darkSpyro

I think the people I'm apologizing to will know which apology is for who, due to what I say.

For you, I'm sorry for making that joke which caused you to have an anxiety attack. I was stupid and I was too excited and happy about other things that I made the joke without thinking. But, you know, this isn't all my fault. Even though you had the anxiety attack, you didn't tell me. You seem to have told everyone else EXCEPT the person at fault. If you had told us, if you had told someone else to tell us, we would've apologized immediately and the whole conflict about it could've been avoided. But you just decided to tell everyone else and block me. The next day someone confronted us about it, and we apologized, but you weren't in the call at that time, AND we didn't know who we had affected. We only thought we had affected the person who confronted us. So, it's not all my fault, but I am still sorry.

And now for you. So I saw the chat after I was kicked, and you are just lying. When did I say I ever hated you?! I have never ever said anything about hating you! You have this thought in your mind that I hate you and that I have said this to you, when I never have! Sure, I'll be honest, I have disliked you at times and you get on my nerves, but I have never said to you or anyone else that I have hated you. If I seem a bit angry or something towards you, you usually message me when I'm angry or stressed or you've done something to annoy me. However, in the conflict, I'm not sure if I affected you in a bad way, but if I did, I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt anyone.

And for you, I'm sorry for anything hurtful I've said towards you in the past. That also goes for the arguments I have with you, but sometimes I'm not the one who starts them. Other than that, I'm not sure what else to apologize for.

And now for you two. Your messages stood out the most when I read the chat after I was kicked. All I can say is wow. And yet I considered you two my friends, or rather, acquaintances. I never knew you hated me that much. And apparently you have for a while. Well then, maybe you should have, I don't know, ****ing told me? This goes for the whole group, no one ever thought to tell me what I had done wrong, or how rude I've been until the very last second when everything I've done wrong was piled on top of me. If you had a problem with my attitude in the group, then you should have ****ing told me, instead of leaving me completely clueless of how much everyone hates me and thinking how I'm acting is alright. I hardly talk in the group anymore, and when I do, I'm not rude. There probably have been times when I have been, but how should I know when no one tells me?
And when I was told that you all care for me, I didn't believe it. Only a few of you actually talk/message me privately. No one seems to 'be there for me'. We're all just acquaintances, or not even that now, since you hate me so much, and think I'm 'past fixing', and should 'be blocked'. If you lot had such a problem with me, then you should have ****ing told me! Maybe if some of you where there for me, and actually talked to me, then maybe you could help me, and maybe I could help you if you were going through a rough time. I've only been this way because I've been stressed a lot, and haven't been able to vent anywhere. I've only vented in Personal Thoughts a few times, and I've stopped recently because I'm not quite sure what to say. Everything seemed to be great until this conflict came up.
And also, regarding the person I was with during this conflict, none of you know what I do about him. And stop bringing him into this. This is my fault. So keep the blame on me.
I don't know if I'll be allowed back in the group. I'm just hurt. Hurt by the things you all said. Hurt that you think this is all my fault when really you guys are the ones saying hurtful things about me and giving up on helping me when you never started in the first place. You think I knew what I was doing. Well I didn't. Maybe talking to me might help. Maybe by telling me the things I did wrong can help me by making it right.

And now, last but now least, you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've done. For all the hurtful things I've said, for all the times I've argued against you. I'm also sorry for the time around December and January. But, as I said, I just wasn't happy, but I was also going through a rough time, so that explains the mood I had most of the time.
Sometimes you say something that sparks my anger and I lash out at you. And this seems to happen quite a lot. And my mood can change quickly at times, and that seems to happen when talking to you. However, even after all this, you...well...kind of stood up for me. I saw your messages in the group after I was kicked. I appreciate that you said what you did and you didn't give up on me like the others did.
I'm not quite sure what else to say. You can talk to me privately if you want.

End of apologies/rants.

*deep sigh*
I just...
You lot, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for how much I hurt you guys. I only ranted in my last apology because I was mad. I wanted to show that I wasn't the only one at fault because that's how I felt. I also felt hurt by the things you said. Only one person seemed to stand up for me, and the rest of you didn't.
A lot of you don't believe me. You think I won't change. But you have to give a chance to see if I will. That's how it works. But I'm being honest.
Only at the end of last year I found out how terribly I had acted throughout that year. And even though I tried to change, it seemed to come back. And without venting, or telling anyone irl, it came out online, and I was rude to all my acquaintances and friends. The only reason I can think of about why I acted so bad was because I was holding my emotions in stressed about irl and online stuff.
I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to change.
But you have to give a chance.

I'm being honest when I say sorry to the ones I have hurt. I am genuinely sorry.
I am sorry for making the joke. I am sorry for hurting you. I was too excited and focused on other things that I said it without thinking. And I'm sorry for not apologizing at the time. I did apologize when someone told me in a call. But after that, I didn't. And that's because I didn't know what I did wrong. I thought I had only hurt the person who told me I shouldn't have joked about it. I refused to own up because I didn't know what I had done. And then after that, I was angry, and definitely didn't want to apologize at that time.
But now, I realize what I have done. And I am sorry.

I am sorry, to all of you, for my attitude over the past year. It was just a rough year for me. I let out small amounts of anger at people, and also held too much in.
I want to change. And I'm being honest. But I need a chance to show you all. I need a chance to show you that I want to change.
I don't like the way I've acted. It's not me. I never understood how much I hurt you all because none of you told me, except for one time that I remember. I want to be me, but not the version of me that I was last year, and the start of this year.

Again, I am sorry for everything, and I will try change. But I need a chance to do that.

End of apology.