Kill me.
Kill me.
Someone kill me if I don't have the courage to try. Wake me when I have the courage to die.
I just want my sister home and also Malfoy (my sister's cat) home... Oh but then they would have to go back sometime soon.
Will anything ever get better? Will anything ever possibly get better?
S
H
A
T
T
E
R
See those letters? Each piece of that word is a broken piece of my heart which had been also broken again. They don't care much anyways so give up already.
I don't even know why I'm writing similar to Stephen King when he wrote Carrie. I'm being such a copycat omg I need to freakin' stop already.
Why hasn't anyone killed me yet? Why hasn't anyone ever killed me yet?
---
Happiness comes from pain. If you do not get through the pain, you do not get the happiness in the long run.
I'm more and more by myself as the days go along...And people think they understand, but they don't, they think they know what I'm going through...No, I'm not talking about lost loves like most would talk about, I'm talking about lost friends...They abandon me, they forget me, they stop talking to me, they stop liking me for some reason...For some damn reason, I don't do anything bad to them...And they still grow apart from me, yeah, sure, I have friends still, but I don't think I'm any longer a best friend to anyone...I don't think I am as close to them as I once was...It fricking hurts...It fricking damn well hurts...That no matter what I do, that no matter what good I do or how good I am, despite the person I am...And I know kindness won't always get people to get close to other people...But people keep saying that I deserve better than what I have, my friends keeping say that...And they still grow apart from me, and it...Fricking...Hurts...I want to be best friends again...I want that back...Give me it back...Why? Why life? Why are you taking away so much from me? I can't stop...Stop crying...
This is what has always happened to me. I have only had 5 friends in my life, and they all ****ing abandon me when the next guy walks past. I was giving a guy homemade comics for free, and more recently gave him a shirt and a hat, because he seemed really nice. One year later he first ignores me, because he has 3 other people hanging around him, or just demands more free stuff...
Refusing to feed my brother over having trouble in school.
Un-****ing-believeable.
Just when I thought you two couldn't get any worse.
Look. Just because you don't beat us up or aren't drunks doesn't mean you aren't horrible parents. Every god damn day each and every one of us has to deal with the verbal abuse you throw at us. We have to live down the accusations because you won't believe us if we tell the truth. We have to sit there as you yell at us because if we're crying, we belong in a mental hospital. If we defend ourselves, we belong in a mental hospital. And even worse, none of us can intervene if you're being cruel to another sibling, because that just makes everything worse.
I'm sick of not being able to speak up because I'm a kid. I'm sick of having to repress my emotions around you because if I'm sad or stressed, I get yelled at. I'm sick of being told I'm not TRYING hard enough just because I'm not getting all As in every class and because I'm napping after school due to being tired and stressed. I'm sick of flinching at touches meant to comfort me just because you guys have hit me in the past and being uncomfortable of most people touching me because it reminds me of you.
I want to sleep forever, just sleep until you two are gone. I won't feel sick and scared then.
Alrighty, tomorrow, come quicker so I can talk to you even more
But..
Why did I have to learn about this right before we have a 1 week break? ;~; I'm going to miss you dangit
can i draw
can i like pick up the tablet and pick up the pen
and just
draw
no?
okay
-:-
'Eh' days go away, I want a happy day.
-:-
It's not going to happen. I know it's not going to happen. We're going to have to wait.
-:-
Can I please have a night home alone? It's nice just sitting in my room on my computer listening to music at night.
that moment when you procrastinate on a bigass worksheet that you had 3 weeks to do since you thought it was online BUT IT WASNT ****ING ONLINE GOD DAMMIT
I don't know what to do. I genuinely think I might be bipolar. I mean I'm really concerned and I don't know how to tell my mom that so we can have me evaluated, I can't just be like" oh by the way I think I might be bipolar" and she just go with it. She'll want to know my reasons why and I'm not good at putting words out , I'm not good at talking about how I feel. But I'm seriously worried.
Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. Life is a song, you sing it~ Life is a game, you play it~ Life is a challenge, meet it~ Life is a dream, realize it~ Life is a sacrifice, offer it~ Life is love, enjoy it~
I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm completely lost. Am I ****ing cursed or something?
Why... Just why? Why can't I be good enough? Is it my appearance? My personality? What is it that makes me so ****ing repulsive? Do I swear too much? Am I just too rude?
Dammit. I... I just hope that, maybe one day, I'll be good enough for someone.
So funny, I want the one thing I can't have. I want to be loved. But people like me, we have no right to love or be loved; we're just useless garbage, or monsters. Or both, in my case.
Yet I cling to these petty hopes of mine, even though I fully understand how pathetic I'm being, and I understand it'd be best for me to give up, but... I've always been too stubborn to just give up on anything. I've tried to give up, but I never do; I just go back and try even harder. And it's pathetic. If I'd just give up and realize that there's no hope, it'd save me a lot of pain. It's pathetic as hell. But... Maybe I'm just a pathetic person...
.....
I just want you to know that, even though we haven't really talked before, I do care about you as a person. You actually do seem like a very good person, too! I've always wanted to talk to you, but I wasn't sure how to introduce myself to you, because sometimes I would get scared that you wouldn't be interested in talking to me.
Believe me, I am in the same boat as you are right now. My IRL friends either are too busy to make time for me or they just flat out ignore me. Hell, even my own boyfriend has been ignoring me! So I know how you feel right now.
So with that being said...
Would you like to talk? c:
My Skype is on my dS profile if you would like to talk to me.
If I don't respond right away, it usually means that I am busy or asleep. But I will always make sure to respond to you as soon as possible.
---
Happiness comes from pain. If you do not get through the pain, you do not get the happiness in the long run.
Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. Life is a song, you sing it~ Life is a game, you play it~ Life is a challenge, meet it~ Life is a dream, realize it~ Life is a sacrifice, offer it~ Life is love, enjoy it~
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