to them, you don't owe them any feelings. Just because someone crushes hard on you, doesn't mean you should have forced feelings for them, especially if they treat you like **** after you reject them.


At what point did I say "feel bad" = "go out with them"?

Again, I don't expect anyone to understand unless they've been the friend zoner. And I'm not talking about turning down some random person who knew you for 3 weeks, or a person you didn't have an especially deep connection with. I mean something more legitimate.

For better context, I more or less agree with what Samius said.


Perhaps I just misunderstood, but you did say "And if you do friend zone someone who really didn't deserve it, you should feel bad."
It doesn't matter if they deserved it or not. It doesn't matter if they're someone you've known for a day or someone you've known all your life. It's YOUR choice. You aren't entitled to feel bad, just because someone digs you and you turn them down.

No, I do understand. I've been the "friend-zoner" twice in my life, with two people I care about very deeply. I suggested we stay close friends to both of them. Guess what? We stayed great friends, and I still don't feel any attraction to either of them.

Quote: arceustheprime
Quote: sonicbrawler182
wall of text

duuuude
edit: thanks striderswag


What did I do?

Quote: Darby
Quote: StriderSwag
Just because someone crushes hard on you, doesn't mean you should have forced feelings for them, especially if they treat you like **** after you reject them.

Ugh. I have a relevant story about this guy I know. I was 17/18, he was 20/21. Always would be at my one friend's parties (guess he can't get friends his own age so he's gotta hang out with high schoolers), so I got to friendly terms with him. The more I talked to him, the less comfortable I got. SUPER overly friendly. Eventually he asked me out and I very kindly told him I wasn't interested. It was like a switch flipped and he got really short, bitter, and just turned into this asshole and would make passive-aggressive, bitter facebook statuses. The next week I discover he's deleted me off facebook. Just yesterday I got a friend request from him again, which is hilarious.

It's very obvious when you're putting on a facade to get laid, don't do it, you just look silly.


What an asshat. People like that are really scum, I'm glad you weren't interested.

And that last part is completely true, for all genders, you just look like a tool when you try to do that.
AvatariDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 6254
#34 Posted: 16:56:38 23/06/2015
Quote: StriderSwag
I'm just going to point this out as a big no-no, because if you don't feel attracted to them, you don't owe them any feelings. Just because someone crushes hard on you, doesn't mean you should have forced feelings for them, especially if they treat you like **** after you reject them.

You shouldn't owe them ANYTHING, and you shouldn't feel bad about not liking them in return.


This. This so much.
Philomena Blue Sparx Gems: 959
#35 Posted: 17:20:32 23/06/2015
Different people want different things out of romantic relationships. There are so many ways to want that "love" feeling to come about, so knowing what you want versus what the other person wants could help you to figure out why you're in different places in your relationship.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles

There's a fairly short quiz you and your romantic interest could take in order to figure out what style you're at.
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Don't worry, I'm a qualified Reactor Operator. I can handle this situation.
sonicbrawler182 Platinum Sparx Gems: 7105
#36 Posted: 17:30:35 23/06/2015
Quote: spyrolvr96
sonicbrawler, you seem to have a romanticized, black-and-white view of these relationships that doesn't take into account that there can be very valid reasons for the friend-zoner to not want to take the relationship past the point it is currently at.

You act like friend-zoning is inherently a bad thing, which it is not.



I never said that. Re-read my post, and I actually did point out some valid reasons as to why you might friend zone someone.

Once again, I think people will only have a chance at understanding of what I mean if they have been the (legitimate) friend zoner.

Quote:
Perhaps I just misunderstood, but you did say "And if you do friend zone someone who really didn't deserve it, you should feel bad."


Yeah, I did say that, but you're blowing what I said out of proportion or twisting it to mean something unrelated.
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"My memories will be part of the sky."
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 17:32:01 23/06/2015 by sonicbrawler182
spyrolvr96 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1214
#37 Posted: 18:02:12 23/06/2015
Quote: sonicbrawler182
I never said that. Re-read my post, and I actually did point out some valid reasons as to why you might friend zone someone.

Once again, I think people will only have a chance at understanding of what I mean if they have been the (legitimate) friend zoner.


Yes, you did bring up some valid reasons. But then you turn around and immediately say:

Quote: sonicbrawler182
These are all valid concerns. However, that doesn't make friend zoning a good option.


And later:

Quote: sonicbrawler182
And if anyone else genuinely friend zoned someone too, they deserve to feel bad.


You lambast it and never once paint it in a good light where it is the best option.
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The thing I never really wrapped my brain around until now was in order to be remembered, in order to leave something significant behind, you have to leave
sonicbrawler182 Platinum Sparx Gems: 7105
#38 Posted: 18:44:40 23/06/2015
Quote: spyrolvr96
Quote: sonicbrawler182
I never said that. Re-read my post, and I actually did point out some valid reasons as to why you might friend zone someone.

Once again, I think people will only have a chance at understanding of what I mean if they have been the (legitimate) friend zoner.


Yes, you did bring up some valid reasons. But then you turn around and immediately say:

Quote: sonicbrawler182
These are all valid concerns. However, that doesn't make friend zoning a good option.


And later:

Quote: sonicbrawler182
And if anyone else genuinely friend zoned someone too, they deserve to feel bad.


You lambast it and never once paint it in a good light where it is the best option.



I think something may have been lost along the way here.

When I say "you should feel bad if you friend zoned someone without much genuine consideration" (I said something to that effect earlier in the topic), I mean literally JUST friend zoning someone. Like, acting as if they never had those feelings and not doing anything for them.

For example, what Samius did is OK because he felt bad for the person, acknowledged the person's feelings, and actively tried to help them out.

However, if you just get on your high horse and say "OH WELL I DON'T OWE THIS PERSON WHO TRULY CARES ABOUT ME ANYTHING AT ALL IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'VE DONE ANYTHING FOR ME", then you're a bad friend, and if you can't even acknowledge that mistake while you're making it, you're also a borderline sociopath.

In my case, I made the mistake of not helping this girl deal with her feelings for me (she never straight up confessed though, so it was more difficult). I felt bad as soon as I realised she loved me, but I didn't know what to do, so I avoided her and turned her down when she asked me to go to her debs. I was basically trying to save myself drama. However, that was very wrong of me and I feel bad for it, because I gave her no closure.

So once again, JUST friend zoning someone is never the right thing to do if they are someone close to you. You should do everything in your power to help them out. That includes doing stuff that might be a little romantic, like going to prom with them, as you can only benefit from doing so.
---
"My memories will be part of the sky."
Metallo Platinum Sparx Gems: 6419
#39 Posted: 18:47:24 23/06/2015 | Topic Creator
Quote: BigBoom
Maybe it's just me, but if someone said to me "I only like you as a friend" I would cherish that friendship rather than act angsty and treat them like a waste of time because I loved that person for who they are, not their 20lb booty package.

People aren't objects to me.


This has nothing to do with sex. At all.
Metallo Platinum Sparx Gems: 6419
#40 Posted: 18:49:39 23/06/2015 | Topic Creator
When someone says they've been friendzined, they're not being contemptuous or spiteful towards the person of their affection. They're just heartbroken. That's all there is to it.


Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
spyrolvr96 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1214
#41 Posted: 19:27:00 23/06/2015
Quote: sonicbrawler182
I think something may have been lost along the way here.

When I say "you should feel bad if you friend zoned someone without much genuine consideration" (I said something to that effect earlier in the topic), I mean literally JUST friend zoning someone. Like, acting as if they never had those feelings and not doing anything for them.

For example, what Samius did is OK because he felt bad for the person, acknowledged the person's feelings, and actively tried to help them out.

However, if you just get on your high horse and say "OH WELL I DON'T OWE THIS PERSON WHO TRULY CARES ABOUT ME ANYTHING AT ALL IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'VE DONE ANYTHING FOR ME", then you're a bad friend, and if you can't even acknowledge that mistake while you're making it, you're also a borderline sociopath.

In my case, I made the mistake of not helping this girl deal with her feelings for me (she never straight up confessed though, so it was more difficult). I felt bad as soon as I realised she loved me, but I didn't know what to do, so I avoided her and turned her down when she asked me to go to her debs. I was basically trying to save myself drama. However, that was very wrong of me and I feel bad for it, because I gave her no closure.

So once again, JUST friend zoning someone is never the right thing to do if they are someone close to you. You should do everything in your power to help them out. That includes doing stuff that might be a little romantic, like going to prom with them, as you can only benefit from doing so.


All right, I see where you're coming from now. Being cruel about it.

I do, however, disagree with your last sentence. That is a terrible thing to do. Tell them you aren't interested in them romantically, and then dangle romantic things in front of them that they could have had if the relationship had worked out? That is the borderline sociopathic thing to do. It's not giving closure- it's almost the exact opposite. They can never get over it if you keep giving them small tastes, keep giving them hope in the back of their minds.
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The thing I never really wrapped my brain around until now was in order to be remembered, in order to leave something significant behind, you have to leave
sonicbrawler182 Platinum Sparx Gems: 7105
#42 Posted: 19:29:54 23/06/2015
Quote: spyrolvr96
Quote: sonicbrawler182
I think something may have been lost along the way here.

When I say "you should feel bad if you friend zoned someone without much genuine consideration" (I said something to that effect earlier in the topic), I mean literally JUST friend zoning someone. Like, acting as if they never had those feelings and not doing anything for them.

For example, what Samius did is OK because he felt bad for the person, acknowledged the person's feelings, and actively tried to help them out.

However, if you just get on your high horse and say "OH WELL I DON'T OWE THIS PERSON WHO TRULY CARES ABOUT ME ANYTHING AT ALL IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'VE DONE ANYTHING FOR ME", then you're a bad friend, and if you can't even acknowledge that mistake while you're making it, you're also a borderline sociopath.

In my case, I made the mistake of not helping this girl deal with her feelings for me (she never straight up confessed though, so it was more difficult). I felt bad as soon as I realised she loved me, but I didn't know what to do, so I avoided her and turned her down when she asked me to go to her debs. I was basically trying to save myself drama. However, that was very wrong of me and I feel bad for it, because I gave her no closure.

So once again, JUST friend zoning someone is never the right thing to do if they are someone close to you. You should do everything in your power to help them out. That includes doing stuff that might be a little romantic, like going to prom with them, as you can only benefit from doing so.


All right, I see where you're coming from now. Being cruel about it.

I do, however, disagree with your last sentence. That is a terrible thing to do. Tell them you aren't interested in them romantically, and then dangle romantic things in front of them that they could have had if the relationship had worked out? That is the borderline sociopathic thing to do. It's not giving closure- it's almost the exact opposite. They can never get over it if you keep giving them small tastes, keep giving them hope in the back of their minds.



The last sentence is more a consideration you might have BEFORE they have confessed to you or before you have fully rejected them (i.e. you're not sure whether or not you have mutual feelings). Not after you have completely rejected them.

Sorry if I wasn't clear on that.
---
"My memories will be part of the sky."
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 19:35:40 23/06/2015 by sonicbrawler182
Big Green Platinum Sparx Gems: 6372
#43 Posted: 19:34:22 23/06/2015
Quote: spyrolvr96
Quote: sonicbrawler182
I think something may have been lost along the way here.

When I say "you should feel bad if you friend zoned someone without much genuine consideration" (I said something to that effect earlier in the topic), I mean literally JUST friend zoning someone. Like, acting as if they never had those feelings and not doing anything for them.

For example, what Samius did is OK because he felt bad for the person, acknowledged the person's feelings, and actively tried to help them out.

However, if you just get on your high horse and say "OH WELL I DON'T OWE THIS PERSON WHO TRULY CARES ABOUT ME ANYTHING AT ALL IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'VE DONE ANYTHING FOR ME", then you're a bad friend, and if you can't even acknowledge that mistake while you're making it, you're also a borderline sociopath.

In my case, I made the mistake of not helping this girl deal with her feelings for me (she never straight up confessed though, so it was more difficult). I felt bad as soon as I realised she loved me, but I didn't know what to do, so I avoided her and turned her down when she asked me to go to her debs. I was basically trying to save myself drama. However, that was very wrong of me and I feel bad for it, because I gave her no closure.

So once again, JUST friend zoning someone is never the right thing to do if they are someone close to you. You should do everything in your power to help them out. That includes doing stuff that might be a little romantic, like going to prom with them, as you can only benefit from doing so.


All right, I see where you're coming from now. Being cruel about it.

I do, however, disagree with your last sentence. That is a terrible thing to do. Tell them you aren't interested in them romantically, and then dangle romantic things in front of them that they could have had if the relationship had worked out? That is the borderline sociopathic thing to do. It's not giving closure- it's almost the exact opposite. They can never get over it if you keep giving them small tastes, keep giving them hope in the back of their minds.


agreed, in addition to preventing them from being able to get over it, that is acting against your own interests. around high school this one guy who had a crush on me asked me to a dance and i politely declined since i was not into him. guess what? he kept asking me and would not take no for an answer. i'm not obligated to do things i am not comfortable with and i would have been okay with keeping him in my life as a friend if he wasn't such an entitled creep about it
AvatariDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 6254
#44 Posted: 19:36:50 23/06/2015
I think it's safe to assume that we all have different ideas on friendzoning, and what is and isn't the right thing to do while dealing with it.

Quote: Metallo
When someone says they've been friendzined, they're not being contemptuous or spiteful towards the person of their affection. They're just heartbroken. That's all there is to it.


Most of the time, anyway. But yes, I agree.
Metallo Platinum Sparx Gems: 6419
#45 Posted: 19:46:11 23/06/2015 | Topic Creator
To be "just friends" with someone you truly want to be with is to sacrifice your happiness for theirs. As noble and righteous as that sounds, anyone who's done it can say what it does to you.


It shatters you. It burns you. It destroys your confidence, your joy, your vivacity, and your conscious health, rendering you an emotional paraplegic, unable to appreciate any semblance of "friendship" you might find.


Once again, please consider this before you throw a stone at an already cracked glass house.
spyrolvr96 Yellow Sparx Gems: 1214
#46 Posted: 19:58:29 23/06/2015
Quote: Metallo
To be "just friends" with someone you truly want to be with is to sacrifice your happiness for theirs. As noble and righteous as that sounds, anyone who's done it can say what it does to you.


It shatters you. It burns you. It destroys your confidence, your joy, your vivacity, and your conscious health, rendering you an emotional paraplegic, unable to appreciate any semblance of "friendship" you might find.


Once again, please consider this before you throw a stone at an already cracked glass house.


And what about the other side of the coin, knowing that the relationship is never going to work but going with it anyways for their happiness? That's just going to be worse in the long run.
---
The thing I never really wrapped my brain around until now was in order to be remembered, in order to leave something significant behind, you have to leave
sonicbrawler182 Platinum Sparx Gems: 7105
#47 Posted: 20:03:53 23/06/2015
Quote: spyrolvr96
Quote: Metallo
To be "just friends" with someone you truly want to be with is to sacrifice your happiness for theirs. As noble and righteous as that sounds, anyone who's done it can say what it does to you.


It shatters you. It burns you. It destroys your confidence, your joy, your vivacity, and your conscious health, rendering you an emotional paraplegic, unable to appreciate any semblance of "friendship" you might find.


Once again, please consider this before you throw a stone at an already cracked glass house.


And what about the other side of the coin, knowing that the relationship is never going to work but going with it anyways for their happiness? That's just going to be worse in the long run.



I don't think Metallo is insinuating anyone should do that. I think he's just saying don't act like people who are a little burned by the "friend zone" are inherently wrong or something. And was just describing how it might feel for some.
---
"My memories will be part of the sky."
Edited 1 time - Last edited at 20:06:17 23/06/2015 by sonicbrawler182
CAV Platinum Sparx Gems: 6430
#48 Posted: 20:26:31 23/06/2015
All I have to say is this:

You like someone. You really, genuinely like someone, in so many ways. Because of this you want them to like you. You want them to trust you. You want them to feel comfortable around you. You love being friends with them but you also really want to be something more than that, and it begins to look like maybe they like you back.

But then they seem to change their mind and maybe would prefer to remain friends. You respect their decision and understand to as much an extent as you possibly can, but you're still really upset and broken up that they don't like you like that. You're upset that they may not trust you or feel comfortable enough around you. You want to be friends with them and you enjoy their company but at times it just hurts way too much to be around and be constantly reminded that it may never happen. Nothing to do with "wasted effort", but that someone you really like and want to be close with doesn't feel the same way, and you feel like you aren't good enough as a result.

Is that the typical "friend zone" that everyone is rallying against here? Should you feel pathetic for feeling bad in this instance?
AvatariDragon Platinum Sparx Gems: 6254
#49 Posted: 20:45:19 23/06/2015
"friend zone
noun/informal
a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other.
'I always wind up in the friend zone, watching them pursue other guys'"

I'm pretty sure most everyone has been in the friend zone at some point in our lives, so I dunno why y'all are making such a big deal and being judgemental about it.
Metallo Platinum Sparx Gems: 6419
#50 Posted: 01:06:00 24/06/2015 | Topic Creator
Quote: spyrolvr96
Quote: Metallo
To be "just friends" with someone you truly want to be with is to sacrifice your happiness for theirs. As noble and righteous as that sounds, anyone who's done it can say what it does to you.


It shatters you. It burns you. It destroys your confidence, your joy, your vivacity, and your conscious health, rendering you an emotional paraplegic, unable to appreciate any semblance of "friendship" you might find.


Once again, please consider this before you throw a stone at an already cracked glass house.


And what about the other side of the coin, knowing that the relationship is never going to work but going with it anyways for their happiness? That's just going to be worse in the long run.



I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying that people who use the term shouldn't be judged so harshly for it. Especially not by people like you guys here at dS.
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